Not having the best time at the moment - career wise

[ellie]

Do you ever get periods of your life where everything seems to go wrong, where nothing seems to fit?

Well that's where I am at the moment. How can I go from being quite happy in my job/s and then all of a sudden it turns into a big shomozzal (sp?).

As some of you might know I got what was quite a good job for a company that I had specifically told myself that I wanted to work with. In addition, I also got a teaching job one night a week, which I also really wanted to do.

But I've just given up teaching and I have now gained a new boss who is stressing me to know end in my full-time job.

I just feel like such a failure in teaching and well I'm really beaten up inside about it. I just was not up for the job, which I didn't realise, until I was actually in it. It was too hard a subject for me to teach and I feel I didn't give the best teaching to my students because of it.

To top it off as I said I have a newly appointed manager in my job, who is making my job much more harder.

Why do these things always happen in the one go? Is someone trying to tell me something.

Soemtimes I feel that is the case!

[Erki]

Hello, ellie, welcome back.

At the very least, you have some job... And seems like you like your job itself, it's just that some people make it hard for you...

Maybe the first shot at teaching went a bit south, but maybe you can get clear about what went wrong and get yourself clear, how to make it better.

I have no job at all and it means that I have very little money which means that I'm constantly anxious about how I can make some money so I wouldn't be so anxious any more...

[UHF]

Hello Ellie,

Originally Posted by ellie

Do you ever get periods of your life where everything seems to go wrong, where nothing seems to fit?

Yes, but it only seems that way. Do you have your health and money to live on? A supportive partner? What else can you be grateful for today?

Originally Posted by ellie

But I've just given up teaching... I just feel like such a failure in teaching and well I'm really beaten up inside about it. I just was not up for the job, which I didn't realise, until I was actually in it. It was too hard a subject for me to teach and I feel I didn't give the best teaching to my students because of it.

Did you panic? Do you miss doing it? Perhaps you need some mentoring or support. Don't run from this if it's what you wanted. You've been hard on yourself and not given it long enough. Teaching takes time to perfect.

Originally Posted by ellie

To top it off as I said I have a newly appointed manager in my job, who is making my job much more harder.

If they're being unreasonable then tell them or complain. Perhaps they're panicking about not being up to the job and this is how it's appearing.

Originally Posted by ellie

Is someone trying to tell me something.

Yes and you know who it is don't you - the self-critical Ellie. Look at your teaching again and don't be so hard on yourself. You can go back to it if you want, this isn't irreversible. You can go back to it.

[ellie]

The thing is I really botched up the teaching. I had one student leave and the rest hardly ever turned up. Even though there were only 5 students to start with. I don't think I'll ever get a reference and to top it off it was at my old uni, so all my teachers may hear through the grape vine that I was crap. The thing it's so unfair, I worked hard to learn the subject on the weekends, taking up almost of all of it - without being paid for the extra hours. I still got very nervous and still came across unorganised, because even though I wrote class notes, sometimes I missed some important step in the exersise.

It's just unfortunate that I took on the job, because It was just way too hard for me and now it will be harder for me get a teaching job within my old uni.

Aggghhh not a good week. I'm so glad I've given it up, I will have this weekend free at least. I was getting so stressed not having anytime to myself.

[UHF]

This is a real shame. Students don't turn up for a variety of reasons - mostly because lots of them hopelessly lack commitment. If you had 25 students, there would have been more present during the course. I did an astrophysics module when I was studying physics years ago and I turned up 20 minutes late to discover the lecturer was still waiting for anybody to turn up. He carried on and was totally professional about it.

I read your other posts and you were very enthusiastic about getting this. It takes a while to become a real good teacher or lecturer and the world needs them. It's down to experience. Expectations aren't always fully met at first. If you look back at what you did, I think you'll find it wasn't so bad as you thought. I think you need some support too.

'I'm so glad I've given it up, I will have this weekend free at least.'

It's a mild relief that the pressure's off, but I'm not convinced you wanted to have to end it.

'I still got very nervous and still came across unorganised...'

So did I the first time I had to speak in front of a class. Please rethink this and don't be so hard on yourself. You made a desire into reality and just need to make improvements. There are people out there waiting for you.

[ellie]

thank you for your kind words UHF, they make me feel better. Although, I know one student left because he thought I was crap - lol! I know that for a fact as it was relayed back to me - great huh!

I think I was thrown into the deep end. I was given no teaching notes and a few days to prepare before I started.

I know I could go back to teaching if I wanted too, but at the moment I don't want too. I actually found it a bit draining. The students wanted so much from me and yet they never returned the courtoursey to come to class, or submit the 1 "easy" assignment I gave them.

I also went out of my way to email them back with responses and such. Anyway, it was a real eye opener, I thought teaching would be easy. I really have a new form of respect for teachers and now understand how disheartening it can get when students miss class or don't hand in assignments. That's not to say I missed all my classes at uni, but I did skip a couple - te he!

I almost had a breakdown a few weeks ago, I was so stressed with having too much on my plate that I just couldn't cope. Nothing is worth that feeling and it's just not possible for me to teach and work full-time in another job at the moment.

[UHF]

I think if it's causing serious stress at the moment, then it's the right decision. I think that inside, you still really want to teach and that you won't give up on this. I hope not anyway.

Don't let the attitude of the students (I assume they were in their late teens/early 20s) put you off. They usually aren't old enough to commit to much yet. Good luck, you'll get better with experience. And remember there are people out there waiting for you.

Simon

[Love]

Hey, teaching can be tough. I know that I've broken down and cried. However, it can be really super rewarding. If you'd like to get back into and start looking around for help, I'm sure help will arrive. And if you don't want to get back into teaching, then you've made the right decision.

[bluskygirl]

Hey Ellie, I don't have any real advice for you, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone! I think everyone has times in their life where everything seems like it's falling apart. The beauty of those times though, is that when you come back out of them you've learned something amazing; about yourself and about life. I don't think we could grow much from life if were a cake walk, right?

Every time I am feeling like life is "ganging up" on me, I say thank you, because I know that in the end I am going to come out of it stronger, wiser and happier! Best of luck with your job, and I agree with others that teaching can be a very rewarding career and that students fail to show up for many reasons no matter what kind of teacher they have. Still, if you are feeling a sense of relief about the upcoming free weekend, then you have at least temporarily made a good decision for yourself. Maybe you just need time to regroup and recenter and can eventually look at it again as a possibility. Best of luck, Ellie.

[Jason S]

Ellie,

The sentiments you're expressing seem to be going around... I have a client who is having a week just like yours, I'm having a week sort of like yours (though to be fair, not nearly to the same degree), I just got a call from a friend of mine in CA going through a much tougher-than-expected transition at a new job, I have a meeting tomorrow with a struggling grad student who failed both his summer classes, I have a different client who called me for a meeting because a "no-brainer" decision he made last year is starting to bite him in the butt in a major way... coast to coast angst. Maybe Jupiter's in retrograde. Or Mars. Or both.

Teacher to teacher, all I can tell you is that some classes gel and some don't, and it sucks that this one didn't. But that's all that it was, so don't blame yourself... yet. It's not your fault until you have three crap classes in a row--once is a fluke, twice a coincidence. When you hit three in a row, you have a trend, and then maybe you can start looking inward.

Also, something you might be interested in: inspired by one of my consulting clients, I posted a blog entry today about the overwhelming feeling of disconnectedness. I think you might find some additional solace in it.

Hang tight.

[jdub]

hey, from a students point of view, it most likely wasn't your fault that they didn't show. Most of the time if a professor doesn't have a tight attendence policy, attendence is low. And most of the time the classes I want to skip are more because of the subject matter than the professor.