Emotional reactions to unexpected events

[WanderingOak]

For the most part, I consider myself to be fairly level headed. However, on the occasion when I am confronted with an unexpected situation, I have been known to lose my temper. I wish it weren't so, and I have developed a workaround which seems to work when I remember to apply it. However, there are times when I need to react appropriately in a more timely manner. For example, I can't take the time to brew a cup of tea immediately after I have been cut off on the freeway and have to resist irrational homicidal impulses. I've taken to avoiding urban freeway driving, just so I am not put in those situations anymore.

When I was in the Navy, I had a similar reaction to being baited by individuals trying to provoke a fight. I never did give in to the impulse and get violent, but there were occasions when I did lose my temper and let loose with a stream of invictive that would peel the paint off the walls. This, of course proved to be quite entertaining to these individuals, so they kept on trying to provoke me. On the occasion when I did just turn and walk away, further insults and calls of 'coward' followed my back. I solved this situation by getting out of the Military and never looking back.

In case you haven't noticed, my typical reaction seems to be to avoid situations where I might lose my temper. While this may work, all I am really doing is avoiding the problem. While I have been able to avoid acting on these violent impulses, I am looking for a way to avoid having them altogether. Any insights would be appreciated.

[Love]

So what I think you are looking for, then, is a way to immediately but positively deal with charged emotions? Is that right? One thing I was told was that you could simply take a deep breath in and out and that would disrupt the rage. Also, I think counting to ten when you're angry before saying anything. The last thing, I think, would be to immediately notice something positive in your environment. Hopefully that will disrupt the automatic response of rage. Good luck!

[RedPanda]

Originally Posted by WanderingOak

On the occasion when I did just turn and walk away, further insults and calls of 'coward' followed my back. I solved this situation by getting out of the Military and never looking back.

No, you solved this situation by turning and walking away. Behaviour like that always says more about the person committing it than their target. When the hell did a brave person ever waste their time mocking other people?
Edited to add: I got nothing much on the violent impulses. I'm not sure having them is possible to control entirely. I do know from experience that you can (mostly) change your attitude, and so your reaction, to them. By posting this you must already be a long way down the road towards that destination.

[WanderingOak]

Originally Posted by Love

So what I think you are looking for, then, is a way to immediately but positively deal with charged emotions? Is that right? One thing I was told was that you could simply take a deep breath in and out and that would disrupt the rage. Also, I think counting to ten when you're angry before saying anything. The last thing, I think, would be to immediately notice something positive in your environment. Hopefully that will disrupt the automatic response of rage. Good luck!

Those tips might work, and I will give them a try. One thing that I do notice, that when I am in danger of losing my temper, there almost seems to be a physical response, a bit like fight/flight. Of course, I'm not about to act like Mad Max and butt heads with a SUV, but that is what it feels like.

[manuelg]

Originally Posted by WanderingOak

... my typical reaction seems to be to avoid situations where I might lose my temper. While this may work, all I am really doing is avoiding the problem. While I have been able to avoid acting on these violent impulses, I am looking for a way to avoid having them altogether. Any insights would be appreciated.

(Tip from Brian Tracy) Whenever you have a negative emotion, repeat to yourself "I am responsible. I am responsible. I am responsible", to remind yourself of the very real way you participate in a negative emotion.

I had a terrible problem with my temper. It is much better now (I am quite proud of how I can control myself now), but unfortunately I cannot point to any very specific thing that greatly improved it. Off the top of my head...

Read "How to Make Friends and Influence People" and "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". If you are actively trying to engage all people you meet in positive ways, you will have very little energy left over for rage. I have both in unabridged audio, and I listen to them at least 3 times a year.

Hold yourself to a high standard of happiness all the time, unconditional to anything outside of yourself. Specifically, exercise your gratitude constantly, exercise your positive expectancy of the outcome of all your current actions, and exercise holding your body and face with a positive, energetic manner. You will become a magnet to all kinds of positive energy, positive people, etc. Again, you will have very little energy left over for rage.

Imagine yourself in the most extreme humiliating, baiting, infuriating situation possible. Be completely willing to feel every aspect of this extreme situation. Throw yourself completely into the feeling, let it completely wash over you. Then immediately burn off all that negative energy in some exhausting physical exercise. Being willing is the opposite of avoiding. By mentally avoiding the feeling, you feed the power of the feeling. Practice willingly feeling those terrible feelings, and immediately burn off the energy of it. It will be practically powerless in a short time.

[AndyMartin]

Emotionally-charged reactions can be looked at as a rapid build-up and discharge of energy. (Whether you believe in subtle energy or not.) Pay attention to the agitation and discomfort you feel as emotional pressure builds. Then fully accept it, let it sweep over you like a wave. It may be a hot fiery wave, but just roll with it, allow yourself to experience it fully and notice how it feels. Don't get caught in the mental feedback loop of churning over the cause in your head. Just let it all roll over you and it will dissipate.

It works great in traffic, and tea is so much more enjoyable when you don't bring your emotional baggage into it.

Give it a shot and let us know how it works!

Andy