I feel like a complete failure in life

[ProjectX]

I feel like HELL. It feels like for the last 10 years of my life someone has taken control of my life while I was in a coma and made a mess of it. Now I've woken up to this nightmare. It feels like I've been deprived to reach my full potential, like a leg taken away from an athlete. I don't what to do. My life has been hell for so long and I've been lonely equally.
The only time when I have a peace of mind is when I goto sleep or when I think about suicide. I only wish to go back to the past and change everything. Why me? Why has my life turned into a pile of ****.

P.S The thing is I missed out so much on my adolescence that I just feel so down right now. I missed out on life while everyone else was on the happy boat.

I have this vision in my head of what my life should have been and should be like (school, girlfriend, friends, body), and because my life is does not fulfill that I just feel miserable. If only I had held this vision when I was younger I know I would be happier now. I just want to go back in time and alter the course of my life. Mind you this vision is not some wild fantasy like driving wild cars, and making money. Just to be normal and happy because my life has been anything but that.
Right now I feel worthless and my self-esteem is just gone. I dont see a reason to lvie anymore because it seems all the things I needed came too little too late.

[Billy]

I don't know you but I can tell you one thing for sure, that the world would be less without you. We all have our gifts to bring to the world however large or small and just maybe you needed to get to this point in your life to realise that you can change. Peace

[ProjectX]

I just don't know what to do. I never had a chance to be a kid, so now I feel like a 14yr old or something. I dont feel like a college student. I have this delusions of what my past was like. I know I'm going insane for real. I no longer take this life seriously. Its like I can just kill myself and then reload it back to the time I want to go. Even though that sounds crazy it feels so true to me. I feel like theres no afterlife, like I can just go back to any past moment.
Am I going insane? I believe I am so, but just having these delusions feels so good.

[Billy]

Are you insane? no way, an insane person would never question their situation
like you have, they would just take their delusions for granted and run with it like some kind of energizer bunny on steroids. Who would you like to be in five years? what would you like to do with yourself? answer these questions to yourself and you will be half way there. You had the intelligence and inner strength within you to post this thread, how much more do you need to make a start?

[LuckyBuffie]

Try to focus on the present and the future. Things you can change and make better. Set up a plan and make goals to reach it. If you must think of the past try to make a list of the things you have done well or acomplishments you are proud of as well as things you are grateful for.

[Phil Parkinson]

Have you considered talking to someone about your problems? I think the first step would be to go and see your doctor and tell him about your situation as honestly as you have told us.

I think face to face support is going to be much more valuable to you than people who know very little about you or your background.

Phil x

[ProjectX]

Originally Posted by LuckyBuffie

Try to focus on the present and the future. Things you can change and make better. Set up a plan and make goals to reach it. If you must think of the past try to make a list of the things you have done well or acomplishments you are proud of as well as things you are grateful for.

I tried to do that many times but the thoughts about the past and how I could have done so much better. Because right now I feel so behind everyone in terms of social life, academic, physically. I just want to go back and just experience the things I missed out as a kid, I just feel so weak and pathetic. Regularly I would get episodes of depression and sometimes just rage building inside me. RAge at how my life has turned out, why this had to happen to me. Both times I just want to kill myself, but when I feel rage my impulse to carry it out is far more stronger.
Right now I'm just feeling so angry I just want to end it all. Get a brand new start, I am just so sick of this reality I'm living in.

Originally Posted by Phil Parkinson

Have you considered talking to someone about your problems? I think the first step would be to go and see your doctor and tell him about your situation as honestly as you have told us.

I think face to face support is going to be much more valuable to you than people who know very little about you or your background.

Phil x

Yeah, I'm thinking of seeing my college counsellor.

[LuckyBuffie]

Originally Posted by ProjectX

I tried to do that many times but the thoughts about the past and how I could have done so much better. Because right now I feel so behind everyone in terms of social life, academic, physically. I just want to go back and just experience the things I missed out as a kid, I just feel so weak and pathetic. Regularly I would get episodes of depression and sometimes just rage building inside me. RAge at how my life has turned out, why this had to happen to me. Both times I just want to kill myself, but when I feel rage my impulse to carry it out is far more stronger.
Right now I'm just feeling so angry I just want to end it all. Get a brand new start, I am just so sick of this reality I'm living in.



Yeah, I'm thinking of seeing my college counsellor.

What specific childhood experiences are you thinking of? (If that's not too much information.)

[The Cloud]

You say you want to die? Perhaps that is what gives you the true freedom to live. There is nothing that you can do to reduce a situation beyond death, and the way you talk that is what the situation you are in is going to result in. You can do anything, anything you want, and no matter what it will be better. You have hit the proverbial bottom, and owe nobody anything more than you owe yourself your own life. So what if your aunt gave you money for community college? I'm sure that she would rather see you do whatever it is you want to do rather than just rot in a stagnant college while being supported by her. You have no life, it is time for you to rise up and become whatever it is you want to become. Rise from the ashes and be reborn. Or sit in the swamp and choke on your own rotting life. Either way, it's what you wanted.

[dianec]

I'm truly sorry you're feeling this way.

You can't change the past, that's true. But you do have the present - if you try to be in the present as much as you can (you might want to consider trying some simple meditation exercises, like focusing on the breath), that will help.

Do see your counsellor, and if you can, check out EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else to learn about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) - it's been discussed on many of the other threads in this forum, and it's helpful both with depression and with removing limiting beliefs.

Can you get hold of Bach Flower Remedies where you are? They work more slowly than EFT, but they do support the process.

Take care.

[Alex2007]

Some people already mentioned it. The past entails guilt. You imprisoned in your past.

Stop thinking of it. You don't need it. Don't identify your ego using your past.

Whatever you did in your past that you feel ashamed of, just understand that it is irrelevant. Thinking about it will not make you wise and it won't change anything. It will just fill you up with guilt. Be conscious and aware of living in the moment.

You need to find the answer in fields that talk about, -The Power of Now, -Zen, -Conscious Awareness, -Enlightement.

Just find ways to distruct your past from your psyche. It is irrelevant. Don't identify with it. It will never help you. Stop thining and overanalysing. The solution will not be given in thought.

Z
ALex

[ProjectX]

I trying to forget my past. But sometimes it seems the things I need to do to put my life on track seems so overwhelming and nearly impossible. Thats its too late now to do anything anymore. I can barely get out of bed. I'm starting to chain smoke. I have social anxiety so going to class is almost a nightmare to me. I don't have any ambition. I'd rather just stay in my room and watch TV. My morale is gone.
I tried doing some spiritual things like reading the bible and going to church. But I dont feel anything. I feel I'm already dead in spirit that I might as well be dead physically.

[Uplift]

Originally Posted by Phil Parkinson

Have you considered talking to someone about your problems? I think the first step would be to go and see your doctor and tell him about your situation as honestly as you have told us.

I think face to face support is going to be much more valuable to you than people who know very little about you or your background.

Phil x

I agree. Go and see a doctor. Find a good doctor, or someone really experienced and/or qualified to help with depression and mental states. I am qualified as a counsellor, although I have never practised...I did it to help myself. Everything you say indicates you could be depressed, and if you are, you need expert help. Why waste another second of your life, go and see an experienced expert. You've made a start, I know its hard, but keep the ball rolling, just a few more steps, at least see your school counsellor or social worker. There's deluxe help waiting for you, please, just choose to find it.

[Ponce]

Hi X..... how much schooling have you had, single? , kids?, what kind of work do you do?, what are your hobbies? have a girl friend and are you getting alone with her?, no girlfriend? why?, tell me about your parents.

What kind of friends do you have? have a car? what kind of city do you live in? when was the last time that you had a medical check up?

Break all of the above and answer them on a piece of paper and mark your plus and your minus, try to find out what the problem is.

Tell you a secret, I only found happiness at the age of 30, before that I was like you.

[Tigerlilly]

I think I've gone through what you're feeling right now countless times in my life so far. And it didn't matter how old I actually was or what I might have been missing out on in the past, I just always seemed hopelessly late in trying to catch up with the life I somehow seemed supposed to lead like all others.

What you need to do right now is to stop running after some standard like a Fata Morgana in the distance and stand still by yourself. You are you, exactly as you are. Comparing yourself with what you perceive as standard living and feeling you didn't have that in the past is going to cause you nothing but feeling ashamed of yourself, and feeling ashamed has never helped any living soul.

I believe we create standards and try to fit life into them to help us feel a bit safer in a world we perceive as chaotic. We box life experience up and label it. But that is not the reality of life experience, it's like standards are just mental safety margins for the human sheep in us, within them we are free to feel safe, out of bonds social conditioning has you feel all alone and lost at sea. The universe didn't hand you out with a manual tatooed on your back or a list of things-to-do-before-you-are-thirty, so I think it's perfectly safe to show yourself the same love, acceptance and respect and not limit yourself to some standard.

And I tell myself that if it was necessary to change the past to live a fulfilled life, creation would have provided the option. Since travelling back in time doesn't seem to be an option, I have to trust the Universe that I simply don't need it to make my soul's true desire come true.

Now apart from that, if you feel like what you need to do to get your life on track is almost impossible, first on whose tracks exactly are you trying to get your life on? Are those really yours? If after inspection they truly are, feeling ashamed for your past and beating yourself up over seemingly missed chances eats up an incredible amount of your energy, so you feel deadly exhausted and lack the energy necessary to bring about a positive change, and live your life more in tune with who you really feel you are.

Since you seem so low on energy right now, if you have some counselor whom you trust, do go and talk to him. Just telling another living being face to face exactly how you feel will help you to get it off your chest and be a relief to you. You need lots of support right now, all you can get really. Being depressed is like suffering from major blood loss to a point where you've exceeded your resources and your body has trouble going on, and you're just very tired and want to sleep. You're not dead in spirit, it just feels that way. And it really helped me to talk to someone whenever I felt I couldn't go on anymore. It's not the final solution but a reliable first aid.

[FinalWord]

I know how you feel, im going through the same thing but i am changing and starting to come out of it. If it makes you feel better knowing others have been through what you have read other members threads and postings and look to see what they have done to change their lives. Not just in thie forum but just people around the world its not too late to change.

Whats the first step well i guess in a way i really should'nt be giving you advice since im pretty much in the same situation as you but the thing is im over the whole given up on life thing. Although i still dont have anything in life and feel bad about my past i feel a lot better at the moment about my future. I'm planning things out, im not rushing anything im just acheiving the small things in life i didnt do before and hopefully this will lead to a brighter future.

Anyway back to the first step. EXERCISE! this is the key my friend just take things in your life one thing at a time and dont try to rush it if i could offer you one advice on what should be the first step to take to get out of the mood you are in it would be to EXERCISE. Just go for a run or find a rope and Jump some rope do some shadow boxing or w/e just start exercising. Do atleast 20 Minutes of exercising a day even if its just a walk.

Sorry i cant offer you more help as i am myself still trying to overcome the problems i have faced in life and trying to get my life back. And remember its never too late.

[madgeylou]

what is "the past" anyway? do you have an objective recording of it? or are your memories colored by the way you feel now, or the way you think you felt then?

try actually reimagining your past. i'm not saying imagine you have different parents or are from somewhere different, but there has to be something happy in your past. focus on it, and let that happy feeling expand to contain more and more of your past.

i had a crazy childhood and for a long time it left me feeling like i was behind others in my emotional development. but then i stopped and took another look at it and i realized there was a lot of joy, too. maybe it wasn't joy like (i think) others had, but there was joy nonetheless.

and my crazy childhood made me who i am today. i try to look at even the "bad" stuff (like my mom dying when i was 5, never having a stable home for more than a few months at a time, often wondering what was going to be for dinner) as a gift, because it is. what makes not having a mom "bad" while having a mom is "good"? what makes moving every few months "bad"?

these experiences gave me many gifts -- independence, self-reliance, confidence in my own ability to take care of myself. and i'm sure your life has given you gifts, too. they might be like the bits of fermented crap that pigs like to dig out of shite, but hey, those little bits make the pig happy.

so i guess my advice is, root around your past and sniff out the bits that brought you joy. hold on to those bits. actively remember those bits and imagine them gaining importance in the life story you tell yourself.

one of the nice things about subjective reality is that you can change your story to EMPOWER you instead of making you crazy. there's no reason whatsoever to look at your life story in any way that takes away your own joy and power.

i mean, just think about what happens when a couple breaks up. one part of the couple has one story about the relationship, the other has another. who is right? my contention is they both are, but the person who looks at the relationship and breakup as a satisfying and educational episode that is now over will benefit more from having had the experience.

[10kc]

Originally Posted by ProjectX

I have this vision in my head of what my life should have been and should be like (school, girlfriend, friends, body), and because my life is does not fulfill that I just feel miserable. If only I had held this vision when I was younger I know I would be happier now. I just want to go back in time and alter the course of my life.

It looks like you've found your answer. If you had a time machine, you'd know what to do, right? Just turn the clocks backwards 10 years and start over.

Well, I've got good news for you! You don't need a time machine to start over. You can do it right now. It's never too late to take control over your life. In fact, most people start to do this in their 30's or even later.

May I ask how old are you, ProjectX? If you're under 30, then your probably far better out than I was at your age. So don't despair. Just focus on the kind of life you want for yourself, and start working towards getting what you want. Once you take control, you'll be surprised how fast things will change for you.

[uberinquisitive]

Suicide is NOT the answer. It is a long-term solution to a short-term problem.

My boyfriend killed himself about 7 months ago. The destruction he left behind is hard to describe, except that everyone who was ever associated with him suffered and still suffers deeply. While he gets the afterlife, we are stuck in a life filled with guilt: "why didn't we prevent his suicide?" "why didn't we try harder?" "it's my fault he killed himself..."

Once you kill yourself, your legacy is your death. Your legacy is the suffering you leave behind. You will be forever remembered as "the guy who killed himself." It takes 2 generations for the ramifications of suicide to lessen in a family. Also, by your killing yourself, others in your family and friends are 7x more likely to kill themselves (because of guilt and suffering that they didn't prevent your suicide).

I am part of a suicide grief discussion board, and someone wrote this:

"5 minutes before I met my wife, I didn't know how much my heart could be filled with love. 5 minutes after I found her hanging body, I didn't know how much my heart could break. And that's life...you don't know what's around the corner. But I'm alive, and I feel the wind in my hair. I'm able to try harder tomorrow, or break down and cry, or laugh...while she's in the cold ground, never able to say sorry, never able to change her mind and try again."

With suicide, there is so much suffering in those left behind...do you really think you will be reborn again, reloaded on a clean slate? Just on karma alone, you've made your next life all that more complicated. There are no shortcuts in the evolution of your soul, absolutely none. If you're meant to climb a mountain, it will follow you from life to life until you climb that damn mountain.

Everyone is entitled to free will, but suicide is not an easy solution. It is probably one of the worst ways to rectify a situation. I suggest you look into what other people have advised.

[ProjectX]

Originally Posted by LuckyBuffie

What specific childhood experiences are you thinking of? (If that's not too much information.)

I have a lot, but I'll type it in later since its kinda late. Its not a matter of what happened, its what didn't happen that bothers me the most. I feel like I missed out on a crucial part of life and that I'm just behind everyone else.

Originally Posted by The Cloud

So what if your aunt gave you money for community college? I'm sure that she would rather see you do whatever it is you want to do rather than just rot in a stagnant college while being supported by her. You have no life, it is time for you to rise up and become whatever it is you want to become. Rise from the ashes and be reborn. Or sit in the swamp and choke on your own rotting life. Either way, it's what you wanted.

I don't like going to this community college, but I can't really drop out. Even though I have a feeling I'm going fail this semester and i need to finish it if I want to goto university. I was thinking of redoing a highschool course for adults like me so afterwards I can get into university and try out in medicine to be become a doctor.

Originally Posted by dianec

Can you get hold of Bach Flower Remedies where you are? They work more slowly than EFT, but they do support the process.

Take care.

Can I get this supplement in GNC?

Originally Posted by Ponce

Hi X..... how much schooling have you had, single? , kids?, what kind of work do you do?, what are your hobbies? have a girl friend and are you getting alone with her?, no girlfriend? why?, tell me about your parents.

What kind of friends do you have? have a car? what kind of city do you live in? when was the last time that you had a medical check up?

Break all of the above and answer them on a piece of paper and mark your plus and your minus, try to find out what the problem is.

Tell you a secret, I only found happiness at the age of 30, before that I was like you.

Finished high school but never did well. I got crappy grades and no ambition thus why I'm in Community College.
I'm single, no kids. No girlfriends cause my social skills ain't that great. When I was a teenager I was ostracized quite a bit and then also living with my parents gave me anxiety attacks. As a result my self-esteem and self-worth was very low. I thought wasn't worth anyone's attention so I stayed in home most of the time. Also the fact that I lived quite far from many young people made it difficult to socialize.

As for the other details I'll type it in later, gotta sleep.
But thank you guys for the response. I'm feeling a bit better right now. but I still get this "Why does it have to be me? What are the odds that so much misfortune had to happen to me?" thoughts. It makes me feel as if life is invalid and pointless to go on. The way I see it, since my life sucks I should just end it. I've heard Life is like a role playing game, but even when playing games you get so sick and frustrated that you just want to get rid off it.

[madgeylou]

Originally Posted by ProjectX

But thank you guys for the response. I'm feeling a bit better right now.

i'm glad you're feeling a bit better, projectx. keep finding things that make you feel a bit better and hold on to them! and look for more!

[Senin]

I didn't read how old you were. I guess 20's? Maybe you missed things in you childhood, but you have a whole lot of living to do. There are things that you will want to experience at all times of your life. You are still very young (if you are in your 20's, even 30's). You can turn your life around. But not by sitting around complaining about it, you need to take action. IT is good that you are dissatisified, that will propel you to do something.

First, go to a counselor.

Second, go out and exercise. Take care of your body. You will need it to take action. Jog. It will fill you with endorphins. Lift weights. More endorphins and it will make you proud of building muscle. Yoga. Still more endorphins. And if you do it at a studio, there are plenty of friendly women. But you can do it alone at home if you want. But you got to exercise.

Make up a plan. Where are you now? Where do you want to be? How are you gonna get there? Now its time to be a bit tough. If you really want it, you have to be willing to pay the price and do what it takes. Otherwise, you will just settle for less. You have to build yourself up and get really tough. Try a book by James Loehr. (Or even try a Tony Robbins book-- sounds like it might be good for you).

And if its a problem with social anxiety and meeting women, take a look at the TV show the Pickup Artist. They show a group of nerds how to overcome their fears and talk to women. And they show them how to talk to women- a method, not just walking up and stumbling around.

[ProjectX]

Today just realized I might need to get some oral surgery done for my jaw problem. A problem added to an already long list of problems.
I just booked for an appointment with the school counselor today. I don't know if it will help me much. I don't know what to say. I know I'm going to say that I'm failing classes but thats about it. I still have the lingering thought at the back of my head of how much I want to go back and change everything even though I know the past is the past. So I try to look at the present and future and see where I want to be but then I look at my current circumstance and then I feel even more miserable. I wonder how much longer do I have to endure this, 3 years? 5 years? 10 years? Forever?
I know I should avoid this "woe is me" attitude. I know there are many other people who had to go through worse, sexual abuse, children with leukemia, starvation. But those things are somewhat tangible and people are more understanding. Right now I feel like I can't quite grasp what happened, and why .I feel as if there is no one who gets it, and never will and what I'm going through is too personal to visualize in words. No one to relate to. The only way to understand is go through what i go through. I feel like the black sheep in a world of white.
Like I said, its as if I can now never reach my full potential of what I could have been because its too late. I keep getting the thoughts of what could have been and what could be.

But you know what really ticks me off? Is not the fact that my current circumstances are bad. Its the fact that all this could have been prevented so easily. And I'm pissed off that I was kept ignorant of these solutions. I was was always treated as child by my parents and never taken seriously.
Theres still alot of envy inside me as well.

So basically thats it. theres alot more i want to say but there are all cluttered in my head and I need time to figure out

[Parthon]

It sounds like you've just woken up into awareness and gotten a whole dose of reality.

Unfortunately there's a shame/guilt spiral going on that's keeping you stuck. You feel shameful about the situation of your life and guilty because you think it's your fault, and these two keep you from going forward in life. You so badly want to change the situation to stop feeling guilty and shameful, but you can't change the situation, so you imagine going back and changing the past, even though you know you can't do it. While you can imagine the future improving, you are held back by the longing to change the past, which makes you stuck. All there is that you can see is a gap between where you are now and where you want to be or think you should be.

I've been there, and I think 99% of people have. The situation is different for everyone but the feeling is the same. Almost everyone has been there at least once.

The trick that noone ever tells you is that you can't change the situation. Right now is right now, and your past is your past, and your future is your future and you can't change any of it, ever. Not even a bit, not even one tiny little bit. It's set in stone the way it is right now. Nothing you can do, have done, or will ever do will ever change anything ever. It is just the way it is!

Think about that for 2 minutes.

It's not exactly true, but it's a really good viewpoint to look from to start off with. It leads to the path of acceptance, which gives you back power oddly enough. When you truely believe that you can't change anything, then you stop trying to change what you can't change, because nothing can be changed. You just accept things just the way they are. You'll feel crappy about the situation. You'll hate it and loathe it through and through. That's okay, because you can't change that either. Then you'll feel hopeless and you'll want to kill yourself, which is okay because you can't change that either, and so on. Don't act on any of it, just let it be, see that it can't be changed and after a time you will accept it. There will eventually be a sense of peace, once everything is accepted, all of your problems, all of your downfalls, all of your mistakes, and even the gap between where you wanted to be and where you are.

It's from there you can start to improve and gain some power. Instead of trying to change your past, you will see things you can do right now that will improve your future. You'll stop living in your past/future and start living in the present, which is where the magic happens. Whatever situation you are in is yours alone unfortunately, and it's fixed for now, but then you go from there and everything improves.

Lastly, other people can help, even more than you think. Most people just want to help other people, and it would be a gift to them if you let them help you.

Quite a heavy post, but I really heard that acceptance was missing from your situation right now.

[moonstar]

ProjectX:
well first of all...this is my first post! you my friend forced me to register and finally stop being a lurker.
I'm going through almost exactly the same thing as you right now.
I too feel like a failure, and often times see myself in the past. i compare myself to other people my age and think "what the hell have i done?" because in highschool i was basically the best student, and now everyone i know has finished some kind of degree while i've been in school attempting to finish a degree for more than 6 years.
i don't have any friends, and in general i avoid talking to people, because ultimately be it at work or in social situations people ask "so what are you doing" as in your education and job..and i have nothing to say.

and it angers me because in my heart i know what i'm capable of. i used to be the type of person who could accomplish anything, no matter how difficult, as long as i wanted it bad enough. and now i'm the kind of person who doesn't feel like doing anything to "fix" things. sometimes i get inspired, but the mood doesn't last very long.

My situation is slightly different though in that every miserable thing that has happened to me over the past few years WASN'T my fault, it was my familys fault because they made a bad decisions that basically ruined all the peace i had in my life. it is similar to your situation in that if i could go back in time i could fix everything, i could prevent myself from enduring the mental torture i endured for the last few years. i mean, i understand that you can't live in the past, you can't turn back time, but the last memory i have of having "peace" and having a normal life...is in my past. like you all i want is my past, i don't want anything extravagant, i never had that. i just want to be happy again, and i was happy with the simplest things...just knowing i was studying as hard as i could gave me so much joy, and now i can't do that anymore.

so the problem i'm having is pretty much the same as yours, i know i'm capable of so much but i'm not doing anything about it. i suspect that i have depression. i have my good days and i have my bad days. but in general i am not being as productive as i can be. i once reached a point like you where the only thing i wanted to do was sleep and watch tv, just to avoid "living". i have made improvements (a lot of which came from this site), i've built up my confidence because 4 years ago i actually believed i was worthless and stupid, and looking back i can see how absurd it was to believe that. right now i'm more angry/frustrated with myself for not snapping out of it.

i too am sort of in a trap, because i'm stuck in a program (at school) that i don't want to do...but because of my previous mistakes i have to grin and bear it...in 1 and a half years i'll have a degree. even if i don't really want that degree, i have to get it. or else i just know i'm setting myself up for more failure. but because its not the degree i want to do i'm finding it so difficult to stay motivated.

anyway, i hope we can talk about this more..maybe we can get through this together. just don't worry too much. i know what you're going through, and others do too. its places like this that make people like us feel a little bit better, because even if there is no physical person we can talk to we know there are people out there who understand our situation.

so anyway, hello to everybody else, this is rather an odd post to make as my first one

[FinalWord]

That was a great first post, thanks for sharing. And yeah moonstar is 100% correct there are people here who know what your going through and can understand you maybe not completly the same situation as you but still a lot of us can relate.

Just reading through your posts and moonstars great first post i saw so many similarities with my own life and wanting to go back to the past and change the small mistakes which over time lead to such huge problems.

I defintly felt talking about my problems even if it wasnt in detail on this forum helped me a lot it was just like a huge weight of my back that i was carring around for so long. So i hope you continue to post what you are going through so others can help you and you can also help yourself just by getting these things off your chest.

[LifeFirst]

What you really need to do is to train your mind, that's the most important thing. Your mind has to be in the present state, has to be at today, because tomorrow has not happened yet, and yesterday no longer exists. You have to train your mind to forget about things in the past, or put them those memories somewhere so that they don't bother you. That's the most important thing, the reason you are suffering is BECAUSE you are focusing on all the bad things in your Life. I think if you take even 5-10 minutes a day just focusing on good things, then you will feel as if you are in the present. But what if you don't have any good things?? Then you should really just focus on your surroundings, stop the mental chatter in your mind, stop your negative imagination, and just listen to the sounds around you, stop thinking period and focus on your enviornment. And when you think of the future, only think of good things that will happen to you. I wrote this real quick, but I hope you will try to gain control of your mind, and not let stupid circumstances control you.

[moonstar]

FinalWords: thanks

LifeFirst:
For the past few days I've really been trying out this whole "forgetting the past business" for the most part it works, but every now and then I slip into the old way of thinking. Live for the present seems to be the best way of dealing with things but applying myself in the moment is difficult.

[Andy]

Originally Posted by Parthon

It sounds like you've just woken up into awareness and gotten a whole dose of reality.

Unfortunately there's a shame/guilt spiral going on that's keeping you stuck. You feel shameful about the situation of your life and guilty because you think it's your fault, and these two keep you from going forward in life. You so badly want to change the situation to stop feeling guilty and shameful, but you can't change the situation, so you imagine going back and changing the past, even though you know you can't do it. While you can imagine the future improving, you are held back by the longing to change the past, which makes you stuck. All there is that you can see is a gap between where you are now and where you want to be or think you should be.

I've been there, and I think 99% of people have. The situation is different for everyone but the feeling is the same. Almost everyone has been there at least once.

Wow, this really resonated with me. I am in a situation so much similar to moonstar's and ProjectX's right now and it's as if I have been unable to do anything because I feel so guilty about the past. I'm 22 and after doing badly in college I feel that I really messed up because I now have to end up redoing so many classes that I don't see why I couldn't have just done it right the first time and had better grades. Those bad grades are always going to be there and hurt my chances of getting into graduate school. I feel like I violated all the standards I had for myself by denying reality and pretending everything was "okay" back then. I just feel left behind and not where I'm supposed to be at all.

Originally Posted by Parthon

The trick that noone ever tells you is that you can't change the situation. Right now is right now, and your past is your past, and your future is your future and you can't change any of it, ever. Not even a bit, not even one tiny little bit. It's set in stone the way it is right now. Nothing you can do, have done, or will ever do will ever change anything ever. It is just the way it is!

I just tried thinking this way and I felt better, in fact much better. My guilt and feeling bad has temporarily lifted and I'm starting to relax about my life a bit. I guess this is what acceptance feels like? I would really like to keep applying this mindset to help me out of this 'rut'. I really wonder how thinking like this seems to help so much, it logically seems like it doesn't make sense but it's allowing me to see things in a clearer light. How long could this mindset be used? I just wonder how to reconcile using this type of belief without thinking that it is irrational to use it. Thanks very much Parthon for sharing.

[TeeZee]

Hope you don't feel overwhelmed with advice, because that can also be confusing. I, like others who have posted, have the same challenges in life. I discovered my challenging thoughts many many years ago and have spent a very long time trying to make peace with them.

What I have discovered is that the negativity and destructive comparisons really boil down to self-hate, and though it is a part of my mind, it isn't my mind in it's entirety. Through a lifetime of depression and self-downing, I have had amazing experiences and done things that most will never try.

So, it would be a very good idea to find a counsellor or therapist very soon. If someone wants to put you on pills, make sure they ask you a lot of questions, because this shows that they are taking the time required to find out what would work best for you.

Of course, exercise and eating right are also parts of the solution.

There are so many self-help books out there and I've read them all. One person who understands the self-hating mind is a zen teacher named Cheri Huber. She has many books and a radio show where she points out to people how some of our thoughts undermine us and how not to fall for it time and again. Google her and see if what she says makes sense to you.

Good luck and it seems like there are many people here who are interested in helping.