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| Emotional Mastery Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT |
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| Welcome to the club. Yes, it's possible. No, it's not easy. It takes time and a willingness to forgo "closure," because closure is simply most often a way to get the last word.
__________________ LTPP |
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| I hear you!!! Funny but that exact thought popped into my head too, Christmas is actually kind of a tough time for me , although having fun with my kids, I still do miss my own parents , and of course Christmas is loaded with my own childhood memories and those memories come with a smile to me along with a pange of sadness as to my losses of parents, sigh..... I hear you! I understand your pain :-) |
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| The saying rings very true to me. I miss all the friends and family I have lost along the way, but I would not want to have missed knowing and loving them. Sure, there is the pain of knowing they are gone, but there is also the joy of remembering the good times we had together!
__________________ Jim Offerman ~ music that moves you blog - twitter - free music - patron powered! |
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This is the first time I've heard this saying associated with death. I always thought it was related to love relationships. Even though the death of someone you love hurts like hell, having known the person is so much worth that pain. Does the heart become whole again? Not always. Memories do not help in the early stages of grief, but one day you remember something about this person and with the memory comes a warm fuzzy feeling. As far as love relationships are concerned, I kind of get it. If I had to choose between never ever experiencing love and experiencing love gone sour, I'd choose love gone sour in a heartbeat. I want love to be everlasting, but I've kissed many frogs. Can even admit to being a frog myself. |
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| The saying is a quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. As is quite obvious he is saying that he would rather have experienced the joy of having loved and lose it, than not having experienced it at all.
__________________ www.essentiallifeskills.net |
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| A major part of self improvement is having the skills to deal with the "negetive" aspects of our emotions and negetive occurances in life. Your avoidance of sadness, grief, or longing only serves to leave them unresolved within yourself. When you can experience and own your emotions they become less powerful as an influence on your life. In the end and I don't mean to be glib, sadness is sad, grief looks like grief. Don't try to make them other than what they are. |
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Love is said to be unconditional, so bring that into your new relationship. You loved once before, but it didn't last, it's to be accepted. If or when you love again, you accept what happened in the past and bring your attention into the present to love once again, hopefully in a unconditional manner. Also, what did you learn during your last relationship that you can use for the better this time around? Did you regret being apart of the former relationship? Do you feel you truly lost 'something'?
__________________ Attention. Here and now. |
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The common consensus among most schools of psychology is that we need to "relive" the traumatic moment to let it go. The ways of how to do it is where the branches of psychology differ. Creating a bridge to the topic about crying, once we clearly put something in the past, it has no power over us. But if we remember the painful moment ad if it is happening here and now (which it doesn't), it will cause us pain. The funny thing is that you can take positive stuff and literally make it cover the negative. But that's some mental magic.
__________________ Ilya. |
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Maybe it's just time that fixes lost love memories along with actually feeling the lost so as to acknowledge that it's a memory only. |
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| Wolfgang, This may be way off, but the greatest songs, works of art and literary pieces have been written by those who have experienced the depth of despair, loss and emptiness. I think experiencing sadness and loss and then overcoming them gives rise to hope and triumph. It makes you stretch and become more than you were.
__________________ www.essentiallifeskills.net |
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| That's a great way to think of it, as long as you don't become one of those people who become lost in their sadness and defined by their losses. Some people seem to never really let go of "what could of been." I think loss can also give you Faith which I guess is another form of hope. |
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But we have a choice how to perceive the events in the past. What to recall and what to forget. I prefer to remember the happy moments, and if there are the negative ones, I try to give them a positive spin. Even if it is just calling such moment a lesson.
__________________ Ilya. |
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