Why do people want to look good?

[moo]

My girlfriend, like pretty much 90% of the population (the 90% cames from nowhere, don't take it seriously), likes to look good... And somehow, I don't know why, I can't accept it...

It poses me a real problem, I don't even know if I want to be with her anymore because of that (I still love her, its been more than 2 years i'm with her, and thats big considering i'm 17)

I wouln't mind if she wanted to look good for me... I want to look the best possible for her, without caring what everyone else (nor myself) thinks about it. Or I wouln't mind if she was a model or something, since its her job...

But thats not the case, she wants to look good just for looking good, which is normal I think, but why can't I accept that?

The problem isn't that I want her to look the way I want her to look, if she would want to cut her hair realy short because they get in her way, thats fine with me, even tho I would not like it.

I wanna know what motivate her to try to look the best possible... She alerdy have a boyfriend, he hates it when she tries to look good, it cost money and time... Why can't she just be natural and be happy with it? (And its not that she find herself ugly)


Anyway, what should I do? If someone would give me a long, elaborate awnser to why does people wants to look good, I think that would make me accept it easier...

Thanks in advance, realy hope you can help me on this.

(Ps. English is my secondary language, sorry if some parts arent clear)

[Shamou]

Hello and welcome to this forum moo...

Now about your question... Being good looking is power... people are attracted to you... they pay attention to you... it flatters your ego... it makes you feel special... you are one of the blessed one...

Plus, looking as good as possible is a primal desire... as the chance to reproduce with a higher quality mate is enhanced...

Beauty is highly valued by the overwhelming majority of people... so, I believe that it is only normal and acceptable for someone to present themselves in the best possible light...

In this matter, I believe that it is you who has a problem and not her... could you be a little jealous that she commands more attention than you do... or that maybe someone could take her away from you...???

.

[Old Soul]

maybe looking good to her, reflects the way she feels inside.. and that is a good thing

[moo]

Old soul, alot of people who tries to look good dosnt feel good inside, beside, she dosn't feel all that good inside since some time... I don't think its that.

Shamou, I alerdy realised im the one with the problem, im sorry if I wasn't clear in my first post :/. And your post does make alot of sense, but somehow I dont know, it feels wrong to me. :/

Its not that im afraid someone would take her from me, and I dont realy get the "command more attention" part .


Perhaps its just that I despise (is that the right word?) beauty as a value, seeing as how alot of people suffers because of it? And seeing my loved one "supporting" it makes me feel bad? (And Its not that I have a complex because im ugly, as I find myself ok)

But thanks alot of the reply, its definitivly something I have to give alot of thought to it.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by moo

I can't accept it...

Well, you can, you're just choosing not to at the moment.

You're struggling against some powerful forces, Moo. First, as Shamou mentioned, the age-old unconscious evolutionary drive to attract the highest quality provider of sperm possible. Second, the incredibly strong pressure to conform to cultural standards of beauty -- that is especially strong if she's around 17, like you are. Third, there's the general urge for people to want to look good and avoid looking bad, so as to maximize their circumstances in life. Paying attention to your looks tends to land you better, higher paying jobs; people generally tend to like looking at attractive people (duh!) which would give you more of a pool of all kinds of opportunity to draw from; and nurturing your appearance is usually a pretty good indicator of positive spirits and a desire to meet and greet the world.

If you don't feel your values match up with hers, Moo, you should move on, because the relationship will never work. Why waste time? But I'd like to invite you to take another look at how you are judging Beauty as a negative value. Any value could be deemed to make people suffer, the way you're looking at it. For instance, what if I said valuing Joy causes people to suffer, because of the people who yearn for joy but don't feel it and therefore burn with jealousy? Or should I not value Vitality because there are people who are ill and are miserable? You see what I mean?

I'm not saying you need to hold Beauty as one of your highest values. But if your mate has a value that you are not willing to accept, then you are not giving your mate the freedom to be who she is. You don't have to share it, but if you don't allow her the freedom to hold her own values, she will squirm and rebel under your attempt to deprive her of that freedom. The problem is that no one's values are going to match up 100% with yours 100% of the time, and you will be faced with this issue until you realize that's an opportunity for growth, not a reason to suffer.

You would be a good boyfriend to assure her often that in your eyes, her beauty lies far deeper than any cosmetics or clothing -- that you treasure the beauty of who she is, at her core; and also that you find her physically gorgeous and irresistible without any trimmings.

But all of that would be a very hypocritical lie if you are not willing to accept her as she is, including the ways she is different from you.

Be generous, Moo. Allow her the freedom to be who she is, whether you stay with her or not!

(was that long and elaborate enough for you? )

[ZHereford]

Hi Moo,

It sounds like you're threatened by your girlfriend looking good. Does she make you feel that you are not enough for her? Or is it that she spends too much time on her appearance?

I can see how you wouldn't value beauty without good character and personality first. Perhaps you would like her to concentrate on those values more than just looking good.
There is nothing wrong with looking good but it shouldn't be the most important thing.

If she tries to look good just to feel better about herself and it isn't working, then she doesn't love herself herself very much.

[moo]

Angela, I think you saved my relationship . (And well, made me a better person) I called her and its alright now, its exactly what I needed to read.

I don't have much else to say... Thanks from deep inside to everyone who replied, you're truly great^^

[RT Wolf]

Because looking good feels good? And we like to feel good.

The question of why does looking good feel good is more interesting. Some people have suggested evolutionary reasons as well as sociological reasons. Fascinating stuff, really.

[somaziro]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Because looking good feels good? And we like to feel good.

The question of why does looking good feel good is more interesting. Some people have suggested evolutionary reasons as well as sociological reasons. Fascinating stuff, really.

I know I am more productive when I look good/feel good than when I don't. ie when I get up and shower and put on 'work clothes' as opposed to getting up and trying to do work in pajamas.

Maybe it is just a mindset you get put in?

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by Angela

...as Shamou mentioned, the age-old unconscious evolutionary drive to attract the highest quality provider of sperm possible.

Angela!

What an elegant sentence...!!!

The lady has talent...

.

[RT Wolf]

Originally Posted by somaziro

I know I am more productive when I look good/feel good than when I don't. ie when I get up and shower and put on 'work clothes' as opposed to getting up and trying to do work in pajamas.

Maybe it is just a mindset you get put in?

That sounds more like costuming or associations. You associate wearing work clothes to working hard, thus you start to feel like working hard when you put on the clothes. We associate different moods to different things, and that is also fascinating. And it yea, it certainly could be because you feel that you look better.

[Iksander]

Physical beauty is more than just a selection mechanism for mates, it is a primal desire to feel good and beautiful things make us feel good.

Something I have noticed here in Vegas, is that, even women that are not particularly 'good looking' are simply attractive because they have put effort into 'their beauty'. Quite a few people I know rave about how 'hot' Vegas chicks are, when, in fact very few are actually that endowed - the majority simply takes pride and care in how they represent themselves to other members of the society.

People also like to look beautiful for the same sex as well, because that acts as a status mechanism in peer interaction.

The Golden Ratio comes to mind.