How to learn to speak about your emotions when you are male + introverted

[epis]

Hi,

I can rarely speak about my emotions with those who should know them esp. my spouse. Even if I know what I want to say, it's quite hard to speak these words out loud.

I am male and introverted and recently read that shy people can barely speak about their emotions. And I think it's common wisdom that most men can't speak about their emotions, too.

I also wonder if this is about self-esteem.

Is there any way to improve this situation? What kind of psychiatrist treat this kind of problems?

best wishes,
erik

[kthdsn]

Hi Erik,

I'm not a guy, but I'm an introverted girl who used to find it painfully difficult to speak about my emotions. I found it a million times easier to write it down. I would write pages and pages, words would fall onto the page without me even trying to write them. I passed the pages on to my partner, and although it was difficult for me to know they were reading them, it was easier than having to speak the words to them. Once they knew how I felt it was much easier to discuss. Now I find it comfortable enough to just speak to them about most things.

You could try writing, talking on the phone, instant messages, texts, whatever medium you're least uncomfortable with. Once you get used to expressing yourself it gets easier.

Kate

[Acting Like Godot]

Have you tried, you know, just TALKING more about how you feel ... starting with your spouse ... and other people who are close to you?

Just start with small steps first, like a 5-minute or 10-minute conversation where you talk about how you feel about something, instead of the 1-hour "let-me-now-reveal-my-soul" kind.

[m18pak]

Try keeping a diary. It's what I do.

[Love]

I know! It's darn hard to share your feelings! Though I am girl, I feel like I'm exposing my soul, and I don't want my soul to be evaluated by anyone other than me. Ode! But I recognize it as a problem. I, too, find it's much easier to write. So I write letters, bare my soul. Then I take a couple of days to read the response, until I get better about the fact that people actually know what I'm truly feeling.

[Freelancer]

Used to be in the same situation.

To me when it changed is when I became HONEST and GENUINE to them. Look basically your hiding a part of yourself, THATS where the pain is coming from NOT the actuall future projection your imagining. JUST DO IT

[jwz]

I've been in the same situation also.
Both my parents never speak of their emotions.

If you want to follow in my footsteps regarding this, get a (preferrably female) friend who is VERY open regarding emotions.
After spending some time with him/her, you will slowly open up and be more able to speak about your emotions.
Just start out with small things, and you will get there slowly.

Doing that has been VERY eye-opening for me. I can't really understand how I've been able to live like I did before opening up for my emotions.

Since my parents are bad at speaking of / understanding emotions, I still have problems speaking with them about such things.

But I can speak freely with pretty much all other people.

Good luck

EDIT: You should be a bit careful when starting.

As an example, let's say that you want to express that you feel ANGRY/DISAPPOINTED by something.
When trying to express those feelings and show exactly WHY you feel them, and WHAT you would like to prevent this in the future, it can be difficult to talk about it without showing any anger/disappointment.
Believe me; if you speak freely about your emotions, you will explain yourself much much better if you don't let the anger take over you.

I'm not native english, sorry if my grammar/words seem odd. Feel free to ask any questions.

[epis]

Hi Kate,

we sometimes use emails. It kind of works but it is slow. And if it is an important topic, it might be too slow. Handwriting on the other hand seems better for me. Thanks for the suggestion. What about reading it to your partner? Might that help?

Best wishes,
Erik

[epis]

I started yesterday! Downloaded The Journal as suggested by Steve and it seems a great tool.

Erik