Tough Situation

[blueflame]

A week ago today I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. We had come together through some common interests, especially regarding past lives. I had noticed on some forums that we had posted on, that he was looking for someone he knew once. I met him by kind of a weird element of chance, and I was able to relate to him the other half of the manner in which he died. I was fairly accurate in describing details, so we assumed that this was true. I was 17 and he was 19, and immediately I thought that he was the one for me. I fell in love and I snuck out of a hotel to be with him while my parents and I were on vacation. I had my first kiss, first everything with him. He visited sometimes when he could, and got into college after a few years of struggling to get in, and failed attempts to make money. By this time I was a sophomore doing well. We started to fall apart, I wondered if it was true. When we were together, something just didn't feel right. I was more fond of him when he was gone. We struggled and I became somewhat mean with him, not acting like myself. I didn't send him presents for various things and acted like someone I'm not. We talked about our futures, wanting to go to law school and he even talked about moving over here for college before he decided to go to a different school on his coast (we're on opposite coasts). He didn't even apply to the one out here that I told him would be great for what he wanted to do. A year later, after little breakups and fights, we broke up. He came to me on a day before I had two midterms, two papers, and a presentation due the next day. My dog had also recently passed away, one I'd had since I was seven. I agreed despite feeling terrible to be just friends. A couple nights later I sent him a message going back on it, and was tremendously upset to the point where I almost lost my stomach. He told me he just didn't see me that way, which was very inconsistent from the week before where he was saying he loved me. So, i told him to get lost. I ended up in the hospital for stress-related rashes, and then sent him a message a few days later apologizing for being immature. I also said that I loved him and missed him and could be friends if that meant not losing him. When I got home and checked his myspace I found out what I had originally expected, that a friend had talked him into doing it and that there was someone else. The night he broke up with me he had a new girlfriend. She looks a lot like me, shares the same interests, and its kind of creepy. I am very hurt that he could just replace me immediately like that, and doesn't even talk to me as a friend. It's like I've been wiped from his memory. I've decided that even though I never got a chance to be with him in person for a long period of time, someone who would do that was no longer an interest for me. I was really hurt because I get jealous of him being with other girls, because I've never done much and he has. We never physically went all the way with it, because of some abuse I had in my past and the awkwardness of the situation. I'm pretty sure that he has already done this with this new girl, which made me angry. I also wish he had told me about the girlfriend before I saw it on myspace. Now I've found out that I've likely come down with MRSA, a sometimes deadly staph infection, and I can't sleep at night. I haven't been sleeping for more than 2 hours a night for at least a week, despite some medication for my rash that is supposed to make me sleep and be less stressed out. I'm really at a loss here.

[blueflame]

I know no one has commented, and I really hope they do. Now, I have more to add. I have been suffering from jealously now, of his new gf and wonder if he was put up to this by his friend. I know his friend talked him up to doing it. I wonder what could have been if we were in the same place, but I think someone who does something that bad to me after a break up doesn't deserve me. He kept saying even if I moved there he didn't think he'd feel that way about me again, but he had the girl now and didn't say a word. I don't think I still love him, but maybe part of me does. I gave him such a deep part of me, and now it feels like he just threw me away like I was trash. I am trying to find other things to focus on, but just being able to get up in the morning is a fantastic achievement for me.