A lot of effort, seemingly little reward

[Guy665]

Hey,

This is going to be a slightly depressing post but I have to get it off my chest.

Basically this year I have really seriously take control of myself and improve myself in all areas.

The thing is that despite what appears to be geuine concerted effort on my part I feel as if nothing has really improved that much. I get the feeling that all my efforts are completley futile. Its like I am trying really hard and yet I seem to be getting nowhere.

One of the main problems is that I can't seem to control the negative and obessive thoughts in my head. They are just so negative and self-defeating I am beginning to wonder if I am ever going to enjoy a better and more fullfilling life. To be honest even this afternoon I was thinking I was going to give up all this self-improvment work and just let myself live and take what comes along. Its almost as if a part of me has decided that I will never be able to improve mself or my life.

I am finding it so hard to keep on the path and on track.

I don't want this to appear like a 'woe is me' post. Like I say I am trying hard to improve my life, it is just so disheartening when I feel like I have got absolutley nowhere.


Have any other members felt like this before? Is there light at the end of the tunnell (cliche I know)? Honestly I want more than anything to lead a more satisfying and fulfilling life, I'm prepared to do the work and indeed have been. But it appears to no avail.

Sorry guys to bring it down but its just the way I feel. I keep reminding myself that it takes time and work to improve but surely I should be feeling a little better. I guess I must work through it and eventually I will see some results but sometimes it seems to hard and as if my situation and life will always be the same.

Thanks

[purplephilosopher]

yeah i've felt like that for like the last few years
and i read all this self improvement / personal development / philosophy stuff, and no it didn't make me feel better
life began to feel more and more "unnatural"; i kept looking for some elusive technique or method to "improve" myself
and what i've come to realize...there is no ONE technique.. it's all in you - the simplicity of everything
start trying to let go of stuff, let go of the techniques, let go of the desired outcome but keep your "destination" in mind
throw away everything you don't need
in a way, carry all of yourself with yourself
hope this helps!

as for the light at the end of the tunnel, idk... i'm only at the beginning of the tunnel and struggling everyday but I haven't given up

[uberinquisitive]

I'm not sure if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Benjamin Franklin put down something like 13 personality traits he wanted to achieve. At the end of his life, he stated (and I'm paraphrasing): "I didn't even come close to achieving them...but just by trying, I came closer than if I hadn't tried at all." And...no doubt this Founding Father lived a colorful and rich life.

You know how people say that the only difference between a coward and a hero is that the hero picks up the sword even though he feels the same exact fear? I bet that 99.9% of the population is filled with fear and pain and negative thoughts. But, some people accept it, and decide that, despite the fear, they will learn to act in ways that are positive.

So, don't be so hard on yourself. You try, fall, dust yourself off, and try again. You should be damn proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Guy665

Basically this year I have really seriously take control of myself and improve myself in all areas.

I would feel pretty daunted and overwhelmed if that were my aim, too. In fact, sometimes I feel daunted and overwhelmed by my efforts in the realm of personal development anyway, and mine are nowhere near that all-encompassing. Just a few minutes ago, in fact, I was chatting with another member about how exhausting it can be to continually unconceal what's stopping you, and to consistently generate what works well in creating a life I love. "Ai Chihuahua" is how I put it.

Maybe you just need a break, to put down your paddles for awhile and float downstream. "Nothing you want is upstream" anyway, as they say in "The Astonishing Power of Emotions." Maybe you would like to read that book -- it's chock-a-block full of ways to get relief, to feel a little bit better, and to get your thoughts spiraling upward (heading downstream).

Is it possible you've been taking on too much in your efforts to improve yourself? Personally, I don't think there's anything to improve about you. You are absolutely perfect and complete exactly as you are. You don't have to change a thing! And if there are ways of thinking or being or doing or having that you'd like to try and see if they will help you in being in love with your life, it's all just an adventure, and it can be fun, really! You are not a failure if your efforts don't produce the effect you desire. You are wonderful and loveable and powerful and related. Already.

Where did I read recently that "you can tell who the most successful people are; they're the ones who make the most mistakes." I love that.

[Guy665]

Hi Angela,

Thanks for the reply I think maybe I have been trying to hard. I have ordered the book that you have recommended and I am going to ease off the pressure I have been putting on myself.

However I will be sticking with the following as a minimum.

1. Complete abstinence from drugs.

2. Excercise for 40 minutes every morning for a minimum of 5 days per week

3. Complete abstinence from cigarettes.

Because the above I believe will help me in the long term

[Jim11]

Those sounds like worthwhile goals, Guy

I would recommend praising yourself if you can achieve those, and don't worry if you fail in secondary goals that you setup.

[Enlightenment]

Hi Guy,

Most of the posts here, in one form or another, is 'woe is me'. That's what we're here for, not to complain, but to truly find answers that work for us anyway.
We are all in this together, and we all have 'woes'. If we don't talk about them, how in the world are we going to overcome them?
By the way, I think you're doing amazingly well... 40 minutes every morning of straight exercise... Great Job!
E

[Lauxa]

Recently someone told me that the purpose of this life is to learn to be okay with who we are. For some reason, that really helped me put it all in perspective and have a really good week and not to be so hard on myself. But it's like that for me -- I'll find some good idea or tool and latch onto it and it will work for me for a week or a month, and then the old thought-patterns start to crowd back in and I'll be depressed again.

A Buddhist podcast I listen to said that a measurement of happiness looks like sine wave, moving up and down over a fixed baseline. Although you cannot eliminate the ups and downs, you can raise the level of the baseline. I feel that in the last year or two of consistently working on personal development my baseline has gone up a little bit.

I think that you are right that the negative and self-defeating thoughts are the biggest enemy. Here's a list of strategies I have used recently to cope:

• Listening to positive music or podcasts. When I am listening to someone else, I can't think negative thoughts.
• Singing positive songs, getting them stuck in my head.
• Telling myself that it is very easy to change my thoughts.
• Focusing on the physical sensations of the negative emotions and letting them wash over me while releasing the words.
• Imagining my inner critic as a gremlin.
• Sending love and compassion to the parts of myself that I don't like.
• Listing all the negative messages I heard about myself as a child to see where the criticism is coming from.

This week has been really good for me, my best in a long time. My most persistent and disturbing voice has been one that says "I hate myself." I asked myself if I hated anyone else, and came to the conclusion that I did not. I remembered yelling "I hate you!" at my parents when they upset me, and realized that I did not really mean "I hate you." I uncovered the aspect of myself that I found most unacceptable, which for me is being irresponsible, and then decided so what if I'm irresponsible? I can accept that. I told the "I hate you" voice "I will not allow you to talk to me like that. If you want to vent, you may describe the physical sensations you are experiencing." I got a song stuck in my head that goes like this:

I am blessed. I am blessed.
Every day of my life, I am blessed blessed blessed blessed blessed.
When I wake up in the morning, when I lay my head to rest
I am blessed. I am blessed.

And the voice subsided. At least for a little while.

[bemyself]

I read in a good book with a great title "Why Your Life Sucks" some words of wisdom that may help you out:

No one is EVER broken.

So there is nothing to fix. You can be yourself. The hard part is accepting who you are at your core, being happy with it and not letting other people's idea of the "perfect person" pollute you. We all have something to bring to the table just as we are.

Now I do not practice what I preach, yet. But like you I am still on my journey and all of us together can keep the momentum going.

[LifeFirst]

Originally Posted by Angela

Is it possible you've been taking on too much in your efforts to improve yourself? Personally, I don't think there's anything to improve about you. You are absolutely perfect and complete exactly as you are. You don't have to change a thing! And if there are ways of thinking or being or doing or having that you'd like to try and see if they will help you in being in love with your life, it's all just an adventure, and it can be fun, really! You are not a failure if your efforts don't produce the effect you desire. You are wonderful and loveable and powerful and related. Already.

So you're saying he shouldn't change at all? He was saying that he had problems with positive thinking, so he shouldn't work towards that? It's fine how he is? Thinking negatively all the time? It's obviously ruining his Life right now.

[tejvan]

Sometimes we sow a seed, but, it takes a long time for the plant to bloom.

It can be like that with self development. But, the fact we have actually made an effort counts for a lot.

Keep persevering, maybe your efforts will be rewarded when you least expect it.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

So you're saying he shouldn't change at all?

Yup.

He was saying that he had problems with positive thinking, so he shouldn't work towards that?

Actually, Guy665 never said he had problems with positive thinking. As far as what he "should" do, whatever he's doing, that's what he should be doing. He's absolutely perfect, whole and complete, regardless of his choices in any particular moment. Maybe you mean: "wouldn't it work better for him in creating a life he loves if he changed?" and my answer to that is, maybe -- if he is freely making his own choices, free of shoulds and shouldn'ts. Your choosing that he "should" do something different doesn't really make any difference in Guy665 living a life he loves.

It's fine how he is?

It's fine with me how he is. If he would like to make changes that work better, that's fine, too. And if he makes choices that don't work so well, that's fine, too. I wouldn't change him one iota.

Thinking negatively all the time?

"All the time"? That's not what I get from Guy665. Quite the opposite, in fact.

It's obviously ruining his Life right now.

Really? Obviously? Guy665, is that true -- your life is in ruins?

I actually get the impression you are building a life that you are in love with, despite these temporary obstacles sometimes obscuring that fact. What do you think?

[Guy665]

Hi Angela,

You are right my life is by no means in ruins. Currently relative to a large proportion of the rest of the world I have an incredible life.

However there are areas that I wish to improve in my life. I was feeling a little down because despite all my efforts I felt as if nothing was really improving (having thought about it this clearly isn't the case).

I have realised that I have been trying a little too hard to improve. Putting too much pressure on myself and then getting upset when nothing happens.

However I am on a path of continual improvment and I know that I am attracting all it is that I desire.

I just keep reminding myself of one of my favourite quotes from Wayne Dyer...

'Infinite patience produces immediate results'

[Angela]

That's wonderful, Guy665... I think you are pretty powerful!