Should I steal my friend's Boyfriend?

[Angelwings]

hey

I really like my friend's boyfriend. Should i try breaking them up for my own happiness?
Why do i find unavailable guy attractive? why is all the good guys out there are taken?
How do i get over guys I cant have?I think i m attracted to things i cant have.
Need some advice about either get over that guy or steal him.
Will I be happy when i get him? Does relationship matters more than friendship? What would people think of me?Should i care?
Any clues?

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Angelwings

hey

I really like my friend's boyfriend. Should i try breaking them up for my own happiness?

No.

Why do i find unavailable guy attractive?

One typical reason is that one is not willing to be with someone for real. So unavailable is safe - you can never "be with" that person. Another reason is like a child that is told he can't have ice cream, then what does the kid want even more now? Ice cream. It's a perception of something that is unavailable that makes that something more appealing because you can imagine all the stuff that you don't really know and make an image that is perfect for you.

why is all the good guys out there are taken?

That is an assumption coming from someone who seems to not really look for the ones that are available.

How do i get over guys I cant have?I think i m attracted to things i cant have.

You go for guys that are available but look for how there are unknowns with real guys too. The reason to be into unavailables is also about mystery and wondering - if you find a guy that is available find the mystery and wondering in him.

Need some advice about either get over that guy or steal him.
Will I be happy when i get him? Does relationship matters more than friendship?

I don't think you need anyone to tell you what to do here. Are you really thinking stealing someone's bf is going to be a good thing?

What would people think of me?Should i care?
Any clues?

Yes you should care a bit what other people think in the way that you would think of yourself in a similar maner. In other words if you think other people would judge you to steal someone's bf, then you are going to also be self critical and find shame and guilt to deal with.

[Angela]

Angelwings, you ask these questions as if you've never even begun to consider the answers.

Is this the way you want to live your life, completely unresponsible, looking outside yourself for your morality, thoughtlessly wreaking havoc and pain in the lives of all the people you encounter, including the people you care about?

Here is your clue: think about the questions you've asked, and you tell us what choices would be best.

[KH Rising]

If you do, just don't throw a hissy fit when he leaves you for your sister/cousin.

Use your friendship to discuss how you feel about dating and maybe she'll be able to help you to attract nice men into your life.

[NotesMaeve]

No, you shouldn't. If meant to be, he'll come to you. If you break it up, there will be stuff that comes back to you, and it won't be pretty.

Mean-spirited question here, but who would want to be with someone who breaks up relationships just to pleasure themselves?

[Angelwings]

Thankx for all responses.

I already expected most responses would be most definately a NO!
I know conciously I shouldnt do it coz its bad its mean its not ethical.But i cant help IT.
I was hoping someone could tell me HOW TO GET OVER IT. To get over of obsession of something u cant have, stop craving for something challengin its like a valuable object with labelled " DO NOT TOUCH!" it makes me want to go near it even more!!

What do i do next time when i see him? How to I break this feeling?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Angelwings

I was hoping someone could tell me HOW TO GET OVER IT.

We did, Angelwings. Look at yourself honestly and take responsibility for your actions.

What do you see?

[NotesMaeve]

Originally Posted by Angelwings

What do i do next time when i see him? How to I break this feeling?

You are responsible for your actions. Take responsibility and buck up. Also? Try scheduling dates with some cute guys.

[Angelwings]

Wolfgang,

Your views are actually quite valid and mostly true.
Hmph,.. Where do i begin? it seems like there are alot of areas I need fixing.

Notemaeve And Angela,

I know it will be an Unhappy ending. But still, I cant help but feeling this way. Cant control my feelings when I see him so helpless. Its driving me nuts. He's flirting with me.

Some Sympathy here plz.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Angelwings

Notemaeve And Angela,

I know it will be an Unhappy ending. But still, I cant help but feeling this way. Cant control my feelings when I see him so helpless. Its driving me nuts. He's flirting with me.

Some Sympathy here plz.

Angelwings, it's difficult to have sympathy for you, because you seem determined to act destructively and to take no responsibility. A person in the state you're in is like the tasmanian devil -- a whirling dervish of pain, taking down whatever's in its path.

[KH Rising]

Angelwings,

I've had a bit of a think about your situation. It's very easy to judge and say what you should and shouldn't do, but that doesn't change your emotions.

Some couples really aren't that suited for one another. Maybe you and this guy would be happier together. Even still, right now you have to think about your friendship. You need to take this opportunity to learn how to support your friends when your own wants are getting in the way. People will only resent you if you interfere and it's likely your relationship with him will be built on an immediate lack of trust.

In my personal opinion, I think you should ignore his advances and make it clear that you support their relationship. Use your friend as a person to bounce ideas off and have the occasional heart-to-heart. I'm sure she'd be happy to help you find a guy.

Although it's difficult, you're going to have to put aside your own feelings and think of the bigger picture. Good luck.

[Angelwings]

Angela,

I havent done anything yet. I was tempted to because it has been at the back of my mind for a while now. Ok, your point is valid. I wont take actions but still pretty much unhappy about it. I m feeling Quite bitter and jealous right now.

KH,

I wish EMOTIONS could be "SWITCH OFF" it messes with people in all areas of their life. It gets in the way. Its a rough situation. I will try my best to block the feeling. I ll try avoiding him from now on so it wont get complicated.

[Angela]

Angelwings, regarding taking responsibility, it's not just your actions -- it's also your thoughts.

What I'm saying is: you are looking at externals to satisfy you and make you happy. You're using words like "can't" when you mean "won't". You seem to be saying (I'm not clear about this) that because he's flirting and you don't like to see him be "helpless", you're not so responsible. And: in your OP, you ask a lot of questions, but I would like to see what answers you come up with to your own questions. We can't tell you about the pain inside you that's looking to unleash and express itself on others. But you have the power, and you have the responsibility to claim the power.

What I'm asking you is: Angelwings, in the presence of the thoughts you're having that don't feel good, what can you create right now that will feel good? Only you know what that is, but may I suggest:

"I, Angelwings, am 100% responsible for creating my life. I am powerfully generating a loving, mutually beneficial relationship with the perfect person. I am granting freedom in the lives of the people I care about to generate their own perfect relationship. I am practicing letting go of thoughts that don't serve me and the highest good."

Practice being a whirling dervish of joy!

[Lychee]

I think you already know the answer to that question.

(By the way, no, it's not a good idea.)

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Angelwings

Thankx for all responses.

I already expected most responses would be most definately a NO!
I know conciously I shouldnt do it coz its bad its mean its not ethical.But i cant help IT.
I was hoping someone could tell me HOW TO GET OVER IT. To get over of obsession of something u cant have, stop craving for something challengin its like a valuable object with labelled " DO NOT TOUCH!" it makes me want to go near it even more!!

What do i do next time when i see him? How to I break this feeling?

So you want us to tell you how to get over it? You call it an obsession. Then what you do is find something else to obsesse about. Take up something new and really do it. That's just to distract you out of the thing you want to get over. The other thing is to look and think about guys that are avaliable - even if you wouldn't date them. Think about the avaliable guys some and imagine how that would be cooler than the obsession.

[Stargirl]

One reason taken guys are more attractive is simply because we care about what others think. If another girl likes him, he must be worthwhile.

Also, realize that if your plans do succeed and he does end up with you, what's stopping him from leaving you for another girl. If he cheats on your friend, he'll cheat on you too.

But most likely, your plans would not succeed and you'd lose two friends in the process. You'd be surprised how easily people will see through your plans.

[ZHereford]

Angelwings,

There's a lot of insecurity and immaturity going on here on your part. What reasons do you have for feeling bitter and jealous? He's not your boyfriend.

You are going after someone who is with someone else to make you feel better about yourself (insecurity). By taking him away you'd prove to yourself that you're more desirable and attractive (immature). If you cared about either one of these people you wouldn't even consider interfering with their relationship. It's one thing to hook up with someone down the road when they're free, but to mess up their current relationship for your own purposes shows a lack of regard and respect for others.

[Livgivare]

This is my few words of advice in this matter.

1) Show this thread to your friend if it is the hardest thing telling her the truth, show her what you have wrote. Take it up with the person that you should do.

2) Tell the guy to stop flirting, and if that is not helping and he still continiue, tell your firend about that too.

3) Read your own words once more of a few times more and write an answer to a imaginary friend of yours telling you of the same problem. That way you find out what sort of moral you have.

4) Do some real hard exersize like running really fast and long. Paint things do what ever it takes to get out of thinking about him. Tell your mom of that helps any. She will probobly tell you a few tip that will do you good in your life, because she is the one that knows you best. Drink a few glasses of water and just relax.

I've once been the second woman, and I hated every single minute off with the man in subject. I was left with no feelings and cold as a stone afterwords. The Relationship that I have now started off really bad on my behalf because I didn't know anymore what to feel, I had quit the idea of loving the man I really loved when I got him only because someone made me learn how to cut myself off from the emotions. That is something I would not want anyone to feel and live through.

Take it slow with men after this experience, because what you have as a problem might get worse or might be worse allready.

I do have some sympathy for the turmoil of your heart. But not the actions you do if you go through with this stealing. Stealing is no good deal to do.

Love Leelene

PS: If he comes to you after one year and wants you and you know your friend is out of the picture, tell him to wait a few more years and build up yourself first.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Hey Angelwings, I've been there as well, long ago. For me, it all stemmed back to my father leaving when I was little. In the end I realised that I'd felt that somehow I didn't deserve to have "my own" boyfriend. So I craved unavailable men. Even when in a relationship, I never felt sufficiently loved. It was a trail of disaster for years.

I've sorted myself out over the last few years and used EFT to do it. I'm learning more about it all the time (aren't we all?). Now I'm happily married to the love of my life, and feel completely loved.

Think about this yourself.

When was the first time you wanted someone you couldn't have?
Did someone significant leave you as a child?
Did you grown up somehow thinking that you weren't entitled to love?

If you had a significant loss when you were young of any sort, you've probably grown up believing that some things you just can't have. You're not deserving of them, or you not good enough somehow. This is the stuff to work on. Looking at the actual men is just your subconscious trying to get you to repeat a pattern until you learn from it. Learn from it now so you can start enjoying relationships and life.

Don't beat yourslef up over this, just dredge through your past, and your heart will answer your own questions.

Wishing you joy and love
Hazel

[Angelwings]

Originally Posted by ReallyGoodIdeas

Think about this yourself.

When was the first time you wanted someone you couldn't have?
Did someone significant leave you as a child?
Did you grown up somehow thinking that you weren't entitled to love?

If you had a significant loss when you were young of any sort, you've probably grown up believing that some things you just can't have. You're not deserving of them, or you not good enough somehow. This is the stuff to work on. Looking at the actual men is just your subconscious trying to get you to repeat a pattern until you learn from it. Learn from it now so you can start enjoying relationships and life.

I dont know how you guess that.
Actually It is true, I didnt have enough love/attention from my parents because i left them when I was 9 years old. I didnt expect that could be the caused of this undeserve unworthy personality.

I grew up observing others and learning based on other people's life role model because my parents arent around.
Its hard to explain. I craved for my friend's experience with this guy its seemed like a perfect model. Apart of me just wanted to copy this model.
Also, i m envious other people alot. I ve a habit of comparing myself to others to see my level of progression/growth.

Ya know what i mean? Kinda hard to explain now.. need some time to think,
Kinda confused now, just realised I need alot of fixing, i do have alot of underlying psychological issues I didnt realised up to now, its really affecting all areas.
Where do i begin? how do i get over this habit/belief i've cultivated for years?


By the way, Thankx to ALL that shared some thoughts in this thread

[brandi]

he has a girl friend and he's flirting with you?

what a loser!

if he does it with you ~he'll do it to you.
what makes you think you're so special that he won't do this to you.

you need to curb you feelings or hanging out when he's around.
go date some one else or something craigslist.

taking something not rightfully your is ill gotten gain.
you'll never be able to enjoy what you steel