comparing myself to others

[Pegasus]

Whenever a friend becomes engaged, pregnant, gets married, or gets a hot shot job, I express congratulations. Later when I am by myself, I feel miserable. I feel that it might take a long time for me to reach these goals (especially the job because I haven’t found my purpose yet).

I am trying to “live my best life.” I am about to finish up training for a career, but I am not as talented as I would like to be. So I’m back to square one.

How do I not compare myself to others?


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www.theHungerSite.com

[Mags]

Comparisons are natural, and also a good way for us to find out what we want or don't want in our lives.

Rather than trying to stop comparisons happening, the thing is to try to change your mindset regarding comparisons. Instead of looking at others and thinking "I'll never get there", you need to work on retraining your brain to look at others as inspiration - if they can do X then so can you. They simply represent what is also possible for you to achieve. In time, you will be able to feel gratitude towards people who are doing better than you, for pointing the way to a better life for you as well.

I'd suggest reading Steve's post on feelings. The fact that you feel bad is a message to you to look for better ways to do things - perhaps your friends can provide an example for you to emulate... look at how they thought and acted to get where they are, and by following their example, you may just get there too!

[vir_maha]

I am also in the same boat..suffering from low self esteem but trying hard to get out of it...When I am alone I really brainstrom on my thoughts, things like comparing myself to others and similar negative thinkings. At that moment I try my best not to feel that way and focus on things I want to get. But the moment I met people or friends and start conversing with them, those feeling take their roots and again I feel low.

[eblight]

I am trying to “live my best life.” I am about to finish up training for a career, but I am not as talented as I would like to be. So I’m back to square one.

How do I not compare myself to others? Quote

The fact that you are trying implies struggle. Build on all the strengths you already have. Sit down and write them out. Make affirmations around them, for example, "I am a brilliantly creative and talented person." Focus and concentrate on all the best about yourself consistently every day. It is only the mind after all that is influencing you and you can change your thoughts.
This is a tough one but make a conscious decision to stop comparing yourself to others. You will notice that as soon as you do this you will not feel your energy, self esteem and confidence draining away. Our society is bent on comparisons. It so often starts in childhood when we are compared to our siblings or at school when the whole system is based on comparisons. As soon as you start comparing yourself to others, become aware of what you are doing. Don't beat yourself up, just change the thoughts. Keep a diary and as you go through the day write down your comparisons. Next to that write down the very opposite. For example, "I'm not as clever as...." to "I'm clever and perfect just the way I am."
Go well.

[Jim11]

I think it's important for you to keep the mindset that your time will come. for the job you want, or whatever it may be

If you keep telling yourself confidently that "I am heading in the right direction, and I too will achieve my goals, meet a nice woman", etc then maybe it will reduce some of the low feelings.

If you can't tell yourself these positive things then perhaps it's time for some introspection and a closer look at where you're actually headed.

"I know I am intelligent, I know I work hard, and I'm going to enjoy this day, this week, without worrying about how things will unfold in 5 years". very cliche, but if you shift your mindset to something like that a lot of anxiety and stress will be alleviated.

I was skeptical about "positive mindset" and whether it would actually make me happier, or whether I could buy into not being a constant cynic... but now it's just who I am, and it didn't take as I would have though

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by Pegasus

How do I not compare myself to others?

To begin with, recognize that we are all unique and on a different path from each other. Your needs, wants and desires are not the same as anyone else's. If there are things you want to achieve then set your goals and go about it. What's stopping you?

I would hope that you don't want certain things just because someone else has them. If you do, then it's for all the wrong reasons.

You need to practice being true to yourself and living your life according to who you are and according to your goals.