Massive emotional pain

[Guy665]

Ok I'm going to be brutally honest with all of you out there and would appreciate some advise.

I have, what I believe to be serious issues with my self-image. More specifically I have a very poor self-image.

Despite my best efforts to improve myself and work on my self-image I still have a deeply entrenched belief that I am unattractive to the opposite sex.

Being totally honest it concerns the size of my nose. My nose is definitely what my might be called 'above-average-size'. I was teased at school about it. I am so paranoid about it that I think about it almost every day. I have this belief that it makes me repulsive to woman and that no woman could ever find me attractive. I have this feeling inside of me that I can't even look at people.

The idea of going out and approaching woman makes me feel sick because I automatically assume that no woman would want to talk to me.

The insane thing is that when I have made efforts I have managed to attract woman and a few woman have commented on how attractive they think I am. So I know that it is only in my head. But I can't seem to change the belief.

The emotional pain it is causing me is immense. I'm worried that I will never be happy within myself. Because I just can't seem to accept the way I look. Its starting to make me very deppressed. I go to the gym and workout and I have got my body in great shape but it almost seems pointless becuase my face will always remain the same. It's like I am carrying around a massive weight.

I'm 26 now but I'm worried that I will be 40 and still hating myself.

Either I can get plastic surgery (not a preffered option) or learn to love and accept myself.

In which how do I do it when sometimes I look in the mirror and feel disgusted and sick. How can I learn to accept and love myself. I can't continue living like this.

Apologies if this is a little bit intense. But it is something that is causing incredible pain.

Any comments would be appreciated.

[cdn2wheeler]

There are a couple of alternatives which you might consider.

• You mentioned surgery as not being an option. If it's causing you this much distress, I think you might want to reconsider that. A reputable surgeon will go through a series of sessions with you to determine if you're a good candidate;
• If you know anyone who's in the film or TV business, get them to hook you up with a makeup or hairstyle artist. (Stop giggling.) While I don't suggest that you start using lotions and potions and goop and poop on your face, they might have some ideas about things like hairstyle and even clothes that might help;
• You might try using EFT. I can't speak for it as I haven't tried it, but others here on the boards seem to think that it works wonders. Here are two links just to get you started: EFT: have you tried it? and Eft Realy Works
• Lastly, it may be hard to remember when you're feeling so low, but 99% of the people you meet are far, far more interested in thinking about themselves than they are about anyone or anything else.

Just my $0.02...

[chopsaw]

Guy,

First off, you are not putting your best foot forward. I know the nose thing was hammered into you. But you are still letting other people define who you are. This is a Pavlovian (not Pavlinian) conditioned response.

Make a list of the things you like about yourself. Be honest. List your skills and how you are valuable to other people. You don't have to show this to anyone.

Write the list down and review it daily. This list isn't carved in stone, add to it frequently. Make it a point to add to it.

If someone doesn't like your nose. Too bad. Their loss. Be proud, be confident, accept the things you can't change about yourself, and others will too.

Good luck, and I hope this post is helpful.

[sunj]

Ignore it. If you think it matters then it will show in your speech or body language. I talked to this one dude with a big nose. He just talked normally and he didn't even think his nose was any type of hindrance. You could tell he was confident in himself.

Me, my nose is a little bigger than average, and it's a little long and round. It was an issue with me at first, but I kept at it and the thought never comes to mind, whether I'm talking to an attractive girl or anyone else. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

[kthdsn]

You could try doing a 30 day trial, pretend that your nose is just fine and you are gorgeous and approachable, confident, interesting, popular, whatever it is that you would like to be.

I used to feel very insecure about myself, I had an abusive husband, hardly any friends, I thought that nobody was interested in knowing a person like me. I realised that I needed to change, and I pretended that I was interesting and worthwhile. After a while I didn't need to pretend any more because I knew that it was true.

[4Mind4Life]

You have many options:

1) Either change your thoughts and beliefs about yourself

2) Be around supportive people

3) Stop focusing on your image, focus on other things

Having surgery isn't TRULY going to fix the underlying problem. You need to do some work towards a better self-image. I suggest positive affirmations on a daily basis while looking at yourself, I personally believe that fish oil helps change your brain to a more positive state by increasing serotonin and dopamine, I also think that you should consider the program "Neuro-Programmer 2" professional. It can help take you from a negative state of consciousness to a more positive one. If you are really set on surgery, I suggest that you work to get yourself to a state of mind where you realize that your true expression and beauty comes from within your consciousness.......THEN you can consider it....

The best thing you can do for yourself is not allow yourself to be overcome with this limiting belief. Keep focusing and doing things to change it. Stay determined, good things will follow. JUST DON'T GIVE UP and never settle for less than you know you are capable of being!

I wish you the best!

Originally Posted by Guy665

Ok I'm going to be brutally honest with all of you out there and would appreciate some advise.

I have, what I believe to be serious issues with my self-image. More specifically I have a very poor self-image.

Despite my best efforts to improve myself and work on my self-image I still have a deeply entrenched belief that I am unattractive to the opposite sex.

Being totally honest it concerns the size of my nose. My nose is definitely what my might be called 'above-average-size'. I was teased at school about it. I am so paranoid about it that I think about it almost every day. I have this belief that it makes me repulsive to woman and that no woman could ever find me attractive. I have this feeling inside of me that I can't even look at people.

The idea of going out and approaching woman makes me feel sick because I automatically assume that no woman would want to talk to me.

The insane thing is that when I have made efforts I have managed to attract woman and a few woman have commented on how attractive they think I am. So I know that it is only in my head. But I can't seem to change the belief.

The emotional pain it is causing me is immense. I'm worried that I will never be happy within myself. Because I just can't seem to accept the way I look. Its starting to make me very deppressed. I go to the gym and workout and I have got my body in great shape but it almost seems pointless becuase my face will always remain the same. It's like I am carrying around a massive weight.

I'm 26 now but I'm worried that I will be 40 and still hating myself.

Either I can get plastic surgery (not a preffered option) or learn to love and accept myself.

In which how do I do it when sometimes I look in the mirror and feel disgusted and sick. How can I learn to accept and love myself. I can't continue living like this.

Apologies if this is a little bit intense. But it is something that is causing incredible pain.

Any comments would be appreciated.

[uberinquisitive]

I'm a young woman, and I think Adrian Brody (the actor) is incredibly attractive.

Now, his face is not classically handsome. But he is so confident, and so talented, that his looks make him unique and sexy. Not the average, boring Brad Pitt.



Below is a picture of the band Blondie. The lead singer, Deborah Harry, went out with Chris Stein for years.



You may believe, because you hate your nose, that everyone hates big noses. However, people usually judge you on the overall view of your face. If you have a feature that is so grotesque that kids run away in fear, that's one thing. But having an unusual trait can be a real blessing. It makes you memorable. Work it!

[Guy665]

Thanks for all the support. It means a lot.

I really appreciate it. I know that I can learn to love myself just the way i am (god that sounds corny!!).