competion or no competition?

[twinklestar257]

Hey!
Im a college student and I feel caught between 2 extremes. Last year I used to be a total opposite of a competitive student. I used to put my friends before me, give them my notes, spend hours on the phone with them when they were going through a difficult time (even though I would have had thons of work left to do)… basically I used to really care for them a lot and showed much less care towards myself. I felt good for being there for my friends, however at the end of the year I didn’t quite get the results I wanted to get.

This year, I sort of rebelled totally against my previous self. I ve made myself really competitive. I guess its good that I put myself before others, however sometimes I feel thorn within. I keep comparing all my actions to those of others, I keep trying to make sure that no one is better off than me, I don’t tell my best friend of any tips or helpful advice I might have learned about, like I used to. Basically im going through a conflict within… its like there are 2 voices within me, one is telling me to really help others and the other is telling me that if I help others they will be better than me. However when I act as the ‘competitive person’, I am thorn with strong emotions of guilt.

So what do you guys think? Should I feel guilty about just thinking about myself? Or is it ok and normal? Any suggestions on how to overcome this conflict?

Thanks

[cdn2wheeler]

First, welcome to the boards.

Competition in and of itself - that is, being better than anyone else or "beating the other guy" - is often destructive. That's probably why it's generating feelings of guilt.

But competition, when considered in context of driving creativity and improving the lot of everyone, can be a positive force.

One of the fundamental problems I have with educational systems is the "rugged individualist" patterns that the system tends to honour. That is, you're on your own, don't ask for help from anyone because that's considered cheating.

In the world beyond the classroom, however, almost every great endeavour is done with the input and using the talents of others. We can't all be masters of every domain, but we can use the talents of others to drive learning and a positive agenda.

So you might want to consider re-framing your new competitive spirit, so it's not just for the benefit of yourself but for the benefit of those around you as well.

[twinklestar257]

10x for your suggestion yes, that's how i saw the situation last year. i believed that helping others was also a benefit to me since their improvement would ultimitley bring about a positve effect from which i and many others could benefit. however what made me percieve the situation from a different light was the fact that only a limited number of people can get a certain grade in exams, and hence only a limited number of people can enter the medical course in university. that's where the dilemma sets in, should i focus on benefit for all or should i just focus on achieving my life long dream and goal by having a competitive attitude which may not benefit everyone?

[YazKMan]

Believe it or not, by helping them you are doing yourself a favor. First of all , if you tutor them or help them out with their problems then you gain better understanding of the material than if you just studied it alone. Second, by helping them you are making them better, and if you are truly a competitive person like you say, then this should be a good thing because it should motivate you to be even better. Think about it, which is more of an accomplishment; being better than a C student or being better than an A student?

It could also be that you are just experiencing laziness and you don't actually want to do any work

[lifequest]

I think the key here is balance.

You can't go around helping everyone. At some point, you have to think about yourself and your future. But also, you can't neglect everyone around you and neglect them. It'll backfire on you in the long run.

I prefer the "scratch my back I'll scratch yours" approach when it comes to studying and passing exams (a theory I wouldn't apply in every aspect of life though). For me, what worked throughout the years, was finding who I could depend on. Dependable friends, I've always been there to help them and explain stuff, and vice-versa. New people I met? Since it's always hard to judge, I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and help them (unless some friends point out to me that this person is not trustworthy from past experiences). If that person turns out to be just a life sucking dweb that doesn't want to work, only will only try to get things from me (like explanations or assignements), but never helps me back in return when I don't understand something, than at one point, I just consciously decide not to work with that person anymore. I find that some people are good to work with, and others, well, you should just stick to friendship (if that's possible).

For example, last year, I was doing a project in a group of 4 people. The fourth guy didn't understand a thing we were doing. We tried to help him, but at one point, we realize not only he wasn't gonna progress, he wasn't even interested in what we had to do, and relied 100% on us to the job. After a democratic decision, we three other members threw him off the team. Drastic? Yes. But since then, I always help those to others partners when they need it, and they do to. You get what you give.

Also, I prefer to study quietly and alone (less distraction), and not in groups. When in groups, I find you always lose a lot of time explaining stuff to other people. Usually, if I get together with some friends, it's after I have had time to study alone, and before going to see the teacher to get further explanations. Then it's much clearer what I know (and can help other people with) and what I don't know (and need help with, whether from friends or the teacher). That way, the discussions go faster, and everybody gets the infos they need and are happy.

So, the answer to your question can't be yes or no. It has to be in the somewhere in the middle.