I'm unable to watch movies :( . Help me find the reason!

[lawgamer]

Hi guys,

I have a problem but can't explain/fix it. Maybe somebody here can point the right direction for me.

The thing is I become too emotionally overwhelmed while watching some scenes in movies or TV shows (to the point that I leave the room). It's difficult to describe such scenes in general or recall some particular moment. Probably if I could describe it better, it wouldn't be so difficult to explain such reaction.

My biggest complain is that I'm unable to enjoy a good comedy. For example, I love "Friends" and "Sex and the City" but watching almost any episode makes me shut my ears and close my eyes at least a couple of times. I'm not talking about sexual scenes or something like that. Such emotional overloads often happen when characters (or actors) behave inappropriate (whatever this means). Yesterday it happened when Charlotte tried to learn some silly dance and then refused to dance in front of her dancing class (or something like that). It was still very funny for me but at the same time I just couldn't watch and listen.

I can't stand reality shows. In this case almost every action of every person seems inappropriate, phony or just stupid. I don't care about such shows, this is just an example.

And the last example is horror movies. When I watched "The Ring" it was SO scary that I couldn't sleep at night for a week after that. I haven't watch any real horror movies since then.

I appreciate any advice.

UPDATE: Probably I haven't made it clear enough but I DO enjoy comedy. Somehow I really like "Ace Ventura" but have difficulty watching "American Pie".

And perhaps it's difficult to understand but I love "American Pie" too. It's just some scenes that make me owerwhelmed - not the whole experience.

I gave up horror movies (it's just not my genre) but don't want to do the same with comedies. It's important for me to understand the reason behind this behaviour. What's the difference between "Ace Ventura" and "American Pie" for example? Why can't I enjoy both at the same level?

[Freelancer]

How about you just don't watch tv?

[lawgamer]

Originally Posted by Freelancer

How about you just don't watch tv?

My biggest complain is that I'm unable to enjoy a good comedy. It's not important where I watch it.

[Matthew Shea]

I have the same tendency, lawgamer. I can't really explain it, but sometimes certain scenes in movies or TV shows really make me squirm. Physical comedy like Mr. Bean is by far the worst. For me, it seems like I get overly concerned for the character I'm watching. Like I want to do something to prevent anything bad happening to the character, but I know I can't and I just have to sit there and watch the inevitable happen. I wish I had some better advice, but personally, I just stick to stuff I'm more comfortable with and just buck up and suffer through stuff that makes me uncomfortable when I need to do so.

[Freelancer]

Let me rephrase that question;
Why do you want to watch tv so desperately?

Is it because everybody else does it?
Because you enjoy it perhaps? (which is I'd say not the case here)
or perhaps another reason?

[Dan.Linehan]

You guys would love Borat.

[Angela]

Dan, it's funny you mention Borat; I was just thinking about that as I read that thread. The tv series was so funny but I could only watch short bits at a time because it was so mortifying. Other tv shows are mortifying, too, especially reality tv, only because I get so horrified by what people are willing to do to get even marginally famous!

[Matthew Shea]

Actually, I really enjoyed Borat, believe it or not. Mr. Bean still makes me want to turn it off or leave. Sex & the City is the same way.

[Asmoday]

What is important to realise that everyone feels that in response to those types of scenes -- its what they're designed to do.

What makes you different is that you have a "negative" label, rather than a "pleasurable" one, to that sensation.l

[lawgamer]

Originally Posted by Freelancer

Let me rephrase that question;
Why do you want to watch tv so desperately?

Is it because everybody else does it?
Because you enjoy it perhaps? (which is I'd say not the case here)
or perhaps another reason?

Probably I haven't made it clear enough but I DO enjoy comedy. Somehow I really like "Ace Ventura" but have difficulty watching "American Pie".

And perhaps it's difficult to understand but I love "American Pie" too. It's just some scenes that make me owerwhelmed - not the whole experience.

I gave up horror movies (it's just not my genre) but don't want to do the same with comedies. It's important for me to understand the reason behind this behaviour. What's the difference between "Ace Ventura" and "American Pie" for example? Why can't I enjoy both at the same level?

Originally Posted by Asmoday

What is important to realise that everyone feels that in response to those types of scenes -- its what they're designed to do.

What makes you different is that you have a "negative" label, rather than a "pleasurable" one, to that sensation.

It's interesting. I do observe the same pattern in others but not to the same degree. What makes me different?

[Namaste]

I'd say you have a very vivid imagination and you can empathise and associate yourself with the film characters to a great degree. And while Ace Ventura's character is just too exaggerated and caricature-like, American Pie's teenagers are much more realistic which makes you feel what they would have felt in the portrayed situations.

My boyfriend is like that, he sometimes literally needs timeout during reality and reality-like TV shows (like The Office) when he feels uncomfortable for the characters. So you're not alone!

[lawgamer]

Originally Posted by Namaste

I'd say you have a very vivid imagination and you can empathise and associate yourself with the film characters to a great degree. And while Ace Ventura's character is just too exaggerated and caricature-like, American Pie's teenagers are much more realistic which makes you feel what they would have felt in the portrayed situations.

My boyfriend is like that, he sometimes literally needs timeout during reality and reality-like TV shows (like The Office) when he feels uncomfortable for the characters. So you're not alone!

Perhaps you're right, Namaste. Probably that's why I haven't finished watching "Saw"; it was not scary but very painful for me. But what should I do about these feelings?

For now I can see only two possible solutions:

1. I can "suffer" through unpleasant moment to allow myself to enjoy the whole experience. I'm doing it now.

2. I can stop watching TV and going to the cinema, but that means surrendering to my emotions and skipping a lot of great movies. I can also choose only "pleasant" films, but that's seems unreliable and just wrong.

I know there's a third solution. The one that will enable me to watch anything I choose and enjoy the experience. I just have to find it.

Maybe the real problem hides deeper in me?

[Razo]

I think perhaps it may be a reflection about how comfortable you are with doing & experiencing things outside of your comfort zone? Are you comfortable with acting silly around others or doing things that may be risky and unlike yourself?

I agree with many that perhaps abstaining from TV isn't such a bad thing, but perhaps this extends into watching other things like an awkward comedy show etc.

I think a basic solution to this problem may be to let go of your fear, explore space outside of your comfort zone and have an open mind. Try new things that you'd never otherwize do and experiment doing crazy things, express yourself and don't take things too seriously, it can be fun! I think this way you'll be more open to experiencing a wide range of emotions and actions that you'd otherwise miss out on!

[Addict]

I have a question for you. Is this a problem just when you're with other people or when you are by yourself as well?

[Brutha]

I have the same problem.
I have considered that it has something to do with my introvertness. How about you, are you rather introverted or extroverted?

[lawgamer]

Originally Posted by Addict

I have a question for you. Is this a problem just when you're with other people or when you are by yourself as well?

When I'm alone at home and experiencing this reaction, I just change the channel or turn off the TV. So it's pretty much the same.

Originally Posted by Brutha

I have the same problem.
I have considered that it has something to do with my introvertness. How about you, are you rather introverted or extroverted?

I'm introverted right now, but I'm working on it.

Originally Posted by Razo

I think perhaps it may be a reflection about how comfortable you are with doing & experiencing things outside of your comfort zone? Are you comfortable with acting silly around others or doing things that may be risky and unlike yourself?

I've come to similar conclusions. Tomorrow I'm moving to a bigger city. It's a great opportunity to work on my social life and step out of my comfort zone. In fact I'm already out of it for some time, and it takes guts to continue.

[rikun]

To me that sounds you are acting a bit overly emotional. Think about it, you're watching somebody else acting, it's all fake.

How do you deal with real life situations? If you don't have any problems with being overly emotional in reality, I find your problem were strange indeed.

[Phil Parkinson]

TV is just such a massive waste of your life... Take your TV to a tip and do something worthwhile in the hours you burn in front of it.

Phil x

[yougetajob]

I agree, just stop watching. Read Jerry Mander's book on TV. You will find your answer there.

[Megan]

Many times I've turned off things like Dancing With the Stars, and the other talent shows with unkind judges.

Also, I cannot sit through violent movies.

I've never considered it a problem--I just know that I'm sensitive and I value that trait in myself.

I think we pay a price for blunting our sensibilities.

I just choose not to feed my mind violent or antisocial material.

In the last few weeks, I find I can barely tolerate TV at all, and movies don't attract me anymore. That's not a problem--I'm glad for it!

Megan

[ethereal]

I have the same problem too. Everytime I watch a movie, my whole body just tenses up the whole time, and I come out of the theater sweating and exhausted.

I also agree that it has to do with empathizing with the characters in the movie, and feeling what they might have felt if you were in the same situation.

However, I think that it is a ripe opportunity to discover why these negative/distressing feelings should arise at all. If you notice, these feelings are coming from our interpretation of how we would feel if we were the movie character, almost as if we were experiencing the situation from their point of view. It's almost like we're speeding up our life experiences, by experiencing the lives of all these characters vicariously.

There are two ways to deal with this:
1) unconsciously block out and suppress the negative emotions that arise (which only temporarily fixes things)
2) consciously experience and process it out, with spiritual work and emotional processing techniques (sedona method, forgiveness, introspection, etc.)

All negative emotions come from a misperception and non-acceptance of reality, so whenever something comes up, whether in your normal life or in a tv show/movie, look within to see why you're feeling this way. By continuously processing out the negative emotional energy, eventually it will clear and not only will you be able to watch these shows/movies, but your normal life will also feel a lot more positive and lighter.

[Decamber]

Hello lawgamer,

I think it sounds like you associate with the movie to a degree higher than normal. Probably you are a very emotional and empathetic person with a developed skill of imagination.

I would like you to do this experiment. Think of something you do regularly, like brushing your teeth. Do you see an image of it? Are you IN that picture in the way that you're looking at the tooth brush from your own eyes? Or do you see yourself standing there brushing your teeth?

Now think of a scary episode in Saw. Are you still in the picture, like you're remembering a situation from you own life, when YOU were trapped in a room with chains around your hands and looking at a dead person lying on the floor? Or do you see the television screen showing that situation from what obviously is a movie? Or do you even see yourself looking at the television?

Probably what you see is something that feels pretty much as a memory from your own life; the picture is taken when looking from your own eyes.

Think of the tooth brushing again. Let's say you're in the picture, looking from your own eyes... Can you switch viewpoint, so that you see yourself brushing teeth? Can you switch a further step, so that you see yourself LOOKING at yourself on a television brushing teeth?

My point is.... I think, when you're watching tv, you automatically put yourself IN the movie. Your mind doesn't know the difference between experiencing a real event and visualizing something happening. What you need to do, is reprogram your brain so that you can CHOOSE whether you like to ASSOCIATE or DISSOCIATE from whatever happening.

So... Next time you're watching tv, try to feel the sensation of sitting in the sofa. Feel the pressure on your back and thighs. And say to yourself that "I am sitting here watching a movie". Try and do whatever it takes to make your subconcious understand that whatever happens on the television screen is NOT what is happenening to YOU. At first try this on a movie that you have seen before and that you know you can watch without problems, like Ace Venture. Then gradually try more uncomfortable movies. When undeserved feelings hit you, hit back with your fist on your leg for instance! Feel the pain! This makes you brake the spell the movies holds on you, and you will hopefully recognize again that you're just sitting here, on the sofa, watching a movie. If you want to, you can even try adding in your imagination some rediculously looking Marx glasses and a fake moustasch to the characters in the movie, or imagine that suddenly Ace Ventura arrives in that horrible scene, playing a war psychotic man running round and jumping and doing whatever makes you laugh....

All this is inspired from NLP. Perhaps it sounds silly, but have a try and see if it works!

[Enlightenment]

Dear L,
I had no idea others suffered from the same affliction as me! I can't watch Friends and I can't watch the World According to Jim without feeling like I am doing myself a strange disservice.
I especially cannot watch Access Hollywood or Etalk. I find the presenters plastic and annoying. To what or whom are we comparing ourselves?
Take the World According to Jim, all they do is deceive one another. No marriage could sustain such shannanagans without ending in divorce.
I must change the channel when Access Hollywood comes on for fear of hurling. I get physically sick when I see someone on the red carpet. I have examined this 'problem' I have, and I think it is because these shows are not indicative of real life situations. They are mostly exaggerations or shameless self promotion. Although, I'd love to be walking the red carpet, there really is something about it that proves to be very satisfying to the ego. And I admit, I am jealous. It reminds me of how much I see myself as a failure in the industry.
Look at Owen Wilson - he's famous, cute, rich, funny and very miserable. I am not saying it is better to be poor and not famous... I am just saying that, if any of us do end up in that situation (the rich and famous part) that we would use it to do good instead of dipping into self indulgence. But then again, we could do the former now, on a smaller scale.
Also, I think that these shows cater to the lowest common denominator, perhaps we're dissatisfied that the stars from Friends were paid millions per episode for absolute crap. Unfortunately, none of them have moved on to more substantial parts and are tabloid fodder most of the time. That's hell.
Perhaps someone 'up there' is telling us, in no uncertain terms, to simply stay away from this mind garbage as it uses up space that could be implemented to do better things in this world.
E

[Brutha]

I think it sounds like you associate with the movie to a degree higher than normal. Probably you are a very emotional and empathetic person with a developed skill of imagination.

Emotional and empathic persons are generally not introverted.

[Decamber]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Emotional and empathic persons are generally not introverted.

That is actually a matter of definition. When I refer to introversion/extraversion I have the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) system in my mind. Perhaps you aren't familiar with it? Please follow the following links if you're interested.

The Myers & Briggs Foundation
My MBTI Personality Type - MBTI Basics - Extraversion or Introversion
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Metta

[lawgamer]

Thanks for all your replys .
I find this thread very interesting but I'm unable to test most of the advice right now because of not having a TV at my new place and not having money (temporarily) to go to the cinema .
But probably it's all to the good .