About Jealousy

[Dan.Linehan]

This is a superb article about jealousy I found tonight:

Managing Jealousy

This is an issue that affects everyone at some point or another, hopefully this helps.

[Ilya]

Great article indeed. It really covers the key points - the fears,the beliefs. I was surprised it even has the part on controlling the pictures in the mind. In fact, if people know how to control their fantasies about their partner being with someone else, jealousy never gets out of control. But, unfortunately, too few people know how to do it.

[peteymills]

It is a biological fact that most men will not tolerate an open relationship with a woman. In most couples there is an implicit contract: the man supplies material benefits to the woman and in return she promises to be sexually faithful. The man will be thus assured that any child she bears, and that he therefore supports, contains his genes. This is known as "kin altruism." There is no benefit, from a Darwinian perspective, for a man to raise a child that is not his own. Certainly there are cuckolds, but this is why humans developed such big brains--to detect deception. You could argue that with birth control, this need no longer be an issue, but it takes time for genetic programming to catch up with the external social and technological realities. Think of climbing with a top rope: at least from my experience, knowing that the rope is there does not in any way diminish the knee-jerk, gut-reaction of fear.

The only men for whom open relationships will work are those who possess large genitals (and therefore their sperm can compete effectively with others') who are naturally promiscuous. Most men are not naturally promiscuous because: one we have been conditioned socially to be monogamous for so long. And two, it is likely more advantageous to have few offspring and pour a large amount of resources into their survival.

That being said, times are changing fast. Likely it will soon be a world populated by men with enormous genitals who **** indiscrimitately.

[Angela]

That is a thoughtful article, Dan. The part about core beliefs especially resonated for me. There's so much panic that comes when those cb's get threatened "If he loved me, he wouldn't do that!" "We got married, so she's not supposed to have those thoughts!" that you often can't really see clearly enough to question your beliefs. I think that's why people, when talking about their jealous feelings or wish to get a departed lover back, sound so c-r-a-z-y to outsiders, because there's so much franticness underlying their perceived need. It looks like a need for a person, but it's really a need to clutch on to what you believe is true.

That's my belief!

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by peteymills

That being said, times are changing fast. Likely it will soon be a world populated by men with enormous genitals who **** indiscrimitately.

Woohoo! Let me know when that happens.