An invitation to women to experience bonadge at the SRW

[Andrew Wilcox]

At the Conscious Growth Workshop last month, part of the feedback I received during the exercises was that I was too opaque: many people really liked me (it turns out that my lyrical interpretive dancing has helped me learn how to project joy easily), yet people felt I was keeping too much hidden: that they desired to know me better, but I wasn't volunteering enough.

One of the things I keep hidden by habit is that I enjoy tying up women. This is a pretty big hobby of mine: I regularly attend classes on technique and safety, I have a large collection of how-to books on the topic, I have natural fiber rope and vegan cuffs for women who dislike leather or synthetic materials, and so on.

But I've also had people unfriend me when they learned I was into bondage, so I'm normally careful about who I let know of my interest. Then when a friend finally learns of my skill, as often as not they say, "wow, I've always wanted to try this". So I've been keeping safe, yet also denying to friends this experience that they might like to have, if only they knew I was a practicing top.

Writing this post is for me a courage exercise. I've had this on my action idea list for about a week and half, and every day I've scanned my list, looked at this item and thought, "I think I'm going to do this, but I'm not ready yet", and then did something else on my list instead. Today I was able to push through my resistance and write this post.

Naturally I can't predict whether there will happen to be any women attending the Subjective Reality Workshop who will want to manifest this experience... for me the important thing is to practice making the offer.

My role as a top (the person doing the tying up) is, as much as I can, to create the particular experience that my partner wishes to have. I've had friends who wanted escapable bondage so that they could have the fun of wiggling out, and friends who wanted inescapable bondage so that they could relax and enjoy the sensation of being helpless. Some women have wanted to be in public, others in private, and still others to model and have their pictures taken in decorative bondage. Some have wanted to be alone and others to have friends along. Some women have wanted to be tied up themselves, and others to learn how to do it themselves. Some women have wanted to be tickled or spanked or kissed or ravished or cuddled, and others don't want their personal space invaded at all. Some women have never been tied up before and are looking for a very mild experience to try it out, and others want something intense. And so on... for me the fun challenge is to avoid making any assumptions, to create an experience which is neither too boring nor too intense across multiple dimensions.

In terms of the principles of personal growth -

Truth - for both the top (the person doing the tying up) and the bottom (the person being tied up), the accurate perception and acknowledgement of what they themselves want and don't want; and likewise the willingness to understand and accept the truth of what the other person wants and doesn't want.

Love - taking the opportunity to connect with a shared interest; to practice communication to effectively share our truth, and to create a shared experience.

Power - for the bottom the practice of assertiveness to say "this is what I want" (instead of for example wimpy "oh you can do whatever you want with me"); and for the top decisiveness in the session itself.

Oneness - realizing that we're already connected and that we can share this common interest if we want to; and practicing empathy, compassion, honesty, and fairness within the experience.

Authority - for both the top and the bottom keeping strong boundaries: to avoid doing anything that either feels is unsafe or unwanted; if desires are too mismatched to cleanly say "ok, let's not do this" instead of muddling through and creating an unpleasant and unsatisfying experience.

Courage - for the bottom having the courage to place themselves in the hands of another person; and for the top taking responsibility for the safety of someone else and for the outcome of the experience.

And regardless of whether this is a mutual desire for us or not, I look forward to meeting you at the workshop ^_^

[KtotheB]

I'm not into bondage Andrew but I wanted to give you props for having the courage to be so open with your desires!

See you at SRW.

[johnnyg]

Haha, fun! Hooray breaking through barriers. The courage to reveal your kinks can be a rough one.

I'm not a women but I do enjoy getting tied, and occasionally tying up the right guy. So I could extend the same invitation to any men interested, assuming there's a good connection between us.

I'm amused that this community has a bit of a kinky bent to it

[meggarz]

It's so hard to find a man that is into this that's actually sane and a caring person outside of the bedroom. Last guy I told to choke me was like what the fawwwk, needless to say it didn't work out.

[Andrew Wilcox]

Originally Posted by meggarz

It's so hard to find a man that is into this that's actually sane and a caring person outside of the bedroom. Last guy I told to choke me was like what the fawwwk, needless to say it didn't work out.

I hear you!

I think it can be especially hard for a caring person to a) conceptualize enjoying being a sadist as part of their self image, and b) have the confidence to (for example) choke someone without fear that they're going to harm them.

If you do find a caring person who is interested in something like choking but doesn't yet feel comfortable actually doing it, your local BDSM group is a great resource: the people there will be happy to teach and mentor you both.

[meggarz]

When should you actually speak to the person about this? Months into dating? A year? It's hard to express some of the things I'm into without coming off as a "freak" to them, at least I can watch it in porn.


Seeking a spiritual man that has morals, family oriented, husband material, loves children, animals, is motivated, and a caring person.

Did I mention I like to be choked and hog tied on occasion? LOL. That never goes over well on the first date.


foreveralone.jpg

[ssandra]

So cool!

If I were to go, I might have taken you up on the offer... I don't have nearly as much experience at this as I would like...

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by meggarz

When should you actually speak to the person about this? Months into dating? A year? It's hard to express some of the things I'm into without coming off as a "freak" to them, at least I can watch it in porn.


Seeking a spiritual man that has morals, family oriented, husband material, loves children, animals, is motivated, and a caring person.

Did I mention I like to be choked and hog tied on occasion? LOL. That never goes over well on the first date.


foreveralone.jpg

I always started after the first or second time having sex.

If I would not be comfortable talking about that after having had sex, I have no business having sex with that person

[Andrew Wilcox]

Originally Posted by meggarz

When should you actually speak to the person about this? Months into dating? A year? It's hard to express some of the things I'm into without coming off as a "freak" to them, at least I can watch it in porn.

Seeking a spiritual man that has morals, family oriented, husband material, loves children, animals, is motivated, and a caring person.

Did I mention I like to be choked and hog tied on occasion? LOL. That never goes over well on the first date.

At Steve's Conscious Growth Workshop one of the things we learned about is that it's useful to broadcast our desires: it causes compatible people to move closer and incompatible people to move away. This is good because it means we end up with people in our life who share our interests!

There's a big difference between "never" and "rarely". "Never" means there's no point in trying. "Rarely" simply means that you just need to try a bunch of times Suppose that 1 in 20 guys who have the qualities you want are also into BDSM, so you'd need to talk to 20 guys to find the one you want. Which, if you wait a year to bring it up, will take 20 years... or if you wait a month, will take 20 months... or, if you talk about it on the first day, means you can find someone in twenty days!

[johnnyg]

Mmmm, I look at it in terms of people who add kink to their sex, and people who add sex to their kink. I occasionally add sex to my kink, and need a partner with the same mindset. Luckily I live in a city with a pretty good gay kink community, so I really only ever get involved with people I've met through that community.

So yeah, if it's a deal breaker for you, find the right community and look there?

[SatvikBeri]

Now we just need a woman to offer bondage to men

[Andrew Wilcox]

Originally Posted by ssandra

So cool!

If I were to go, I might have taken you up on the offer... I don't have nearly as much experience at this as I would like...

Why thank you!

Do feel free to email me if a better time for you comes along and you're still wanting to do something... the SRW doesn't have to be the only time that I'm available xD

[Andrew Wilcox]

And the latest news is... I'm moving to Las Vegas!

I've received a lot of interest from lightworkers about my offer, and I realized that I'd love to be able to make this kind of offer on a regular basis. I love lightworkers and all they give to the community, and if there's anything I can do to help them fulfill unmet personal needs or offer advice or education I'd love to be able to do so. Rents are very expensive and apartments are tiny where I'm living now, and so I'm thinking that this is going to be a lot easier to do in Vegas ^_^

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Andrew Wilcox

Why thank you!

Do feel free to email me if a better time for you comes along and you're still wanting to do something... the SRW doesn't have to be the only time that I'm available xD

Tnx. I don't plan to be in the US in the near future, but if I am, I'll let you know