stuck in the mud like a pig

[fallian]

First of all sorry for the weird title, but i have to get people's attention here

There is one thing i could really use right now, and that is clarity. I am just going to type all the facts because my brain works this way :

1) i have exams in a few weeks because i failed them (5)

2) im already reading personal development material for a year now, but i know my development is way lower than i can handle.

3) i feel totally desorientated probally because i kept reading about lots of stuff without really focussing on 1 topic.

4) im 19 and still dont have a girlfriend

5) i like what i am going to become when i graduate, but i dont know if its really my life purpose... and i dont really like studying the classes... i dont know why.

6) i looked at a girl in the swimming people but she was with family so i didnt talk to here , and now i will probally never see her again even though she made me feel good and i saw here for like a minute.

7) i started doing concentrating exercises from " the power of concentration" a few days ago and thats starting to become a little better so that fees great

8) can i handle multiple personal development topics at once? like concentration and social interaction and health maybe? While at the same time i have to study

9) i dont have as much friends as i would like to have

10) is having friends important? does it matter?

11) why do i unconsciously put myself in a lower position than someone else

12) i really mis my childhood, it was really fun , but after watching "super8" i had this weird feeling that i should have had more fun, like have this group of friends where i could always hang out with, like u see in many american movies. And had a gf while i was still cute.

13) i wished i lived in america in one of those typical american towns where every1 knows eachother.

14) after watching rise of the planet of the apes i had this idea that i too had to have some sort of mission, an adventure, a purpose in life, so i could use my brain to solve problems and make friends. i know it sounds silly just go with it

15) ive had this feeling that i should have had more fun at college in stead of sitting at my room for too long

16) i need to find a new hobby , a passion maybe something with music or making a film or something

17) my parents are kinda wealthy , so that leaves me unmotivated to find money.

18) Why do i always put myself in a lower position than someone else? i know this is an underlying case of not enough self confidence, but how do i tackle this problem,

All these thoughts ponder in my mind.
i wna make changes now! but i feel stuck
how can i get out of this depresing situatuon

sincerely mr.about to change his life

[fallian]

after looking back at this i know it sounds kinda weird
i was upset, but i feel better now.

sorry for the spelling errors

I actually need advice on how you guys cope with having a lot of thoughts in your mind , it helped me wrtiting them al down very fast. Sorry for the chaotic post.

[lycan]

What do you care about the most?

[fallian]

hmmm im not sure but if i have to pick 1, it would be having a girlfriend

[lycan]

Originally Posted by fallian

hmmm im not sure but if i have to pick 1, it would be having a girlfriend

Why don't you have one?

[fallian]

hmmm

because i dont go out often, and so i dont meet a lot of people, even less girls.
i also have a mindset that having a pretty girlfriend is exciting, i just read steve pavlinas money and the law of attraction article and if i get excited about something , girlfriend or a lot of money or ... chances are aim not gonna get it...

[lycan]

Originally Posted by fallian

because i dont go out often, and so i dont meet a lot of people, even less girls.

Why don't you go out often?

i also have a mindset that having a pretty girlfriend is exciting (...) and if i get excited about something , girlfriend or a lot of money or ... chances are aim not gonna get it...

Read what you just wrote. Don't you think that is an insane idea? People get into relationships BECAUSE it's exciting. If you don't make the girl feel excited about being with you, she won't.

[fallian]

1) because i think i might screw it up, i might not be fun to be with

2) u dont get it , its because i get too excited, that i think it is impossible to achieve, so i wont talk to here. What i mean is that i have to make it feel normal for myself to have a pretty girlfriend, so i will attract pretty girls. its the LoA

[lycan]

Okay. How do you expect to make it normal if you don't go out and interact with women?

[fallian]

ur being very simplistic, its the fear of rejection of failure that prevents me from going out and also the fact that i have to study all day ...but thats temporary

[lycan]

You don't have to do anything.

Being rejected by a girl is more fun than not interacting with her at all. Think about that.

[fallian]

your comment made me feel very good

your totally right, im gonna try your philosophy of being rejected = fun

but about the studying part, i still dont know if this is really what i wna do with my life, i like to become a physiotherapist, but that doesnt mean i have to love every class does it? for example i hate dancing, but i have to practice it now for an exam.

How can i find out?

[Clint Cora]

For any of your goals, determine the steps that you have to take to achieve them. Then make a plan to carry out such steps. If you don't know what the actual steps are for any goal, you should ask somebody who has been successful with that specific goal since he/she already went on that path. Do this for all of your goals and that in nutshell is how you become successful.

[fallian]

i like the simplistic way you put things in perspective, and actually reality is that simple, but i tend to make mental roadblocks to prevent me from taking action , and the frustrating thing is that i know this

thanks for the advice guys, that gave me a mental uplift, and even more advice is always welcome.

[Karanime]

Well, a good step to get rid of the mental blocks, especially with the girlfriend thing, is to practice approaching people. It's literally the very first thing the PUA community recommends. I'm pretty sure you don't actually want to be a pick up artist, but some of their advice is really helpful for social situations.

Do remember that anything is possible for you. Anything you want, it IS possible to go out and achieve. You can help yourself believe this by using affirmations, or doing something small like learning a skill that was always mysterious to you, like music, or art, or even something technical, like learning to build a radio. That feeling of accomplishment will help you realize that you are capable of more than you know.

The "lower position" thing is something I'm very familiar with. Meditation can help a lot in figuring out why you feel this way. As for changing it, you can either practice feeling like an equal in social situations, or you can find something that makes you feel fantastic, and mentally spread that feeling to yourself, so that being yourself feels fantastic.

I find a good way to cope with a lot of thoughts is to type them out like this. Keep a digital diary. The journal software Steve recommends is very good, but a text file will work too. Type out your thoughts, ask yourself questions. Try your very best to be honest with yourself.

Figuring out your career path doesn't have to be very stressful. Do remember that when you get into a career, you can change it in the end. It doesn't have to define you. This is a point in your life where you should be exploring your interests. Somewhere in you is the person you really want to be. Finding it is just a matter of doing different things until you find one that feels right. And if nothing feels right, just do something creative. Not necessarily artsy, but create something, whether it be a story, an essay, a sculpture, a contraption, whatever. Just make something, because it will cause you to think about all of its parts. And as you learn more about these parts, you begin to develop skill. And doing something you're skilled at is wonderful, but it's even better to do something you're skilled at, and you love.

I'm going to go back to the girlfriend thing really quick. You don't need one. A partner like that is something that happens by accident. Romance and sex and all of that sounds really fantastic, I'm sure, but it's not something you need at this point. It's something that happens on its own, when the time is right. I'm married, but I found my husband by specifically not needing a boyfriend. In fact, at the time, I already had a boyfriend (who I got with by not WANTING a boyfriend, because I thought it was stupid), but Zack was a much better fit for me.

For now, focus on being yourself, and searching for that thing that makes you unique. Or that set of things. The more you think and are able to define yourself, the happier you will be, because you will then be able to build a life that fits you.

[fallian]

thank you karanime for posting such a long post

hmm your post is very enlightening, meanwhile i have changed a bit already and became much more confident but your advice is still very usable, im going to try it out asap.