Goals and beliefs

[Guy665]

Hi,

Although I am sure it is fairly obvious to many students of self-development/self-improvment it has only really recently occured to me that in order to achieve my goals I must have the correct beliefs. Indeed I am sure many of us have heard it many times.

However its ok to read this, understand this but for me putting this into practise has been quite problematic.

For example as I examine some of my goals I realise that my goals and my beliefs are completely out of alignment. What do I mean by this? Well I'll be totally honest here. One of my goals is the following.

"I am in a deeply meaningful and fulfilling relationship with a stunning wonderful girl"

The goal is clear and precise and attainable. However the whole area of woman and dating has been problematic for me. Its only when I examine my beliefs that I have begun to realise why it is a problematic area.

Here are some limiting beliefs that I have been carrying around in my head for a long time.

I am unattractive to the opposite sex, I am not worthy of a beautiful girl, meeting and attracting woman is a painful and difficult experience.

With these beliefs, its no wonder I have had problems!!!

Well at least now I have recognised that these beliefs are not serving me. Here are the new beliefs I want to install.

"I am attractive" "I am naturally attractive to woman" "Meeting and approaching woman is fun and easy"

My question is how do I get the beliefs installed in my head so they become just that, my actual beliefs?

So far, everytime I have one of my old limiting beliefs I automatically replace it with a new positve one. EG "I am unattractive" gets replaced with "I am attractive"

This is going ok but I still don't really believe in my new beliefs. Its like the words are empty even though I say them with emphasis.

I hope this makes sense. Really I am trying to completely recondition my brain and would appreciate any comments.

[cdn2wheeler]

Originally Posted by Guy665

This is going ok but I still don't really believe in my new beliefs. Its like the words are empty even though I say them with emphasis.

It makes perfect sense.

The way I figure it, it works something like this:

• You start replacing your old beliefs ("I'm not attractive") with new ones ("I'm attractive");
• You have trouble believing in your new mantra because your brain has been hard-wired over years of repeating the same old beliefs;
• Your brain starts to slowly change as new synapses are created. This takes time;
• There will be an event, or series of events, that reinforce your new beliefs (some babe gives you her number... or something... );
• Your conscious awareness says, "Hey! I just got that babe's number (or something)! Maybe my new beliefs ARE true!";
• The event(s) hastens the change in your brain;
• Your new beliefs become more, well, believable because they line up with your experience;
• The cycle continues...

Eventually, you'll notice that things in your life will begin to actually line up with your new beliefs, which will further reinforce the new beliefs.

Yes, there will be times when you don't get the chick's number, but those won't be as noticeable. Your awareness will be heightened more to the events that are in line with your new beliefs, and you won't notice the ones that don't line up so much.

The actual number - for those who are into the actuarial study of things - probably won't change, but your perception of them will.

Let me give you an example: There's a woman I know who's just about to have her first child and she's commented frequently how often she sees pregnant women around. It's unlikely that there are more pregnant women around than usual - I don't see any more than usual - but her awareness of noticing pregnant women is heightened by the changes taking place in her own body.

Duzzat make sense?

[Christian223]

You should try EFT, its a really powerfull tool to eliminate limiting beliefs, i tried it myself with great results in many areas od my life, check the link at my singature and also check out Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique , and good luck.

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by Guy665

I hope this makes sense. Really I am trying to completely recondition my brain and would appreciate any comments.

Yup, makes sense. Nothing much to add to cdn2wheeler's advice, 'cept to say that I've been there (still am sometimes. decades of poor self-esteem), but years of friends telling me I'd be a great catch has changed my mind. Paying attention to my strengths instead of my weaknesses helped too. I mean really, so what if I'm not incredibly buff? Women aren't that shallow. Ok, I'm not even remotely buff. Hasn't stopped women from being attracted to me, unlike I was convinced it did.

[Uplift]

As your beliefs get more ingrained, reinforced, you relax and feel comfortable, more and more. And then things will change. They do actually change, in yourself, and what you give off. You will attract more women. Like when people are terrified of dogs, they get nailed every time, by virtually any and every dog, whereas someone who is confident with dogs can make the same dog do whatever they like, and will virtually never get bitten by the same dogs. Whilst we are not dogs, there is much going on, bodily changes, that we pick up on. Women sense when guys are freaking, and those guys have a hard time, and the whole thing gets reinforced. A catch 22. If they manage to get a girlfriend, suddenly they relax, give off a whole different range of things and bingo, theres a glut of interested women around.

For the ultimate example, check out that South African guy that swims with White Pointers. Other people get in with him, and become terrified, instant targets, whilst he will get between them and repell the same shark. Again obviously women arent sharks, but our physical reactions change dramatically with thoughts, its not imaginary. It actually forms one of the original premises for personal development. If you believe a lion is about to attack you, your body will react, change in exactly the same way, whether it is a real lion, or just a shadow.

The more you interact with women, in a friendly atmosphere, the more comfortable you will be, the more your new beliefs will be reinforced, so it helps to find and involve yourself somehow in that reinforcing scenario, (use your imagination, theres a million ways) to speed things up, and relax quicker.

[Uplift]

Which leads to the next point, the use of visualisation to install and reinforce new beliefs. I believe and have found that if the visualisation is to really be successful, it must be done in a way that will actually, mentally create a scenario which results in the actual bodily changes that would occur in the desired situation. The 'what the mind can conceive, it will achieve premise.' I often see people visualising in a style that promotes worry, boredom, and so on, states that will do nothing to produce the desired changes, and which even reinforce the old, opposite, undesired state. Also they assign visualising to the 'back blocks' of their life, in reality giving it little importance. The old saying, 'you can't fool yourself' comes into play. Why change when deep down the truth is that it takes second place to every other (even the most mundane) factors in your life?

If the visualisation is vivid enough, and incorporated with other elements that further enhance it, such as, humour for more relaxation and openess, out of the ordinary elements to totally capture the attention, and simultaneously diverting it further from worrying, combined with real imagination and variety to prevent boredom, or shut down, changes happen easily and quickly.

Plus it has a flow through effect in other areas of your life, as you are in a more desirable mental state, more and more often. Hope some of this is usefull.

[robertanthony]

Hi Guy

If you watch Deepak Chopra on google video - there's a video called The Keys to Attraction. The information contained in the video can change your thinking about what it means to be attractive. Even saying that you feel unattractive can be amazingly attractive to others as it shows modesty. There are lots of people out there who are beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside. You've already got a stunning wonderful girlfriend so if you watch the video you might notice some changes.

[Guy665]

Thank you for your comments. I really appreciate them and get a lot of value out of them.