Frustrated with Personal Development

[Joe826]

I've been hardcore into PD for a year now. Over the last 12 months or so, it's become an obsession. I do it basically everyday when I wake up, during the day, and before I go to bed. Now don't get me wrong, I've made some serious changes in that time. My overall awareness has increased a bunch, and, if I'm truthful with myself, I'm generally much happier than I was at this time last year.

What I'm frustrated with is it still seems like I'm struggling with my goals. I decided to improve myself mostly because I wasn't happy with how I viewed myself and had a lot of social anxiety. What generally happens is I think I'll find THE key to success, I'll practice it and be extremely happy for a while.

Then, something will happen and I'll start slipping, experiencing myself as I was, and suddenly I'm putting up all kinds of resistance as I slip back to where I was. Only now I'm less happy because it seems like another failure.

I know this seems like a lot of whining (and it is ), but here's my point. I feel like if I keep basing my happiness and self-worth on how I feel about my goals at any given point, I'll always be unhappy (since I'll always have times when I slide relative to where I was).

I remembered reading Steve's blog about this but it just confused me more. Lately unconditional love has been stuck in my mind. I really feel like it's my purpose and what I'm striving after. Despite basing my purpose on something infinite and unchanging, I still find myself basing my happiness on how much progress I'm making towards being totally loving. So does that really allow for self-acceptance?

This all seems like a big mess, but I guess it's just a bunch of thoughts in my head that I decided to write here instead of my journal. I'd love to hear anyone's advice on this. Is there a way I can just accept myself as is, while still actively trying to achieve my goals?

[RT Wolf]

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...consciousness/

Relax. You'll be fine.

[Joe826]

Wow, that's amazing RT. I don't know how I missed that one. Thank you!

[Buddy]

"Now don't get me wrong, I've made some serious changes in that time."

Are you kidding me? How many people can say the, dude? You are a superstar!

"Lately unconditional love has been stuck in my mind. I really feel like it's my purpose and what I'm striving after."

Gosh, while while you're at it why not strive for world peace and being able to change base metal to gold? You have to lower the bar a bit. I'm madly in love with my wife and she with me...but if she or I are an ******* sometimes (and we are) unconditional love don't play into it, son. Start the bar at--every day above ground is a damned good day, and you'll never be disappointed.

[Foolish1]

Originally Posted by Buddy

"Now don't get me wrong, I've made some serious changes in that time."

Are you kidding me? How many people can say the, dude? You are a superstar!

"Lately unconditional love has been stuck in my mind. I really feel like it's my purpose and what I'm striving after."

Gosh, while while you're at it why not strive for world peace and being able to change base metal to gold? You have to lower the bar a bit. I'm madly in love with my wife and she with me...but if she or I are an ******* sometimes (and we are) unconditional love don't play into it, son. Start the bar at--every day above ground is a damned good day, and you'll never be disappointed.

Exactly, except you might want to rephrase it: Love is not acting NICE or fake nice all the time, people have to EARN your respect/trust/etc. Love is acting with CONCERN for your own and also the same time someones well-being, if they are thinking or acting like an ass you CALL them on it. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to leave someone who is hopelessly trapped (lost) in their own mind / perspective, there are also other hard choices.

You can't let your compassion blind you to how the world and people work, its great to have idealism, they just must be tempered by the current reality, this doesn't mean you stop aspiring to your ideals, just don't expect it from other people.

I don't believe unconditional love is impossible, since true unconditional love is ACCEPTING and TOUGH when it needs to be. It has standards.

[Phil Parkinson]

ups and downs are a natural part of PD... you just need to hang in there when it's tough and enjoy the highs... the more you develop yourself, the better you get.

Phil x

[RT Wolf]

I think you've built up an image of a "perfect" person or something that you are comparing yourself against. I think you would do better by relaxing and letting go a little bit. The world won't end if you relax and you won't die if you stopped growing, or slowed down your frantic pace. Relax. Smell the flowers. Enjoy a long dinner. Treat someone to a dinner.

[Joe826]

I don't think I was clear about what I meant with regards to unconditional love. I understand being upset because I haven't yet reached it is pretty unreasonable, I was more talking about identifying with it as an unchangeable standard.. something to serve.

I really appreciate everyone's insight here. Things are much better .