NO motivation

[ArtlessMonster]

So I seem to completely lack impulse control and a sense of motivation. I hate stimulant medication so that isn't really an option. I lack deeper emotions enough as it is before a pill makes me focus even more on things that won't ultimately make he happy.

Basically I've been totally isolated for going on 4 years now. I've gone out like, every day trying to make friends here, but to no avail. I've met a bunch of great people online, totally wonderful people that I have amazing rapport with, after I posted a friends personal in the city that I plan to school in someday. To get there I need to actually work for it though.

People say that I'm insane for thinking that having positive relationships will motivate me and help me enjoy life, and always try to say that I need to take responsibility for my emotions or something equally stereotypical. I don't HAVE emotions to take responsibility for, you can't have emotions in isolation. I just know it's what I need.

I have a tendency to focus completely on the end result and can't see the steps that I need in order to get there. Obviously the first step is to get a job, but whenever I work the stress is astronomical and I just shut down. I did walk into Pizza Hut the other day to apply, but all the memories of delivering pizza in the past came rushing back and I immediately left.

Blogging for money seems impractical. I have above average communication skills and a lot to say, but it wouldn't really work in the time frame that I want at the moment. It's the same with selling something or self-employment.

Whenever I try to talk about it with someone I get the cookie-cutter answer about taking medication, but not only have I tried everything under the sun with no results, I'm also unbelievably sensitive to the side effects. People don't believe me that there are certain medications that I would rather have my arm sawed off while awake than take again, but it's the honest-to-God truth. Psychologists don't even begin to help, I've seen a bunch.

It will take at least two months to save up enough money to get there. This "sense of accomplishment" from working doesn't apply to me. In the past, having a job was the most miserable experience of my entire life and made every day hell. I've had about 5. I'd watch the clock all day at work waiting to go home, then watch the clock all day when I got home dreading going back to work.

I don't WANT to be able to handle work, in truth. I'm somewhat fundamentally opposed to giving my time to a non-humanitarian cause. I believe that hospitals and western medicine in general are absolutely evil, and it's pretty damn hard to find "useful" work anywhere else that would pay reasonably. Ultimately it isn't stubbornness that keeps me from feeling motivated though. It's just that if I was doing something useful for a career I would have more motivation to get up in the morning.

I don't even know if there IS a solution aside from just sticking it out and being miserable for the next few months. The idea that work is going to bother me to this degree even when I'm happy is also a fear. I know that my first job came during one of the happiest periods of my life, and after the first day I honestly just wanted to die. I post this in hopes that someone has an idea, strategy to cope, easy source of income (yeah right), etc.

I don't really have any emotions to "take responsibility for", so taking responsibility for my own happiness doesn't really apply in this case. I'm really more looking for coping strategies or alternative ideas.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by ArtlessMonster

So I seem to completely lack impulse control and a sense of motivation. I hate stimulant medication so that isn't really an option. I lack deeper emotions enough as it is before a pill makes me focus even more on things that won't ultimately make he happy.

Have you tried medication, or are you just refusing it off the bat?

Basically I've been totally isolated for going on 4 years now. I've gone out like, every day trying to make friends here, but to no avail. I've met a bunch of great people online, totally wonderful people that I have amazing rapport with, after I posted a friends personal in the city that I plan to school in someday. To get there I need to actually work for it though.

You need to what? Fill out a FAFSA, apply for some loans... What's holding you back? It's not that much work. My fiance's applying for grad school and since he has issues with his hands, it's my duty to fill out paper work. You can't tell me it's that much work.

People say that I'm insane for thinking that having positive relationships will motivate me and help me enjoy life, and always try to say that I need to take responsibility for my emotions or something equally stereotypical. I don't HAVE emotions to take responsibility for, you can't have emotions in isolation. I just know it's what I need.

You're complaining. You obviously feel something. According to you, you already HAVE positive relationships. What do you want?

I have a tendency to focus completely on the end result and can't see the steps that I need in order to get there. Obviously the first step is to get a job, but whenever I work the stress is astronomical and I just shut down. I did walk into Pizza Hut the other day to apply, but all the memories of delivering pizza in the past came rushing back and I immediately left.

So you weren't ready. Go try again.

Blogging for money seems impractical. I have above average communication skills and a lot to say, but it wouldn't really work in the time frame that I want at the moment. It's the same with selling something or self-employment.

I'm venturing into self-employment. It's really not that bad. Makes you put your money where your mouth is, and frankly, with a fiance with a chronic illness, a batty family, and a generally fun but crazy life, flexibility is a necessity.

Whenever I try to talk about it with someone I get the cookie-cutter answer about taking medication, but not only have I tried everything under the sun with no results, I'm also unbelievably sensitive to the side effects. People don't believe me that there are certain medications that I would rather have my arm sawed off while awake than take again, but it's the honest-to-God truth. Psychologists don't even begin to help, I've seen a bunch.

Do you want to feel better? Then you might have to live with some side effects. If you're in enough pain from depression, if you really want to connect with a person and be open, then you'll try a medication for six months and you'll really open up to a psychologist.

It will take at least two months to save up enough money to get there. This "sense of accomplishment" from working doesn't apply to me. In the past, having a job was the most miserable experience of my entire life and made every day hell. I've had about 5. I'd watch the clock all day at work waiting to go home, then watch the clock all day when I got home dreading going back to work.

Then do something you love. You're talented and bright. Don't deliver pizza. Do more. Figure out what you want. Write up a resume and take it in to places like hospitals offering to do data entry. (I did this when I turned 18 and strip clubs were not close to my local college. It worked.)

I don't WANT to be able to handle work, in truth. I'm somewhat fundamentally opposed to giving my time to a non-humanitarian cause. I believe that hospitals and western medicine in general are absolutely evil, and it's pretty damn hard to find "useful" work anywhere else that would pay reasonably. Ultimately it isn't stubbornness that keeps me from feeling motivated though. It's just that if I was doing something useful for a career I would have more motivation to get up in the morning.

Yeah, those evil bastards, having developed a medicine that keeps my fiance out of a wheelchair! Damn them!

All sorts of fields are useful and pay great. Architecture, engineering, teaching (sometimes), business ownership, medicine, dentistry, acting... And usefulness is perspective. Draft drawings of curtain walls are not useful to many people, but there are a handful of people who think what I do is freakin' awesome!

I don't really have any emotions to "take responsibility for", so taking responsibility for my own happiness doesn't really apply in this case. I'm really more looking for coping strategies or alternative ideas.

Okay, but you're not happy. I know this because I am not stupid. You have put yourself in this position. Time to hoist yourself out.

Step one: Get a job. Go in gas stations, restaurants, anywhere, and ask to speak with a manager.

Step two: Learn how to talk to people in a context where you are not 100% free. The internet allows you to pretty much say anything. People are less inhibited. Learning to talk to people IRL is invaluable.

Step three: Figure out what kind of life you want for yourself and take the steps to create it. That's why you keep coming here!

Step four: Accept that even with everything you want, there will be sadness and pain. Truly being friends with someone means bearing your soul. People may not like you when you reveal who you really are, and you'll have to live with that. THAT is what's tricky with real time relationships, and even true online friendships: Really showing your soul.

[Lisa McGregor]

You have some complex problems that I couldn't begin to help you with. But I have a suggestion which may or may not help you. Have you thought of joining Toastmasters? It's a great way to get you motivated if you enjoy that kind of thing and you do say that you have good communication skills. You could maybe make some contacts that could steer you in the right direction job wise, and make some new friends.

a question. What would you call usefull for a career. Ask yourself that question and then follow that path.

good luck
L

[ella]

Just speaking for myself, sometimes no amount of reasoning can help me think myself out of a situation. In fact, the more I thought, the more I get tunnel vision.

I like to just force myself to do something I haven't done before and resolve to discipline myself to stick to it until I saw some results so I know to either keep going, or change path.

[Christian223]

Hi, i suposse you have lots of limiting beliefs and past bad experiences that are obstacles for you to take action, many of this would be sub-consious and hard to find, so i recommend you to try EFT to get rid of these mental obstacles, EFT has worked for boosting my productivity and motivation among other things so i know it does what it promises, the link is at my signature, the good thing is that its easy to learn, free, fast to do, but it might take some time to get rid of bad behaviour because bad behaviour can be a symptom of various inner problems, so until you get rid of all of them you are not going to see critical resulta. Also try Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique to see free explanatory videos. And i wish you the best.

[cdn2wheeler]

Originally Posted by ella

Just speaking for myself, sometimes no amount of reasoning can help me think myself out of a situation. In fact, the more I thought, the more I get tunnel vision.

There's a lot of truth in this statement.

It sounds very much like ArtlessMonster is in the throes of clinical depression. But because AM is somehow convinced that western medicine is "evil," well, that pretty much puts the kybosh on effective treatment options.

I personally spent a LONG time in the dark void of depression and since climbing out I've learned a few things:

1. You can think yourself into depression, but you cannot think your way out of it. It's a one-way trip;
2. Medication, properly prescribed and implemented through a regulated treatment regime, will help you think clearly;
3. Once you're thinking clearly, a process like cognitive behaviour therapy can, and will, work wonders. But you HAVE to get your brain working properly first, and that's through meds.

You don't have to like it, and you may think western medicine is evil, and I suppose that's your prerogative. But the simple fact is that, for me personally, it worked. All the hocus-pocus, acupuncture, hypnosis, NLP work and all the rest had zero results and it cost me a bundle.

Choice is yours: live like you're living, or seek help.

[Rose of Cairo]

I must disagree with you, cdn. I had severe depressions and I thought myself out of there, without any medication. Of course medication is one solution. Of course seeking help would be appropriate. But it doesn't necessarily have to be conventional medication. What helped me when nothing else was helping is a huge change in my nutrition, for instance. That really helped a lot.

I don't think acupuncture is hocus pocus either. My acupucunturist cleared some nasty problems out of me in twenty minutes with two needles You just have to find a good one.

But to ArtlessMonster, I can understand that you don't want to take medication. I didn't want anybody to mess with my brain chemistry either. And I'm very sensitive to side effects too. I don't take any medication. When I take some trivial painkillers I run around like totally high. Even aspirin makes me vomit immediately. And there are drugs I'd rather die than take again too.

You're saying many interesting things ArtlessMonster. Have you ever thought that you could be a HSP? That would explain a lot of your problems. (edit: if you're a HSP, you should be extremely careful about what you eat, as it has a huge impact on your mood)

I don't find it bad to focus on the end result. But I have no easy alternative strategy to suggest. I think it's possible to earn money with some humanitarian occupation. For instance, if you're interested in a holistic approach, you can become an alternative health practicioner. You would help many people and offer an alternative to conventional medicine (and earn decent money). But there are tons of other things too. I'm sure you can contribute a lof to the world. What you need maybe is a journey towards yourself first. If you're ready to read something, look at books by Jerry and Esther Hicks and Deepak Chopra, I guess this could be interesting for you.

[cdn2wheeler]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I must disagree with you, cdn.

Fair enough. I was just relating my personal experience. What works for me may be different that what works for you. M point, though, was that dismissing treatments out-of-hand, whether those options are acupuncture or EFT of meds like Paxil or whatever, as "evil" or simply not worth considering, unnecessarily restrict one's treatment options.

Results are what count. If I could have got the same result by chewing on grass clippings (ewww... ) then I would have done it. Fortunately, it didn't come to that; Paxil and cognitive behaviour therapy worked for me.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler

You can think yourself into depression, but you cannot think your way out of it. It's a one-way trip;

Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler

you HAVE to get your brain working properly first, and that's through meds.

Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler

Fair enough. I was just relating my personal experience. What works for me may be different that what works for you. M point, though, was that dismissing treatments out-of-hand, whether those options are acupuncture or EFT of meds like Paxil or whatever, as "evil" or simply not worth considering, unnecessarily restrict one's treatment options.

Yes absolutely! I disagreed because you seemed to say there is no other way than medication. If that's not the case, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.

[4Mind4Life]

I think medications can help in the short term, but just "mask" the original problem in the long run. It takes effort on your part to overcome problems. Poppin' pills will help, but they aren't the best long-term solution. I have gone the medication route and it took me 2.5 years to realize why this isn't the best way to go. The cool thing is I didn't have much understanding that there were many highly effective alternative actions that I could take. I think that you really need to take some action and just "man or woman-up" to your current life situation. I think you should read up on Fish Oil & start taking some of that and consider doing some neurofeedback. DO SOMETHING!

I was once in a similar situation and I learned the hard way. Go out and volunteer, go out and get a job, go outside and exercise. Do something! Make an effort to at least smile all the time and say "hey" or wave to everyone that makes eye-contact with you.

The quickest way to getting your life on track right now is just growing a set and diving right in to the things that you fear. Check out the book "Feel the Fear & Do It Anyways" by Susan Jeffers. I think it will help you out in a major way.

I have no doubt that change will happen in your life for the better, but you need to decide whether or not you want it to happen right now! If you do want it do happen right now, THEN DO IT.....

I also recommend finding a good therapist. Not psychiatrist or psychologist if you haven't been helped in the past by them.

Best Wishes!

[laciemn1]

Originally Posted by ArtlessMonster

So I seem to completely lack impulse control and a sense of motivation. I hate stimulant medication so that isn't really an option. I lack deeper emotions enough as it is before a pill makes me focus even more on things that won't ultimately make he happy.

Basically I've been totally isolated for going on 4 years now. I've gone out like, every day trying to make friends here, but to no avail. I've met a bunch of great people online, totally wonderful people that I have amazing rapport with, after I posted a friends personal in the city that I plan to school in someday. To get there I need to actually work for it though.

People say that I'm insane for thinking that having positive relationships will motivate me and help me enjoy life, and always try to say that I need to take responsibility for my emotions or something equally stereotypical. I don't HAVE emotions to take responsibility for, you can't have emotions in isolation. I just know it's what I need.

I have a tendency to focus completely on the end result and can't see the steps that I need in order to get there. Obviously the first step is to get a job, but whenever I work the stress is astronomical and I just shut down. I did walk into Pizza Hut the other day to apply, but all the memories of delivering pizza in the past came rushing back and I immediately left.

Blogging for money seems impractical. I have above average communication skills and a lot to say, but it wouldn't really work in the time frame that I want at the moment. It's the same with selling something or self-employment.

Whenever I try to talk about it with someone I get the cookie-cutter answer about taking medication, but not only have I tried everything under the sun with no results, I'm also unbelievably sensitive to the side effects. People don't believe me that there are certain medications that I would rather have my arm sawed off while awake than take again, but it's the honest-to-God truth. Psychologists don't even begin to help, I've seen a bunch.

It will take at least two months to save up enough money to get there. This "sense of accomplishment" from working doesn't apply to me. In the past, having a job was the most miserable experience of my entire life and made every day hell. I've had about 5. I'd watch the clock all day at work waiting to go home, then watch the clock all day when I got home dreading going back to work.

I don't WANT to be able to handle work, in truth. I'm somewhat fundamentally opposed to giving my time to a non-humanitarian cause. I believe that hospitals and western medicine in general are absolutely evil, and it's pretty damn hard to find "useful" work anywhere else that would pay reasonably. Ultimately it isn't stubbornness that keeps me from feeling motivated though. It's just that if I was doing something useful for a career I would have more motivation to get up in the morning.

I don't even know if there IS a solution aside from just sticking it out and being miserable for the next few months. The idea that work is going to bother me to this degree even when I'm happy is also a fear. I know that my first job came during one of the happiest periods of my life, and after the first day I honestly just wanted to die. I post this in hopes that someone has an idea, strategy to cope, easy source of income (yeah right), etc.

I don't really have any emotions to "take responsibility for", so taking responsibility for my own happiness doesn't really apply in this case. I'm really more looking for coping strategies or alternative ideas.

Yeah, I so have the same attitude towards working! I hate it so much. Every second I spent at Lowes Food(the grocery store I registerd for) felt like a waste of time. Yet sitting around watching South Park would be considered a bigger waste of time to most people.

Anyway, I saved up about $1500 and quit to start a business.

Lack of motivation=depression. You're probably depressed, back when I didn't have friends and goals and things to keep me going, things just seemed bleak.

Start out by giving yourself little things to work on, studying a certain thing by choice that you are interested in. Look into yourself and ask what you are actually doing to achieve your goals instead of just thinking about it all the time. It's really hard to give advice to someone to get out of that state.

Umm...I did it through prayer and stuff but I realize all people aren't religious. If you are religious, try going to church. Community and connection with God are enough to make me, personally, feel better.

Do you have a car?

[laciemn1]

Yeah, about the medication. I used to take medication for depression called Paxil..it did help me back then. However, I manage today without. I still get depressed sometimes, but I just have to catch it before it gets too far.

Here's something you can do. Before you go to sleep, engrain yourself with all the wonderful, productive things you will do tomorrow. Foresee no fear, a powerful feeling, and if you catch yourself thinking negatively...like no, tomorrow I will just do the same things I always do, redirect your though patterns.

[zabmk]

Try control your emotion. You can decide within yourself, how all things happen will affect you. Just choose the right response towards problems.

[Jim11]

It seems from reading your post that you just don't want to work at anything. "worthless jobs", "non humanitarian cause"

I have noticed that people often have this humanitarian ideology simply because they want adventure.

You just need to get rid of the mindset that there's "nothing worth doing right now". Do something. Grab a loan, take some courses. Get a job..... if it's not humanitarian, then why dont' you donate some of your proceeds to charity. You now have a humanitarian pizza job.

If you aren't someone who inherited riches or has a family paying for everything you have to earn the life you want. Start now. With anything... but stop trying to look for the quick fix

Humanitarian ideology that is really just excuses, or not working because it doesn't meet your standards. You have to get past this. Want to do something humanitarian? work on joining the peace corp.. whatever, do anything new to mix things up and get out of the rut.

Don't work a pizza job for a "sense of accomplishment". Work it to get somewhere.

best of luck.

Situational example:

Bob works in business. He finds no purpose in the actual business, but he has other ideas.
He rises to a high position in a company.

When he's 35 he earns 100k per year. He donates 50k a year per charity.
When he's 45 he takes 5 years off and builds 100 schools in africa.

The cubicle humanitarian has donated $500k to charity and provided schools for 5,000 kids.

I just made that up.... but the point is that any garbage job you have can have a higher purpose.

[NotesMaeve]

^ I dig your style, Jim.

Totally agreed that seemingly unrelated things can be for a greater cause.

[thethinkingboy]

Jim11 makes a great point. I'm 26, I've had 12 jobs, I have been self employed since age 18, college drop out, and I have been earning 6 figures for almost three years. When I am earning 7 and 8 figures I plan to do great things for this world. Get up, get out, get your act together. I didn't know what the hell I wanted, and I still don't really know for sure. Every time I get it, I want something else, and that is the beauty of the chase. It never stops and I will never "retire" because having a strong desire FOR ANYTHING tells me that I am alive. Pizza Hut or the the Red Cross, once you get going, your eyes may open up to a new and better opportunity. Nothing will present itself if you stay isolated; you're a social animal whether you like it or not. And when you change a fundamental part of your nature by robbing yourself of the social element, you're going to have bad results like the ones you're experiencing now.

[thesnowyeti]

Originally Posted by ArtlessMonster

in truth. I'm somewhat fundamentally opposed to giving my time to a non-humanitarian cause.

you could join the peace corps and take some time to find yourself
i know its a little out there but i've been considering it because i'm also not a big fan of "the system" ya know?

[Vipa]

I'd suggest stop applying all lower logic and reason to any life situation. Cause and effect by it's very nature is limiting as it implies a duality where only ONE can win.

Try to instead develop a sense, an instinct, and a feeling for what is 'right'; even if it flies in the face of logic. If you are nudged to accomplish something then list the various options you can imagine, including possible solutions that might make you feel temporarilly bad (don't impose limits at this stage). Then get some cards (it doesn't matter which type), the same amount as the amount of options you have. Lay them face down in a row, relax yourself, and simply sense which card is right and which cards are wrong. Again, ignore what if's, or buts, or conventional logic and thinking. Just trust your gut feeling. The outcome will correspond with the right and true course of action you should take.

Sometimes the answer will feel right, but you won't understand why. In which case repeat the process listing the various reasons this may be so, once you've got an answer, repeat again for how you can overcome the subsequent reason.... and so on and so forth.

It is so so easy, and pretty sublime. Only concern yourself with what you think and the rest will follow. This does not mean that you should be outwardly nasty (it's more a case of self protection). you'll be led to the right people, and the right situations where you will not feel bad. After all, untill you truly think for yourself you are nothing more than the result of what other people think you should be..... which is a lie, as they are not you.

[Groundless]

Originally Posted by cdn2wheeler

There's a lot of truth in this statement.

It sounds very much like ArtlessMonster is in the throes of clinical depression. But because AM is somehow convinced that western medicine is "evil," well, that pretty much puts the kybosh on effective treatment options.

I personally spent a LONG time in the dark void of depression and since climbing out I've learned a few things:

1. You can think yourself into depression, but you cannot think your way out of it. It's a one-way trip;
2. Medication, properly prescribed and implemented through a regulated treatment regime, will help you think clearly;
3. Once you're thinking clearly, a process like cognitive behaviour therapy can, and will, work wonders. But you HAVE to get your brain working properly first, and that's through meds.

You don't have to like it, and you may think western medicine is evil, and I suppose that's your prerogative. But the simple fact is that, for me personally, it worked. All the hocus-pocus, acupuncture, hypnosis, NLP work and all the rest had zero results and it cost me a bundle.

Choice is yours: live like you're living, or seek help.

I feel this post is gold and bears repeating.

Get the help, accept it for a while, dig deep and get yourself in the frame of mind that you want.