going to federal prison

[Dreamweave]

I've always felt this "need" to go to prison, and the more i live the stronger that feeling becomes. I need to do something there but i still don't know what it is, i just know its important. I'm a few months away from turning 18 and a few more until 2012 and my mind just seems to be in overdrive most of the time. I'm not sure if i think like most people but tragedies and suffering seem like a good thing in my life, i mean if they hadn't happened i wouldn't be here and i would be less informed about the world. I've saved some lives and sometimes i wonder, if this hadn't happened to me, she would be dead by now...its really strange, its like I've been sent on a mission to "help" the "bad guys" of society, of course they're not bad people in my eyes, they're just misunderstood and I've always had this gift of understanding people and seeing the other side of the story... you might be asking yourself, we'll if you've always wanted to go, why haven't you?

There are a number of reasons for holding back on any life changing decisions.

1)I've becomed attached to my loved ones and i don't want to hurt them because they don't understand that this life is but a part of the journey.

2)My ego will not allow to see me in prison because it knows that in society its frowned upon. The people who know me and dislike me would expect this from me, because they think I'm going to prison not by my own accord but because things finally catched up to me, so to prove them wrong I try to do the opposite of anything that is expected of me.

3)Fear of the unknown. What if i'm wrong? My intuition has never let me down but i still dont trust it.

4)Knowledge of other forces at work. These feelings could be the work of some other force trying to stray me from my true path.


Any advice on which decision i should take and why?
i've heard that your "guardian" will speak to you through others by inspiring their minds and using them as mediums.

[Dreamweave]

i already made the choice, forget about it.

[Pokerface]

18 and feels the need to go to prison. . could you not focus on maybe becoming a guard rather than an inmate. . ??

[Eric Roosevelt]

interesting

[elucidate]

So, by "always", do you mean since you were born?

I mean...to "need" to go to prison from the moment you were born to now...have you considered past life regression, 'cos there might be something there? Seems a lot less wackier than getting yourself incarcerated.

Are you in the Hip Hop scene by any chance?

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by Dreamweave

i already made the choice, forget about it.

And your choice is?

I pray for perfect guidance in your life.

[infinitytruth]

Instead of committing a crime where you can't get out of it later, why not get a job there?

[Becoming]

Could your wanting to go to prison actually be fear-based? Oddly, some of the things people fear the most are precisely what they subconsciously feel a desire to confront. This subconscious desire to confront could be misconstrued as an actual desire to do the thing you fear.

You're nearly 18 and, yes, a job in a prison is an avenue. Consider, also, that maybe you merely long for an institutional setting. Would college suffice?

[Dreamweave]

Originally Posted by Pokerface

18 and feels the need to go to prison. . could you not focus on maybe becoming a guard rather than an inmate. . ??

its not something i'm excited about, but its just a feeling and i chose to ignore it.

Originally Posted by elucidate

So, by "always", do you mean since you were born?

I mean...to "need" to go to prison from the moment you were born to now...have you considered past life regression, 'cos there might be something there? Seems a lot less wackier than getting yourself incarcerated.

Are you in the Hip Hop scene by any chance?

not really, well the feeling was always there, but the more i grew, the more aware of it i became. A few months ago i was visiting the one in atlanta in one of my solo journeys and i dont know, when i saw all of those people outside, waiting for someone to show them the way i thought to myself, "i could help them.." of course i almost got stabbed but the strange thing is, someone always interferes...its fascinating.

and no i kind of dislike hip-hop, im more into instrumental/classical.

[Dreamweave]

Originally Posted by infinitytruth

Instead of committing a crime where you can't get out of it later, why not get a job there?

oh i can get out dont worry, im more worried about what people will think of me..well people who know me anyway.. and i have looked into it

Originally Posted by Becoming

Could your wanting to go to prison actually be fear-based? Oddly, some of the things people fear the most are precisely what they subconsciously feel a desire to confront. This subconscious desire to confront could be misconstrued as an actual desire to do the thing you fear.

You're nearly 18 and, yes, a job in a prison is an avenue. Consider, also, that maybe you merely long for an institutional setting. Would college suffice?

maybe its the fear of going out into the real world and having to take care of myself, i have thought about this but it doesn't seem likely. It's more of a spiritual feeling, the "need" to meet someone there so he/she/i can change the world.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Dreamweave

its not something i'm excited about, but its just a feeling and i chose to ignore it.



not really, well the feeling was always there, but the more i grew, the more aware of it i became. A few months ago i was visiting the one in atlanta in one of my solo journeys and i dont know, when i saw all of those people outside, waiting for someone to show them the way i thought to myself, "i could help them.." of course i almost got stabbed but the strange thing is, someone always interferes...its fascinating.

and no i kind of dislike hip-hop, im more into instrumental/classical.

Strange.

Maybe you could start up a career as a prison psychologist and help reform hardened crims?

[coollikeme]

Just move to the U.S.A. and you will get your wish!! Strange things are happening here!!

[Brutha]

If you want to avoid that your friends see you as a criminal, go to prison for a political crime.

Take a look at Invitation to Washington D.C. | Naomi Klein .

Nonviolent political dissident is something that a lot of people can accept.

[Andrew Brunelle]

I don't think you should feel the need to go to prison, unless you're there to help the inmates, not serving time. Prison is a terrible place and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I've never been, but from watching Lockup: Raw, I can see that it is not a place that I would ever want to go, ever...and I think most people would agree with me.

Prison is a fate worse than death in many ways. Being confined and possibly raped and beat up, and whatnot, it's probably something that keeps me in line from doing anything that might land me there. I guess I have the exact opposite calling. Avoid prison at all costs.

I've never heard this before, someone feeling that they belong in prison, or that prison is calling them or whatever... It's interesting, but I doubt it will lead to too many personal growth experiences, other than not doing whatever you did to get in there again.

[insanezenmistress]

i am glad you decided to forget it. I'd try to either work with past life regression, or alot of inner meditation in what you are "craveing" at the root.

maybe you need a safe outlet for experiencing total power exchange, or have the "soul" for forensic psychology, but i strongly advise you not to get your som'tin in-side prision.... it is for real, and tramatic, personality altering, self mutilating for survivial.... and can break you irreparibly from how you see yourself now.

well, please dont glorify it... study and become stronger.

[Knyaz]

Don't just ignore that feeling (before whoever reads this gets angry at me, I'm not saying this man should go to prison). Don't become an inmate in prison. If you want to help those people, you must seek enlightenment for yourself first. Only when you have reached a truly higher level of existence can you begin to truly help others.

[Dreamweave]

hmm..it was one of those moments when i didn't think about myself..almost like my body didn't exist...oh well, im not wasting my life to help others, they can find their own way.

[Knyaz]

That is one way to look at it. Be true to yourself, be sincere, and you will be more than helpful enough to others.

[bluestar]

You could be a volunteer prison visitor. It might not sound like much but if you have this "need" it might be a calling to do this kind of work perhaps...?
I know a lady who does that. She enjoys it. She doesn't judge the people there, she just makes friends with them.

[Asmoday]

Dream,

This is actually a common experience for people in my camp.

I might be able to help, and others might be able to help more, but I'd like you to elaborate on:

1) This feeling of your mind being in overdrive.

2) This "feeling" and associated experiences that you need to go to prison for some deep purpose. Be detailed and specific.

[momo3bur]

If you feel you have a genuine and strong capacity of understanding others' issues and helping them work them out, why not go into forensic psychology and become a counselor at a prison.

GOD KNOWS we need good ones in our prisons.

Don't put yourself in prison, sweetie. Although you have a deep understanding of "the bad guys" they may not have the desire to understand you and you won't have the guarding as an inmate as you would as an employee. While they will view you as one of "them" they may also view you as a punching bag, prison b*tch, shanking opportunity, etc. Those chances are ESPECIALLY high if you put yourself out there and draw attention to yourself by trying to help them. I'm sure you don't want to be in that situation.

So my advice to you would be to take your life in a more positive direction but still in the direction you feel the need to go. GO TO PRISON, just don't commit some kind of crime to get there. Not to mention, I'm sure you don't want to hurt anyone in the process of making your way to the big house. AND you'll be getting paid instead of making your life incredibly difficult after you get out of prison.

EDIT: OH!! Now that I read through the thread I see I'm not the only person with this idea! LOL! Well, there you go, lots of people telling you the same thing. If it feels good, roll with it.

[azo]

Don't do it. Most of those people can't be helped because they naturally don't have a conscious. There are better ways to help people who do bad things like doing something where you work with gangsters to turn their lives around.