Still feeling stuck, even though you're into personal growth? Want solutions?

[alexb5784]

This a question thread for my personal research. All answers will help me learn how to better serve people wanting to make money doing what they love.

I've also created this thread to address why some people feel personal development is a sham because they're not getting positive results, except for feeling smarter .


Are you still stuck in a life you don't want - no money, no job, underemployed, hate your job, overweight, and lonely - despite investing so much time and effort into personal development? Have you been studying personal development for years and nothing has gotten better? Are you tired of knowing about all the best meditations, books, exercises, and other information, yet you still aren't able to do what you love and make enough money to satisfy your needs?

Peace,

Alex

I started on the road to personal development in 2004. It took me 5 years to change careers and another 2 years for me to stop people pleasing. I wasn't able to make immediate changes overnight. And a lot of times I wanted to quit trying to change my life, especially as I had lost so much time, money, energy, and people's respect in the process. When I stopped living up to people's expectations, they turned on me and I was often alone. But I knew deep down inside that if I kept going not matter what, I would make it. And I have made it and continue to do so on a daily basis

Also, I made faster progress when I started working with life coaches (I had 2 in the past and I have 2 female business mentors/coaches now). I needed and still need people to help push me in order to become a better person. We all need positive people in our lives, people who will hold us accountable to our actions and will believe in our dreams.

For years, my main issue was that I cared too much about what other people thought about me. I was afraid I would fail (which I did many times!) and I didn't want people in my family to demean me (which they did!). But now I don't care and do whatever I want. But I had to overcome the limiting beliefs of What people think of me is important and My self-worth is determined by society, my past actions, and my present circumstances.

I started this thread because I'm curious to know why you aren't making progress. You buy so many self-help books, read tons of articles, and so forth. Your lack of progress certainly has nothing to do with you not being good or smart enough. And your self-worth isn't determined by your present circumstances either.

What do you think is the main reason(s) you can't seem to change your life, especially as you've invested so much time and effort into personal development?

• 1. Why can't you still quit the job you hate? Or get one you love?
• 2. Why are you still alone, despite having read so much information on soul mates, true love, etc.?
• 3. Why are you still having problems making money, despite everything you've learned thus far?
• 4. Why do you still not know what to do with your life?

If you don't know why you're still stuck...GUESS! You don't have answer publicly if you're embarrassed or afraid other people will think bad of you. You can PM me (I won't share your answers or identity with anyone . Either way, I'll answer questions in private or on the thread so that you can move a little faster past your roadblocks. No one likes to be miserable forever!

Again, PM me if you're scared to post your business on the forums. We can keep it private

All answers will help another person in need. Whatever you're going through, someone else is going through the same thing or worse. So don't be afraid to post in this thread.

PS: Depending on how many public and private answers I get, I might hold a free webinar that you can watch and download to learn how to solve these major problems.

[Supersomething]

Funny, that's just something I was beginning to think about in the past few weeks.

For me, I believe there are three reasons:

1) Analysis paralysis -- having too many options, trying to change too many things, and not setting a clear enough path with clear priorities.

2) Not just doing it -- spending too much time hesitating out of fear... although that is improving very nicely lately.

3) Sweating the small stuff -- getting too bogged down in details or trying to be perfect in a particular area... Now I'm learning to let go of the have-to's and live with good, great, or excellent (not perfect)

[alexb5784]

Originally Posted by Supersomething

Funny, that's just something I was beginning to think about in the past few weeks.

For me, I believe there are three reasons:

1) Analysis paralysis -- having too many options, trying to change too many things, and not setting a clear enough path with clear priorities.

2) Not just doing it -- spending too much time hesitating out of fear... although that is improving very nicely lately.

3) Sweating the small stuff -- getting too bogged down in details or trying to be perfect in a particular area... Now I'm learning to let go of the have-to's and live with good, great, or excellent (not perfect)

Here are my thoughts...

Analysis Paralysis (AP): The problem with AP is that it's really comfortable. When you're researching things/situations/opportunities it fees like you're actually doing work (which you are) but then it becomes a problem when that's all you do. The best way to deal with a situation like that is to take action without knowing what's going to happen.

But for most people, maybe even you, the idea of taking action without knowing what will happen is quite scary. There is a fear of failing and facing some sort of painful situation that keeps you stuck in research mode. Or it could be fear of success, which means that you're scared you won't be able to maintain positive outcomes.

Not Taking Action: Again this comes down to fear of failure or success. The only solution is to take action without knowing exactly what will happen.

Sweating the Small Stuff: Again, caused by fear of failure or success.

I guess the solution that you would need is...

How do you take consistent action when you're full of fear?

Right?

[alexb5784]

I'm working on something that will make it easier for people to deal with fear of rejection. I'll put a link to the free product when I'm done tomorrow.


It seems that the inability to take action and create progress is somewhat rooted in fear of what people will think of you. It's a catch-22 that traps a lot of people and keeps them stuck.

If you fail, people will reject you by talking behind your back and calling you a failure. They'll say "I told you so. It was foolish to try, no look at yourself!"

If you succeed, people will be jealous of you and still talk behind your back. They'll say "Who do they think they are? They're not better than me!". Again more rejection.

AND...

Some people will flat out tell you "No" when you ask for something (job, relationship, more money) and this can cause you to doubt your self-worth.

What are your thoughts on fear of rejection?

[lycan]

1. I am afraid that I'll cause irreversible damage to my self (my body mainly).
3. I don't know what to do or believe I can offer real value to anyone.
4. I know what I want, but I see no way to make it possible.

What other people think is mostly irrelevant to me, except to the degree that they may have control over my life. I'm not afraid of rejection as such, I'm afraid of failure, wasting my life.

[BillyTheAdult]

I relate to this all. I actually have been feeling more stuck than ever recently (well maybe not ever but in a while) despite the fact that I have been doing more to improve my life situation and step past self imposed limitations. I realized par of it is people pleasing as you mentioned with low self esteem at the root of it. When I started to take action I started to see all these things about myself that "need fixing" that I was never able to see the full depth of before and it's kind of painful. Plus the whole issue you mentioned about about, I've done/read so much pd in the past without a lot to show for it, that it's pretty demotivating to even try anymore.

There are several goals I would like achieved, probably most of all a relationship (also a good steady source of income) and it always seems just out of reach. I'm pretty interested to see the product you post but I may well end up thinking it's not worth it as well. I feel like I could really use a sort of coach in my life but no one would really take a personal interest in me.

[alexb5784]

Originally Posted by lycan

1. I am afraid that I'll cause irreversible damage to my self (my body mainly).
3. I don't know what to do or believe I can offer real value to anyone.
4. I know what I want, but I see no way to make it possible.

What other people think is mostly irrelevant to me, except to the degree that they may have control over my life. I'm not afraid of rejection as such, I'm afraid of failure, wasting my life.

OK, let me grab a cup of tea and I'll answer your reply in 5 minutes, brb...

I'm back.

Let's look at each of your responses and I'll break it down for you with suggestions.

I am afraid that I'll cause irreversible damage to my self (my body mainly).

Can you be a bit clearer about this? Do you want to engage in some sort of sport such as marital arts or weight lifting? If you'd prefer not to say in public, PM me your answer.

I don't know what to do or believe I can offer real value to anyone.

I'm sure you have a faint idea of what you'd like to do. You have plenty of value to offer the world, but first you need to figure out what that value is.
Here are a couple of questions to help you get clear about that:

• What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? Think about the hobbies you enjoy. The reason I'm asking is because I want to know about your skill-set. For example, someone who loves to play video games for hours might be able to sit down and complete complicated projects in a timely manner. Why? Because they can spend hours completing levels in difficult games. Hobby skills are transferable to the workplace.
  
  
• If you've had jobs in the past, what activities did you enjoy doing? Even if you hated all of your past jobs, there had to be at least a couple of things you did enjoy doing. For example, I used to work in marketing and hated it. But the thing I did like about it was that I got to meet new people all the time. I also got to improve my design skills. So think about you past work history, even if you had crappy jobs, and list the activities you enjoyed.
  
  
• What do people always complement you on for doing a great job with? This will give you a clue as to what your natural strengths are. What are people always telling you "Good Job!" for?
  
  
• If you had all the intelligence, money, and education in the world, what kind of career would you like create for yourself? Use your imagination and be silly if you want. I'll help you turn your silly answer into something more down to Earth. How? Well you'll have to answer my question to find out
  

I know what I want, but I see no way to make it possible.

Then be brave and tell me what it is you want to do. It's because you think it's impossible that you're not talking about it. Are you afraid people will laugh and say:

• What? You do that? Keep dreaming.
• You're not smart enough.
• You're not good enough.
• You're not worthy of that career.
• Be realistic! You can because (insert reason)...
• You failed in the past and you'll always be a failure!

PM me the answer to this question if you're afraid to tell me in public. You don't have to be ashamed for wanting what you want. But the real question is, how bad do you want it?

I'm waiting for your reply

PS: I hope what you want is legal, safe, and meaningful!

[alexb5784]

Originally Posted by BillyTheAdult

I relate to this all. I actually have been feeling more stuck than ever recently (well maybe not ever but in a while) despite the fact that I have been doing more to improve my life situation and step past self imposed limitations. I realized par of it is people pleasing as you mentioned with low self esteem at the root of it. When I started to take action I started to see all these things about myself that "need fixing" that I was never able to see the full depth of before and it's kind of painful. Plus the whole issue you mentioned about about, I've done/read so much pd in the past without a lot to show for it, that it's pretty demotivating to even try anymore.

There are several goals I would like achieved, probably most of all a relationship (also a good steady source of income) and it always seems just out of reach. I'm pretty interested to see the product you post but I may well end up thinking it's not worth it as well. I feel like I could really use a sort of coach in my life but no one would really take a personal interest in me.

Billy, I'm going to PM you after I publish my response in order to give you extra support. But for now, here's something that can help you ASAP. I'm also going to break your reply down into smaller pieces and offer suggestions.

...I actually have been feeling more stuck than ever recently... despite the fact that I have been doing more to improve my life situation and step past self imposed limitations. I realized par of it is people pleasing as you mentioned with low self esteem at the root of it.

Let's set aside the problem of being stuck for a minute. What issues with people pleasing are you struggling with? What do you tell yourself whenever you decide to do something you know, without a doubt, will improve your life? Are you worried the people in your life will become jealous of you if you succeed? Are you scared they will talk about you if you fail?

I used spend a lot of time worrying what other people thought of me. For example, I believed that if I made more money than my parents, siblings, or family members, they'd be upset.

I was afraid that if I had more money, whenever I confided in them, they'd say behind my back, Why is she complaining? Telling me all her problems when she has more money than God. I'm up here barely getting by, working my butt off 60 hours week in a job I hate. And here she comes telling me about her problems! Give me a break!

I was too concerned with having people like me. I falsely believed that having people's approval meant that they'd loved me more. And since approval was more important than taking care of myself financially, I did whatever I could to please others.

I would do things unconsciously that prevented me from being more successful. For example, I'd accept lower salaries because I wanted to "help out" the people I worked for. I didn't stand up for myself and demand more. Why? Because I had low self-esteem and was desperate for work.

Here's how people pleasing works:

Getting Approval = More Love = Feeling Safe and Secure in Life.

But when you place your sense of worth on what other people think, the minute you lose their approval, you lose your sense of safety in the world. You feel rejected and hurt.

Rejection = Loneliness = Emotional Death and Depression

But can I share something with you? You can feel rejected and still have faith in yourself. I'm rejected all the time and get through it. Why? Because I know that as long as I believe in myself, I'm safe and secure.


I recently had a situation where my sense of security was threatened, I was very scared. But when I sat down and really thought about what happened, I saw the benefit in the situation.

First, I realized that I was still in control of my life, no matter what. Second, I realized that what happened was a roadblock only if I let it be. It was then that I decided that I was going to keep moving towards my goals, no matter what. No matter how many people tell me "No", no matter what fails, no matter who stands in my way, no matter how much money or time I lose. I'm not going to quit. And by living my life from this mindset, I'm able to get back up again when life knocks me down. I renew belief in myself and realign with the firm decision I made to reach my personal and business goals. No matter what


Moving on...

I've done/read so much pd in the past without a lot to show for it, that it's pretty demotivating to even try anymore.

It sounds to me like you have a ton of limiting beliefs standing in your way. You could have about 100 + beliefs keeping you back. I use the ReCreate Your Life system (full paid version) and love it. It's helped me change my life. But I've had to step outside my comfort zone and take consistent action to on a daily basis. That's the real key to change. And I don't stop taking action when it get's uncomfortable

So far I've eliminated over 162 limiting beliefs that were keeping me from changing my life. Yes, limiting beliefs can be that powerful. But the reason I've been able to overcome so many limiting beliefs is because I discovered a lot of them while taking action outside of my comfort zone.

Sometimes the simple belief of "I'm not good enough to do what I love" can be caused by 25 other limiting beliefs:

• I'm not good enough to do what I love because I'm not worthy of doing what I want and making money from it.
  
  Which leads to...
  
• I'm not worthy of making money doing what I love because I was taught as a kid that you have to do work you hate to make a living. Only volunteer work can be enjoyed.
  
  Which leads to...
  
• I can only enjoy volunteer work because as a kid, I saw all my family members complain about their jobs and money. My parents were often complaining about money as well. They said it was better to be poor and thankful than rich and greedy.
  
  Which leads to...
  
• If I make more money than my parents and family members, then I'll alienate myself from them. They'll ask me for money and will feel that I'm "better" than them. And they'll talk about me because they'll be jealous of my success. No one will include me in activities or listen to me when I have problems.
  
  Which leads to...
  
• When people pay attention to me and help me, I feel important. If I have more money than them and I love what I do, I'll lose that special support. People will reject me. Having other people like me is more important than me being able to live the life I want.
  
  Which leads to...
  
• I'm going to do whatever I can to please other people because I need to feel love. I need someone else to tell me and show me they love me in order to feel good about myself.
  
  Which then leads to 20 other limiting beliefs.

As you can tell by my super long response Billy, I know where you're coming from. I've been where you are now, but I'm no longer there!

Moving on...I have a lot of energy and can do this all day

There are several goals I would like achieved, probably most of all a relationship (also a good steady source of income) and it always seems just out of reach.

You might not be able to get the relationship of your dreams until you work on the money issue first. I'm not saying you need to be debt free or anything like that right away. Rather, you're going to have to make the decision about doing whatever it takes to do the work you love.

If you're not bringing in a steady source of income, then it means that you're allowing beliefs keep you back. Maybe you're afraid to ask for what you want because you think people will say 'No'.

Examples of this problem:

• You're afraid to apply for a better paying job beause you feel unworthy of.
• You don't ask people to pay you the money they owe you because you're scared they'll get mad.
• You buy the cheapest things because you don't feel good enough for higher quality items.
• You're afraid to talk about money, it's painful.

All of these problems are caused by limiting beliefs. I know it sounds simplistic, but it's true. Once you change your beliefs, you'll change your thoughts, which will then change your actions, and then finally your results will be different.

But you will need support. You can't do it yourself by listening to audiobooks or reading books alone in your room. You're going need someone to coach you through things and make sure you're not giving into your own BS.

I'm a coach and even I have two coaches! Both are businesses coaches who help me step outside my comfort zone and get things done. I'm not afraid to admit that I ask for help. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. People who refuse to ask for help let pride keep them in trouble.

Even Steve had Erin at his side to coach him through all the life goals he set for himself. They went through a lot together and helped each other get through business failures, bankruptcy, and so forth. No successful personal is a lone ranger.

Moving on to the last part.

I feel like I could really use a sort of coach in my life but no one would really take a personal interest in me.

No one will take an interest in you until you firmly decide...

I've had it! I can't take this **** anymore! I'm ready to get over my BS and move on with my life. I can't stand all this people pleasing. I'm tired of being broke as ***. I'm tired of being lonely. I hate where I live and want to desperately move. I want a better job, period. I'm done with this life and it's time for a change! Will you help me?

What's your take on this? Have you had enough? Or are you willing to continue to suffer because fear is bigger than what you want?

Peace,

Alex

[lycan]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

Can you be a bit clearer about this? Do you want to engage in some sort of sport such as marital arts or weight lifting? If you'd prefer not to say in public, PM me your answer.

There are a couple of different issues here. One is the fear of aging and death as limitations that I can't escape. This creates a desperate urgency and need to find a shortcut and fear of losing opportunities that will never again be available. It also creates the sense that everything is futile, because I'm working against a force greater than myself. The other is the fear that some of the things I might be inspired to do could cause irreversible harm to myself, something I can't heal from, that will limit my options in the future. It's irrelevant what those things might be. Aging itself feels like that, making just about any path I take feel dangerous. And so I hesitate.

If you had all the intelligence, money, and education in the world, what kind of career would you like create for yourself? Use your imagination and be silly if you want. I'll help you turn your silly answer into something more down to Earth. How? Well you'll have to answer my question to find out

Then be brave and tell me what it is you want to do. It's because you think it's impossible that you're not talking about it. Are you afraid people will laugh and say:

PM me the answer to this question if you're afraid to tell me in public. You don't have to be ashamed for wanting what you want. But the real question is, how bad do you want it?

Okay, there have been many things I have wanted to do, and thought of doing. The problem is that I felt doing "the work" would interfere with doing all the non-career stuff I wanted. I don't just want a career, I want a life. The career path that I felt most intensely drawn to was that of a musician, a performer in particular. But I want to travel the world and have a certain level of financial abundance and free time (I don't "love music" to the point of being willing to spend all my time studying it). I do not know how to bridge the gap from where I am to where I want to be.

[alexb5784]

Originally Posted by lycan

There are a couple of different issues here. One is the fear of aging and death as limitations that I can't escape. This creates a desperate urgency and need to find a shortcut and fear of losing opportunities that will never again be available. It also creates the sense that everything is futile, because I'm working against a force greater than myself. The other is the fear that some of the things I might be inspired to do could cause irreversible harm to myself, something I can't heal from, that will limit my options in the future. It's irrelevant what those things might be. Aging itself feels like that, making just about any path I take feel dangerous. And so I hesitate.


Okay, there have been many things I have wanted to do, and thought of doing. The problem is that I felt doing "the work" would interfere with doing all the non-career stuff I wanted. I don't just want a career, I want a life. The career path that I felt most intensely drawn to was that of a musician, a performer in particular. But I want to travel the world and have a certain level of financial abundance and free time (I don't "love music" to the point of being willing to spend all my time studying it). I do not know how to bridge the gap from where I am to where I want to be.

Lycan, sorry for the late reply. I need a day to go over your reply and create some clarity as to what I can say about your situation.

Thanks

[lycan]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

Lycan, sorry for the late reply. I need a day to go over your reply and create some clarity as to what I can say about your situation.

Thanks

Sure, hope dealing with this helps you grow. And that it's fun for you.

[Robmeister]

This is good stuff goin' on here, man! Nice job, alexb!!

I'll stay outa the way

[ultimate]

For me probably:

-being stuck in my head too much

-not taking enough of the right action

-doing too much of the instant gratification get nowhere actions

-being too negative

-too much to focus on/too much to improve on

[elucidate]

For me it's been fear of success, as you said earlier...I dread people being jealous of me. I don't enjoy the feeling of people being jealous or envious of me, as it makes me feel alienated. I am afraid to stand out too much and be left alone. I've been aware of this since I was 21, just over 16 years ago now, and whilst I have lived my dreams in between then, I've also been through a lot which has affected my self-esteem and I have caught myself thinking that "I'm nothing" at times.

The whole "fear of your light" thing that Marianne Williamson talked about in her poem. I've had lots of rejection before, and it doesn't bother me that much.

I can deal with failure and rejection. The anticipation of rejection and failure is where most people get stuck, but actually being rejected...well, sometimes that can be a good thing.

I do take small steps towards making extra income, like putting up advertisements to teach english to immigrants. I was thinking today after work that I really deserve something better, so I think my self-esteem must be improving there.

I have had feelings of unworthiness and the thought "I'm not good enough" for the sort of person or relationship I want to be in, recently, and I know until I work on changing that it's not gonna happen. I'm aware of that.

Apart from that, I do tend to focus on worrying and anxious thoughts and get stuck thinking about neg things, as well as falling back into not focusing on being grateful for what I have, but always wanting more than what I do have, and denigrating that...which is counter-productive, I know. I noticed this today in fact.

If I think of any more, I'll get back to ya.

Good thread by the way, and very timely for me as well. I'm at the end of my tether with my situation right now. I'm sick of being alone and single and literally not meeting ANYONE in years and years that I'm even slightly attracted to, or shows any interest in me either. I'm tired of crappy jobs I hate, and this male voice said to me the other night "It's time you started earning what you are worth!" And I have to agree with him(:

Had enough!

[alexb5784]

Originally Posted by ultimate

For me probably:

-being stuck in my head too much

-not taking enough of the right action

-doing too much of the instant gratification get nowhere actions

-being too negative

-too much to focus on/too much to improve on

I'm so glad you brought up the topic of feeling like you have "too much" to change. This is when personal development can become extremely overwhelming.

I spend one day a week reviewing my weekly progress and identifying whatever limiting beliefs I believe are holding me back. I have fewer limiting beliefs than before, but I still have them. In fact, we'll always have some number of limiting beliefs until the day we die. We're human

But anyway, I've noticed that when I focus on eliminating beliefs that slow down my 6-12 month goals, I take more focused action. But when I focus getting over a limiting belief that's surrounding something I want to do in 10 years (such as make $898 million and beat Madonna at break dancing, lol) my progress is slow. I get lazy, start eating chocolate ice cream, and watch re-runs of Friends.

Therefore, it's easier to focus on what you can change and improve upon in the present moment. Start with one central focus. Either concentrate of improving your health OR career OR relationships. But not all of them at the same time. Chances are, when your career improves, so does your health and relationships.

I know you can feel impatient sometimes, especially when everything sucks. But work on one area at a time, develop patience, and most of all, have faith in your ability to improve your life.

Now having faith in yourself, especially when you have a track record of failing is a whole other story. Maybe I should write something about how to believe in your ability to change, even when you've failed to change 1,000 times before!

Thanks for the post Ultimate!

[alexb5784]

Originally Posted by Robmeister

This is good stuff goin' on here, man! Nice job, alexb!!

I'll stay outa the way

I'm sure you have a lot of amazing insights to offer. Speak

[SamVimes]

Hi Alex!

First, let me thank you for this great thread. It really made me look into myself and analyze what exactly could be holding me back all the time.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed when thinking about the countless possible reasons for my failings. But seeing how you spend your time and energy trying to help other people with similar problems I again feel very motivated to share my thoughts with you. I just hope I will be able to make my thoughts clear to you, since my english is not the best.

So where to start?

- People Pleasing

Also a big problem for me. I want to be liked or at least respected by everyone, even if i dont like or respect that person at all. Therefore I'm rather sensitive when it comes to receiving criticism and tend to push guilt on others instead of accepting responsibility for my actions.

- Analysis/Paralysis:

Like so many people interested in PD I spend a lot of time consuming PD material but always have a hard time acting on it, so that all this knowledge stays worthless since it isn't used.

The next point

- Not taking action

is directly linked to the A/P problem. And as you mentioned, fear of failure and success just might be the whats really behind these problems.

But my major problem (perhaps in my whole life) is a lack of motivation. As long as I can remember I was more of a passive consumer and always had trouble doing something creative or creating any kind of value (I adressed this problem in depth in another thread ).

So it seems that I am stuck deeply in my comfort zone. I just started again to read some of Steve articles (which I haven't done for quite some time, just letting go all my PD goals) and his waking up artcile (Waking Up) really struck a chord with me. The thought of seeing myself as a small part of humanity, which only purpose is to help humanity evolve really resonated with something in me. And at last, so many of Steve ideas fell into place. As an example: I tried working on a website using SBI but my motivation quickly waned and I felt unable to take further action. Now I see that I focused only on creating a passive income and searched for a value I could perhaps deliver to earn this income. But as I understand now, I should focus on what Value I could deliver which would help humanity the most (and if it would be to entertain some people and get a smile on their face) and then life (or whatever you might call it) will see me as a worthy part of humanity and abundance will find me so that I can continue to work on creating a better world.

So I again found some article of steve which tought me a new perspective and really motivated me to take my life in another direction. But of course, really following that idea and taking action on it is a much greater task.

So I tend to ask myself again, why do I have so a hard time to motivate myself? If there is no one pushing me to do some work I would spend all my time playing video games, surfing the net and wasting my time. Even when reading forums I almost always stick to the passive side, just reading thread after thread and almost never posting any thoughts of my own.

Of course I could say, that if I dont feel motivated, then my goals are just wrong. If I just got my goals right motivation would come...But I'm afraid that it won't be this easy. I've been stuck in my comfort zone for too long.

But lets try to get this a little bit more organized and stick to your questions.

1. Why can't you still quit the job you hate? Or get one you love?

For the first part of the question there is one easy answer: Comfort zone!
My actual job is not that bad (at least that's what I keep telling me). Money is not great but ok, the pressure is low (in fact way too low, so that I have trouble getting anything done). But the biggest problem is, that it is almost 100% secure. Of course I know Steve's article why a normal job is never really secure etc. But since I work in public service the risk of getting laid off is almost not existent. So it is a extremly secure job and in these troubled times there probably would be a lot of people who would kill for such a job. So the main problem is that my comfort zone is in fact really comfortable. And having a 9 month old son to care for doesn't make it easier to leave this comfort zone. But of course, to me the job is almost meaningless. The work itself is (sometimes) stimulating on an intellectual level, but I have a hard time seeing any sense in it or see it as a way to express myself or even help humanity evolve.

I guess the answer to your second question will have to wait till we get to question 4.

2. Why are you still alone, despite having read so much information on soul mates, true love, etc.?

At least this is not my main problem. I have a loving wife and a wonderfull son, but of course the relationship could always be deeper. Perhaps my son would be the greatest motivation I have for striving to be the best I could be and to help building a better world for him. But even with this thought I have a hard time overcoming my passive selfishness.

3. Why are you still having problems making money, despite everything you've learned thus far?

I think this again will depend heavily on my answer to the next question. But I would say that my lack of motivation and my passiveness have greatly hindered my ability of making money.

4. Why do you still not know what to do with your life?

Finally, that is the big question. It seems to be the source for my lack of motivation and everything that derives from it.

Of course, the bigger goal for my live could be to be a productive member of humanity and work to evolve humanity as a whole. But which way to follow? I already have a hard time telling you what I love to do. And the usual questions (what would you do if you had unlimited ressources) won't help me there. If I had abundance (and no wife to push my lazy butt in the right? direction and no son to care for) I would probably keep on wasting my time with video games, never doing anything creative and just keep on consuming others work.

So lets try to analyze what I enjoy and when I was able to be productive. I already quite a bit of this in my other thread and don't want to repeat what I said there, so I try to summarize.

The rare situation where I really felt motivated by myself was during a job training where I aimed to finish as the best in class (and succeded). I rather enjoy learning new things, getting a understanding of how things work. That is probably the only thing that I can think of that really motivates me. I guess even my love for video games follows this direction. I like to try new games, understand the concept and how the inner rules work, but then I often abandon the games since their is nothing more to learn. So I guess learning is really one of the things I love most. The problem I see in this is, that I have a hard time putting this knowledge to work. I'm more interested in the learning than using the knowledge I achieved.

I guess I would also enjoy using my knowledge to teach others, because during my training I had fun to helping my friends with their problems and sharing my knowledge. So perhaps coaching or teaching could be a path for me. But would you want a coach who can't implement his knowledge in his own life? But I admit that this idea of me as a teacher/coach doesn't feel to bad. So perhaps I'm on the right way here.

Well, this post is already way too long, so lets finish with this optimistic idea that at last I could have found a hint at what I really want to do with my life. But I feel that there a lots of limiting beliefs that I have to get our of my mind to really achieve what I want.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this thoughts of mine and would greatly appreciate your feedback.

[alexb5784]

SamVines -I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed when thinking about the countless possible reasons for my failings. But seeing how you spend your time and energy trying to help other people with similar problems I again feel very motivated to share my thoughts with you. I just hope I will be able to make my thoughts clear to you, since my english is not the best.

I actually made a free recording which you can download by clicking on my signature.

Since you have protection in your job and have zero fear of ever losing it, use your free time to explore different careers. I'm not sure if it's legal for you to start a business (in some public sector jobs it's not). You have to get past trying to be perfect, which is why you're not taking any action. Just decide to do something and see what happens. If you fail, so what? You can always start over again, take small risks, nothing major.

It's quite comfortable to stay in a place of indecision because it allows us to reduce risk down to 0%. But you can't grow as a person unless you mess up and make mistakes.