Self-employed: When do you fire a "difficult client"?

[HealingMaven]

I'm not sure whether I should put this question in the business forum or under relationships or emotional mastery... sadly, cross-posting is illegal here, so I hope someone here can clue me in.

If you're working for yourself, when/if do you decide to fire a problem client? I have a patient who has been becoming increasingly hostile for the last few months. It's not just being in a bad mood; I've had plenty of patients seeing me because their stress levels are insane or their PMS is making their life miserable or their migraines are making them, in their own words, "a horrible person." This particular patient genuinely seems to be either pissed at me, or is at least taking their pissiness out on me. None of the other patients have sworn at me or seemed resentful of (if not outright bitchy about) paying my fees (including one who is seriously broke due to being unable to work.)

(FYI: I'm an acupuncturist. If I were a shrink, I'm sure I'd have the training to deal with this sort of thing.)

So which way do I go? I'm not in any danger, (she's not THAT kind of crazy) but I'm getting so frustrated with said person that I'm starting to dread the entire day where I know I have an appointment with her, and having trouble keeping her out of my head the rest of the week. (And even when everything else is going great, her presence does a great job of bursting my bubble.) Do I treat the whole situation as a 'Personal Development' challenge and try to deal with it all on my end? (And if so, HOW?) Do I just fire her for "creating a hostile work environment" and refer her to another practitioner?

I can 'afford' to lose the income from said patient, though not horribly excited to do so -- my practice is 2 years old, at that point in time that it's steady on its feet, but I'm still clearly working on its growth. But I think the issue is more about whether or not to deal with the challenge or just say she is Not Worth It. Am I being a complete wuss if I just want to get rid of her? I'm working on lots of other personal development/life challenges at the moment (voluntarily, mostly). Do I really need another that has me dreading going into work? (Other days of the week I'm psyched to go in. Maybe not every day, but more often than not.)

I'd love some perspective/tips/strategies/whatever.

[Brutha]

It is your choice, both options are ok.

Fire difficult clients is something that is recommended in some time managment systems.
It sort of going with the times.

But if you fire her do it in a reasonable way.
Like: Somehow you (client) aren't happy with my services. I want to satisfy every of my clients. Since I can't satisfy you with my services I don't want your money and you should try your luck with another practitioner.
Something along those lines.

[Matthew Shea]

It seems to me that this client could potentially affect the rest of your business due to the added stress she's causing you. If it were me, that's not the kind of money I'd be comfortable accepting. I'd do what Brutha suggests: discontinue your relationship, but do it in a way that doesn't burn any bridges. You don't want a person like this trashing your reputation.

[UHF]

Hello,

Have you asked her what the problem is? There's problems elsewhere. If her problem was with you then presumably she would have said something or stopped coming. I would broach the subject at the very start of the next appointment before you do anything. Ask them if they're unhappy with the treatment. Ask them why they're so unhappy when they come. Is the treatment working for them? Is it connected to their mood? They really shouldn't be moaning about the fees - this suggests it's not of value to them. I would question whether they should continue for this reason alone. If you decide to stop the appointments make it clear why the treatment can't continue. If they're in a foul mood, they're not happy with the treatment. You've treated other people successfully? So it shouldn't raise questions about your credibility as an Acupuncturist.

I think you'll agree that you should have said something earlier to them. You've allowed the situation to continue to the point where you've let it affect you personally. I've never been to an Acupuncturist, but I'm sure that treating people and their problems is often more than just putting needles in the right places.

Simon

[chopsaw]

Maven,

You've got to meet this head on. You are being bullied. If the person isn't a physical threat, give this person a good dose of strong medicine right back. Keep your head, don't let it devolve into name calling, and fire back. Demand respect and you'll find you'll get it.

Be certain, be respectful, and come at the situation from a position of power. You might even get an apology out of it.

Good luck!

[Christian223]

I didnt read much, but i think i get your problem, im a graphic designer, and i have met many bad clients in the short experience i have, but this what i learned.

Your clients are part of your success, so if you want to be succesfull, you choose your clients wiselly, i care for two aspects, how much they pay and the quality of person, i choose high pay clients only, not only because ill make more money, but also because they tend to respect me more, and ill also pick quality people from the begining, if for some reason i feel that the person i wll be working for wont respect me in any way, or that he simply doesnt care for our relationship, ill wont choose to work for him, ill use my time that would have been using working with him to find a new and better client, working and suffering is a hell, and doing this is well worth the extra effort.

I hope that helped, good luck.

[HealingMaven]

Originally Posted by UHF

Hello,

Have you asked her what the problem is? There's problems elsewhere. If her problem was with you then presumably she would have said something or stopped coming. I would broach the subject at the very start of the next appointment before you do anything. Ask them if they're unhappy with the treatment. Ask them why they're so unhappy when they come. Is the treatment working for them? Is it connected to their mood? They really shouldn't be moaning about the fees - this suggests it's not of value to them. I would question whether they should continue for this reason alone. If you decide to stop the appointments make it clear why the treatment can't continue. If they're in a foul mood, they're not happy with the treatment. You've treated other people successfully? So it shouldn't raise questions about your credibility as an Acupuncturist.

I think you'll agree that you should have said something earlier to them. You've allowed the situation to continue to the point where you've let it affect you personally. I've never been to an Acupuncturist, but I'm sure that treating people and their problems is often more than just putting needles in the right places.

Simon

Thank you. This feels like it covers all the bases. All good questions... among other things, I've allowed myself to assume that I knew what the problem was. The perspective of time has figured out a lot of this for me, but your words are still helpful months later. (How silly is it to post asking for help and then forget to subscribe to the post? Newbie mistake.)

For an update, most of the "bad behaviour" has receded, but it's still in the back of my mind because I didn't have a good way of dealing with it. I think I've got it now: a) the right questions to ask, b) the right attitude (less attachment, less judgement), and c) an answer to part of what was causing friction -- repeated questions on self-care, when answers (a wide variety of suggestions) that were rejected every time, often with hostility. (Probably created a bit of the friction there myself.) Why ask if you're not going to accept any suggestions? I have no new answers and I'm okay with that now.

Thanks to *all* for responding.

[jonarmis]

Just simply say it to your 'difficult' client's face. But be soft but firm in your stand. And reveal the reasons why you are doing so, that way he/she will understand why the need to fire her out.

Sometimes, we must assert ourselves and our rights so we are not left out in a condition that it is us who'll be unhappy and disturbed with the situation.

[Stephen]

Been in a similar situation when I was an insurance agent. One inherited customer was so totally obnoxious to me regularly that I resolved to put an end to it. On my next scheduled visit, as he proceeded to tell me how bad my company was, I stopped him (I was on his doorstep), told him never ever to speak to me like that again, told him I would not be working with him anymore if he continued with his disrespect: and as he foamed at the mouth as I walked away, furious and insisting that I get back here that instance, I turned around at his gate and smiled and cooly said, 'Goodbye Mr. X'.

I returned a month later to find the nicest , most respectful customer.

[Jennihul]

You basically just say: "I appreciate your choosing me for your (acupuncture treatments) and maybe you are simply not aware of how abusive you are. But I don't allow people to speak to me this way so if you intend to continue in that vein, I can no longer offer you my services.

Please let me know if I can help refer you to anyone for anger counselling."

Jennifer

[HealingMaven]

@Stephen, @Jennihul - I did actually wind up doing a variation of that -- an extremely gentle and sympathetic variation (I'm supposed to be taking care of people after all), and yes, there was a marked improvement afterwards.