Improve oneself to help others?

[Xin]

As some of you may know, I was struggling a bit with some loneliness feelings, mainly related to not being able to connect in a deeper level with people. Anyway, I was checking some old notebooks of mine, and came across some sentences wrote by friends and persons I cared a lot. And something dawned on me.

Instead of complaing about not receiving, with all that I know and am able to do, why am I not the one to be there for others? To be on the giving end instead of the receiving (love to fear polarization, is this it?).

Immediatly, as I recalled memories of friends and what they have gone through, I felt this intense desire to improve. I felt that if I could be the best possible person, I would be able to, in some way, help others. Some famous guys think or thought this way, such as Bruce Lee or Will Smith.

I want, from the bottom of my heart, to make the life of others more 'shiny' just because I made a part of it. I want to help my friends, those who I care about, my family.

But I'm a tad confused. How *really* improving myself would help others? If I became rich, courageous, nice, tap into all my potencial, how would others benefit? I may inspire and serve as a role-model for others, but is that enough?

I know some of you think this way (improve oneself to extremes to help others), so I'd like to hear some insight into this. Why do you feel this way? How do you feel you'll be able to make a change? Has it ever made a really change?

[Shamou]

Good thread Xin...

To know how you can influence and help others by being better yourself... simply look how your heroes, Bruce Lee or Will Smith, have helped you... they did it simply by being themselves... by being examples that inspire and motivate...

Now Bruce Lee and Will Smith were not born the Bruce Lee and the Will Smith that you love and admire... they were born with crap in their diapers and worked passionately to become who they are now...

Same for you... you must decide what your passion is going to be... then put your body and soul into turning that dream into reality...

No shortcuts... no magic wand... no secret formula... except passion and hard work...

The very best of luck to you...

.

[Alchemiss]

Yes, a very good thread indeed. I do think becoming the best person you can be (and I don't mean perfect) does have a huge impact because energetically you are able to give more back by being less needy yourself. It goes far beyond role model; the people you interact with feel better just being around you, you will lift them. It's sort of the "rising tide lifts all boats" scenario.

If you try it in the opposite order, the supposedly nice things you do for people will have neediness under them. Sort of a "if I pretend to love you, will you pretend to love me?" scenario. Instead if you love yourself and help others do the same and then they can pass that along also...well, you see how it can propagate.

All the best,
Alchemiss

[Ak47]

I seem to recall posting something similar to this topic on here quite recently...

Personally i try to take my talents and push them to their limit. My reason for this? Not exactly to help people to begin with, but the fact that i'm ultimately interested in improving something that i find so interesting. Perhaps, my best talent now, was never a talent before, but i improved myself in the field so much, that it has now become a talent. I'm pretty good at giving advice for my age- which is a result of being a considerably decent, deep, constant philosopher of many topics- ranging from religion, to moral, to different kinds of relationships and more.

Now, using what i've learned from being the amateur philosopher that i am, i give back to the people what i learned from watching and listening to them. From considering the ideas they'd originally placed in my head, and sorting through them to determine which are right, which are wrong, and which are best.

I help people with my developed skills in understanding because i WANT to. Because i have trouble helping myself with what i've learned- and if i can't help someone else- everything i've learned in life is a waste. I also believe, the root of happiness is not in a person, but in people united. People are everywhere, and are always influencing eachother. There are a lot of evil influences in the world- but if i have the ability- why wouldn't i want to be a good influence? Perhaps if i implant the good, right ideas into enough peoples minds- someone will eventually come around and plant them into mine since i so have trouble planting them into my own.

This is just my basic reasoning for why i do the things i do to help people. If you'd like me to give you a more definitive explination- ask a more specific question and i'd be happy to.

[joshbickford]

By making the most of yourself you do help the most people. By becoming rich you become and inspiration to others, which is huge, but you also have the ability to give to others in a way that you wouldn't if you were poor.

It's that way with everything. Your effectiveness helps more people the more effective you are, you reach more people the longer you make your reach etc...

It's too bad that the true way to help people the most seems backwards to people.

[Aikiman]

I am from Singapore, just join today, I read through Steve's blog on courage and making decision using "is it me". This thing really make me think, I am stuck in a job that I really dislike, but I thank God, I have a good pay at the moment, that one thing I learned is to be grateful for what I have instead of complaining, I think it a good start, but I realise I lost my courage when I was younger, I am 43, with a family under me to take care of, I have become very conservative.

I have one which is still with me, is that when I become a grandfather, I have something to show my children and grandchildren that I some achievement that they can be proud of and perhaps a model to follow and look up too.

I have been working from job to job with no more passion. I am now really thinking of moving out of this situation, follow my passion and taking some action like register for some business course and start networking with people with positive mindset. I also join in more forum to know and learn from people, and this would be one good one.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Welcome, Aikiman. Good luck as you move forward.

Xin, I think there are benefits for you as well as everyone you come in contact with and the world at large when you take time to improve yourself. You will have knowledge, experience and resources to make a difference in many lives.

[Xin]

Thanks, guys (and girls ).

It is a huge motivational leverage for me thinking that me being the best I can be is an act that doesn't only benefit me, but also benefits others. The only thing that bothers me is that I still won't be able to reach into some people's heads and take them out of the world they imprisioned themselves into, if you know what I mean.

Well, actually, if I really am something out of the ordinary, that still remains as a possibility.

[Ak47]

Originally Posted by Xin

Thanks, guys (and girls ).

It is a huge motivational leverage for me thinking that me being the best I can be is an act that doesn't only benefit me, but also benefits others. The only thing that bothers me is that I still won't be able to reach into some people's heads and take them out of the world they imprisioned themselves into, if you know what I mean.

Well, actually, if I really am something out of the ordinary, that still remains as a possibility.

Well, just don't forget that it's very hard, if not impossible in many cases... to help someone who wont help themselves. So don't lose morale if it doesn't seem your tactic(s) always work- because it probably isn't your fault, but theirs.

[XeutonMojukai]

Hey Xin,

I have the same way of thinking, but in a different real-world manifestation..

When the pressure isn't on, I tend to be really poor at motivating myself.

However, when others are feeling distressed, I have the ability to essentially raise my competency, confidence, and overall development literally within seconds, and help the other person along with their path.

The closest thing to this in my mind is that, instead of being the fabled hero, I'm the similarly fabled old wizard who helps the hero on their way, but is ultimately not as powerful within as the hero.

I suppose this could be considered self-deprecating or taking the easy road, but the experience of raising others through this truly magical process is something that cannot be described or understood without experiencing it oneself.

Regardless, you are very much on the right track, I think.

Good luck with your quest.

~ David

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Xin

The only thing that bothers me is that I still won't be able to reach into some people's heads and take them out of the world they imprisioned themselves into, if you know what I mean.

Xin! The only person over which you have true power is yourself... don't waste time and energy on those who have no desire to grow... it will only have the reverse influence on pushing even deeper in their beliefs that they already know what is best for them...

The more you grow... the larger your influence becomes and the more you help in making this little planet a better place for all...

Stay focus on self-growth... give it all the passion and energy that you have... and you can't fail... you will become a beacon of hope and inspiration...

The very best of luck to you...

.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Xin

The only thing that bothers me is that I still won't be able to reach into some people's heads and take them out of the world they imprisioned themselves into, if you know what I mean.

That is a concept that has bothered me a lot too. When you get some new beneficial knowledge and so want to share it...to actually get the people you care about to see it and implement it too.

However, I have realized in my own experience that when I focus on myself (not so much selfishly, but in an attempt to grow and be loving) the people around me become more open to accepting help from me or actually begin to ask me what my secret is. Working on myself to become the best I can be and being available with love for everyone I meet is a much more effective way to get people to grow and change themselves than trying to force it on them.

Lead by example.