ruining/hurting/killing myself because I'm not "pretty enough" or "smart enough"
I feel like ever since I was 10, I was never pretty or smart enough for myself or anyone . now that I think about it, its been killing me inside and really burning a whole in my heart. Yes, I might be 'pretty' , well to some, but I have these deep acne scars on my face that look terrible when people get close to me. and I hate the fact that I still haven't hit my goal of getting a 4.0 for a semester. :(
I NEVER want to be the girl who kills herself and leaves a note behind saying it happened because SHE felt she wasn't "pretty" or "smart" enough. God, I hope not.
and all the personal development I read is getting me nowhere, or at least not nearly as well as I want to be. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. :(
You'll never find the answer to your questions by reading a book. The book might help you focus toward what it is that you want to find, but in the end you are the one that has to use your mental horsepower to do the hard thinking. My suggestion, since you seem pretty inexperienced in understanding yourself, is to start a journal. Write whatever you feel like writing, until you get to a topic that your mind resists thinking about. It is imperative that you do write about that topic, that you do write what you truly believe about it. Don't judge your thoughts or what you write, whatever it is it's real and it does you no good to deny the reality of it. Especially don't tell yourself what you're "supposed" to think, the bane of self-discovery is telling yourself that you don't feel something that you do feel. If you find you're having trouble exactly writing what it is that your mind is so resistant to thinking about, ask yourself a lot of "why" questions, like why you're having a problem thinking about it or why it's so important to you. In my opinion, these are really the basics of learning about yourself, and consequentially the world and the people around you. Just try not to make it a chore, because it's very easy to turn self-improvement into a job of work rather the wondrous thing it is, which basically defeats the whole purpose.
Oh, honey, I understand your pain. I felt the same way in college. So what you don't have perfect skin or perfect grades? Few people do. I think the more you grow, the more you will realize that scarless skin or perfect grades are such small meaningless things.
Surround yourself with people who remind you not to be too vain. You'll find when it comes to beauty, people are really just beautiful because you love them.
This might sound harsh, but you should try seeing things from a bigger picture. Get perspective. Read books on spirituality, such as 'A Course In Miracles'.
You need to understand and use the power of forgiveness. That's all. Realise that your pain is only the fleeting sensation of a transient moment, so that you can release it.
FORGIVE. What you resist persists.
Did you try EFT?, im sure it will end those limiting beliefs with success and quickness, you have the oportunity to get rid of those feelings, EFT does work even though it looks ridiculous, the link is at my signature, also visit Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique i wish you the best.
I get what you're feeling. Right until I was 16 I had perfect skin and reasonably good looks. When I hit 17 though all hell broke loose on my face, there's acne and then there's acne. Mine looked like I was growing mountains on my face and they would last for weeks.
I can tell you something that you probably wouldn't like to hear - I know if I heard it when I was 17 I wouldn't have cared: the older you get, the more you learn to appreciate yourself and give less of a damn about what other people think.
Hey lightthecandle, I'm going to ask you a tough question - how else are you taking care of the rest of your appearance (since it seems to be a big deal to you)?
NotesMaeve has it right. Also I think that the older you get the more you realize that the world is not paying so much attention to just you. Maybe you could try to broaden your perspective a bit. Take a look at what some people in the world are dealing with on a day to day basis (like in Darfur or Iraq for example). It makes acne scars seem inconsequential. Maybe you could join some kind of volunteer organization where you can work with the homeless or elderly. You might learn that you are appreciated and valued for a more external reason and not just your looks. Hope this helps and good luck!
I think everyone in this world struggles with the need to be loved and accepted by others over the need to be loved by yourself first.
Many people on this forum will attest that in order to be happy with anyone you have to be happy with yourself first, you have to love yourself first. It might sound cliched, but it is true.
What does it mean to love yourself first? It means that your sense of worth will always be derived from the inside. You don't have to be dependent of friends, strangers, school, or a life partner to give it to you. So many relationship problems have the source of dependency for self worth.
You can look at your physical beauty and smarts measured by school as a crises and challenge, or you can look at it as an opportunity. Start to think of how you are the measure of your own worth. Powerful people in life are those who know what they are about. Who know that they do not need a 4.0 to be happy, but have goals and meaning that are broader than arbitrary grades, or that are broader than social norms of beauty.
A person can be "beautiful" and have the 4.0, but if that is what makes them who they are, if that is where they get their self worth, then they are setting themselves up for pain, because sooner or later they have to leave school and then where will their self worth be? They can keep focusing on beauty all their life, but it is called vanity for a reason. ;)
The way out of this pain is self acceptance and higher purpose.
I recommend this blog article to you:
The ego is a wonderful thing is it not? For most of my life I had to "be the best" so I could feel good about myself. Then I realized it was an artificial mental conflict, perpetuated by who knows who or what, for who knows what purpose. Now I don't give a **** about myself... but I am finding life to be quite frustrating overall. You know, all sorts of desires, most of which are contradictory of course, just to make things interesting :D and not wanting to spend the energy to meet such desires...
Ahh ego is a wonderful thing, isn't it?
'Pretty enough' or 'smart enough' for whom?
To whom are you comparing yourself to? I know it may sound trite, but you need to learn to love yourself with your flaws and all. Just as you are, you are whole and complete, and unique in your own way.
If you're not physically fit - then get in shape. If you're not doing well in school, then study harder. Focus on what you want to change, and take action.
I don't encourage self-help through self-delusion, but for most of us, it's a lot easier to criticize and beat ourselves up than to praise ourselves for the things we do well.
Building self-esteem and confidence is akin to building muscles. You need to start off with the lighter weights and build yourself up. Don't get discouraged. If things aren't working for you, try changing things up - but whatever you do, don't give up.
"Persist and you will succeed!"
Building self-aggrandizing muscle? Is it not the other side of the same coin? Why bother?
acne is not something that will make someone unpretty. What does is the person who thinks they are unpretty because of acne. I used to think pretty low of myself when i was younger because i listened to the jokes people made about me. But i now love myself more than i could ever imagine. And with making a 4.0 write down what you are going to do to achieve the 4.0.
The OP was started one and a half year ago to help the OP overcome or discuss an issue she had at the time. It seems the latest posters are unaware this was a long-ago issue and therefore anything they post in here may be irrelevant. I'm therefore closing the thread. If the original poster wants to keep this thread open to discuss it some more, let me or another moderator know and we can re-open it.
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