How to stop comparing myself to other people?

[Franklin]

Looking at other people, I can only find what I expect to find. If I think I have a weak frame, I will only find people who are assertive, confident, and always smiling. Of course such people exist. But so do people who are shy and quiet. I just fail to see them because I’m too caught up looking at my own flaws. Hence, I dive into a downward spiral of feeling sorry about myself.

It is much more fruitful to compare myself to myself. How have I changed? Have I grown? Were these changes positive? Did I manage to progressively eliminate my bad habits? Have I developed my self-discipline? Strengthen my will power? I am the only measuring stick that matters. The focus is to improve myself as I go forward.

Putting this into practice is tricky. When people dear to me comment on how my peers have done well (financially), and that they are disappointed in my lack of achievement, how can I not let it affect me? I tell myself that they don’t understand, but deep down, it hurts. More importantly, how can I stop that little voice in the back of my head that has a habit of speaking up when most unwarranted?

[Amatrine]

I understand that feeling. I am chroniclly ill. I can not live in the nice house the rest of my family lives in. I get comments, like why do you not buy a house, your almost 40,... and it is hurtful. Poeple judge others in that they expect everyone to connect to thier way of thinking, based on thier experiences. They look at others from thier own viewpoint, and judgement is passed , from what the judger has concluded, and expects that other people
should come to the same concluions despite the fact that the judg-ee , has had a different series of experiences.

It is hurtful, but you just have to remember that most people can be very involved in ego. The world revolves around thier way of thinking, as much at it hurts, remember you are here , for your own experiences. Acknolege that mabey they just havn't grown in that particular area. I look at it like this,
Would I rather be where I am now, ill, broke, and looked down on for it,
or the one who is looking down on someone else, without knowing what it is like to experience what I have, and pass jusdgement. Ill take number one, thanks But that attitude has tought me compassion for people that I find untolerable, or hurtful. They are on their own journey. I can forgive an abusve father by this way of thinking. A lot of times too when people cut down others, it is their fear. I have a relative that critisizes me for being ill.
She does not even believe I am , despite the fact I was paralized, and had a diagnosis. But she has never known illness, and I suspect fears it, so it must not be real in me, or that would make it more real to her, and that scares her. So it is easier to lash out at what we are afraid of.

[rene_stpierre]

Make it a daily habit of being grateful for what you have in your life. I am sure you will find that you are a very fortunate person (despite all your little imperfections (we all have some!)). Focus on that instead of what others have. This new mindset will attract more good things into your life and you will be a lot happier as a result.

With regards to people close to you who discourage you with their negative comments ... this will sound harsh but ... stay away from them! Surround yourself with people who will encourage you, motivate you, support you in your efforts to be a better person. Seek people you admire and ask them to be a mentor.

Good Luck!
René

[evelynlim]

When you start comparing yourself to others, it is likely that you have a low self esteem to begin with. It is important to boost your self esteem and to feel good about yourself.

List down things that are attractive about you. If you find it hard to come up with this list (due to your low self esteem), get a friend or a family member to help you. Practise positive affirmations. Listen to audios with sublimal messenging for improving your self esteem.

Start reading personal development books. Change your mindset.

Also, find a passion to pursue.

When you start focusing on yourself and keep yourself occupied with meaningful things, you will begin to like yourself and have little time to compare yourself with others.

Hope this helps,
Evelyn

[Tim Brownson]

Franklin the voice inside your head is yours, it seems like it's not sometimes I know but it is and you can do what you want with it. It takes practice but you can make it more supportive and helpful simply be shifting the tonality, the pitch/tempo, the words it uses and even the place it comes from. You said it comes from the back of your head, try moving it to the side or front and see how that makes you feel. You can even change what it sounds like. If it currently sounds like you, maybe try giving it the voice of somebody that you know would support and encourage you.

Change the content too. Make sure it asks supporting questions like 'what can I learn from this?' 'How can I improve this?' and 'what else could this mean?' and never questions like 'why am I such a jerk?'

Start to learn reframing. It's great fun and can make you an expert at looking for the good in the bad and there is ALWAYS some good in there.

Finally try and get yourself a coach, preferably an NLP Master Practitioner that can work one-on-one with you and help you set yourself up for your future.