How to Be Patient?

[cynthiazhai]

I found I'm too easy to get angry. Mostly, it is the result of my impatience.

Patience can be understood or defined in different ways. In my dictionary, it means the mindset that is eager for the result, the intolerability of process. Someone impatient needs things to happen immediately. They can be furious about the long and tedious process. Comparatively, they may be incredibly patient with someone with slow mind and keep explaining and talking to him. I think it's more out of respect. So from the former definition, I'm an impatient person.

Impatience can make you very angry and frustrated. I haven't found a way to improve. Maybe likewise, I should show respect to those processes as well as I did to slow people. Understand every thing needs a process. Some ever say, process itself is beautiful. Maybe. However, I haven't found and enjoyed that.

What's your opinion?

[Rose of Cairo]

I'm so glad you posted this!!! That's a BIG problem I am struggling with too currently. I was still trying to solve it on my own. But as you posted this now, I take it as a sign that I should ask for help too

I'm too impatient too. Currently I'm learning a lot about the LoA and how to use it, and that's the biggest problem I have there: detachment. I keep obsessing about my intentions all the time, so they don't manifest.

With other people or with animals I am very patient. I'm patient too when it's about learning something on my own. I have an infinite patience when something is entirely up to me. But when something depends on someone/something else, it drives me nuts.

I think it has something to do with my personality, and it's something about control and fear too. But I don't know, I really need some advice.

I need the feeling that I'm doing something actively. I love moving around, and I love taking action. I get enthusiastic easily. So when I have some project, some idea, or some problem, I want to tackle it NOW, I love this feeling of getting started and doing something. My mother always says my favourite sentence at the age of 2 was "I do it!". If I have to wait for some reason, it's very frustrating.

I am the kind of person who concentrates on one single thing at the time. When I try to solve a mathematical problem, I'll do this till it's solved and do nothing else in this time, even if it takes one week. When I meet someone new, I kind of fall in love with them and want to see them a lot the first time to get to know them better (after this first periode it's ok, I can see them less). When I decide to learn something new, I'd like to do it every day for hours. At university it was extremely difficult for me to take various courses in the same semester, because I always was concentrating on only one of them - not the same all the time, my focus changed from time to time, but I focused always exclusively on one, and got very angry when I got disturbed or was forced to work on the others too (that's one of the main reasons why I broke up my studies btw, because the system here is that you have to work on all courses every week). I have many different interests, but I tend to obsess about one interest for a long time and only one at the time.

It's really extremely difficult for me to do something by the way. Actually I almost never do something along the way. I have almost no background on my system. When I do something, I do it 100%, and then I switch. So when a process is going, I focus exclusively on this process and if nothing visible happens I kind of have nothing to do but sitting around, which I hate. Aaargggg... I find it infinitely difficult to keep doing something else while "my" current process is working in the background.

Worst of all is when it depends on someone else. I don't know why, but it drives me nuts. For example last week I met someone I hadn't seen for three years. So I want to see him and talk with him. If it was up to me, I'd see him immediately because I am so happy to have met him again! I know he's happy too and he wants to see me too, but for work reasons he couldn't yet. Now I'm waiting for him to email me, and he doesn't email. And I'm sooo impatient!!! I'm totally obsessing about that, I hate such a situation!!!

Cynthia, what about you? Did you recognize yourself in what I wrote, or is it something different in your case? Are you particularly impatient when it depends on someone else, or with yourself or the Universe too? Are you impatient because you focus on this process all the time? Or do you just want what you want right now?

I guess impatience has something to do with fear too. Maybe we don't want to give up any control? Or we're scared we might not get what we want? Maybe it's a general lack of trust? I don't know.

I heard one thing to do is to focus entirely on now (read the Power of now). Or ask "what can I do/think now to make me feel good?" and don't think of what we want. I had no success with this method so far, but maybe it works for you?

[JimOfferman]

I find that whenever I am impatient (which is fairly uncommon), it is due to a lack of confidence in the outcome of my actions.

For example, I can have song ideas float around in my head for years on end, because - through experience - I have learned that eventually they will emerge as complete songs. However, when I text-ed something nice to a girl I like, I grew very impatient for an answer very quickly...

So, for me at least, I become more patient when I'm more confident about or, perhaps, less attached to the outcome of my actions.

Jim.

[Jim11]

hey Rose,

I think a lot of people have the seem feelings you do. I know I do.

I'm sure most of it stems from a need for variety and change and for immediate action. I don't think it's a bad thing in my case; I just need to learn to channel it a bit. When it's out of my hands I've learned to not let it bother me as much. Years ago I would obsess over waiting for a phone call, school marks, etc, but I think I just look at things differently now.

All the time wasted anticipating something in someone else's hands is tiring. Now that I relax a bit more the little surprises that I have learned to let happen on their own are more pleasing.

When something is in my hands and I see a positive opportunity for change/action immediately i still have no patience in waiting a couple days. I have to do it right away... lol

[Rose of Cairo]

Hi Jim, I'm glad I'm not alone in this situation. You're right, it's tiring and a huge waste of time and energy. I'll try to relax a bit more, just like you, and trust the universe to bring me nice surprises just in time...

And Jim (hihihi two Jims), you're right too, the point is to feel confident or not about the outcome of a situation.

Seems like we can narrow this problem down to a pure confidence/trust problem?

Thanks a lot for your input!

[help4me]

I too find that I get impatient when I feel that others are impeding my progress. But two things that have helped me are the idea that when I HAVE to slow down then "fate" is giving me a break that I need. For example... say I am in a hurry to get somewhere, and traffic is horrid and I am forced to proceed at a snail's pace.... I choose to see that as "fate" giving me a chance to sit and do nothing. I get a chance to turn on the radio and mellow out. There's nothing I can do to change the amount of traffic. So the only thing I can control is my attitude. Which brings me to the next tool that has helped. And that is part of the "Fish Philosophy". The Fish Philosophy is touted to have been started by a group of fish mongers at Pike's fish market in the state of Washington. Part of it dictates to choose your attitude. You get to decide what your response is to any given situation. Easier said than done. But by choosing how you deal with stuff... you stay in control of yourself most of the time. You ACT not re-act. No one can make you angry without your permission. No one can make you feel anything unless you allow it. Sure... you're going to have strong emotions that you can't so easily change. You're going to get frustrated when people don't respond to you as you would like. But... if you can step back a little and think about it... it is possible to choose your state of mind. I know... because I have done this. Most of the time I can choose to remain easy going in maddening situations.

there are four parts to the Fish Philosophy:

1. Play - Have a little fun at work, school, everywhere.

2. Make their day - Go M.A.D. [Make a Difference], engage others. Make them part of the fun.

3. Be there - actually pay attention, to make sure you take care of the person in front of you right now!

4. Choose your attitude - Before you go to work in the morning, pick out an attitude, just like you choose your underwear.


here are some links
FISH! Philosophy :: What is FISH!
FISH! Philosophy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Akashic_Librarian]

patience for me is very rarely a problem. I am very good listener and I often find myself being incredibly patient with people most people wouldn't be.

I just relax, I try and understand that whatever is happening, is happening at a pace that it needs to happen at.

[JohnEaton]

Great to hear how so many of you are owning this one. I have struggled with impatience for years, despite the fact that I have been working in personal change for years.

My mother always calls it 'the family curse' as she has the problem and so did my grandfather. Even so, I find I am a lot more over this problem than I used to be. I attribute that to two things. Firstly, I keep practicing awareness for the here-and-now - especially when I am having a frustrating time with things going wrong, or other people not delivering on commitments. I find it helps not to beat myself up if I 'lose it' and just keep going back to the practice.

The other thing that helps me is the growing, inward, recognition that I have far less control over what goes on around me than I used to believe. Reminding myself of that, often, helps me disengage when I notice that impatient fury coming up. And go and find something else to do that lets me break out of the trap.

By the way, in my own work, I argue that impatience is not an emotional problem as such. It is a Bodymind signal (linked to the emotion of frustration) that tells us to stop trying to control the uncontrollable and go and do something more worthwhile in that moment. So it is like a kind of Bodymind 'protest' over the torture we put ourselves through John

[Ponce]

Librarian? I am with you on that......to me patience is to think or do something else while waiting for something to happen.

Driving on the freeways of LA I was able to learn two different languages by simple listening to my tapes and relaxing while driving.

[Tigerlilly]

It's really good to hear that others are struggling with impatience as well.

For me it's really that what I want on a really deep level I want right now, which I think is no big surprise cause right now is the only time I actually got. Sometimes you hear it's wrong always to aim for instant satisfaction, but if you f.e. want to be healthy you want that right now not in ten years to come.

And then I do get really impatient when what I wish for on a reasonable level seems out of my hands, cause I like being actively in control of my life. So I get this feeling that I ought to be able to do something, and feel the need to be out there shaking some trees to make it happen. But whenever I did just that, I seemed to spend my energy uselessly and either ended up simply frustrated cause I seemed nowhere nearer to my goal than when I'd set out, or I sometimes actually felt as if I'd pushed its realization even into a further distance, which -depending on the level of emotional attachment to it- caused me to feel really miserable.

And yet I still get this impatient feeling, maybe I just wasn't made to sit by and watch the river run through, but now I try to channel the energy bubbling up in me in another direction, and put it to some constructive use in ways that do seem reasonable, so then I at least do get some nice positive side effects while I'm waiting for my wishes to come about.

I can't will away this impatient feeling, which feels like having too much energy and nowhere to direct it to, so channeling it a way that looks open is the best choice for me.

[as5tx]

i think one of the strategies you can use is to delibrately arrange for situations where you become impatient and be completely aware of your thought process there. Then perhaps you can reprogramme your thinking and keep practising it as the situations arise. One counteracting solution would be to stop everything and observe your breathing .

[AtriumGuy]

Man, I have BATTLED impatience for years, and have made great strides in dealing with the feeling. The first step for me was gaining recognition the moment I began to feel impatient. If you can begin to cultivate awareness of the precise moment you begin to get that crazy way, then you are halfway to conquering it.
For me, once I notice impatience creeping up on me I just stop what I'm doing and just breathe on it. I think about why I'm impatient and try to look at myself from the 10,000 foot level. Then I just BREATHE on the awareness...and soon the feeling begins to dissipate amid the perspective I am purposefully giving myself.
But MAN, its hard....you have to 1) want to do it and 2) work hard every day to habituate it....but isn't it worth it??

[quoteguy]

Hi Cynthia,

This is something that everyone struggles with. My parents taught me never to pray for patience. When you ask for patience you get more situations in which you have to be patient. Why would you want that?

You have to display patience when you are in trying situations. Maybe a co-worker is getting on your nerves. Maybe a spouse is difficult. Maybe your children are being worrisome. All these situations can cause stress. And stress leads to misery.

I was taught instead to pray for wisdom. When a problem arises, we should ask for wisdom to deal with the situation. This way, we handle the problem head on, instead of putting it off with patience.

Seek a knowledge of self. We have to understand that we create our existance. So if we are in unfavorable situations, it's because we put ourselves there. Examine this first and I think you will have no need for patience.