WOW - really angry right now

[The Protagonist]

I am not sure what exactly to do. I am really angry at the moment, and by that I mean really angry. Usually when I am angry I take it out on my workout, well I did that today, hit a new high with my bench and squat. Finished my workout and took a shower, and I'm still angry (I'd rather not say why, an incident occurred today that just made me livid and I've been in a destructive mood since, sort of like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill). Before times I am usually too caught up in the emotion of it, and then later it goes away. But this is the kind of anger where momentary ways to change emotion (listening to a great song, working out, eating, watching TV) don't work in the long run, because I keep returning to the same anger running through my mind. I feel the need to get revenge or some how make it right, anything to stop all these negative emotions from flowing through me.

Any suggestions on what to do here? I really haven't been in a situation like this too many times before..

[geekchic9]

Ever tried a breathing exercise?

1. Lie down on your back and get comfortable, but not so comfortable you'll fall asleep.
2. Put your left hand over your stomach and your right one on your chest.
3. Breathe. Your goal is to make your stomach (technically, your diaphragm) move up and down while your chest stays still.
4. Continue breathing until you feel relaxed.
5. Sit back up, ready to face the day.

Hope that helps!

[Michelle]

Hit pillows or your mattress with fists, sticks, or a bat.

Scream, yell and roar into pillows.

Burn photos, memorabilia (if related to a person) from person

Break every dish in your house (yes, destructive - but better than being destructive to another human being)

Enjoy the anger feeling, no need to feel guilty about it or get rid of it. Take a day off to stay at home, and really get into it. Just keep it private.

[smallstar]

Reading your topic, I first thought you were angry since you had played too much WoW.

I have found self-punishment to work well in such situations. Working out is great, as you already know. Others include:

* Long-distance running/swimming/cycling, until fatigue
* Going to the sauna (a real Finnish one, preferably over 80 degrees Celsius) if available
* Beating the bag
* Going to a shooting range (not tried myself, but a friend recommends)
* Going to a laser rifle maze to massacre pre-teens, if nearby

You can also do something more peaceful:

* Going to a hike in the nature, if nearby
* Going to a theatre to watch comedy
* Going out with the funniest friends you have
* Making out / having sex

What is <i>not</i> recommended:

* Drinking alcohol
* Motor vehicles

[Kristoffer]

Why are you angry?

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by The Protagonist

But this is the kind of anger where momentary ways to change emotion (listening to a great song, working out, eating, watching TV) don't work in the long run, because I keep returning to the same anger running through my mind. I feel the need to get revenge or some how make it right, anything to stop all these negative emotions from flowing through me.

#1, change your attitude towards anger. It's not negative, it just is. You've discovered that it really cranks up the energy during you workouts and channeling that energy into something is very wise, working out, breaking the dishes, go to the batting cage, etc.

#2 the anger will stop when you choose to make it stop. What are you doing to let it continue on like this? Is the anger covering other emotions (I think so) that you don't want to go to?

#3 anger is denied joy; you're pretending your joy isn't there; it's there, you're just not putting your attention on it. I know, easy for me to say. But try it.
To help, you may say something like, "I choose to experience joy now" or "I choose to see that my anger is a choice I am making in the moment and I am free to make another choice now". Don't say them over and over, just every once in a while and leave some silent space after it to feel what you feel inside.

[yasi_joy]

go boxing

cry ( don't be ashamed) "big boys dont cry " is a stupid belief that society makes us to act on it

[SamBeaven]

Sleep and get distance.

Not easy, but very effective.

[AndyMartin]

And now for something completely different...

Experience your anger. It is what it is, but it is not you. Sit down, and just watch yourself feeling angry. Don't think about it--don't kick off the mental feedback loop that escalates it. Just watch it spin until it starts to spin down. Then ask yourself, if you can observe yourself feeling angry, how can you be subject to anger? It must be subject to you. Next time you feel it, notice it and let it pass.

Sometimes hard exercise or [fill in the blank] is enough to pull us out of the emotion, and unconsciously detaches you from it. But when that's not enough, you can use your consciousness to do it intentionally. There's probably a good reason why why Taoism gave rise to Kung Fu and Buddhism to Shaolin. When you can detach and redirect the emotion, it loses its power over you.

Good luck!
Andy

[shesaboutspirit]

We are so conditioned to DO something about emotions...and the hardest thing is to just BE with them. Literally just sitting there BEING with the anger. What does it even feel like? My overwhelming emotion of choice is more passive, but equally upsetting...sadness and grief. Lately though, I've just been sitting with it, instead of doing something to avoid it. It actually feels like damp heat rising off of my heart area, when I give it the space to release that is. Then you know what? I feel better...like it just needed a moment or two of my complete awareness of it...then it moves.

Frustrating as it feels, it's all just energy.

Good luck!

Pam

[JKuehl]

And yet another something different:

RELAX every muscle in your body.. experience the relaxation - and often when completely relaxed i begin to laugh - what´s done is done and can´t be undone - so just forget the anger, and face the consequences or make your move.

This technique was first introduced to me by pohaku from hunatrainer ( great podcast and community ) - if you are willing to try it out just lookup hunatrainer.com

[Dimitry]

What about intention manifestation. Pray, think, whatever you wann call the first step of IM is, but ask the universe to handle the problem for you. Delegate it! Ask for the solution to be beneficial to everyone in the long run. I've found that this works for me sometimes (though I didn't think of it as IM before I read about IM on Steve's blog).

[The Protagonist]

WOW Thanks for the help

My problem has to do with people going out of their way to make my life miserable. I'm usually a pretty nice person, but being treated as second class is one of the things I cannot stand for. The situation is resolved now, but I'd rather to let it happen again, because when you have that dense anger flowing through you it really disrupts your day. It also mentions your intentions for the intention/manifestation model, you can't put out positive intentions with negative feelings coursing through your self.

Dimitry that's why even though I would put out intentions, my concious would know that even though I'm putting out positive thoughts, I'm ignoring the situation at hand and I feel as if I am negating my self.

[shesaboutspirit]

Hi again Protagonist,

I'm glad you brought this subject of anger up for us today and hope you've found the support helpful in some way. I would like to ask you two things, that may or may not assist you in having a different experience the next time...

If you're willing...

Why do you believe that people would go out of their way to make your life miserable?

And then,

Why won't you stand for being treated in a way that you perceive is as a second class citizen.

Once you understand the triggers...and that they reflect an unhealed belief of your own...then you stop giving other people the power to hurt you with them.

Does this make sense? It's subtle but powerful to see...and then take back your own power that you were giving to them.

Pam

[Dimitry]

I think Pam is right on the dot here. The movie The Secret brings an interesting perspective to this that was also touched upon in Steve's and other PD speakers' messages. The perspective is that whatever happens in your life, you attracted it to yourself; the neighbourhood, money, friends etc. Obviously as with all things this isn't an absolutely universal rule as I'd argue that you didn't necessarily attract your family or what kind of people they were before you were born, but once you gain enough consciouness, afterwards you can make change happen.

If someone is really affecting you that badly, ask them to stop. You can start nicely if you aren't a firm person like myself, but if they don't stop, tell them more abruptly. Afterwards, just distance yourself from that person.

Of course there are many other factors such as, if it's family, you probably might not want to shut them out of your life right away or even forever. But you have to let them know that that kind of behaviour is not welcome and if it's really hurting you emotionally (especially if physically), you will not be able to spend your time with them.

[Dating Specialist]

Originally Posted by shesaboutspirit

Once you understand the triggers...and that they reflect an unhealed belief of your own...then you stop giving other people the power to hurt you with them.

Does this make sense? It's subtle but powerful to see...and then take back your own power that you were giving to them.

Pam

I think Pam's right here in the unhealed belief. Why is this person able to create such huge and lasting anger in you for so long?

Could it be you felt hurt and your pride is bruised? If it is, then could it be your own association of that kind of behavior to your ego? Maybe if you can define your self-esteem you may even turn around and laugh at the person's action because it is just so (fill in the blank)

I'm not sure if I'm hitting the nail, if it is then I'm glad. If not, just ignore it then! Just another perspective that's all.

[Steve Pavlina]

I love the exercises in the book Ask and It Is Given for overcoming anger. Basically you aim to find the best-feeling thought from where you are now and focus on it. This helps you gradually move up the levels of consciousness scale:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...consciousness/

If you're angry, you can focus on moving up to the level of pride and maybe courage. To do this you redirect your anger in the most positive direction you can think of, even if it doesn't seem that positive in an absolute sense. Relatively positive is all you need.

Doing your workout was a perfect example -- you turned your anger into pride of accomplishment. In other words you raised your level of consciousness. But when you returned to those angry thoughts, you sank back down again. All you need to do is to repeat the process to get back to pride, and from there push on towards courage.

For example, you could direct the energy of anger into "getting mad" at little problems in your life and tackling them until you start to feel pride, such as doing some home repair or organizing projects.

When you're in a state of pride, you can progress to the level of courage by directing your energy into doing something that scares you a little. Tackle a project you've been putting off.

This way you channel your anger into positive activity and raise your level of consciousness.

[shesaboutspirit]

Great input...of course The idea of moving up the scale...or level. It sort of gives one a mental picture of progress (and hope), when it might feel like you'll be stuck in the one emotion eternally. I'm going to print out that scale and stick it on my wall. Thanks Steve!

Pam

[ChampionsChoice]

Originally Posted by The Protagonist

I am not sure what exactly to do. I am really angry at the moment, and by that I mean really angry. Usually when I am angry I take it out on my workout, well I did that today, hit a new high with my bench and squat. Finished my workout and took a shower, and I'm still angry (I'd rather not say why, an incident occurred today that just made me livid and I've been in a destructive mood since, sort of like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill). Before times I am usually too caught up in the emotion of it, and then later it goes away. But this is the kind of anger where momentary ways to change emotion (listening to a great song, working out, eating, watching TV) don't work in the long run, because I keep returning to the same anger running through my mind. I feel the need to get revenge or some how make it right, anything to stop all these negative emotions from flowing through me.

Any suggestions on what to do here? I really haven't been in a situation like this too many times before..

Well you could go out and kill 150 people in murderous rage with a samurai sword, but I would not endorse that, and theres a good chance that you wouldn't feel any better after.


Otherwise, I encourage you to check out my post about the Ladder of Emotions. I hope it can be of some service.




Ladder of Emotions

[The Protagonist]

Thanks for the advice again

The situation was one of those things that yea I intentioned it, but I'm not sure how to break the cycle of intentions. The full situation is this:

I'm an aspiring fencer. But at the academy (fencing academy) the people there in my division are much better than me. I'm still a beginner, only doing it for 6 months, and I've already got a few tourneys under my belt (Placed alright for a 17 yr old). The other guys there are a couple years older (18-23) much better and talk a lot of trash. It's kind of a fencingthing to do so, and I'm the 'new' guy so it was alright at first. But everytime I go to the academy I expect the same trash talk always directed at me. So in essence I intention it. Is there anyway to break this cycle of intentioning, because I am asking, and then getting.

I'm reading your post on the Ladder of emotion, and Steve's post ATM

again thank you

[The Protagonist]

Originally Posted by ChampionsChoice

Well you could go out and kill 150 people in murderous rage with a samurai sword, but I would not endorse that, and theres a good chance that you wouldn't feel any better after.


Otherwise, I encourage you to check out my post about the Ladder of Emotions. I hope it can be of some service.




Ladder of Emotions

Just read it, and I have a quick question about it that's not related to the thread.

Right now I am at a mix of Desire and Courage. But I don't understand, is it wrong to desire material things? Mr. Steve wrote:

Not to be confused with setting and achieving goals, this is the level of addiction, craving, and lust — for money, approval, power, fame, etc. Consumerism. Materialism.

I want money so I can buy an Aston Martin, a Wallypower 118 Speed Yacht, a big house on the coast, and some nice clothes. Then again I'm 17 and still a bit immature. Then again I don't see my self improving in that regard for a while. But on another level, I have seriously begun to see life as a game. Where i am courageous if I step up to the plate and play ball. Is it wrong to be the the consciousness of desire? Because I honestly don't see my self not wanting those things. Is it possible to be on 2 levels of consciousness simultaneously?

Thanks & Great post

[geekchic9]

Originally Posted by The Protagonist

I want money so I can buy an Aston Martin, a Wallypower 118 Speed Yacht, a big house on the coast, and some nice clothes. Then again I'm 17 and still a bit immature. Then again I don't see my self improving in that regard for a while. But on another level, I have seriously begun to see life as a game. Where i am courageous if I step up to the plate and play ball. Is it wrong to be the the consciousness of desire? Because I honestly don't see my self not wanting those things. Is it possible to be on 2 levels of consciousness simultaneously?

1. Why do you want the Aston Martin, speed yacht, a big house on the coast, and nice clothes? Why are they so important to you?

2. It's November 26, 2026, twenty years from today. You have acquired everything you have ever wanted and you are rich beyond your wildest dreams. What do you do now?

[dECLAN]

Anger can be a very useful ally.

A lot of people have a tendency to make themselves feel guilty about feeling angry. Or there are those in the PD/spiritual movement who see it as being a negative force. It is only negative when you act on it and cause harm or damage. Feel the energy course through you and channel it into an activity the resolves the conflict.

[scottyp]

I'm a pretty messy person.. When I have a lot of anger, and try and channel that energy into cleaning... That or I blast music really loud. Doing both at once works well too.

[stephencp]

[QUOTE=But everytime I go to the academy I expect the same trash talk always directed at me. So in essence I intention it. Is there anyway to break this cycle of intentioning, because I am asking, and then getting.
[/QUOTE]


Protagonist,
I think you've answered your own question. You are getting what you expect. While it would be unrealistic to expect to be better than them right now, you can ask them why they feel the need to put you down. Don't get sucked into thier trap. They do it because it obviously has such a profound impact on you. So I'd recommend first figuring out why you care so much what they think in the first place, ignoring it regardless so it's not as much fun for them and possibly #3 - turning it around on them with respect to thier own self esteem, which is also obviously lacking if they feel the need to attack you.

As a long time martial artist ( I even fenced in college...) I'd recommend you look into two books - something like "Gold Medal mental workout for combat sports" and "the Grappling Game Plan" by Lloyd Irvin. The second is focused on grappling, however the mental side is all the same.

You'll get better much, much faster if you focus on the mental side of things as much (if not more) than the physical drills.

Stephen
Power-Book Library: Free personal development, success, inspiration and motivational classics
Personality and Growth Bookshelf

[Natsu]

Originally Posted by The Protagonist

My problem has to do with people going out of their way to make my life miserable. I'm usually a pretty nice person, but being treated as second class is one of the things I cannot stand for. The situation is resolved now, but I'd rather to let it happen again, because when you have that dense anger flowing through you it really disrupts your day. It also mentions your intentions for the intention/manifestation model, you can't put out positive intentions with negative feelings coursing through your self.

Dimitry that's why even though I would put out intentions, my concious would know that even though I'm putting out positive thoughts, I'm ignoring the situation at hand and I feel as if I am negating my self.

No one is going to like one half of my answer, but I'll put it anyway.

My way of dealing with anger was for all my childhood on autopilot. It was imagining that I had given that cool response, or defended myself better. It is like Rambo to Vietnam: in a situation where you lost, you imagine ways in which you won. It has always worked for me: later on I discovered it is a device used by psychologists, but to me, it came as natural.

My second way of dealing with anger, if the source is a person with ill-intentions, is to cut connection with that person. I'm not in this world to endure bastards: I usually let them to eat their vile and that of their equals. That's a good punishment on its own. Problem is... What if you can't shun the negative people from your life. There are two choices: first one is endure. For that one, the imagination exercise before explained, and all the advice the rest of the posters have given you, are very good.

But, and this is what most of you aren't going to like: second one is revenge.

I'm not a vindictive person. Revenge is best served cold, made when you either have nothing to lose, or make absolutely sure that you won't get caught. I know a person, which I respect highly. This person is loving and tender and kind, but HATES abusive people. When the abusive person is a boss or someone far from his reach, he uses all the "cooling down" techniques and goes ahead. But when he's able to get revenge, he does. And, sad as it is to admit this one, the bullies who have an awful time after the revenge, happen to have a period of softness for a few weeks or months later. It's hard to say this, because it tells an important lesson about human beings. The abuser is unlikely to stop until something wrong happens to him/her.

As for me, I don't recommend revenge, because it is risky. The person I'm talking about has an ability to keep cool, save the affronts in his affront book, and backstab back months later in a way in which the "victim" never realizes where the blow came from. By the way, he never attacs physically: he attacks pride and reputation. I'd like to be a truly honest person and think that this vindictive human being is bad and despicable... But point is, people who get hit by his revenges do actually change. If not for the better, at least they are more cautious when trying to use or abuse people. They become humbler for weeks. It's like if this guy was a living force of karma. And one thing is clear: as long as he's plotting revenge, his anger subsides. And when he gets his revenge, he feels even better. Sad point is, the revenge is usually a lesson for the people who attacked him first.

So... Sorry to say this, but I think I had to. But, as I said... Revenge is not a good idea. I do better with my "imagining how it would have been perfect for you" little film. But, to some extremely cunning people, revenge works pretty well. Though... I wonder if it's good for your level of consciousness at all. What do you think?

[joanmhe]

Hi,
I go along with all those who suggest channelling your anger into resolving the issue or something productive. I can't seem to meditate when really mad.
I have read, and believe from experience, that punching things, breaking dishes, tearing up the pictures only serves to hold onto the anger and not resolve it (except by becoming exhausted).
When I am really angry, I use the 4 questions of Byron Katie - called "the work", and have gotten greater insight to deal with my anger. I found her audio book "Loving What Is" to be amazing. I think the audio version is much more powerful than the book, since it is mostly recordings of her doing the work.
Good luck,
Joan