help with strange boundary violations at work

[rei]

I'm hoping for some ideas on how to deal with this situation. I'd rather keep my position at the company. I'm thinking I may have to engage in some fierce politics, perhaps even some manipulation... which isn't my first choice, but one reason I'm asking for ideas is so I can find out if there are some other options that seem doable.

The thing is, my stuff keeps getting messed with. One day I'll wear an item into work, put it with my personal belongings, and when I leave for the day it's gone. A few days later it's back in my personal stuff. I also experienced some paperwork go missing, and then it turned up a couple days later in someone else's area. When I asked for more context from the person who had the information they answered my questions vaguely.

And then recently, I had my personal phone out in the open (sort of, in a small bag), and when I checked my phone later the screen for a program was on display (one I don't remember having open when my phone went to sleep), and one of the app icons on my home screen had been deleted.

There's a chance the app that was active got turned on accidentally when I put my phone down, but I have a lot of trouble believing an app was deleted by mistake.

I also know enough history about one of my colleagues to see how this behavior isn't necessarily misaligned with their patterns. Unfortunately they have aligned themselves strongly with important others so it would be difficult to bring it up - especially when the current changes are so subtle. I've stayed outside the political power plays and focused on doing my job... but unfortunately not everyone else has made the same choice.

But at any rate, these are major boundary violations, and I don't deserve the behavior. It's uncomfortable to think about, seems disrespectful, and seems intended to be so minor as to make me doubt my perceptions (as in 'oh maybe i just didn't wear this to work today' etc.).

Part of me is inclined to minimize how much personal stuff I take inside, and part of me thinks there is value in acting like I don't know someone has been doing this. (I'd rather not get tactical about things, but as I said I'd like to keep my position at this point, and while I don't think much of tactical action... it seems if I may need to act that way, it will help for it to seem like I haven't noticed the behavior.) I don't think the changes are big enough to discuss with my superiors yet, and I don't know how well that's going to work anyway.

I'm starting to document every incident for myself, so I'll have it for reference if needed. I don't intend to accuse anyone of anything, but it's annoying behavior, and I am also annoyed that they think it will get to me.

What do you suggest for how I can deal with such indirect manipulative behavior? Thanks everyone!

[SireneB]

The way I would deal with it (which might not be the best way) would be to outwardly ignore it but try my best to catch someone in the act or otherwise collect absolute proof.

[rei]

Good idea, and you have a point.

I was planning on bringing a different bag to work, with a small lock on it... seems to me you're saying that could be a poor choice?

By the way, what I do interfaces with the public, and it isn't unreasonable to increase my sense of privacy based on the public nature of my work... though I must leave it at that. Except to say, it wouldn't necessarily be a change I'm making based on the employment side of things, to others.

Still say it's better to act like nothing is happening? (That just feels so creepy.)

Thank you so much, SireneB. I can certainly see how doing nothing could serve me. Maybe I just need to get more comfortable with it.

[aelle]

Documenting everything suspicious is a good idea. Without meaning to scare you, this looks like it could be the beginnign of mental harassment. Good manipulators make you take minuscule actions that make you slowly lose trust in yourself, tiny step by tiny step, until one day you look back and just cannot believe how far you have gone without saying anything. Their motivations can be interested (destroying competitors for their positions) or simply a perverse enjoyment in breaking other people.
Anyway, at this stage I would document everything, and confront the person if you catch them red-handed or have enough proof against them. Their response is likely going to try to make you look paranoid ("why, accusing me of the grand crime of moving your coat? I was only trying to help!") But they need to understand that you are onto them.

[SireneB]

The lock would likely just drive them to try something else. I suppose then you could still lay low, act non-suspicious and try to catch them in the act.

This is the way I work, might not work for everyone. But I figure no point in confronting, accusing or even questioning without absolute proof.

Good luck. I am realizing more and more these days that we (those of use who work full time, especially in an office) spend the most consistent social contact in our lives with people we have no choice about and probably wouldn't choose to spend time with, stressing us out for when we go home to spend less time with the people we have actually chosen in our lives.

[Acting Like Godot]

My sympathies, this sounds like a very unpleasant environment to work in.

Personally I would minimise the opportunities for mischief-making. It helps if you have, for instance, drawers that you can lock.

I will tell you how Mrs ALG handled a similar situation once. There was a guy who was doing all kinds of sneaky stuff (like stealing her email printouts at the printer). No proof though.

One day, Mrs ALG caught the guy secretly tape-recording a meeting where confidential matters would have been discussed. Mrs ALG screamed hell and bloody murder and spy! and lack of ethics! and how many times have you done this to other people! and what kind of lousy morals do you have! etc etc.

Mrs ALG made a complaint to HR and the board of directors. She insisted that the Code of Conduct for all employees be revised to state that secret tape-recordings were not allowed, and when people asked her why, she would retell the story from beginning to end.

The wrongdoer was eventually asked to leave (not only because of this incident, there were also one or two other incidents).

However, it does take a Mrs ALG to pull this off. She is an extremely assertive and brave person, she has no qualms ticking people off publicly in a very fierce manner if she thinks the person deserves it. (And she has no respect for seniority either; the person was a more senior person than herself).

-----------

Other effects from Mrs ALG's episode:

the company gave approval to incur expenses to build partititions and a door around the work area of her team.

[WarrenG]

Sorry to hear about this immature ******** you have to deal with rei. Sounds crappy.

If you want I could make a few calls and arrange something like this for the people responsible*:

(Not safe for work; contains F word!): Link

* I can't actually make such calls and know no such people

[rei]

Thank you all for the feedback and support. It means a great deal to me.

I don't have a lockable area at my employer or I'd just use that.

I'm planning on taking a different bag with a lock on it, and if anyone asks I'm going to blame it on the public nature of what I do, how accessible my workspace is. Or allude to that anyway.

And continue to document incidents, and try to form a stronger alliance with my superiors so if it comes to a head I'll have a better chance of it.

This is absolutely ridiculous. I did nothing to deserve it. Whoever is behind it must be incredibly insecure and sick... and so has no business working in mental health. But until I have proof, there's not much I can do.

As I said your support means a lot and I really appreciate it.

[Acting Like Godot]

You can bring any of those kinds of small suitcases etc that people carry as hand luggage onto planes. And use a small number lock on it.

[Acting Like Godot]

And use the security systems in your computer, if they are not already enabled. Eg your desktop computer can go into auto-lock mode if you haven't pressed a key or moved the mouse for 10 minutes. There are also password-protect features on the usual software programs like Microsoft word etc.

[Harmonium]

If you use a laptop with a webcam, have it record video or something. Don't be annoyed, just do what's within your power to do.

[rei]

Thank you those are all wonderful tips! I don't have a computer to do my job, but I did use a luggage lock on my bag today and that seemed to help.