Fear of an old workplace.

[laciemn1]

I've read a couple of self-help books and listened to some tapes. I know how much fear affects us, I know some of the techniques to quiet, but I have this irrational fear of my old workplace.

I used to work at a grocery store called Lowes Food, I live right next to there. I was pretty afraid of the whole environment really, at times I was fine when I was there, but sometimes I'd just get overwhelmed by all the people watching me and making sure I was doing everything right.

Especially my boss, Janet. She has these huge, alien eyes that seem to see right through you. She made me cry once because I fell asleep at work(I work late night). I'm SO afraid of her. I have an extremely hard time just making eye contact with her or speaking at a normal tone of voice. Anyway, I quit Lowes food by not ever showing up for work they called and my mom told them some lie about me moving away.

I, however, still live nearby and it is the local grocery store. I depend on my mom to get all my stuff on her way home from work, when before I started working there, I was the primary shopper. I also have a few friends at Lowes Food.


It's been a couple months since I quit, and I am STILL afraid of pretty much everyone who was ever my boss at any time. I am afraid to go in the store because I think I might see some of them.

I think some of this fear has to do with how I ended up quitting Lowes Food. I do not regret it one bit, it moved me to an enitrely new stage of my life. So here's how it happened.

My mom brought home a case of beer and went to sleep. I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but I just decided I'd have 1 or 2 to lessen the dread of having to go into work in...5 hours. Yes, I dreaded work that far in advance. So after I had a few, my mind began to sabotage my plan to go to work. I'd been thinking about quitting for quite a while and written a couple 2-week notices but not turning them in from fear of having to explain why I was quitting. So, I just got reeeally plastered so that there was no possible way I was going into work.

It was really liberating, I was so happy I didn't have to work. When my mom and friend woke up, I launched into this plan of getting rich by starting my own business and telling them that they wouldn't have to work, that I was going to be so great now that I've quit Lowes Food.

So, in the morning(after my shift had ended), I was insanely scared about Lowes calling, and incredibly guilty because I'd really wanted to call and tell my boss to have someone else come in for me the next day, but I was so afraid. And I thought to myself, if I could just do this, it could change my life. Maybe I'd have more courage. It would NOT be half as hard as it was in my mind, and although I picked up the phone and dialed most of the number, I still let fear win the battle. I'm wondering if this is somehow related to my current dilemma.


Help mee!

[Acting Like Godot]

Look, you already quit.

You should understand that whatever power those people had over you in the past, there is even less reason for them to have any power over you now.

Guess what? THEY know it. YOU don't.

If you don't believe me, go back to Lowes Food and shop there. Shop like a normal customer. And you will be treated like a normal customer, not an enslaved employee.

Go on. Try it.

(At the same time, I have to say that from your own account, your performance as an employee sounds far from exemplary. Falling asleep at work ... getting drunk and not showing up for work ... being so afraid of your bosses - which necessarily means that you can't even communicate with them in a normal, fear-free way, so how are you going to be able to do your job properly.)

BUT all that is separate from the issue of your current fear ... which has NO reason to exist.

[laciemn1]

I have been back! I've managed to avoid Janet but one of my other bosses talked to me and asked me about this college my mom said I was going to, and I had to lie and I got pretty embarrassed.


I wasn't a bad employee. Those were the only two things I did wrong the ENTIRE time I worked there. Getting drunk and not showing up for work is actually a somewhat heroic thing, in my opinion. If I had not ruined it by being a loser and being afraid to call and tell my boss why I wouldn't be coming back to Lowes Food straight up, then I'd feel satisfied.

I'm not exactly one to take to the whole, "You must do this everyday, even if you hate it or you're a bad person" mentality.


Falling asleep during my shift was the result of me having to work both day time and night time hours, obviously they didn't like it, I can understand that it's defnitely not good for business, but I think most people who were that tired would have fell asleep too.

I don't feel it would make me a lazy person because I hated my job and it doesn't bother me that I didn't put in as much effort as I could. I only did it for money, I got the money, it was for no form of validation. I learned how to cashier(which will come in handy after I get my own shop), I learned how to talk to people, anything useful I got from Lowes Food doesn't leave me when I'm no longer an employee.

If I had wanted a career with Lowes Food I might actually feel a little bit bad!


Yes, I know my fear has no reason to exist. I know the employees couldn't care less about me anymore. I know Janet will be happy if I'm a normal customer and buy her stupid crap so she can run off to her boss and get some kind of praise.

It still doesn't change the fact that I can't see her or anyone with the same body type or hair without getting a little jolt of fear. Just thinking about her face kind of makes me scared...