What are your ways of controlling your emotions?

[Paul C]

Originally Posted by YazKMan

each person has usually developed their own unique way of controlling their emotions, or perhaps they have modified someone elses methods.

Control is for the ego. Attempts can be made to control emotion and thought, which will only generate resistance- prolonging the emotion, as well as any accompanying thought that might be present as well. There's a lot of interconnection between the two. So, stay present in the moment and observe the emotion, it's not you (ultimately it's not).

And there's plenty of good advice from the other members that I can see, at least what I've read up to.

[Freada]

What happens in your body when you are having an emotion?? Have you ever noticed! There was some research done with people suffering from depression. Now if you have ever known anyone with depression, typically, they look down, their shoulders are curved inwards, their breathing is a particular way and there is very little sense of alignment. In the study when these people were asked to jump up and down with their hands waving in the air and shout.."I'm depressed" they could not hold the state of depression, simply because they moved their bodies.

Now, consider what happens to your own body when you have an emotion. OK imagine the scene..you've had a good day, someone comes home and shouts at you...your body tenses, your breathing changes, gut clenches etc....and then...all hell breaks loose...Now imagine the same scene, good day, someone shouts and this time as you begin to notice your body tense...you manipulate your own body to something different...you relax your tense muscles, release your shoulders, breathe deeper..., straighten up...and while hell may still be breaking loose for the other person (whos body is probably in a vice at this stage) it's different for you this time...simply by manipulating your body..

Change your body and your mind will follow...yes, I know most people think it's the other way round.

Let me give you an example..do you remember when you were young going to a birthday party and you might get butterflies in your tummy, so you get body sensations and then you label them..these sensations mean..excited..etc. Even in our language people say. "I FEEL excited." Think about hunger, do you first think, "oh I'm hungry" OR do you get body sensations and then realise - "oh, I'm hungry" ...body first...it's the same with going to the bathroom...body sensations first, then you say to yourself "time to go to the bathroom"

So when you learn how to manipulate your body in a way that is useful for you and allows you remain clear and calm... you express yourself freely in a way that has integrity and is aligned. You have your emotions absolutely and you express them freely while being in control...cool!!!

Freada

[5of8]

The most healthy way I have learned to control my emotions is to totally own them. I cannot do this all the time but the times I have done so has had a powerful and lasting affect on my life.
What I mean by owning my emotions is I allow the emotion to arise within me and to genuinely experience the bodily feeling and to acknowledge those feelings as being just as they are. This happens within seconds without changing the expression on my face or altering my composure. It happens in space not time. I have the emotion completely but I am not the emotion. For example, when I am in this state, I would say I am not angry but I have anger. Does this help?

[Acting Like Godot]

Maybe the better phrase is "manage your emotions", instead of "control your emotions".

"Control" sounds so ... repressive.

[Voice]

I just dance my emotions away.

[bellemeadows]

Originally Posted by TheFlyingMan

I think the best way to handle our emotions is to simply welcome them with our entire being, without judgement or condemnation, without acting on them. Feel them as they are - they are emotions, and that is how they are meant to be handled. Once we accept them, they slide off and lose their grip on us.

Positive thinking, and all that - very often they lead to repression.

This is what I do. I invite myself to feel and experience whatever is there fully; feel it in my body, hear the accompanying thoughts in my head, just experience it fully for a moment, with no other distractions.

Then I ask myself, Could I let this go now?

Yes, I know -- Sedona Method. Well, I must say, it has been hugely helpful to me.

Resistence solidifies the experience of the emotions, thoughts, etc. They begin to feel like a law of nature, rather than what they are, a passing wave. Soft acceptance allows them to pass. It is also important to know that I am not my thoughts or feelings; I experience them, I am not them.

Blessings, Belle,

[Syr]

Actually, I'm having a hard time controlling some emotions, anger or irritation usually lead to violent rages which I have to supress: a bad habit of me, since this was a major contributing factor to a depression I had. I'm afraid if someone triggers me in a bad way while I don't have the energy to supress the rage, I'll take his life or "redesign" his head ('his' because I tend to be more distrustful towards men than women).

Positive feelings like excitement tend to be flattened. I seem to be less enthusiastic than what I really am to things. Which is pretty bad since I'm a person who prefers to judge on his emotions instead of rationalising everything.

I have the idea my emotional mindset took a wrong turn several years ago and I'm still trying to recover.

[javamannen2]

I just decided to always be happy.
First I did a successful 30 day trial of constant happiness.
A couple of weeks after that I decided to make my happiness permanent.
I've been going for a couple of months now. Constant happiness works for me!

I constantly monitor myself so that I'm always:
* SMILING (sometimes I tone it down, not to frighten people too much )
* Keeping a good posture (straight back)
* Breathing calmly using diaphragm
* Keeping muscles as relaxed as possible
* FEELING Happy, relaxed, peaceful, loving!

If I find myself reacting to some external event and beginning to lose my happiness, I calm down, check my physical state (smile, posture, breath, etc.), and raise my emotional level to happiness. Only when I have returned to happiness will I try to THINK up a solution to the percieved problem. Thinking when unhappy just creates more things to be unhappy about, so I avoid that.

I try to feel both Good as in "happy" and Good as in "kind". But if something "bad" unexpectedly happens, and my ego tells me i've been hit a hard blow and that I'm soon about to lose my composure, and if I feel that I HAVE TO lower my consciousness on one axis or the other, I always choose to remain high on the Happiness axis. Instead, to "absorb the blow" so to speak, I temporarily go lower on the Love axis. This means I go from pure Joy+Love down to e.g Joy+anger (like: "I'll show those bastards! When they witness my enormous future success, then they'll be sorry, MUAHAHAHA!"). I try very hard not to go into Evil territory, but rather go into a "happy fighting mode", just standing up for myself, keeping my ground (at the possible expense of the perceived "enemy" in that specific situation). This means I choose to NEVER direct unmanageable negative energy inwards, ALWAYS outwards. Of course I try to dilute/divert it so as to minimize any harm to others, but that's not always possible for me at this point. Another example is I choose to be happy when I'm on the bus and there's a baby crying and the mother can't console the baby. I choose to remain happy and at the same time try to be compassionate about the suffering. Some people would see that as a contradiction, like it's very wrong to smile and be happy when you're around someone who is suffering. I don't see it that way. I know there's a *happy* baby on some higher plane, and in my mind/spirit I'm connecting with that happy baby instead of the sad one I'm hearing scream. I don't see that as heartless, but the mother might have percieved it that way if she'd seen me smile.

Another group of people (most people) haven't made a conscious choice about how to react to situations like these, and just let the emotions come and go as they may. Yet another group of people have made the choice to let compassion/kindness overrule their own happiness whenever there's an internal conflict (internalizing/mirroring the suffering of others). So they choose to always stay high on the axis of Love at the possible expense of the axis of Joy. A fourth group (gurus, sages, enlightened people) have enough emotional control that they don't have to compromise between FEELING good and BEING good. They can remain totally happy+blissed AND compassionate+loving in any situation. I'm not there yet.

/Adam

[javamannen2]

To summarize my previous post:

In order to always keep HAPPY, but not having achieved total emotional control yet, I have adopted the following strategy:

Always direct unmanageable negative energy outwards, never inwards.

Or even simpler. If I must choose one or the other:

I would rather go BAD than SAD.

Hmm... would that be qualified as darkworking?

/Adam

[affirmation]

How about exercice it helps keep in shape breath Healthily & clear ones mind ... Sport combines a lot of Profitable aspects of relaxation which is great
The breathing allows to calm the nerves, relax the muscles and activate the circulatory system & once the body is soothed the mind can handle the faced difficulties more clearly and in a thoughtful way.... sure it is not always easy but with practice it brings all the good
I for myself didn't believe in it until i experienced it & since then it became my therapy to every hard time encountered.