Always feel stressed....

[DayOne]

Hi all,

A few weeks ago I was working 7 days a week, I did this for several months and was exhausted. I couldn't wait until the time when I would be just studying and doing part time work, with loads of free time...

I'm there now, and still not enjoying it.

I only go to uni for a few hours on two days of the week. I work at the weekends. Which leaves 3 days a week completely empy, two days with just a bit of uni and two days of work.

But even so I dread those two days of work, I stress about having to go in, wishing it was monday again. I don't even HATE my job, its not great, but far from hell.

I also feel really out of control of my life. If my room isn't tidy, laundry isn't done, etc.

I just feel like I should be so happy, working a 6 hour uni week and approximately 15 hour weekend. I should feel that I have time and be organised. But instead I feel stressed, always looking ahead to the "next thing to worry about"...

I dunno. This is kind of rambling as this is kind of a stream of thoughts, but I'd be interested to hear what people think.

I think I probably need a schedule, and possibly a different job for the weekend. I just feel that I can't cope with ANY "job", whenever I *have* to do something I feel literally claustrophobic and get stressed. The only solution I can think of would be a job where i plan my own schedule.

Any thoughts?

[Tuumble]

No replies to this? That surprises me...

I can emphasise with how you feel DayOne. We all have times like those in our lives and while it may not seem like it now, they will pass. The important thing to do is learn from the experience. Note what isn't working and try something different.

In life, when we are faced with a decision, we sometimes think we have just two options. We paralyse ourselves into thinking if we make the wrong choice now we can never find our way back.

The truth is is that in every moment we are faced with choices and - as the Baz Luhrman song says - they are half chances. That's not bad odds really.

You have to remember that whatever it is you do in life, if it causes you PAIN you take ACTION to change it. If doing the same thing is always bringing the same unsatisfactory result you KNOW you have to do something different.

If you changed jobs and you MAY have an equally bad experience - you may also have a very rewarding one. How will you know unless you try? It's still YOUR choice.

Good luck buddy!

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

First off, DayOne, I think I can sympathize. I've been there. Heck, sometimes I'm still like that. What I see are a lot of "shoulds" in your post. Your bound to feel like something's always wrong if you always think you should be doing or feeling something other than what you do. Try to let go of "shoulding" yourself for a while. Think a little about what you want and enjoy, not what you should do.

Maybe take a look at Steve's career series for some help with the job issue.

As I see it, your body and mind haven't adjusted to your new schedule. I have always found it more difficult to have a lot of free time. Then you start thinking and analyzing! For practical purposes, you could try making a list of some of the things you want done like laundry and straightening up and setting up what day and time you'll do them. As you cross things off your list, you might feel a little lighter and more motivated.

Beyond that, you can start to look at what your feelings are trying to tell you. do some inner work, maybe write a journal. You might surprise yourself with what you come across.

Best of luck to you! I hope I provided some help and I look forward to other responses as well to help me out!

[Lola]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

As I see it, your body and mind haven't adjusted to your new schedule. I have always found it more difficult to have a lot of free time. Then you start thinking and analyzing! For practical purposes, you could try making a list of some of the things you want done like laundry and straightening up and setting up what day and time you'll do them. As you cross things off your list, you might feel a little lighter and more motivated.

Yeah - you've made a massive change in your daily schedule. I don't know about you but it always takes my body and mind a while to get in synch when I go through changes like this.

The project idea might help. Just for fun (and, well, because I AM a dork!) I made a list of all the "Things I Can Get Done In My Free Time." Then I wrote each task/project on a little slip of paper, folded them all up and dumped them into a little box. Now when I find myself with time on my hands, I get to draw a task. The anticipation of not knowing which task I may end up doing is ever so exciting! (Told you I'm a dork!)

[DayInTheLife]

Hi DayOne,

Your post really struck a chord with me. The similarity to my own experience is almost uncanny. I used to have the exact same problem... I was working all the time, stressed all the time, and thought the stress level would drop when I had more free time. It didn't. I could not relax, because there was ALWAYS something to do. Something unfinished; some task standing between me and peace.

I also feel really out of control of my life. If my room isn't tidy, laundry isn't done, etc.

Sounds very familiar. Here's something you have to realize:

You will NEVER get everything done. It is impossible.

There will always be something unfinished, and if you can't be happy until there's nothing left on your 'to do' list, then logic dictates you will never be happy. Ever.

To live without all the stress, the goal is not to eliminate all of your problems, but to change the way you relate to your problems. Easier said than done, of course. I didn't know how to do that until I read this book:

Amazon.com: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff--and it's all small stuff (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series): Books: Richard Carlson

It's just 100 concise passages (1-2 pages each) that teach you how to deal with life (no matter what issues you're facing) in a much more effective manner. Most of the stress you're experiencing is not caused by your circumstances, but by the way you're responding to them.

It changed the way I thought about everything, and suddenly I wasn't stressed out, even though I had the same responsibilities. I was so overwhelmed by life at the time, who knows where I would be. I was ready to kill myself.

Go buy it now. Today. What do you have to lose? Fifteen bucks? An hour of your time? Please don't shrug off this recommendation. I shudder to think of what my life would be like if I had.

[Tigerlilly]

When I was studying everytime I was stressed out totally I'd be dreaming about the time when I'd have free time. When I then got it, I plopped into a black hole and was just too lethargic to do anything at all. Which resulted in lots of should's piling up which resulted in feeling bad. And lots of other students I talked to experienced just the same.

Fact is, during the time you are stressed out you get drained of lots of energy, the stuff that fuels your life, and you need time and rest to replenish that. Don't expect to be hopping with joy, filled with energy once you leave a draining, stressful period behind. Expect to be exhausted. You wouldn't expect to be filled with joy and energy after doing a couple of weeks marching through the desert, would you?

Recuperate, and get rid of should's. Stress drains your energy, should's drain your energy by just thinking about them.

Cleaning up is an interesting thing in itself. Admittedly I find that clutter drains your energy as well, it's like manifested should's, piling up like proverbial small mountains. After a few days of staring at it, a heap of unwashed clothing sure begins to look a lot like Mount Doom.

I actually like cleaning up my place...to a certain point...
When my life goes hayway, when I got a task at hand, when I feel out of control somehow, I clean up what's within my reach, and then at least I can look around and have visible proof that I got my things cleaned up and in order. I find that reassuring and it makes me feel better.

Still you need to have a bit of energy left to do that. So rest first and go easy on you, until you've replenished your resources a bit. Your life and your laundry is going nowhere without you, no need to worry about it right now.