being shy is a waste of LIFE

[lightthecandle]

I feel like this is true.

all too often I feel like hiding from people, probably because I'm really self - conscious. and I think shyness is something that is preventing me from truly LIVING my life. I'm in college, and I already feel like I've missed out on highschool and the first two years of college so far, by being too shy to talk, and being depressed, and never ever smiling.

but now I smile all the time, so that makes the situation better, but still. I just want to LIVE and my shyness is holding me back so much.

[LifeFirst]

What's living? You ain't living right now? You're not breathing the same oxygen we breathe?? We all breath the same air, bleed the same color. People talk a lot of junk they step in these days....and you look like you're treading that territory right now. Stop judging yourself, you have to believe who you are, you have to know who you are, love yourself. There's nothing wrong with talking less junk, you know?

[lightthecandle]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

What's living? You ain't living right now? You're not breathing the same oxygen we breathe?? We all breath the same air, bleed the same color. People talk a lot of junk they step in these days....and you look like you're treading that territory right now. Stop judging yourself, you have to believe who you are, you have to know who you are, love yourself. There's nothing wrong with talking less junk, you know?

yeah, I know. its just that I really like talking to people and getting to know them, but I just feel so shy. i know its probably really shallow of me, but I just don't feel "petty enough" to start a convo sometimes. is that weird?

[Lauxa]

Is it easier for you to talk to people in small groups? It is for me. That way you're not solely responsible for keeping the conversation going. College was great for me because I became active in a student organization, so there were always people to hang out with in low-pressure situations, and all I had to do was volunteer a little of my time.

[jsot]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

Is it easier for you to talk to people in small groups? It is for me. That way you're not solely responsible for keeping the conversation going. College was great for me because I became active in a student organization, so there were always people to hang out with in low-pressure situations, and all I had to do was volunteer a little of my time.

Funny, I always do better when it's one-on-one. When I'm in a group I find myself just being quiet the whole time. The problem for me is finding someone who's by themselves to talk to.

[NotesMaeve]

I'm CHRONICALLY shy. People always look at me like I'm insane when I say that. There's nothing wrong with being shy. There's nothing wrong with being introverted. After a day out, being around loud musician types, and having a full day, I have to sit down now and charge my batteries. Learn how to fuel your own needs, and the rest will follow.

[hollowman]

True enough that there's nothing wrong being shy and introvert.

But if Lighthecandle feels that shyness is holding you back from living a fuller life you have always wanted, then it's time to come out from your shell.

Like Lauxa, i was very active in school and university. I enjoyed many activities and had great time with many people. Now looking back, i really miss those great moments. Yet, i am quite an introvert person myself. I mean i am introvert yet i choose and i enjoy mingling around. I am not a party animal though.

I used to be very shy too. Sad truth for a guy. I didn't dare to speak up or even giving a decent answer when someone asked me something. Somehow around teen age, sudden realisation came to me that i should open up, show myself and allow myself to know people and let people know me. And i just changed, quite abruptly i would say. I really didn't know the source of my energy. i am just glad with the improvement i've made for myself.

So, there you go.... Come out slowly (not your own sweet time though, or college life is over). Start with a few close friends. Expand your circle of friends. Don't shy away social functions. When you start having a good time, you will look for more. :-)

[Sakaguchi]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

all too often I feel like hiding from people, probably because I'm really self - conscious. and I think shyness is something that is preventing me from truly LIVING my life. I'm in college, and I already feel like I've missed out on highschool and the first two years of college so far, by being too shy to talk, and being depressed, and never ever smiling.

but now I smile all the time, so that makes the situation better, but still. I just want to LIVE and my shyness is holding me back so much.

I relate a freaking lot to what you just said! It's like I wrote all those things!

Anyway, I know exactly how you feel. In two years being in College I feel I haven't experienced everything I could have. I'm sad like you, and I think that's exactly what's keeping us from being the people we can be.

In my early teen years I was worse, but life ended up helping me a little bit, and I even managed to have my group of friends/colleagues in College.

As someone here said, the secret is to start with small groups of people. I wouldn't tell you to suddenly become the life of the party and act like you're best friends with everybody, I know that wouldn't feel natural to you. Just don't avoid interacting with people everytime you have the oportunity to, it's really important (even if small talk seems hideous to you). In the worse case scenario, you get more acquantainces. In the best case scenario, that's how a friendship can begin!

All I know is that isolating yourself from the world is harmful and unnecessary (at least for me it is). Everytime I try to act differently and interact with someone in College I always get surprised looks and comments like: "Wow, you're much coller than I imagined!" and stuff like that. Believe you me, NOT isolating yourself makes a big difference!

But before you can come out of your shell, the first thing to do would be to feel better in your own skin. Being sad and depressed all the time doesn't make it any easier for people to want to get to know people like us.
I suggest you cling to the good things in life, whatever you can find. Even if your life doesn't seem good right now, think of the little things that make you happy: books you like, songs that make you content, etc. Even remembering a funny joke will help you change your mood, at least temporarily. Is there an activity you'd like to participate on, an instrument you'd like to play, a haircut you'd like to have? The more you try get envolve in new activities, the more sense of acomplishment you get, and easier it is to forget how miserable you're feeling.

I don't need to say that loving yourself is a must-do, but I'm not in the position of giving you advice about it yet.

One thing that helps me too is to engage myself in something that challenges me. I'm still having trouble getting the courage needed to do those things, but when I finally do it, it's so worth it! I'm really scared to talk in public, and my Microoganisms Genetics teacher wanted volunteers to give lectures about a chosen topic. I signed up for it, and although I was really nervous I did great!

You can also try EFT, I've read good reports of it all over! As a major procrastinator, I haven't used it on my shyness problems yet, but I suggest you give it a try!

Here's the website if you have never heard of it: EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else

I know they were all simple advice, but I really hope I helped you a little! You certainly helped me, reminding me I'm not the only one in the world to feel like this!

My best wishes to you!

Sakaguchi

[ZHereford]

Lightthecandle, If anything is stopping you from living the life you want, be it shyness, less than glamorous looks, your voice etc. you have to work on it. It's part of developing yourself.

Decide what it is you want to develop, devise a strategy and practice, practice, practice. Invest In Your Personal Development. I wish you the best!

[Dharma]

Yes it will take practice. You may even have to flirt with practicing before you really start practicing.

My offer is still there... break is coming up.

[Ninja]

Some one once told me something that helped me a lot:

"You don't like everyone, so why should everyone like you?"

Often, people are shy because they fear what others might think. Yet, those others don't seem to care about your opinion at all. How else can you explain that person A gets laughed at while wearing normal clothes, and person B can walk around naked without even so much as a snicker? If you really want to live, then don't let anyone hold you back. It's your life, not theirs.

[Rosie]

I know how you feel. I'm in college and my shyness is keeping me from living too. There are so many things in life that I want to do, but I'm afraid my shyness will hold me back from achieving my dreams.

[frankfortpost]

Well, practice makes perfect.

Just get out and talk to someone.

I realize this seems simplistic, but chat it up anywhere you please.

You will find most people will be responsive, and simply ignore (in terms of feelings) the ones who are not.

I generally get the issue of people talking to me for too long! lol.

When you start talking, get ready for the floodgates. haha.

Go somewhere where there are elderly people if you need extreme practice.

And then talk to everyone else like you talk to them. The best conversation starter in the world, in my view, is "hi".

[coLLege kid07]

Read steve's post self-acceptance and personal growth....

personally I'm still working on this..but its all about being happy with who you are now. Becoming attached to your position is what causes all your sufferings.

[BlobMarley]

I garantee that I am way more shy then you. Take advantage of it, It will lead you to where you need to go in life. Mine has led me to the point where I'm going to get professional help, so that I come out of my shell a little more. And if I like being out of my shell, awesome, if not, well than I can just be myself. Shy

[charlottecharade]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

I just don't feel "petty enough" to start a convo sometimes. is that weird?

There's the basics of small talk right there. A few years back as a sophomore in High School, I would only talk to classmates/teachers if I had a "need" to. Needless to say, I always found excuses to not talk to them. For example, if I had a question about the homework, I was too shy to ask someone and would just rationalize it by saying "oh I can figure it out by myself later. I don't need to ask anyone."

My hesitance to speak up and engage in conversations left me dry of many opportunities to learn about others. Don't worry, many of us are shy in our own ways. There are very few people who are outgoing 100% of the time. A little shyness in a person never hurts.

[CC Ang]

Shyness is a feeling of inferiority complex. To overcome this, one should have the attitude of carrying up a good posture with upper body lifted up, chest out, abdomen in, shoulder and back erect, chin up with confident expression on the face. One must dress up clean and tidy and a well groomed and well dressed up wit crisp clean collar and shirt, a neatly pressed trouser, shoes shined, hair trimmed and combed are impressive ways to make you stand out and respected.

[RichGrad]

I agree.. In fact I just wrote on this topic about 2 days back

Why it does not pay to be shy

You can't enjoy life fully if you are held back by shyness.

[stellabeam]

Most people are shy to some degree or another even if they do not appear to be. I am a very extroverted person who overcame my shyness. No-one would ever think I was shy, but I still feel shy sometimes.

So, if you know that maybe another person is shy, try going out of your way to make them feel comfortable. Ask them open ended questions about themselves and really listen to what they say. Everyone is so interesting.

Just practise. Practise on strangers you will never see again. Maybe just start with a smile and a hello. Who cares how they respond. It is your gift to yourself, and to them.

Go to parties and practise. It takes courage, then soon it will be easy. You will be so proud of yourself and celebrate each friend you make like this, for the rest of your life.

[evelynlim]

I was also painfully shy when I was young. I realise that my shyness cost me many missed opportunities. Yet even though I knew this when I was younger, I did not know how to conquer my fears and shyness.

In the past few years, I've used EFT to help overcome many of my obstacles including shyness. EFT is an excellent tool and technique and best of all, you can use it very easily.

At the moment, I'm also helping my daugther overcome her shyness. Shyness is also tied to low self esteem. I've posted some of the techniques and tools I used on her on my blog (see below link in the signature). Yes, the tools are helping...I see a vast improvement in her!!!

Cheers,
Evelyn

[sunj]

Originally Posted by CC Ang

Shyness is a feeling of inferiority complex. To overcome this, one should have the attitude of carrying up a good posture with upper body lifted up, chest out, abdomen in, shoulder and back erect, chin up with confident expression on the face. One must dress up clean and tidy and a well groomed and well dressed up wit crisp clean collar and shirt, a neatly pressed trouser, shoes shined, hair trimmed and combed are impressive ways to make you stand out and respected.

That's going overboard. Just keep your head up and smile. Smile and say hello at strangers walking by. Make eye contact and smile. It may seem hard, but it's really a big step. Dress better than the average. I don't wear dress shoes, or dress pants, but I wear nice designer jeans and very nice shirts and Ts. I don't tuck in my shirts, I'm more relaxed. In short keep clean, and wear good clothes and shoes that look good on you.

[Ecstasy]

RichGrad, that was a touching blog entry.

I also have been plagued with shyness all my life even though I love interacting with people. Recently, since I started personal development, I've started to open up more. I think it's important to just take things slowly at the beginning. I also recommend reading the book The Introvert Advantage, it helped me understand myself much better.

[eblight]

Shyness is so often linked with lack of confidence and low self esteem. What to do? Make a list of all that you are good at doing, and all the things you like about you. At the end of each day write down at least fifty things you are grateful for in your life. This is often such a challenge to us all and that is to change our thoughts. Focus on what you want in your life. Visualize yourself confident, successful, surrounded by people who love and appreciate you and accept you for who you are. Do all that you can to appreciate yourself.

[AspdenL]

Wow - there what a great bunch of thoughtful posts here! You have received some great advice.

I acknowledge you for your self awareness around your shyness and your strength to voice it and ask for help and advice.

There is a great exercise from Michael Losier's book "The Law of Attraction" that would help you gain clarity. I highly recommend the book and the clarity through contract exercise.