Is it possible to create a new 'ME'?

[Rossco]

Hi,

I've had too many thoughts over the last 5-8 years about deficiancies within myself, whether they are intellectual based, health based, or soul based.

I always seems to be the cause of 'faults' that might happen in my life. Even though, I would think with the say 'Not me again!' but it keeps on happening. I almost feel like I've been cursed.

My life isn't where it is / should be / meant to be in this phase of my life, even though I've tried seeing therapists, etc to overcome certain issues, fears, etc.

All of this hasn't been achieved, and I find that I'm meant to be somewhere, doing something great, but the question is where? The even bigger questions are, how and utlimately why so I can be fulfilled.

I've read/listened to self help material but I always find I'm on a high for a short duration, and then I'm back to being 'myself'. I even tried Qi Chi and Reflexology to no avail.

I'm not sure why but I'm the sort of person who always seems to start things and never finish them, or move on to other things only to find them boring and repetitive, deep within myself. I've also had problems with my communications - not being verbally clear, mumbling, cluttering, stuttering, and even though I've tried seeking help, I feel like I'm on the bottom of the barrel as things aren't improving. My mental ideas seem to keep me on my toes and all over the place so when I'm mumbling something, it might not make sense as I'm adding multiple ideas into the one thought if that makes sense.

Can anybody suggest what I could do as my true goal would be to rebuild myself from scratch; mind, body, and soul?

Is there anything holistic, magical, anything at all which could be done?

Many Thanks in Advance,

R.

[merveilles]

Maybe your thought patterns are the main problem. In the past I've been very happy/productive/successful/content with my life (meaning it's not really ME that's the problem, but more likely my current attitude), but now I seem to be stuck in a negative cycle. I'm thinking if I make some sort of drastic change, like where I live, it will get me thinking/focusing on different things, and break the cycle. Maybe it is that simple, and making a major change will help you too? I'm sorry I can't really give you any advice.

[merveilles]

Originally Posted by Rossco

I've read/listened to self help material but I always find I'm on a high for a short duration, and then I'm back to being 'myself'.

Do you maintain the changes you make after starting some self help program? When you say you're back to being yourself, did that happen because you went back to your old habits?

[Rossco]

Hmm, I might feel good during reading or listening to the material than after 10-30 minutes I feel the same again.

[raykilleen]

Originally Posted by Rossco

Can anybody suggest what I could do as my true goal would be to rebuild myself from scratch; mind, body, and soul?

The yogic sciences have been aiding the transformation of human beings for thousands of years. Instead of a belief system this technology utilizes skillful techniques and comprehensive methodologies through scientific trial and error developing awareness of body, mind, vital energy and spirit in efforts to expand human consciousness, lifting the veils of maya (illusions), allowing a space for spontaneous awakening en route to Truth, a union from which one has never been separated, simply understanding of one’s true inner nature through direct experience.

[Rossco]

Is there any specific Yogic stream I should follow? I've heard of Dru Yoga but is there any you can recommend based on my poor predicament?

[raykilleen]

Originally Posted by Rossco

Is there any specific Yogic stream I should follow? I've heard of Dru Yoga but is there any you can recommend based on my poor predicament?

The Bhagavad Gita (5000 years ago) is the first mention I know of the yogic sciences but it was the sage Patanjali that eloquently outlined the yoga sutras (2,500 years ago), probably because pass it down the line was influencing. There are four classic paths one may want to research: Karma, Bhakti, Jnana and Raja Yoga however they all follow the eight limbs as described in the sutras and although an individual may have a disposition/emphasizes towards one at some point we all experience:

Karma…existing in this world requires action etc.

Bhakti…we all experience emotions and compassion etc.

Jnana…we all have minds and need to examine etc.

Raja…the stillness needs to be experienced along with the difficulties of aversion and attraction etc.

[180]

I think you'll probably find you're holding yourself to an unobtainable standard.

As an example, you may be comparing things about yourself to others and always choosing to compare to someone better than you. I know lots of people who have a tendency to do this.

So for example, if you compared yourself to tiger woods in golf, or Bill gates in money, you're setting yourself up for dissapointment.

It's best not to compare yourself to any measure of competency within this world. Because keep in mind people often give the illusion of confidence when there is rarely anything to back it up.

Just as an example, I have a friend who often gives orders to other friends. Most of the time we assumed he was right, but today we gathered without him and we found out that 90% of the time we found out that he was totally wrong. He once suggested a restaurant and we all agreed it was terrible. Imagine our surprise when we found out MOST choices he made we thought were terrible. Some leader... His confidence is backed up by nothing. While he appears to be this great knowing guy, he actually made so many wrong choices that we're all agreed to never see him again.

Almost everyone gives off this illusion they are better than they are. Just a few days ago I found out my sister's boyfriend lied about his GPA. We all thought he was some hotshot med student witha 3.4 GPA and found out it was only 2.6. He can't even be medical with those grades.

You'd be surprised how similar and average you are to everyone else. Everyone lies right out of their teeth or has absolutely no idea how incompetent they really are. This is the Dunning Kreuger affect where the worst believe they are good at something. But they are so bad, they don't know they are bad.

I've done so much research on self-confidence these last few years because I wanted to write a book on it, and some of the major findings that people have been brainwashed to believe they are bottom tier, when it seems to be the exact opposite. And those who are brainwashed to believe they are good are insanely terrible at those skills.

Don't believe what you see or hear that everyone has a great job, is so intelligent, or has so much money. All this crap is mostly an illusion.

[Fred Tracy]

I used to want to create a new "me" too.

The bad news is, you're stuck with yourself. You can create a new you. You can change your identity or add yourself a little, but you're still basically going to be yourself.

The good news is, you CAN learn to love yourself. When I used to want to create a new me, I felt exactly what you're feeling. I now realize I didn't need a new me, I just needed more self confidence.

As for how to improve that confidence, I recommend becoming more aware. Relies that a lot of your habitual thinking is based on later upon layer of meaningless, negative garbage. As you peel off those layers you become more confident and more you.

[ChrisGinsburg]

You can create an endless number of identities for yourself but each one will be as unstable and fleeting as the next. You can however realize who and what you really are by letting go of all that. When I say all of it I truly mean ALL of it. There's a place deep inside of you that is not of the mind. This is the place I am speaking to.

[Rossco]

Thanks for the great words and advice!!

You're right. We all make ourselves asipre to unreachable positions in life and that it's all due to our programming and upbringing in life.

I'm currently in my late-twenties and there are severe things that are happening in my life. Sometimes, I might find it hard dealing with specific problems, as I'm trying to correct other things in my life but it never seems to happen.

I'm just not sure where or how to start as my problems are many and these problems cause me to doubt myself which impact on relationships; personal and career.

Some of my problems (just listing a few of them) are things like me having terrible numeracy skills (even when it comes to basic math, being addition subtraction, multiplication, etc as I was always bad at math during school), communication skiills (I seem to have gracefully acquired a stuttering/cluttering problem where I have a hard time even explaining things - even basic - and might come across like an idiot, even to the point where I might have a hard time finding even the most basic words as I think I might have forgotten them), leadership skills (I've always had terrible leadershup skills and aspired to one day become a great leader, but I can't take charge, delegate, inspire, move, groups of people and don't get me started on my public speaking skills), basic logic (sometimes gets thrown out the window as my thoughts are all over the place and racing at 1000 miles an hour), wanting to learn new things but never following through (I might be excited about something and start doing it only to get bored of it a short time later, and then the cycle starts again with something else), losing my sense of who I am (as I've forgotten the person I used to have been in life - perhaps they enjoyed hobbies but right now I've forgotten what I might have liked and all I do is the endless cycle of work-home-sleep as I know nothing else), not sure what it means anymore to live a true purpose; one of enjoyment and fulfilment, and that's why I'm scared to submit to the fact that this is me and that I can't become someone great (instead of being kept in the sidelines). I also seem to be a person where I'm an extravert with intravert tendancies if that is possible. This is why I'm under pressure as I know I haven't made it where I should have made it in life by this time and it sounds like I have a lot of catching up to do if it were possible.


I've tried therapy, speech courses, Toastmasters, and I'm now at a total loss.

[180]

Originally Posted by Rossco

Thanks for the great words and advice!!

You're right. We all make ourselves asipre to unreachable positions in life and that it's all due to our programming and upbringing in life.

I'm currently in my late-twenties and there are severe things that are happening in my life. Sometimes, I might find it hard dealing with specific problems, as I'm trying to correct other things in my life but it never seems to happen.

I'm just not sure where or how to start as my problems are many and these problems cause me to doubt myself which impact on relationships; personal and career.

Some of my problems (just listing a few of them) are things like me having terrible numeracy skills (even when it comes to basic math, being addition subtraction, multiplication, etc as I was always bad at math during school), communication skiills (I seem to have gracefully acquired a stuttering/cluttering problem where I have a hard time even explaining things - even basic - and might come across like an idiot, even to the point where I might have a hard time finding even the most basic words as I think I might have forgotten them), leadership skills (I've always had terrible leadershup skills and aspired to one day become a great leader, but I can't take charge, delegate, inspire, move, groups of people and don't get me started on my public speaking skills), basic logic (sometimes gets thrown out the window as my thoughts are all over the place and racing at 1000 miles an hour), wanting to learn new things but never following through (I might be excited about something and start doing it only to get bored of it a short time later, and then the cycle starts again with something else), losing my sense of who I am (as I've forgotten the person I used to have been in life - perhaps they enjoyed hobbies but right now I've forgotten what I might have liked and all I do is the endless cycle of work-home-sleep as I know nothing else), not sure what it means anymore to live a true purpose; one of enjoyment and fulfilment, and that's why I'm scared to submit to the fact that this is me and that I can't become someone great (instead of being kept in the sidelines). This is why I'm under pressure as I know I haven't made it where I should have made it in life by this time and it sounds like I have a lot of catching up to do if it were possible.

I've tried therapy, speech courses, Toastmasters, and I'm now at a total loss.

All those things can be trained. But the greater question is... do you need those skills?

I was reading this book where someone questioned the original Ford (car company) a series of questions about "common knowledge" things. He didn't know a <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 thing. That man was dumber than a box of rocks. But he said something that made a lot of sense, something to the effect of "It would take me a minute to find a man who could answer all those questions".

The case could be made that while you lack a lot of knowledge and skills...do you really need it? I know a guy who speaks 7 languages fluently but hasn't used them at all. You COULD learn speaking skills but frankly, how often in your everyday life do you need them? I'm a teacher and I public speak everyday, but when I first began I had no training. You only learn these skills when they become demanded of you.

Although, I think if those things bother you, you can certainly train yourself. But I wouldn't aim for fluency. Logic for example is extremely deep. Surface understanding is fine but when you start REALLY studying it, it gets immense. Kind of like math. There's a point where you have to say... I don't really need to learn anymore.

You seem really ambitious which is why I give this warning. In my off time I study forensics, posions, and psychopathology. All these things haven't benefited my life in anyways and were a waste of time. They seemed like good knowledge to have but amazingly as a teacher I haven't really come across the need to use it.

While leadership and logic seem like things that are well rounded and everyone should have, I can think of many situations they are useless. Especially in the workplace. Some jobs don't need logic at all. Even math can be taken care of with a calculator. Leadership is something I learned because... well I'm a teacher I'm forced to learn it. Speech skills as well. But when I was salesman I never really needed leadership skills.

Anyways, I could be wrong here, because specifically, what is the things in your life that have instigated this need to change and learn these things?

[hamix]

Originally Posted by Rossco

Hi,

I've had too many thoughts over the last 5-8 years about deficiancies within myself, whether they are intellectual based, health based, or soul based.

I always seems to be the cause of 'faults' that might happen in my life. Even though, I would think with the say 'Not me again!' but it keeps on happening. I almost feel like I've been cursed.

My life isn't where it is / should be / meant to be in this phase of my life, even though I've tried seeing therapists, etc to overcome certain issues, fears, etc.

All of this hasn't been achieved, and I find that I'm meant to be somewhere, doing something great, but the question is where? The even bigger questions are, how and utlimately why so I can be fulfilled.

I've read/listened to self help material but I always find I'm on a high for a short duration, and then I'm back to being 'myself'. I even tried Qi Chi and Reflexology to no avail.

I'm not sure why but I'm the sort of person who always seems to start things and never finish them, or move on to other things only to find them boring and repetitive, deep within myself. I've also had problems with my communications - not being verbally clear, mumbling, cluttering, stuttering, and even though I've tried seeking help, I feel like I'm on the bottom of the barrel as things aren't improving. My mental ideas seem to keep me on my toes and all over the place so when I'm mumbling something, it might not make sense as I'm adding multiple ideas into the one thought if that makes sense.

Can anybody suggest what I could do as my true goal would be to rebuild myself from scratch; mind, body, and soul?

Is there anything holistic, magical, anything at all which could be done?

Many Thanks in Advance,

R.

IMO, yes. I don't believe the human personality is fixed.

[Rossco]

Thanks for the great advice!!

What if you have lost your way so much, the path is so clouded, that you can't remember who you are/were, and ultimately taking the correct path in life?

[Self Exploration]

It is ironic that you want to create a new "self" yet most people want to find them selves. Who you are in fact is more precious than you realize.

[Rossco]

At one stage in my life, I thought that was the case, but I didn't see my inner self working for me, to help me make it in life when I was younger, and then it's morphed into something where I'm not sure who I truly am anymore, and it might be easier to start-over.

My apologies if this all comes across as ramblings.

[James81]

You ever look at an old photo album at the photos and go WOW, I can't BELIEVE I looked like that! I've changed so much! But it took looking at an old photo for you to see that, because everyday looking in the mirror the changes were so gradual that you couldn't even tell you were changing, even when you were a kid and were growing like crazy.

You say you feel like you keep reverting back to an "old you" after so many changes you try to make. I say that if you were able to take a snapshot of WHO YOU ARE, you would see growth there -- especially if you were able to compare WHO YOU ARE with who you were a long time ago.

But also, have you ever noticed when looking at those old photos that there are always some subtle features that just never change? For example, the eyeball is the one thing that never changes from the moment you are born to the day you day. You will always have the same eyes. And yet the rest of you transforms around them.

In the same way, I assert that while you will grow and change very much through the years (whether you are trying to do that consciously or not this WILL happen), there are parts of who you are that will NEVER change, no matter how much you try to change them. It's those parts that you embrace and cling to...and it's those parts that define your purpose.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Rossco

Hi,
Can anybody suggest what I could do as my true goal would be to rebuild myself from scratch; mind, body, and soul?

I think that this perspective is neither healthy nor realistic.

I would suggest that you work with smaller goals instead. For example, to improve yourself in one or two or three smaller, specific ways, at any given time.

Rather than trying to "rebuild yourself" totally. A goal that shows how much you detest yourself right now.

You're not perfect, but then no one is. Take baby steps, and respect yourself for trying.

[Acting Like Godot]

Here are some examples of what I mean, by "smaller, specific ways"

Originally Posted by Rossco

I'm not sure why but I'm the sort of person who always seems to start things and never finish them, or move on to other things only to find them boring and repetitive, deep within myself.

1. Start a small thing and finish it.
2. Then start another small thing and finish it.
3. Repeat cycle.

One way to do it is compress your time scale. Eg suppose in the past, you have often planned in terms of a year (eg what you wish to achieve within a year's time).

If this isn't working for you, change the time scale. Think in terms of what you want to achieve in six months' time, or in one month. If this still isn't working for you, compress further.

Eg think in terms of what you want to do, this week, or simply today. Or even "this afternoon" or "this morning".

I've also had problems with my communications - not being verbally clear, mumbling, cluttering, stuttering, and even though I've tried seeking help, I feel like I'm on the bottom of the barrel as things aren't improving. My mental ideas seem to keep me on my toes and all over the place so when I'm mumbling something, it might not make sense as I'm adding multiple ideas into the one thought if that makes sense.

If this is affecting you at work, eg when you discuss with colleagues at meetings, then adopt this practice. Before each meeting, prepare. Just prepare like this - take a piece of paper and write down a list of things you want to say, or want to find out about, at this meeting.

Keep it a short list. Eg 3 to 5 items.

At the moment, refer to your list and make sure you communicate on these 3 - 5 items.

That's enough. If you can clearly communicate on 3 to 5 important points at a meeting, you are already useful.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Here are some examples of what I mean, by "smaller, specific ways"



1. Start a small thing and finish it.
2. Then start another small thing and finish it.
3. Repeat cycle.

One way to do it is compress your time scale. Eg suppose in the past, you have often planned in terms of a year (eg what you wish to achieve within a year's time).

If this isn't working for you, change the time scale. Think in terms of what you want to achieve in six months' time, or in one month. If this still isn't working for you, compress further.

Eg think in terms of what you want to do, this week, or simply today. Or even "this afternoon" or "this morning".

This is interesting, ALG, and I'm going to do this starting today.

I've been setting monthly and even weekly income goals for the longest time and not achieving them. My income is directly tied to the amount of work I do. I think I always have it in mind that "I can always catch up at the end of the month" -- but it doesn't happen that way.