What's the right thing to do?

[sri.k]

My parents are going through a rough patch financially. I would like to help them which would mean a full-time job. My mother is ready to take care of my 5 mo daughter so I could take up full time job. I'm a little apprehensive about being away from my daughter for nearly 8 hours a day. I do get some relief from seeing other women do it with ease expertise, but I;m still a li'l apprehensive. I'm also focusing on completing my CPA, which needs some quality time for preperation. I've promised myself that I would complete CPA before my daughter becomes 1. I don't want to let go of this promise at any cost. At the same time, I don't feel like blatantly refusing my parents' request.

Doing all the three together may be possible, but I'm not sure if it is feasible.

Which among the three is to be prioritized and why - My responsibility towards myself (as in my education), my responsibility towards my parents or my responsibility towards my daughter? I'm really confused about how to pull off all together. Please advise.

[Ak47]

I'd say your responsibility to education and parents would be the most important. Your daughter is at such a young age- she'd never recall you were away for long periods of time while she was a baby. Gaining the education quickly will only help her in the long run anyway- best you get it out of the way before she gets too old so that it's easier to support her in the future.

As for your parents, they raised you, so it's only reasonable to give back what you've received if it's needed, imo.

[John Hill]

I am sure others could give you advice on what is your best option when it comes to deciding between your daughter, your parents and your education but only you will really feel satisfied when you find the right answer from within.

Here is a technique I use, Do You Believe in Magic, when I need answers from within.

John

Attracting People.com

[silicon toad2000]

With your parents support you should be able to study part time and work full time, spend a few quality hours with your daughter.
Can you work part time and study part time? How many hours do you need to work to make enough money to help out?

[SeriousKidding.com]

Originally Posted by sri.k

My parents are going through a rough patch financially. I would like to help them which would mean a full-time job. My mother is ready to take care of my 5 mo daughter so I could take up full time job. I'm a little apprehensive about being away from my daughter for nearly 8 hours a day. I do get some relief from seeing other women do it with ease expertise, but I;m still a li'l apprehensive. I'm also focusing on completing my CPA, which needs some quality time for preperation. I've promised myself that I would complete CPA before my daughter becomes 1. I don't want to let go of this promise at any cost. At the same time, I don't feel like blatantly refusing my parents' request.

Doing all the three together may be possible, but I'm not sure if it is feasible.

Which among the three is to be prioritized and why - My responsibility towards myself (as in my education), my responsibility towards my parents or my responsibility towards my daughter? I'm really confused about how to pull off all together. Please advise.

I feel for you. How about taking on some bookkeeping clients where maybe you'd only have to go into the office briefly and could do most of the work at home?

[Alchemiss]

Can your mother get a job instead of taking care of your daughter while you get a job? Having a 5 month old and going for your CPA is fairly formidable as it is!

I agree you have all the answers within you. Best of luck!

[Love]

You've written that you don't want to let your promise to your daughter go at any cost. You didn't describe anything else with as much conviction as you did that, so I'm guessing that your daughter is your first concern?
However, what does it mean to you to have your daughter as a concern? Does it mean being there all day? Making sure she's fed? Making sure you have the money to give her a bright future? What does that mean to you?

You mentioned that your CPA needs quality time for preparation. What does that mean? 5 hours a day? 3 hours a day? No other things to think about (like a job)? What would quality preparation be for you?

You also said that your parents are going through a rough spot. What is needed to correct the rough spot? Do you want the primary responsibility to fall on you? How long would it go on if you decided to do it? What, specifically, would you do to earn money to help them out? How much money at what rate would you need to earn to do that?
I think some specifics would help you.

[sri.k]

Thank you so much. Let me explain my situation better -

I live in India. Unlike in the US, we do not have workplace supporting motherhood/maternity etc. I am not talking about just local places, as far as I know, even global MNCs do not really support breastfeeding moms. I'm talking about being able to take a 10 min break twice everyday, pumping breastmilk, being able to refregiritate it and carrying it back home. But, I've never heard of any mom actually do it in this part of the world. If they must work, they must quit bf. I guess moms here will understand me better than others here on the forum.

I am here in India for a short time. I will eventually go back to the US, where my husband lives. My parents are in deep debt. I am very shocked to know the situation. They have about Rs. 8 lacs in debt (20000 USD). The debt is scattered, a few on credit cards, a few bank loans. My dad and my younger bro together make 7 lacs pa, most of which is used towards paying interest charges and for household expenses. Every month, there is clear deficit of around Rs. 20,000, which becomes debt sooner or later. So, I want to be able to contribute at least that amount for the time I live here. A book keeping job won't pay me that much. A full-time Accounting job will.

Not all women here work...most women around my mom's age are used to staying at home, taking care of their families and cooking endless meals. I tried to suggest mom with some business idea, but again, it doesn't look like it could yield any concrete result.

By quality time for studies, I mean 3-4 hours a day of focused work. I must finish CPA to be able to work in the US. Even after finishing CPA, I may or may not get a work permit (H1B). Someone should be willing to sponsor my visa. There are several barriers ahead. But, I am trying to take it one at a time and the first would be qualifying myself.

Thanks for all the inputs again. I really hope some sharp mind here comes up with a feasible POA.

[sri.k]

Originally Posted by Love

You've written that you don't want to let your promise to your daughter go at any cost. You didn't describe anything else with as much conviction as you did that, so I'm guessing that your daughter is your first concern?
However, what does it mean to you to have your daughter as a concern? Does it mean being there all day? Making sure she's fed? Making sure you have the money to give her a bright future? What does that mean to you?

In the earlier post, I said, I've promised myself that I'd finish my studies by the time my daughter reaches 1 year of age so that she grows up with a mom brimming with self-esteem

I've given all the specifics...pls advise.

[Iksander]

I have been to India and to a degree understand your situation (family responsibility in India is certainly different from what we experience here in the USA).

I, still, will say the same thing though: let your parents take care of themselves. Finish your CPA, as that has much more intellectual investment value than the immediate option of just working full-time.

Once you finish that CPA THEN help them out!

[Love]

Okay.
3-4 hours of work on CPA.
X hrs of work where breast-feeding is allowed, breaks 2X daily.
{Are there any jobs that you know of that fit this description and could leave you the 3-4 hrs for your CPA? Where would you go to find one? If you can't find one that fits this description, what will be most important?}

20,000 dollar debt on multiple credit cards:
Can this amount be consolidated?
What can your parents/family do beyond what they are currently doing to make money?

[twinkie]

If it were me my first priority would be to my baby. 5 months is still an infant who needs mom as much as possible. To give up breast feeding at 5 months is not something I would take lightly. My next priority would be to get my CPA so my child and I could get back with my husband. Then when I am settled help my parents. If they can hang on without your help for now then I would let them. Is it possible for your husband to send any money to contribute to your parents household while you are living there? Pay your mom for babysitting while you are in class for example? No matter what you decide keep in mind you are so lucky that your mom can watch your daughter while you work or study. So many moms have to leave their babies with virtual strangers.

[OnionJack]

Originally Posted by sri.k

Which among the three is to be prioritized and why - My responsibility towards myself (as in my education), my responsibility towards my parents or my responsibility towards my daughter? I'm really confused about how to pull off all together. Please advise.

Hi sri.k,

I thought and revised how I might answer your post. In the end I don't have enough experience to answer coherently. And wish you the best of luck, as it is not an easy endeavour.

[deathwing9]

Im glad you have planed out and weighed ur options,but you already know the anwser to ur question. Trust ur gut the more time you waste thinking about it means the the more opportunity ecapes ur grasp. Go for it and never look back.