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10-01-2007, 05:13 AM
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 I feel like a complete failure in life I feel like HELL. It feels like for the last 10 years of my life someone has taken control of my life while I was in a coma and made a mess of it. Now I've woken up to this nightmare. It feels like I've been deprived to reach my full potential, like a leg taken away from an athlete. I don't what to do. My life has been hell for so long and I've been lonely equally. The only time when I have a peace of mind is when I goto sleep or when I think about suicide. I only wish to go back to the past and change everything. Why me? Why has my life turned into a pile of ****. P.S The thing is I missed out so much on my adolescence that I just feel so down right now. I missed out on life while everyone else was on the happy boat. I have this vision in my head of what my life should have been and should be like (school, girlfriend, friends, body), and because my life is does not fulfill that I just feel miserable. If only I had held this vision when I was younger I know I would be happier now. I just want to go back in time and alter the course of my life. Mind you this vision is not some wild fantasy like driving wild cars, and making money. Just to be normal and happy because my life has been anything but that. Right now I feel worthless and my self-esteem is just gone. I dont see a reason to lvie anymore because it seems all the things I needed came too little too late. Last edited by ProjectX : 10-01-2007 at 05:44 AM.      |
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10-01-2007, 06:40 AM
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| I don't know you but I can tell you one thing for sure, that the world would be less without you. We all have our gifts to bring to the world however large or small and just maybe you needed to get to this point in your life to realise that you can change. Peace
__________________ "Everybody's a genius until they open their mouth"  |
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10-01-2007, 08:31 AM
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| I just don't know what to do. I never had a chance to be a kid, so now I feel like a 14yr old or something. I dont feel like a college student. I have this delusions of what my past was like. I know I'm going insane for real. I no longer take this life seriously. Its like I can just kill myself and then reload it back to the time I want to go. Even though that sounds crazy it feels so true to me. I feel like theres no afterlife, like I can just go back to any past moment.  Am I going insane? I believe I am so, but just having these delusions feels so good. Last edited by ProjectX : 10-01-2007 at 08:34 AM. |
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10-01-2007, 09:05 AM
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| Are you insane? no way, an insane person would never question their situation like you have, they would just take their delusions for granted and run with it like some kind of energizer bunny on steroids. Who would you like to be in five years? what would you like to do with yourself? answer these questions to yourself and you will be half way there. You had the intelligence and inner strength within you to post this thread, how much more do you need to make a start?
__________________ "Everybody's a genius until they open their mouth" |
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10-01-2007, 09:51 AM
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| Try to focus on the present and the future. Things you can change and make better. Set up a plan and make goals to reach it. If you must think of the past try to make a list of the things you have done well or acomplishments you are proud of as well as things you are grateful for. |
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10-01-2007, 10:06 AM
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| Have you considered talking to someone about your problems? I think the first step would be to go and see your doctor and tell him about your situation as honestly as you have told us. I think face to face support is going to be much more valuable to you than people who know very little about you or your background. Phil x |
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10-01-2007, 10:17 AM
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Right now I'm just feeling so angry I just want to end it all. Get a brand new start, I am just so sick of this reality I'm living in. Quote:
Last edited by ProjectX : 10-01-2007 at 10:36 AM. |
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10-01-2007, 10:49 AM
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10-01-2007, 03:49 PM
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| You say you want to die? Perhaps that is what gives you the true freedom to live. There is nothing that you can do to reduce a situation beyond death, and the way you talk that is what the situation you are in is going to result in. You can do anything, anything you want, and no matter what it will be better. You have hit the proverbial bottom, and owe nobody anything more than you owe yourself your own life. So what if your aunt gave you money for community college? I'm sure that she would rather see you do whatever it is you want to do rather than just rot in a stagnant college while being supported by her. You have no life, it is time for you to rise up and become whatever it is you want to become. Rise from the ashes and be reborn. Or sit in the swamp and choke on your own rotting life. Either way, it's what you wanted.
__________________ We must conquer ourselves, and allow our selves to conquer the world. |
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10-01-2007, 04:04 PM
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| I'm truly sorry you're feeling this way. You can't change the past, that's true. But you do have the present - if you try to be in the present as much as you can (you might want to consider trying some simple meditation exercises, like focusing on the breath), that will help. Do see your counsellor, and if you can, check out EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else to learn about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) - it's been discussed on many of the other threads in this forum, and it's helpful both with depression and with removing limiting beliefs. Can you get hold of Bach Flower Remedies where you are? They work more slowly than EFT, but they do support the process. Take care. |
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10-01-2007, 04:20 PM
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| Some people already mentioned it. The past entails guilt. You imprisoned in your past. Stop thinking of it. You don't need it. Don't identify your ego using your past. Whatever you did in your past that you feel ashamed of, just understand that it is irrelevant. Thinking about it will not make you wise and it won't change anything. It will just fill you up with guilt. Be conscious and aware of living in the moment. You need to find the answer in fields that talk about, -The Power of Now, -Zen, -Conscious Awareness, -Enlightement. Just find ways to distruct your past from your psyche. It is irrelevant. Don't identify with it. It will never help you. Stop thining and overanalysing. The solution will not be given in thought. Z ALex |
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10-02-2007, 12:36 AM
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| I trying to forget my past. But sometimes it seems the things I need to do to put my life on track seems so overwhelming and nearly impossible. Thats its too late now to do anything anymore. I can barely get out of bed. I'm starting to chain smoke. I have social anxiety so going to class is almost a nightmare to me. I don't have any ambition. I'd rather just stay in my room and watch TV. My morale is gone. I tried doing some spiritual things like reading the bible and going to church. But I dont feel anything. I feel I'm already dead in spirit that I might as well be dead physically. |
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10-02-2007, 01:54 AM
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10-02-2007, 02:17 AM
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| Hi X..... how much schooling have you had, single? , kids?, what kind of work do you do?, what are your hobbies? have a girl friend and are you getting alone with her?, no girlfriend? why?, tell me about your parents. What kind of friends do you have? have a car? what kind of city do you live in? when was the last time that you had a medical check up? Break all of the above and answer them on a piece of paper and mark your plus and your minus, try to find out what the problem is. Tell you a secret, I only found happiness at the age of 30, before that I was like you.
__________________ "When the truth comes into the light, the lies will hide in the dark"... Ponce |
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10-02-2007, 01:55 PM
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| I think I've gone through what you're feeling right now countless times in my life so far. And it didn't matter how old I actually was or what I might have been missing out on in the past, I just always seemed hopelessly late in trying to catch up with the life I somehow seemed supposed to lead like all others. What you need to do right now is to stop running after some standard like a Fata Morgana in the distance and stand still by yourself. You are you, exactly as you are. Comparing yourself with what you perceive as standard living and feeling you didn't have that in the past is going to cause you nothing but feeling ashamed of yourself, and feeling ashamed has never helped any living soul. I believe we create standards and try to fit life into them to help us feel a bit safer in a world we perceive as chaotic. We box life experience up and label it. But that is not the reality of life experience, it's like standards are just mental safety margins for the human sheep in us, within them we are free to feel safe, out of bonds social conditioning has you feel all alone and lost at sea. The universe didn't hand you out with a manual tatooed on your back or a list of things-to-do-before-you-are-thirty, so I think it's perfectly safe to show yourself the same love, acceptance and respect and not limit yourself to some standard. And I tell myself that if it was necessary to change the past to live a fulfilled life, creation would have provided the option. Since travelling back in time doesn't seem to be an option, I have to trust the Universe that I simply don't need it to make my soul's true desire come true. Now apart from that, if you feel like what you need to do to get your life on track is almost impossible, first on whose tracks exactly are you trying to get your life on? Are those really yours? If after inspection they truly are, feeling ashamed for your past and beating yourself up over seemingly missed chances eats up an incredible amount of your energy, so you feel deadly exhausted and lack the energy necessary to bring about a positive change, and live your life more in tune with who you really feel you are. Since you seem so low on energy right now, if you have some counselor whom you trust, do go and talk to him. Just telling another living being face to face exactly how you feel will help you to get it off your chest and be a relief to you. You need lots of support right now, all you can get really. Being depressed is like suffering from major blood loss to a point where you've exceeded your resources and your body has trouble going on, and you're just very tired and want to sleep. You're not dead in spirit, it just feels that way. And it really helped me to talk to someone whenever I felt I couldn't go on anymore. It's not the final solution but a reliable first aid.  |
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10-02-2007, 02:39 PM
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| I know how you feel, im going through the same thing but i am changing and starting to come out of it. If it makes you feel better knowing others have been through what you have read other members threads and postings and look to see what they have done to change their lives. Not just in thie forum but just people around the world its not too late to change. Whats the first step well i guess in a way i really should'nt be giving you advice since im pretty much in the same situation as you but the thing is im over the whole given up on life thing. Although i still dont have anything in life and feel bad about my past i feel a lot better at the moment about my future. I'm planning things out, im not rushing anything im just acheiving the small things in life i didnt do before and hopefully this will lead to a brighter future. Anyway back to the first step. EXERCISE! this is the key my friend just take things in your life one thing at a time and dont try to rush it if i could offer you one advice on what should be the first step to take to get out of the mood you are in it would be to EXERCISE. Just go for a run or find a rope and Jump some rope do some shadow boxing or w/e just start exercising. Do atleast 20 Minutes of exercising a day even if its just a walk. Sorry i cant offer you more help as i am myself still trying to overcome the problems i have faced in life and trying to get my life back. And remember its never too late. Last edited by FinalWord : 10-02-2007 at 02:43 PM. |
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10-02-2007, 02:53 PM
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| what is "the past" anyway? do you have an objective recording of it? or are your memories colored by the way you feel now, or the way you think you felt then? try actually reimagining your past. i'm not saying imagine you have different parents or are from somewhere different, but there has to be something happy in your past. focus on it, and let that happy feeling expand to contain more and more of your past. i had a crazy childhood and for a long time it left me feeling like i was behind others in my emotional development. but then i stopped and took another look at it and i realized there was a lot of joy, too. maybe it wasn't joy like (i think) others had, but there was joy nonetheless. and my crazy childhood made me who i am today. i try to look at even the "bad" stuff (like my mom dying when i was 5, never having a stable home for more than a few months at a time, often wondering what was going to be for dinner) as a gift, because it is. what makes not having a mom "bad" while having a mom is "good"? what makes moving every few months "bad"? these experiences gave me many gifts -- independence, self-reliance, confidence in my own ability to take care of myself. and i'm sure your life has given you gifts, too. they might be like the bits of fermented crap that pigs like to dig out of shite, but hey, those little bits make the pig happy. so i guess my advice is, root around your past and sniff out the bits that brought you joy. hold on to those bits. actively remember those bits and imagine them gaining importance in the life story you tell yourself. one of the nice things about subjective reality is that you can change your story to EMPOWER you instead of making you crazy. there's no reason whatsoever to look at your life story in any way that takes away your own joy and power. i mean, just think about what happens when a couple breaks up. one part of the couple has one story about the relationship, the other has another. who is right? my contention is they both are, but the person who looks at the relationship and breakup as a satisfying and educational episode that is now over will benefit more from having had the experience.
__________________ http://www.thesunnyway.com We hold Earth's future in our hands. What shall we decide? --Pierre Teilhard de Chardin Last edited by madgeylou : 10-02-2007 at 02:56 PM. |
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10-02-2007, 03:48 PM
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Well, I've got good news for you! You don't need a time machine to start over. You can do it right now. It's never too late to take control over your life. In fact, most people start to do this in their 30's or even later. May I ask how old are you, ProjectX? If you're under 30, then your probably far better out than I was at your age. So don't despair. Just focus on the kind of life you want for yourself, and start working towards getting what you want. Once you take control, you'll be surprised how fast things will change for you. |
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10-02-2007, 07:43 PM
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| Suicide is NOT the answer. It is a long-term solution to a short-term problem. My boyfriend killed himself about 7 months ago. The destruction he left behind is hard to describe, except that everyone who was ever associated with him suffered and still suffers deeply. While he gets the afterlife, we are stuck in a life filled with guilt: "why didn't we prevent his suicide?" "why didn't we try harder?" "it's my fault he killed himself..." Once you kill yourself, your legacy is your death. Your legacy is the suffering you leave behind. You will be forever remembered as "the guy who killed himself." It takes 2 generations for the ramifications of suicide to lessen in a family. Also, by your killing yourself, others in your family and friends are 7x more likely to kill themselves (because of guilt and suffering that they didn't prevent your suicide). I am part of a suicide grief discussion board, and someone wrote this: "5 minutes before I met my wife, I didn't know how much my heart could be filled with love. 5 minutes after I found her hanging body, I didn't know how much my heart could break. And that's life...you don't know what's around the corner. But I'm alive, and I feel the wind in my hair. I'm able to try harder tomorrow, or break down and cry, or laugh...while she's in the cold ground, never able to say sorry, never able to change her mind and try again." With suicide, there is so much suffering in those left behind...do you really think you will be reborn again, reloaded on a clean slate? Just on karma alone, you've made your next life all that more complicated. There are no shortcuts in the evolution of your soul, absolutely none. If you're meant to climb a mountain, it will follow you from life to life until you climb that damn mountain. Everyone is entitled to free will, but suicide is not an easy solution. It is probably one of the worst ways to rectify a situation. I suggest you look into what other people have advised. |
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10-03-2007, 10:47 AM
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I'm single, no kids. No girlfriends cause my social skills ain't that great. When I was a teenager I was ostracized quite a bit and then also living with my parents gave me anxiety attacks. As a result my self-esteem and self-worth was very low. I thought wasn't worth anyone's attention so I stayed in home most of the time. Also the fact that I lived quite far from many young people made it difficult to socialize. As for the other details I'll type it in later, gotta sleep. But thank you guys for the response. I'm feeling a bit better right now. but I still get this "Why does it have to be me? What are the odds that so much misfortune had to happen to me?" thoughts. It makes me feel as if life is invalid and pointless to go on. The way I see it, since my life sucks I should just end it. I've heard Life is like a role playing game, but even when playing games you get so sick and frustrated that you just want to get rid off it. |