Very Low Self Esteem And Low Confidence

[vir_maha]

Hi friends,

I am facing this problem of low self esteem along with low self confidence from my school days and now it is creating hell lot of problem in my professional, social as well as personal life.

I am also suffering from anxiety disorder and taking antidepressant for that. My anxiety triggers because of my low self confidence and low self esteem. Whenever some of my friends who ones studied with me talk about their job, their foreign travel and things like their salary increment, I start brooding myself and thinks in negative ways, like they are really lucky guys and i am not so lucky, I am not in good job and life is f**ng me.

This creates a hell amount of anxiety and I can't able to do things and only start to worry about my future. This seems to be a habit for me and i am unable to break this. Please help.

[Buddy]

Whew. Get off the drugs and do something! I dare you to learn how to run a mini-marathon. The oxygen that you'll get for even trying will destroy your depression. Even if you look at it from a vindictive point of view (darkworker?), and say . "These bastards couldn't run an f**king marathon," you'll feel better.

Now read my blog

[Truefire]

Learning to meditate cleared up most of my social and personal anxiety. Believe me, I was messed up. I found it slowly changed the way that I thought, and made me less susceptible to depressive thoughts. Psychologically speaking, meditation can be as good as antidepressant drugs and is far more permanent.

Mindfulness In Plain English

[geekchic9]

I'd suggest solving the problem first, then getting off the antidepressant.

When you get anxious, BREATHE! In my experience, I hold my breath when I am anxious. When I do deep breathing, I control my anxiety better. Also, go to a good therapist that will ask you tough questions about why you feel so bad about yourself. Finally, challenge your thoughts. Write your negative thoughts down, then write reasons why they are not true. Carry it around you and read it when you get anxious -- or buy the Paraliminal "Belief" CD. It would do basically the same thing and change your thoughts to more positive ones.

[Christian223]

What a shame you are going trough this, i hope you get better soon, try eft, it worked for me, its specially good for beliefs like "im not so lucky", EFT looks weird but it does wonders, belive me, try it and youll get better, the link is at my signature, also visit Tapping.com - Free EFT Videos - Emotional Freedom Technique to get started quick with the videos. Good luck.

[vir_maha]

Sorry friends but I am not satisfy with the above answers....don't know why..but I have to be honest what I feel....Sorry ....

[Christian223]

Im sorry to hear/read that too, you know im no expert, but i have seen many people who dont want to resolve their issues because of even deeper issues, as if their problem is kind of an addiction to their own mind, their minds dont want to let them get rid of their problems because they fear loosing those problems, weird isnt it?, this may be happening to you too, so i suggest you to ask yourself and answer "why do i dont want to get rid of my problems?", "what consecuences would it bring if i get rid of my problems?", perhaps you fear that you will have more responsabilities if you get better, "what will happen to me if i get rid of this issue?", so what im trying to say is that there is an obstacle you must get rid of first, that obstacle is your mind beign the obstacle to fix all your other problems, maybe im wrong, but you have to be honest with yourself, i know its hard, there may be things you dont want to accept, but not doing so is only making things worse, and you have the chance to get better, you just have to take the oportunity.

I still encourage you to try EFT and TAT, i can say it works because i tried it myself, i was anxious socially and the anxiety has gone to very low levels, when before trying TAT and EFT it was very high and i couldnt concentrate on what the other person was saying, now i can focus on the other people and connect with them more easely, im much more confident thanks to this, and it can do the same thing for you, or more, but you have to make the effort to find out whats stoping you.

Good luck, you can do it.

[Lauxa]

Negative thinking is a habit, and a difficult one to break. When you are trying to break this habit, it is important to pay attention to all the inputs to your mind. You need to cut out any negative inputs as much as possible and replace them with positive inputs. Cut out the news, and any television shows, movies, or books that are violent or depressing and replace them with programs and books that are positive or inspiring. If there are certain people who bring you down or complain a lot, you need to limit your time with them while you are trying to break your negativity habit.

Try listening to motivational podcasts whenever you can, such as while you are cleaning or doing yard work or working out. This has done more than anything for me to help lift my depression. It drowns out all the negative voices in your head while you are listening and gives you something more positive to think about even when you are not listening. There are plenty of podcasts that talk about techniques for finding peace of mind and breaking the cycle of negative thinking, but just hearing these ideas once probably won't sink in if you are deeply entrenched in a habit of negative thought patterns. You have to literally brainwash yourself -- wash out the negativity and replace it with something more positive.

Good luck!

[Jim11]

Low self-esteem dating back from high school?

There have been a lot of good suggestions. When you're in high school most people don't have enough life experience and knowledge to realize that what ridiculous kids say should mean nothing to you, and the memories can haunt you later in life. What you have to do is now convince yourself, by many methods, that THESE PEOPLE MEAN NOTHING TO YOU.

Journalize how you would feel if you were lying on your deathbed. what would think about the countless hours of your life you spent thinking about and worrying about what other people think of you and other self-esteem related issues? 2 hours a day? if you live to 80 - 116,800 wasted hours.

The last person's suggestion about motivational podcasts was a good one. If not a podcast... just anything that you find uplifting and makes you forget about your self-esteem problems.

That is just one example of something you can try to do to convince yourself worrying is worthless. It is so ingrained in you that you need to attack it from many angles, and do it consistently. You need to take back control of your thoughts and life by realizing that it's your world, and you can block this and anything you want out with consistent good habits.

Start small. Tell yourself consistently about your good qualities. Repeat small things to yourself like "the past is worthless - it's time to live my life NOW", etc.

I'm just typing random stuff for the most part, but you get the idea.

[NotesMaeve]

First of all, having a number of people in my life who have NEEDED anti-depressants: Everyone who said, "Oh, just quit the meds," is wrong. Especially if you're on something like Prozac or Effexor, don't just quit. YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH WORSE AND WILL THINK YOU ARE DYING. Anyone who says, "Just quit," has never taken one and never has been very close to someone who "just quit." It's not pretty.

Second of all, here are things known to actually help depression:

1) Support groups.

2) Exercise.

3) Sunshine.

4) Healthy eating.

If you feel your medication isn't working, talk to your doctor and adjust the dosage from there. DO NOT just quit.

[Rose of Cairo]

Read Ask and it is Given.

I'm sorry for this very short advice, it's the best I can give you

[vir_maha]

Journalize how you would feel if you were lying on your deathbed. what would think about the countless hours of your life you spent thinking about and worrying about what other people think of you and other self-esteem related issues? 2 hours a day? if you live to 80 - 116,800 wasted hours.

Thanks jim...this statement really touched me.....and all you guys here, thakx for helping me...will try my level best to get rid of this weird habit..

[Chado2423]

I have had trouble with depression and low self-esteem for a while. While my depression still persists somewhat I have learned how to manage it better. And I can explain what is happening with the medication... you're anti-depressant medication isn't working because you are trying to treat the symptoms of depression rather than the cause of it! In fact I don't think I ever read any success paper on depression as a result of the medication, unless it was temporary and they fell into relapse, or became addicted to it. As a matter of fact, my life got better once I got off of it, because I saw that it wasn't working. Tony Robbins makes it clear that we often try to treat the symptoms of our difficulties rather than the causes of them. But treating the cause is so much harder to do, which is why we seek short term solutions (such as therapy, counseling, medication, booze,) what name you. After all we go to therepy to get answers, rather than to take the responsibility to figure out the answers to our problems for ourselves, right? We seek help from just about anybody when we are desperate, and we forget that more often than not, the answers are within. I know that sounds new-agey, but the truth is... when we take over, when we take charge of our life, we feel better. Is it easy... I wish. It isn't easy, but it's necessary. That's why this forum here can be a cure or a curse.... Its really up to the person.

A wonderful book that has been helping me, somewhat, is Why Your Life Sucks And What You Can Do About It, by Alan Cohen.

P.S. Even though your life sucks, keep plugging at it...

[may77]

hi
No matter what has happened to you, know that you are very much loved. You can change. You can stop the past from haunting you and live the future with confidence.
You can forgive yourself. Forgive those who have influenced you.
Release. All the hurts. You can start life over again.
It is not easy at first, but you have to take small steps.
To loving, appreciating yourself, no matter what the world may think. You are special. You are created for happiness, self fulfillment and joy.
Weed out those past experiences, resentment, and negative emotions and throw them out.
Appreciate yourself. Appreciate your worth. Appreciate those who have helped give to you, no matter how small.
Gratitude, joy, love, abundance.
Focus on these, as it is yours.

Blessings. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

May

successinspired dot com

[David365]

Firstly, I think its totally irresponsible of anyone to suggest people should ditch prescribed medication -

Whew. Get off the drugs and do something!

Buddy medication may not fit with your philosophy, but why post nonsense like that to someone asking for help?

Some of the practical advice above may help, but if you are having professional help in the form of medication, it may be worth discussing psychological type therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy or counselling. Trying to change your thinking by yourself can be very difficult - particularly if you are suffering from clinical depression.

[cdn2wheeler]

Vir Maha, everyone here is trying to help in their own way. A word or two about SSRIs (anti-depressants) might help clear things up.

SSRIs work on brain chemistry, specifically a chemical called dopamine, to help regulate the natural ebb and flow that's a normal part of our daily lives. In correct dosages and correctly taken, it can and will help.

But it doesn't end there, of course.

No rational person would suggest to anyone to try to run with a broken leg. First, heal the leg with a cast and/or surgery, then get it working right again through exercise and physical therapy.

That's what SSRIs do: they help regulate brain chemistry so you can think a bit better. Once you can think better, you can then go working on those issues through cognitive behaviour therapy (that's just one example, there are others). As that therapy progresses, you'll have less and less need for the SSRIs because, in a very real sense, you'll be re-wiring your brain.

Few people like the idea of taking pills, just like few people want their broken leg to be locked up in a cast for 6 to 8 weeks. But, properly taken and managed, it really can work wonders.

All that said, SSRIs are only part of the whole process. Other things that have been mentioned here are proper diet, exercise, counselling/therapy and whatnot.

One last note: be extremely careful about so-called "natural" products. Many - perhaps most - of them are sold as food supplements and not medicinal aids. The reason is simple enough: anything sold as a medicinal aid must first pass rigorous testing by the FDA (in the US) or Health Canada or other similar national agencies. Food supplements aren't required to pass the same stringent guidelines. The result? Widespread fraud and fleecing of consumers. (For a brief look at some of the massive fraud that's in this industry, take a look here.)

Simply put, if someone is trying to sell you something - whether it's a prescription medication or health supplement - then they have a vested interest in making it sound as good as possible. The difference is that approved medications have been through a trial process to test for safety and effectiveness. The process is not foolproof, but at least it's something. Health supplements aren't regulated at all, and the industry vehemntly opposes any attempt at regulation.

[Buddy]

"Buddy medication may not fit with your philosophy, but why post nonsense like that to someone asking for help?"

David,
Did you read his post? He was on the meds and is still having massive problems. Not saying meds don't help some but clearly not here. Please don't tell me my philosophy, you're not qualified.

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by Buddy

"Buddy medication may not fit with your philosophy, but why post nonsense like that to someone asking for help?"

David,
Did you read his post? He was on the meds and is still having massive problems. Not saying meds don't help some but clearly not here. Please don't tell me my philosophy, you're not qualified.

Pills aren't cure-alls, but it's dangerous "just to quit" psychoactive drugs. Take Effexor XR for a couple months and quit cold turkey. Medication is designed to help people with a screwed up chemical balance. Exercise also helps, but you seem to have this attitude that running a marathon will just totally fix things and quitting medication totally is a smart idea. If he had diabetes and his blood sgar wasn't dropping, would you say he should totally stop insulin and just go running?

[Catlover]

First, I know that your question was not concerning whether to quit taking antidepressants, but since it was raised, I agree that no one should be encouraging you to do so assuming that none of us here is your personal physician! If the medication is giving you some needed support, that is fine. If and when you want to quit taking it, you can do so. Exercise and Omega 3's can be effective substitutes.

Your description of your friends talking about their travel, salaries, jobs, etc. leads me to think that they probably have lower self-esteem and confidence than you think you have. People who are confident don't need to gloat about their accomplishments or seek attention in that way. Some of the most accomplished people that I've ever met have also been the most humble and gracious. Those who are confident are not self-centered but on the contrary are outwardly focused on others. That said, I hope you can feel a bit better about your self esteem and confidence knowing that you are a more caring and enlightened person.

It might be helpful to you to find some way to start to change your thought patterns from a feeling of not comparing well to others (scarcity) to a feeling and expectation of good things occurring (abundance). I've found that the techniques in the The Secret and put into a more usable format in The Law of Attraction by Michael Losier have been pretty helpful. You will find a lot of information about these techniques on this website. After awhile, I realized that I wasn't having so many "negative" thoughts.

I have my relapses, though. Just last night, my sister called to tell me that she bought a vacation home at the cost of half a million dollars plus. The news left me feeling somewhat inferior. But I realized that I have other values concerning money, one of the primary ones right now being to ensure that my son can go to college wherever he chooses debt-free. As is usually the case with her phone calls, the conversation was centered around her. Because she is so self-centered, it leads me to believe that she is no more confident or even happier than I am. If she was, then every conversation would not have to be about her.

Most importantly, please know that you are not alone and that things can and will improve.

[robertanthony]

The best way to deal with anxiety is to understand it. There is a video on youtube under the name Charles Linden - It's brilliant.

Also The National Association for Self-Esteem have info on how to boost your self-esteem. (NASE)

Also there's a book called 611 Ways to Boost your Self-Esteem by Bryan Robinson & Jamey McCullers.

I highly recommend that you look at the Charles Linden Video and the EFT videos on youtube.

[David365]

Originally Posted by NotesMaeve

Pills aren't cure-alls, but it's dangerous "just to quit" psychoactive drugs. Take Effexor XR for a couple months and quit cold turkey. Medication is designed to help people with a screwed up chemical balance. Exercise also helps, but you seem to have this attitude that running a marathon will just totally fix things and quitting medication totally is a smart idea. If he had diabetes and his blood sgar wasn't dropping, would you say he should totally stop insulin and just go running?

Thanks for this post as I really felt I was P***ing into the wind here - it doesn't matter how anyone interprets any one's post, the bottom line is it's totally irresponsible to suggest quitting prescribed medication. Those running this site should be hot on this beyond anything else

Buddy - you're right, no-one will ever be qualified to comment on your philosophy. But you.

[Buddy]

And you are, of course, right about everything else. Doctors are gods. Let's just overlook their penchant to subscribe Rydalin to overactive kids, thalidamide to women, Phenfen for weight loss. It's much better to medicate.

[Phil Parkinson]

Hi there...

I don't know if this might help you...

I have a high self esteem because I have worked hard on developing myself...

I have a great body (product of a lot of hard work), I have worked really hard at my job to create financial security.. i am teaching myself to dance.... I am learning how to make music... (Dancing and music give me serious amounts of pleasure ). I eat well... i exercise a lot.. i box... all of these things have an effect on my self image and therefore my self esteem.

My advice to you would be... if you feel down about yourself and you envy other people's lives... start to work on developing yourself and your own life.

Phil x

[David365]

Originally Posted by Buddy

And you are, of course, right about everything else. Doctors are gods. Let's just overlook their penchant to subscribe Rydalin to overactive kids, thalidamide to women, Phenfen for weight loss. It's much better to medicate.

I'm no cheerleader for medication - I'm very frustrated that in my working life, in mental health, that the "medical model" dominates and marginalises the role of practitioners like me (an occupational therapist).
My gripe was more the way the advice "Get off the drugs" was delivered; which may encourage someone to suddenly stop prescribed medication rather than discussing options with their doctor.

[Buddy]

Well...ok. But the Docs prescribed in the first place. Exactly what do you think they're going to say? I was wrong?

[vir_maha]

Thanks to all guys here who really come up with some decent solution to my problem.

You know when you see people who are less talented then you, belong to same field and are in good position and earning more than you, you are bound to feel low. What all you say..?? that's what I feel most of the time...

[Lauxa]

If they're less talented and earning more it could be because they have a better attitude. Maybe they are more confident so they come across as more talented than they are or they are cheerful and don't complain as much or they are genuinely interested in making their manager's life easier or they are more helpful when coworkers come to them for advice and mentoring. Maybe they have taken on extra responsibilities in addition to their job description or they can be counted on to pull an all-nighter to make sure a presentation to upper management goes smoothly.

If you do not feel that you are making as much money as you are worth, then you should start interviewing for other jobs. If you do not have enough experience to look for another job, then you should make yourself as valuable as possible to the company you are working for while gaining experience and then look for a new job in a year or two. Many companies will award a you pay raise when they find out you have another attractive offer.

[Max Power]

Originally Posted by vir_maha

Hi friends,

I am facing this problem of low self esteem along with low self confidence from my school days and now it is creating hell lot of problem in my professional, social as well as personal life.

I am also suffering from anxiety disorder and taking antidepressant for that. My anxiety triggers because of my low self confidence and low self esteem. Whenever some of my friends who ones studied with me talk about their job, their foreign travel and things like their salary increment, I start brooding myself and thinks in negative ways, like they are really lucky guys and i am not so lucky, I am not in good job and life is f**ng me.

This creates a hell amount of anxiety and I can't able to do things and only start to worry about my future. This seems to be a habit for me and i am unable to break this. Please help.

7 BILLION people on this rock and you're the only one who is conscious.

Why are you playing victim??

You're GOD for christ sake.........

You can give up control.....but you can never give up responsibility.

Max

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by vir_maha

You know when you see people who are less talented then you, belong to same field and are in good position and earning more than you, you are bound to feel low. What all you say..?? that's what I feel most of the time...

The above statement proves that's it's about how you feel about yourself that's holding you back.

I suggest you read what I've written here Develop A Healthy Self-Concept. Everything you experience is about how you see yourself. It's time to get to work!

[kulai]

I have walked in your shoes before. You need a mentor that can pull you out of this mental state. Attend a personal development seminar if that is available in your area, or watch a video of success gurus like Tony Robbins, T Harv Eker, Jack Canfield, etc. You can even find them on YouTube for a start. Understand the law of delayed gratification and do some new things that you are good at or passionate about. You will notice that your life will start to change, gradually. Hey, I once read about a blind guy who climbed Mt Everest and reached the top. If you set your mind to it, you can accomplish the most amazing things.

Power To Live