Working Problems - request for advice

[Beowulf]

Hi Everyone, first post and I feel like I am being drawn here to ask for advice.

To set the context I am someone who, throughout the majority of my adult working life, have been confident and have generally found it easy to progress in the companies I have worked for. I have previously worked in sales and am currently work for a consultancy that requires me to spend a lot of time dealing with people.

The issue started about 6 months ago when I ran into a few problems with a job I was working on and came into some harsh criticism from the client I was working for. The criticism was unjustified and reflected badly on this person. Consciously I was well aware of this at the time. However subconsciously I started to become slightly more nervous in my professional dealings, in particular speaking to people on the phone at the office. Over a few months the problem that I had with the client sorted itself out but my nervousness with taking calls and speaking on the phone has persisted. Just recently I have found this spilling over into other relationships, even those with people I have known for years.

I am not naturally inclined to open up about my feelings with others but this is starting to affect my non-working life and would appreciate any thoughts or advice on this.

[Kingston]

Even if you can avoid justified criticism by doing a good job, it seems you have been damaged by the possibility of being unjustly critised. Maybe you feel unprepared for unjustified criticism because it is beyond your control.

I don't have direct advise regarding this problem, but for the long term you might consider a perspective shift towards subjective reality. It greatly affects your relationships in a positive way, and gives control back to you.

Read this link and if you like it, read the other subjective reality posts.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...relationships/

It is hard to get at first but I have great results with it, including in my consulting career. If you deal with people a lot, developing this perspective can be your greatest career asset.

[DayInTheLife]

Originally Posted by Beowulf

However subconsciously I started to become slightly more nervous in my professional dealings, in particular speaking to people on the phone at the office. Over a few months the problem that I had with the client sorted itself out but my nervousness with taking calls and speaking on the phone has persisted. Just recently I have found this spilling over into other relationships, even those with people I have known for years.

I would guess there is something about that criticism that made you doubt a certain part of yourself.

I don't know what they said, but is it possible that perhaps you believe you did do something wrong?

You seem to be self-assured enough to not take that comment personally, but if the effects linger, there must be something about it that you haven't addressed.

In any case, obviously that nervousness is a result of something you now fear as a result of that altercation. What is it? Are you afraid of being judged or berated like that again? You didn't specify how this person criticized you, so only you can know what exactly it was that bothered you. Try to identify it. Once you do, ask yourself if it would be so horrible if it happened again.