such little room for beginners.

[Laurenaus]

I have some things on my mind that I would like to share from the forum and I'd like to hear opinions. When i see people who find success in the world, they usually share some common traits. They seem fearless, confident, and believe in themselves even when what they may be selling whether it's themselves or a product is questionable.

I'm starting to realize that at least in this society there's little room for error/failures/introverts/beginners/and people who show even the littlest insecurities. How do people become good at something, or confident, or experienced when they get the door slammed in their face when they're just starting out and clearly not perfect or highly experienced at things. What do you think about this??

I'm in my early 20's and I'm not the most confident person in the world for whatever reason whether it's because of lack of support growing up or fear of scrutiny. I think it's also because I don't have a whole bunch of life experience compared to others at my age. But I feel like I've been on the chopping block a lot--whether in jobs, relationships, volunteering etc. because I'm uncomfortable with experiences I've never been in and then my aura and actions reflect this.

People will say just FAKE IT!! Just DO IT!! I'm sorry, when im put in a very new situation I don't have the balls like some people who will be like EFF IT and confidently do something anyway.

I really feel like I'm not allowed to be insecure or a beginner or inexperienced because people dont give people like that chances.I also feel like people don't have the tolerance or patience to WAIT for me to get better at something and it's really disheartening.

[Brutha]

I'm starting to realize that at least in this society there's little room for error/failures/beginners/and people who show even the littlest insecurities.

I honestly don't think that's the case.

Before I did my first radio interview I told the journalist that I don't know whether I can boil down my story short enough for it to be interesting to a radio audience.
She said: "Look don't worry about it. I'll cut the interview afterwards and in the end everything will sound plausible."

If people want something from you, they usually don't care that you are inexperienced. They might even try to convince you when you say: "Look I can't, I'm a beginner".

A guy who's in love with a girl doesn't care if she tells him she's inexperienced.

The problem comes where you pretend to be perfect but obviously are a beginner.
It's not something that people let you get away with.

[Laurenaus]

hmm well i definitely don't pretend like im perfect.

[Cado]

Originally Posted by Laurenaus

People will say just FAKE IT!! Just DO IT!! I'm sorry, when im put in a very new situation I don't have the balls like some people who will be like EFF IT and confidently do something anyway.

That's exactly what it takes. You don't let anyone else define you and you don't let failures and setbacks stop you. The world conforms to you-that's what sets successful people apart. It's a hard road but technically anyone can do it, the only question is will they?

Will you?

[tomtomtom]

Well, there are a billion ways to be successful and you did not really give an example of what you are talking about or your qualifications. Confidence comes from succeess and practice. I have no idea what your doing but whatever it may be, Start doing it, do it more, see progress, gain confidence. Relationships are a different story, as far as insecurities, yes there are common traits among the successful but were talking about presidents, ceo's, actors, who are in a different class of there own. The general population is full of people with every problem in the book.

[strawberryShaker]

it sounds like you have had this belief for a long time.

i know this sounds cliche to say "everyone starts at as beginner". If that annoys you, i dont blame you. People who naturally get into the groove, who say "just do it", have been propped up. Everything is a climb if you dont get support from the family. These days there is so much appreciation for success and no acknowledgement of the people who literally have to pave their own way. But you have to keep asking questions like this!! If you keep asking questions you will have epiphany after epiphany. after a while you wont have to ask so many. read books. I recommend this <read it over and over>: Care and feeding of the Perfectionist. Amazon.

i was a beginner and i still am in ways. everyone is. even if they deny it. they just dont want to start something which they have no idea how.

most who say "just do it" give that advice when they have been in their own groove for a while (or they are lazy and dont want to type). In any case its easier said than done. That is something you should acknowledge. I bet if you told them "just go tame a hyena" they'd shy away from it.


dont look at yourself as being "late" look at yourself as having more time to be in the pressure cooker. You say all people are inherently born with drive, or talent, or focus, confidence, crazyness. Actually ...no.

You gradually get used to doing bold things. You just gotta make the little effort everyday. Its basically getting into cold water. Once your in you are used to it.

Since you're already an over-analyzer just catch yourself if you go into a negative spin. DONT convince yourself over and over of why a thing is going to fail.

Most most most importantly, enjoy yourself and dont force anything. dont beat yourself up if things dont work out perfectly.

Most people who you describe as having balls, actually feel on edge all the time. They're always trailblazing. It is NORMAL to feel like you're in over your head. If you can be appreciative of everything you will get by though, and it wont be so bad. But the minute you start getting envious of people and aren't grateful for what you are doing you will fall flat on your face.

Its not that you naturally cant do any of this. You just have to retrain your brain to shift gears.

This is really really key what im going to say next, sorry for restating but: brainwash yourself. You have been brainwashed by your experiences. Bad or good. But everything isn't exactly what it seems. Everything is relative to what you make it, what you experience, what you come to believe from failure or success. don't look at reasons why things wont work, if something fails say "well im going to do this next ♥♥♥♥ their system". Look at the progress you make and let yourself be free.

Sometimes you have to run STRAIGHT into walls you think are going to swallow you. (example: i took 3 unites for a semester and trained myself for the rest of the time, using the library resources to get ahead in a thing)



dont listen to people. and dont care what people think so long as you are coming from a passionate place.

you have a lot of passion for something because you asked this question, i'm assuming, just go with it. also what do you want to do?

[jaydeschizo]

I understand the feeling, from my experience I would say: go out and get life experience, that will help you consciously develop more self confidence and slowly but surely help you find your drive and goal.

And yes, this is very easy to write and excruciatingly difficult to execute. Being awesome is fun but NOT easy, if it was easy everyone would be doing.

[Moriarty]

It's the old Catch 22...How can I gain experience without first having the experience?

Life is like that. How do you know what you like to wear the most? By experimenting. How do you cook a great pizza? By experience of what doesn't work. How do you know where to shop? ...and so on....

You're asking questions that youth and inexperience has no meter for. It's like a car trip to a new city...when you get there, you know what way to return.

My advise would be to let go of the idea of 'winging it' and just be who you are. To live by false masks is like spinning a cobweb that will be your own trap. Best to be yourself..that way there's no mistakes.

[nothuman]

Heres something you can take to the bank, next time someone asks you something and you don't know the answer say ' I'm sorry I don't know' How often do you hear that ? Not often enough, we feel compelled to have an answer for everything and it doesn't even matter if it's the correct one or not.
It really does put people at ease to be around someone who doesn't know it all.

[Laurenaus]

thank you guys, I really appreciate all the feedback. There were a lot of great things to take away from this thread. Someone mentioned the tendency to overanalyze and be a perfectionist and I didn't even think of it that way. I guess I do analyze. And yes it's hard to be awesome, I completely understand that as well. Because to get there is quite a journey and not everyone does it because to do so means voluntarily placing yourself in an obstacle course until you come out on the other side transformed. I guess I just have to accept the intolerance some people have for beginners or the inexperienced. I know I've avoided many situations because of it and have been let go from jobs because I wasn't aggressive enough or didn't immediately put myself out there..I've avoided even relationships because of some of my inexperience. It's just kind of hard for me to dive in head first when im afraid of getting hurt, some people have no problems doing this and good for them. I'm working as a behavior therapist..helping kids with mild autism. One of the mothers wants to trade me in for a more experienced one, even though I was trying and making progress with her child. Oh well it is what it is.

[Moriarty]

Originally Posted by Laurenaus

I'm working as a behavior therapist..helping kids with mild autism. One of the mothers wants to trade me in for a more experienced one, even though I was trying and making progress with her child. Oh well it is what it is.

Some people are really small-minded. They're no loss anyway. I work in aged care and many of them also have this mind-set that the younger workers have no clue how to help with basic needs and will give them a hard time.

What these people with needs dont realise is theyre knocking back the help they came for....so its like cutting off your own nose to spite your face.

[Andrew Gubb]

Sure confidence is important. But what's more important is to work out whether you're using it as an obstacle to getting your dreams. Is this your excuse? That you don't have confidence? Is it your way of giving yourself a crutch, a reason why it's okay to feel bad and not try and get your dreams? Can you find a way around this percieved block, or even create the confidence you lack, if not immediately, then bit by bit?

[cheesedip1]

Hmm, yeah I think sometimes I feel that way too, Laurenaus.

However, I think the best way is to just :

1. Take baby steps, and slowly improve yourself, take a risk, etc.

and

2. Have a supportive environement- When you have friends and an environment that supports you, it becomes easier to do things.