I don't think that it's Depression, based on my experience. It's more like Confusion, with a depression kicker. I think that you're realizing that success is never going to fill that empty lonely feeling inside that you're trying to satisfy with the internet or avoid with sleep, because no matter how many times you succeed once it's over you have to do it all over again. You're not motivated because you can't find anything that will undo that wanting feeling inside you.
I suggest that you explore that feeling, because I think that you will find that there is no satisfying it. You are creating a problem that inherently has no solution, a desire without an object to be achieved. I believe that this is a habit developed because it's the way you were taught to live, but not actually necessary.
You were taught that you need problems, because if you didn't have any problems your life would have nothing to solve, no purpose to achieve. I say that you don't really have any problems, that your life has no purpose but itself. Every problem is just an illusion created to distract you from your lack of real desire for a true solution.
Take this for example. I'm sure that you've had girls that you've been infatuated with, or at least wanted to be with, that never came to fruition. If you had a genie in a bottle, and you could wish away that problem by making whatever girl you love love you back, would you do it? Probably not. So there you have a solution to a painful problem, but you don't want the solution because the problem itself is so much more important to you than its resolution. I use this example, but I'm sure there are many others that you can relate to as well or better.
Problems become much less painful once you realize that they can't be solved
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02-03-2009, 07:34 PM
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