Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

saaretjie · 10-16-2007, 09:54 PM

Has anyone ever made a mistake... than promised themselves they'd never do it again... before making it again?

Because that's exactly what I did.

The first time I did it... I felt terrible and I promised myself I'd never do it again. Than this year I went and did the exact same thing.

After this I decided that this was ENOUGH! This was not how I wanted to live my life and decided to change. But I get such strong feelings of self loathing and depression whenever I try to do something to improve myself. I keep telling myself that if you had done this two years ago than you wouldn't be in this mess. And than I go into some sort of manic depression where I think it would be better for everyone if I was just dead...

So... does anyone have any ideas as to how to get over the past? I think it's holding me back a lot, and would gladly welcome any advice.

Thanks a lot!

Johnny5 · 10-17-2007, 12:23 AM

Hi there,
I don't think you can prevent yourself from making mistakes. We all make mistakes. I don't think you need to prevent yourself from making mistakes; however, I believe you need to build your self-confidence or self-esteem. So you can face your mistakes as a learning experience, and not as a shameful experience.

I learn a lot from my mistakes. It was very painful; however, it stayed with me for a long time.

Exercise is a very good activity to build yourself confidence and to overcome your painful experience is through mindfulness meditation. You practice mindfulness meditation and analyze your problems at the same time until you understand it; then you overcome your painful experience. Practice, practice...until you get the result you wanted.... Be result oriented....only result the way you wanted that counts....

"Not Knowing" is the cause of all mistakes. If you knew the sequence of consequence of everything you do, you will not make mistake....

Best Regards;

Johnny

DrMartinRussell · 10-17-2007, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saaretjie

I keep telling myself that if you had done this two years ago than you wouldn't be in this mess.

Sorry to seem dumb, but when you say "done THIS" - what do you mean by THIS?

Because THIS seems to refer to what you are doing this time, ie beating up on yourself with self-loathing. I don't get how doing that 2 years ago would have helped.

Confuddled... please clarify for me.

saaretjie · 10-17-2007, 06:26 AM

Yeah, sorry doc.

As I said, I made the same mistake twice. I'm in university and it has to do with the course, so you can probably guess what the mistake was.

I meant to say, that when I'm studying, trying to improve the rest of my grades, I keep telling myself that if I had managed to try and improve myself 2 years ago, I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now. Obviously it's completely my fault... But in some ways that makes it worst. It hurts a lot less when you can blame other people.

Tigerlilly · 10-17-2007, 09:06 AM

I know how you feel, raking through the past and looking at how you could have done things differently if you only had known better at the time can turn into a favorite pastime.

There's certainly some stuff I did or didn't do that I could cry over to ma heart's content, and tell myself if I'd only been aware of this, if I'd only been a different sort of person, if I'd done things differently, surely it would be different now, maybe it would be better now.

But fact is I don't know, and there's a lot little I doesn't know but doesn't like to admit to. First I don't know whether my soul didn't intend to head down a certain path for reasons my mind simply can't perceive. And then how much of the Universe can my mind really grasp? Very little.

So good chance is that my ordinary mind can just perceive a few paths through life which it considers the best route and a shortcut to happiness, but the soul who's got a better overview sees all ways that lead to where it wants to go and knows better and like a build-in spiritual navigation system in direct contact with the source of creation, it chooses the path to where I want to go all the time, every time I deliberately or by chance fail to follow instructions.

So even in those cases where I can't believe my soul wanted to take a certain byway and that I choose it by mistake courtesy of being human, I can at least believe that my soul can't be tricked but is still on route and will get where it wants to go.

I find that a comforting thought.

saaretjie · 10-17-2007, 10:13 AM

Hiya tigerlilly!

Yeah. One comforting thought is one that I read in Feel the fear and do it anyway, where she said (something to the effect), that don't worry about the past because you did the best you could with the knowledge , maturity and ability you had at the time.

That sometimes makes me feel a little better.

Tigerlilly · 10-17-2007, 11:55 AM

I read that book as well.

And I remember this and find it comforting too, and I often tell myself that since so many wise people I deeply admire have said something along the same lines I guess it must be really true.

As first aid measure when I feel threatened to be overcome by despair I often read through what they said, like search for quotations or read their books and lean on them for comfort.

saaretjie · 10-17-2007, 07:21 PM

Wow.

Today my sister told me she thinks I might have ADD... Weird.

I looked it up on the net and all the symptoms seem to match... I think i need to go see a doctor soon.

DrMartinRussell · 10-19-2007, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saaretjie

I meant to say, that when I'm studying, trying to improve the rest of my grades, I keep telling myself that if I had managed to try and improve myself 2 years ago, I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now. Obviously it's completely my fault... But in some ways that makes it worst. It hurts a lot less when you can blame other people.

Well it seems like you are a different/improved person now to recognize things you didn't 2 years ago. It also hurts a little less when you can recognize worthwhile changes to congratulate yourself for.

All the best for continuing the new revelations...

DeborahM · 09-25-2009, 09:32 AM

I think I can relate. I am going through the exact same situation. But I have moved on, I have learned that I cannot change what I did in the past. I just have to do good what I am doing in my present life. Well, my tip for you is don't live in the past. Live in the present.

10-16-2007, 09:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
saaretjie Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 45	How to get over the past... Has anyone ever made a mistake... than promised themselves they'd never do it again... before making it again? Because that's exactly what I did. The first time I did it... I felt terrible and I promised myself I'd never do it again. Than this year I went and did the exact same thing. After this I decided that this was ENOUGH! This was not how I wanted to live my life and decided to change. But I get such strong feelings of self loathing and depression whenever I try to do something to improve myself. I keep telling myself that if you had done this two years ago than you wouldn't be in this mess. And than I go into some sort of manic depression where I think it would be better for everyone if I was just dead... So... does anyone have any ideas as to how to get over the past? I think it's holding me back a lot, and would gladly welcome any advice. Thanks a lot!

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10-17-2007, 12:23 AM	#2 (permalink)
Johnny5 Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 91	Hi there, I don't think you can prevent yourself from making mistakes. We all make mistakes. I don't think you need to prevent yourself from making mistakes; however, I believe you need to build your self-confidence or self-esteem. So you can face your mistakes as a learning experience, and not as a shameful experience. I learn a lot from my mistakes. It was very painful; however, it stayed with me for a long time. Exercise is a very good activity to build yourself confidence and to overcome your painful experience is through mindfulness meditation. You practice mindfulness meditation and analyze your problems at the same time until you understand it; then you overcome your painful experience. Practice, practice...until you get the result you wanted.... Be result oriented....only result the way you wanted that counts.... "Not Knowing" is the cause of all mistakes. If you knew the sequence of consequence of everything you do, you will not make mistake.... Best Regards; Johnny

10-17-2007, 06:26 AM	#4 (permalink)
saaretjie Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 45	Yeah, sorry doc. As I said, I made the same mistake twice. I'm in university and it has to do with the course, so you can probably guess what the mistake was. I meant to say, that when I'm studying, trying to improve the rest of my grades, I keep telling myself that if I had managed to try and improve myself 2 years ago, I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now. Obviously it's completely my fault... But in some ways that makes it worst. It hurts a lot less when you can blame other people.

10-17-2007, 09:06 AM	#5 (permalink)
Tigerlilly Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 257	I know how you feel, raking through the past and looking at how you could have done things differently if you only had known better at the time can turn into a favorite pastime. There's certainly some stuff I did or didn't do that I could cry over to ma heart's content, and tell myself if I'd only been aware of this, if I'd only been a different sort of person, if I'd done things differently, surely it would be different now, maybe it would be better now. But fact is I don't know, and there's a lot little I doesn't know but doesn't like to admit to. First I don't know whether my soul didn't intend to head down a certain path for reasons my mind simply can't perceive. And then how much of the Universe can my mind really grasp? Very little. So good chance is that my ordinary mind can just perceive a few paths through life which it considers the best route and a shortcut to happiness, but the soul who's got a better overview sees all ways that lead to where it wants to go and knows better and like a build-in spiritual navigation system in direct contact with the source of creation, it chooses the path to where I want to go all the time, every time I deliberately or by chance fail to follow instructions. So even in those cases where I can't believe my soul wanted to take a certain byway and that I choose it by mistake courtesy of being human, I can at least believe that my soul can't be tricked but is still on route and will get where it wants to go. I find that a comforting thought.

10-17-2007, 10:13 AM	#6 (permalink)
saaretjie Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 45	Hiya tigerlilly! Yeah. One comforting thought is one that I read in Feel the fear and do it anyway, where she said (something to the effect), that don't worry about the past because you did the best you could with the knowledge , maturity and ability you had at the time. That sometimes makes me feel a little better.

10-17-2007, 11:55 AM	#7 (permalink)
Tigerlilly Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 257	I read that book as well. And I remember this and find it comforting too, and I often tell myself that since so many wise people I deeply admire have said something along the same lines I guess it must be really true. As first aid measure when I feel threatened to be overcome by despair I often read through what they said, like search for quotations or read their books and lean on them for comfort.

10-17-2007, 07:21 PM	#8 (permalink)
saaretjie Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 45	Wow. Today my sister told me she thinks I might have ADD... Weird. I looked it up on the net and all the symptoms seem to match... I think i need to go see a doctor soon.

09-25-2009, 09:32 AM	#10 (permalink)
DeborahM Banned Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 16	I think I can relate. I am going through the exact same situation. But I have moved on, I have learned that I cannot change what I did in the past. I just have to do good what I am doing in my present life. Well, my tip for you is don't live in the past. Live in the present.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums