|Emotional Mastery Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT|
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|11-15-2007, 12:21 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Contradictory Feelings: Numb Peacefulness vs Restlessness
Here's an odd one that I wonder if any of you have any thoughts on.
For some time I followed the path of enlightenment and have very recently learnt that the success in this is in it's failure. The answer being to marry the ego, live only in the now etc (pretty much the sum total of all what Stve's site is about)... ie - that which is is only ego, love, flow, subjective. (ie - the perfect matrimony)
What I've found is a deep sense of numb peacefulness knowing that everything I need to do will be done and is being done. Yet the thing I'm finding is that nothing is a challenge anymore, which in turn with this being so, where's the exitement, the vitality? Also in a hare and tortoise kind of way even though things are moving immensely fast they do not feel as if they are. My sense of time has changed. It's kind of like the last scene in Queen of the Damned, where the two vampires are walking slowly forward, whilst the rest of the world is sprinting quickly backward.
This is what I mean by a contradiction of feelings where I am feeling a numb peacefulness at one level yet restless also. It's kind of like Neo, having found that the bullets aren't even real, then finds that it was the fact that they were real that drove him, and so finds himself missing them in a way. And yet he can't suddenly pretend the bullets are real in order to regain the exitement. Paradox. You could say launch oneself into new bullets that are faster and not yet understood, yet this would imply deliberately stepping outside of a now that is impossible to step outside once you understand it. Once you've learnt how to breathe you don't stop breathing short of dying.
I kind of feel like I'm everything, but nothing. It's unsettling yet not so.
|11-15-2007, 12:59 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: NM, USA
Your excitement and vitality are there, but you are not willing to access them without the challenge you used as a fulcrum in the past. Separate out the choices and see them as individual and not a linkage to get from A to B (challenge to excitement).
My choice to experience challenge allows me to experience excitement.
(^ that's a linkage)
I choose to feel excitement now.
I choose to feel vitality now.
I choose to experience challenge now.
|11-15-2007, 01:34 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Sacramento, CA
^^ I love you, my little hippie boy.
Dharma's got a point. He's got me excited and giggling just reading his post!
For those of us still with attachment to external situations: When things aren't challenging, time for a new challenge! I joined a gym because it's a challenge for me to work out in front of strangers, or you could take a class or something!
Living is exciting. I'd given up on finding jam at the farmers market today, and then: The Humus family had strawberry jam for sale! Kind of a weird thrill, I know. ;-)
|11-15-2007, 09:35 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Heya - I think it's just a state of mind, probably something that you will get over really quickly. I doubt it's got anything to do with your enlightenment and your ego - sometimes meditation / new revelations will just make your brain go "oohh", and then you see things in a different way. Take a rest, and you'll be able to move on.
|11-15-2007, 11:43 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Thanks for the feedback. I actually wrote my original post in last nights wee small hours during a touch of insomnia, and didn't feel like I wanted to sleep util about 4am. Eight hours later having slept on things I do feel this issue has come into focus more for me.
I think what I was doing wrong was that my decision making process was too slow (on account of pretty much the only fear left; ie - that of doing the wrong thing against nature), so by time it was time to act on anything I'd lost the energy of the moment. I'd been laying cards face down to represent the choices I felt were been presented next, then instead of applying lower reason and logic in sensing the right route I would float down to the right choice at a much deeper intuitive level. All well and good if it's several very simple possibilities, but I was finding the process take longer and longer, especially in complex matters. I think I also made the mistake of rationalising the fact that would I 'should' do was what I 'wanted' to by default; ie - I only wanted to do what I should do. Being one and the same to me. Well, I say mistake, but what I really mean is that by focusing on the 'word' should the psychology involved is less helpful than the mind instead only considering 'want'. (see Steve's latest podcast - creative self expression), even though I have them unified. Should makes it more rational, rather than emotional.... and it is the emotional that provides the energy of enthusiasm.
After all the word Enthusiasm comes from.
Enthusiasm (Ancient Greek: enthousiasmos) originally meant inspiration or possession by a divine afflatus or by the presence of a god (my point exactly). Johnson's Dictionary, the first comprehensive dictionary of the English language, divines enthusiasm as "a vain belief of private revelation; a vain confidence of divine favour or communication." (to understand the latter English bastardisation of the term read and understand Orwell's 1984)..... ie, the killing of God during the process of pre enlightenment and trying to achieve a nothingness and suffering that can only fail.
the Flying Man said take a rest and move on. I think last night's sleep did that for me. I did get up feeling much clearer. Today I'm going to work on speeding up my process of making decisions. I'm tempted to be like the two main protagonists in the movie Serendipity. Maybe I'll just discern the potential options then just let a flick of the coin decide. After all the coin is still me (getting subjective) and I am absolutely a fatalist who believes that destiny is on our side, subject to our believing in that which moves us (with me that's love as a thing in it's own right and self expression through music).... as fate and destiny are us subjectivly also.
Perhaps this could become an online experiment I could promote... ie - the outcome of living life only on flicks of a coin. A true test of fate. Could be fun.
Anyway, lunch beckons.
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