Dont wanna feel MISSED OUT.

[Angelwings]

Hey,

I feel MISSED OUT on fun when I say NO to parties coz Its not my priorities/Goals right now. It doesnt contributes to my goals.
However, I cant help feeling deprived, curious about missing parties/events i didnt attend.
I noticed that successful ppl are good with NO. I wonder if they feel the same way.

Questions for all.

How do I focus on my goals and not be distracted by the temporary entertainment?

How to stop feeling missed out on Fun?

How to say NO to parties and not feel curious and guilty?

How do u make yur goals/priorities more exciting than partying?

[cdn2wheeler]

Part of achieving goals, whatever they are, is to maintain balance. By all means, go to your parties and enjoy! Maybe, just maybe, you might meet someone who has similar goals to yours and you could end up sharing stories and supporting one another.

[Ilya]

If you feel missed out, maybe you should put some parties on your goal list?

If not, you can try the following. List all things that you think you miss by not going to parties. Then do a check - go to one party and verify the list. Are you really missing these things, or it is just your imagination.

I've always felt missed out while being at the parties - because I couldn't dance, the girls didn't pay attention and so on. It is only I've noticed, that all parties are all similar, I could turn my mind away from them.

As for your more general questions:

1. I concentrate on the outcomes of my goals - work is not fun by itself, it's the benefits.
2. If you are having fun, don't just drop it. Find some other fun for yourself. It may be less time consuming than parties, but you have to have some fun in your life.
3. Nothing interesting there, pass along. Really, what curious can happen at the party? They are all the same. If you want to socialize with certain people, do so, but not necessary at the party. Why on Earth do you feel guilty because of not going to the party?
4. See point 1. Plus, to make delayed gratification easier, I use the following thinking. Right now I can (say) go to a party. But later, when I reach my goal, I will be able to party and I'll have the result of my goal. I just want the best of both worlds.

[Angelwings]

Ilya
Why on Earth do you feel guilty because of not going to the party?
Social pressure, If i dont go, friends wud think of me as NERD or workoholic, not fun at all, boring..
Also, friends seemed disappointed. Damn! i care too much what ppl think, does it matter?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I would try not to worry so much what your friends think. Focus on what is important to you. If you feel like you could use a break to go to a party, then by all means go. But if you are just going to fill some societal expectation then I don't think it's necessary. I for one have never been a big partier -- I prefer small quiet get togethers or going to eat or to a movie with a few friends -- and none of my party people friends have shut me out yet! They understand that we are just different. Find what's best for you and stick to that. Just make sure you have some fun in your life, whatever type that may be for you.

PS Everyone I know thinks I am a nerd. It's kind of my thing. Doesn't bother me at all, but then again I find nerds cool.

[fourthdan]

I've learnt lately that comparing ourselves to other people in a very off-context, closed way is what makes us so fear ful of 'missing out'.
You are comparing yourself to your friends and going
"what are they doing? - having fun"
"what am i doing? - following my goals"
On the fun score, they have more fun points than me. And they're looking down on me because of it.
Following your goals may (sometime or at all times) seem boring, painstaking, frustrating... when you can say "screw it" and go party away and look GOOD to your friends and peers. But remember two things:

1) you are sacrificing your potential 'fun points' for something bigger. Sacrifice what you want now for what you’re destined to have later. It's one of the universal principles of life, on which discipline is also based. You are working towards a better, productive, happier life.

2) Before you look at my last line and muse to yourself "yeah, a better, more productive and happier life compared to what my partying friends will be" - stop. Life isn't always about the story of the ant and the grasshopper. You are working to be better / happier / accomplished than your old self, and not other people. (This is where i've been going wrong most of my life and maybe that's why I'm elaborating so much ) Thier life is thier journey. Your life is your journey. Comparing your journey to thiers really is as pointless as comparing Mother Teresa's journey to Mohammed Ali's (other than an entertaining ride and discovering some interesting life-lessons, neither had a 'better' or 'worse' journey) But it's also as pointless as comparing thier life to Mother Teresa's or Mohammed Ali's too.

How do you make a goal exciting?
I think Steve posted once on doing that using sex energy. While this is just one way, the most common approach is "visualisation", where you actually try and imagine and feel what it would be like to reach the goal. If this sounds too "donkey and carrot" like, then re-align your perspective with a different approach towards the things your goals are about.

Best of luck

[Ilya]

Originally Posted by Angelwings

Social pressure, If i dont go, friends wud think of me as NERD or workoholic, not fun at all, boring..
Also, friends seemed disappointed. Damn! i care too much what ppl think, does it matter?

I see. Well, I wouldn't say you should ignore your friends desires. I've learned the hard way that being social makes life better. Still, being social does not mean fulfilling any request. In your case, you don't have to go to each and every party. You have the right to go only to those parties, that

1. Do not interfere with your goals
2. Are worthwhile by your own standards

However, if it was a tradition that you are going to every party and your friends have learned to expect you there, you have to respect it. Let them know in a clear and unambiguous way, that there were changes in your life and you can't spend as much time with them as you used to. Let them know that you love them (if you do) and when can they expect you to show up and when they can not. Just changing your behavior can be confusing to other people and they can interpret it as you changing your attitude towards them and not towards the parties. This can come across as being mean and will cause them to induce guilt in you.
My guess it that you and your friends are young and not all of them have made the transition from "party life" to "adult life with some responsibilities". You are being a forerunner of things to come. And that also can cause their anxiety.
In the worst case, there might be some misunderstanding now, but in a few months or years, it won't matter and they will not hold a grudge against you.
We've had a school reunion this year, and boy, we were happy to see each other and realize how stupid and meaningless all school politics was.

Just remember that you are doing the right thing, and if after you polite explanation, your friends won't accept the changes in your life, well, they will have to grow up.

[openeyes]

In line with Ilya's comments, some parties support my goals as they regularly put me in contact with the type of person I want in my life and facilitate positive interactions with them, so I look forward to such gatherings. The main ones I've gone to over the past few years have centered around two spiritually oriented student groups, one having a hippy slant, the other being more hardcore with a financial slant (lately I haven't been as involved with the latter). As a result when the hippy group throws a party (one is coming up this Saturday) I can look forward to lots of shared affection, and with the other group I can expect to hang out with very intense self made multimillionaires and other intense students. Parties with little meaningful interaction are of little interest to me. I'd rather take a nap

[Ilya]

Good point openeyes! I've forgot that throughout the life, the parties we go to tend to change. One day I've realized that I don't go to dance parties with girls and drinks, but to the self-development parties with green tea and meditations Choose your parties wisely!

[eblight]

You know the old saying "All work and no play..."
Great that you have goals but why not give yourself some time out each week for a "treat" whether it be a party or something else you like to do. Then you'll find you may be even more motivated in what you want to achieve because you'll be more energized by having some fun.