Age, PD, and the ego

[nietsdoen]

Sometimes I look at my life a little like this:

Birth-mass amounts of growth-College-some achievements and revelations-Baby-stress-Death

Then again, I'm still lazy as hell, so there's that to improve on.

However, in terms of basically everything else (emotional, mental, and spiritual growth, as well as life purpose/strengths, etc.) I've come to a place where I feel complacent. I feel like I've got everything figured out, in those areas. I know that when I move out in 2 months, I'll have a lot else to worry about, like finances and finally overcoming procrastination (which has been a problem since age 5 and may or may not be defeated this summer). I suppose there's relationships as well, but these growth potentials actually feel more basic than what I've achieved so far in my life. Of course, everyone constantly matures and grows, but I feel almost as if death is rapidly approaching, because I'm not sure what else there is for me to learn and realize in this life. That sounds cocky, so let me rephrase that. I've got the theory down; now I have to put it to practical use.

For instance, for years now, I've known the workings and evils of the spiritual concept of ego. So whenever it comes into play, or at least as often as I'm aware of it, I make note of it and move on. I still have massive problems with the ego, but nothing I hear about it is new.

Thus, we come to my major point: I feel like, and this is based on what others have told me of their lives, as if I'm slowing down and getting stuck. Sure, there's a lot for me to learn and put into practice. I can actually see, in my head, everything that still needs to be worked through and made into good habit. But that won't take long. Procrastination is my biggest issue, so what happens after that? Relationships? Parenting? I don't want the vast majority of my life to be devoted to that kind of growth.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like I've got everything figured out. Even though I've yet to achieve all of it, I feel complete. And that's boring. I feel at peace, but almost apathetic about growth. I'll continue to work on the goals I've set for myself, for sure, but what then? There's no excitement. I guess that's why I'm a lightworker. Life just won't be about growth after a certain age (from this vantage point, I can see maybe 19, 20 (after I graduate from college)), and from then on, I'll be ready to devote all of my time to other people.

I would love to hear your personal experiences about age and personal development in reflection of this post.

[N64]

Age
Instead of "Age", I'd like to put it as life events. The appropriate age for something is more of a social construct. What's the appropriate age to get have an intimate relationship/have a baby/go to college? In my opinion, it's when 'you' feel like it. Yes, the there are times that the society deems appropriate for these events, but you may feel you're doing the due to the urging of the society than the real need.

Ego

This is the construct that urges us to do the life events. Bear in mind that we are all humans with a concept of self which is programmed for survival and reproduction ( and self actualization ) more than anything else. And, for the most part the actions of our lives revolve around doing this - and there's nothing wrong with that, that's just the way it is. But it is a nice insight to know the programming behind.

Also, down the lane the virus that deconstruct the concept of ego might enter you. That's when real fun happens. Nothing is cut and dry after that, there's this nagging dissatisfaction of life as the society view it.. and it can be pretty frustrating, as the society gives a huge 'thumbs up' for people who live according to its norms. The self loves approval so.. going off the track which has been laid by the society can be very unnerving.

PD

Personally, the best type of PD is the type that helps discover the true nature of yourself. And I mean metaphysically. In fact, it may render the whole question irrlevent and may give a perspective of "the flow of life", instead of a number of socially recommended milesotones. If you want to go to college/marry/babies/whatever that's fine. But it may change the reason for you're doing ( whatever you're doing). Previously, you may have been motivated by reaching social milestones or security, now you may do the same thing, but out of different motives.

If the question of who you really are had been taken care of, does it really matter how the life flows?

I don't know if this is the type of an answer you're looking for. It seems like it's all over the place. I'm going through a phase like yours, and it just that.. there isn't a cut and dry answer for that

[nietsdoen]

Originally Posted by N64

Also, down the lane the virus that deconstruct the concept of ego might enter you. That's when real fun happens. Nothing is cut and dry after that, there's this nagging dissatisfaction of life as the society view it.. and it can be pretty frustrating, as the society gives a huge 'thumbs up' for people who live according to its norms. The self loves approval so.. going off the track which has been laid by the society can be very unnerving.

PD

Personally, the best type of PD is the type that helps discover the true nature of yourself. And I mean metaphysically. In fact, it may render the whole question irrlevent and may give a perspective of "the flow of life", instead of a number of socially recommended milesotones. If you want to go to college/marry/babies/whatever that's fine. But it may change the reason for you're doing ( whatever you're doing). Previously, you may have been motivated by reaching social milestones or security, now you may do the same thing, but out of different motives.

If the question of who you really are had been taken care of, does it really matter how the life flows?

I don't know if this is the type of an answer you're looking for. It seems like it's all over the place. I'm going through a phase like yours, and it just that.. there isn't a cut and dry answer for that

Well, to clarify, the life events I laid out in my post are ones I set for myself based on what I truly want, not based on what society expects me to do. Notice it did not include "marriage"

What do you mean by the point when the concept of ego deconstructs? I was a bit confused.

I do feel that the question of who I am has been answered. That's the peace and complacency I speak of in my post. I know myself quite well. I know exactly who I am, both apart from ego (pure consciousness, love, and bliss) and my worldly personality, strengths, purpose, etc. I'm not saying I'm agonizing over how my life is flowing from here on out. It's something else. I'm questioning, I suppose, whether this is it.

I'm happy, and excited about all aspects of my life, but I just feel almost as if I've skipped a stage. I feel like half my life is over, when it's really only just begun. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but I keep thinking that a) I'm going to die soon and that's why I've made such leaps of progress or b) life is going to be much more crappy and complicated than I'm prepared for and there won't even be time to focus on growth after my personal goals are completed or c) the Universe has some master plan/goal for me that requires me to be the best person I can be at a young age (20-25).

B is more likely, C is preferable, and A is meh.

[N64]

What do you mean by the point when the concept of ego deconstructs? I was a bit confused.

yeah I might not have been very clear on that. I meant when you gain insights about the true nature of your self.

I truly want, not based on what society expects me to do. Notice it did not include "marriage"

Point taken I was talking about a generalized template. I must have skimmed through your first post

I feel like half my life is over, when it's really only just begun. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but I keep thinking that a) I'm going to die soon and that's why I've made such leaps of progress or b) life is going to be much more ****** and complicated than I'm prepared for and there won't even be time to focus on growth after my personal goals are completed or c) the Universe has some master plan/goal for me that requires me to be the best person I can be at a young age (20-25).

That's funny, I've never thought about life like that. In fact, something like figuring out universe's plan never occurred to me.

b) life is going to be much more ****** and complicated than I'm prepared for and there won't even be time to focus on growth

Well.. dealing with life a complicated scenario will only mature your growth, not hinder it. In some way or the other you will grow. Always. There will be growing pains, but 'you' don't really have to suffer

[nietsdoen]

Originally Posted by N64

That's funny, I've never thought about life like that. In fact, something like figuring out universe's plan never occurred to me.

Hehe.. I'm not trying to figure out the Universe's plan. I'm just saying, that's one path my life can take.

Well.. dealing with life a complicated scenario will only mature your growth, not hinder it. In some way or the other you will grow. Always. There will be growing pains, but 'you' don't really have to suffer

That's true. A good point to note. I suppose what I meant by not having time to focus on growth is that I'll be too busy worrying about earning enough money to make a living (possibly working two unfulfilling jobs to go back to school, etc), or something like that, where I can't focus on personal interests and goals (deep spiritual practice, learning how to paint/draw, etc).

It's nothing to worry about, and I'm not worrying about it necessarily. I'm just wondering if this is where things start slowing down, is all.

[N64]

where I can't focus on personal interests and goals (deep spiritual practice, learning how to paint/draw, etc).

Yeah. Personally I've been having this concern too . But, there are lots of people who are doing jobs, raising families who have made spirituality a part of their life.. it's more like expressing day to day life in a more enlightened way

[taylor]

Your post reminds me a bit of me, so let me project a bit of my own reality on you. You like having eureka moments and paradigm shifts right? You like learning new PD concepts and paradigms more than anything else. You feel like you've read, seen, heard everything before though to the point where you feel you have your whole pathway all figured out. Now it's just a boring process of one step in front of the other. The curiosity is gone, the mysteries are dead, and now it's just kind of a boring game left.

I think this is all just bringing up the choice to move to a deeper Order of reality. You were living on the surface, but the novelty of the surface intellectual level only goes so far. Now you are forced to go deeper for satisfaction. Putting spirituality into practice seems boring to the intellect, but it's exciting to the Spirit. Look at all the monks out there living lives of basically sensory deprivation and reading the same book over and over. Yet they are as a rule the most happy and peaceful people you'll meet. When the surface stimulation was taken away they had to go deeper and find greater satisfaction on a different level.

The intellect will no longer do it for you. You'll have to go deeper and that means a period of dissatisfaction probably until you are willing to go deeper.

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by nietsdoen

Sometimes I look at my life a little like this:

Birth-mass amounts of growth-College-some achievements and revelations-Baby-stress-Death

Then again, I'm still lazy as hell, so there's that to improve on.

However, in terms of basically everything else (emotional, mental, and spiritual growth, as well as life purpose/strengths, etc.) I've come to a place where I feel complacent. I feel like I've got everything figured out, in those areas. I know that when I move out in 2 months, I'll have a lot else to worry about, like finances and finally overcoming procrastination (which has been a problem since age 5 and may or may not be defeated this summer). I suppose there's relationships as well, but these growth potentials actually feel more basic than what I've achieved so far in my life. Of course, everyone constantly matures and grows, but I feel almost as if death is rapidly approaching, because I'm not sure what else there is for me to learn and realize in this life. That sounds cocky, so let me rephrase that. I've got the theory down; now I have to put it to practical use.

For instance, for years now, I've known the workings and evils of the spiritual concept of ego. So whenever it comes into play, or at least as often as I'm aware of it, I make note of it and move on. I still have massive problems with the ego, but nothing I hear about it is new.

Thus, we come to my major point: I feel like, and this is based on what others have told me of their lives, as if I'm slowing down and getting stuck. Sure, there's a lot for me to learn and put into practice. I can actually see, in my head, everything that still needs to be worked through and made into good habit. But that won't take long. Procrastination is my biggest issue, so what happens after that? Relationships? Parenting? I don't want the vast majority of my life to be devoted to that kind of growth.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like I've got everything figured out. Even though I've yet to achieve all of it, I feel complete. And that's boring. I feel at peace, but almost apathetic about growth. I'll continue to work on the goals I've set for myself, for sure, but what then? There's no excitement. I guess that's why I'm a lightworker. Life just won't be about growth after a certain age (from this vantage point, I can see maybe 19, 20 (after I graduate from college)), and from then on, I'll be ready to devote all of my time to other people.

I would love to hear your personal experiences about age and personal development in reflection of this post.

Haha, the age old teenager who feels they know everything. I remember being there. All I can say is Just wait. The ride starts to get very interesting from here on out. Life has a way of taking us just as soon as we think we've got it figured out and slapping the taste out of our mouth.

[nietsdoen]

Originally Posted by ChrisGinsburg

Haha, the age old teenager who feels they know everything. I remember being there. All I can say is Just wait. The ride starts to get very interesting from here on out. Life has a way of taking us just as soon as we think we've got it figured out and slapping the taste out of our mouth.

Well, right. That's what I was thinking. I'm also aware of the know-it-all complex

Originally Posted by taylor

The intellect will no longer do it for you. You'll have to go deeper and that means a period of dissatisfaction probably until you are willing to go deeper.

Very interesting. I think you've hit the mark here. Thanks.

[Clint Cora]

I've reached my middle age years and for me, personal development is ongoing. That helps keep life exciting for me as I still see progress as well as development opportunities in all areas of my life. Sure, there are some things physically that I can't do as well anymore but these are really specific to martial arts or other activities that are considered more extreme in nature. But that's okay since there are many other things to learn and grow from.

[MartaA]

I think ChrisGinsburg and taylor hit the point.

To say the same in other words, let me quote Morpheus in Matrix: "Neo, sooner or later you're going to realize just as I did that there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"

I've been where you are. And I can promise you that it just gets more and more interesting, harder sometimes, growth in every step (as long as you are willing to take the steps!!) and more and more awareness to come. Life is just great! Trust the universe, you are not here to get bored

[nietsdoen]

Originally Posted by MartaA

I think ChrisGinsburg and taylor hit the point.

To say the same in other words, let me quote Morpheus in Matrix: "Neo, sooner or later you're going to realize just as I did that there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"

I've been where you are. And I can promise you that it just gets more and more interesting, harder sometimes, growth in every step (as long as you are willing to take the steps!!) and more and more awareness to come. Life is just great! Trust the universe, you are not here to get bored

Haha, thanks What a refreshing perspective.

[Dulma]

Interesting. I feel the opposite way. I feel like the more questions I get answered, the more questions I have! And the more that is revealed to me, the more I see is yet for me to discover.

[run_fly]

Hi nietsdoen:

This is more of a theory because I believe this is where you are right now at a soul evolution standpoint in your life:

You could be a very old and wise soul who has gone through all of this before in past lives, and this is very boring to you because you have already done this over and over and over again.

Also, you could be here more for service and contribution then anything else.


Also I bet at your age and development (considering how far you have go to at a young age) you will need lots of different careers and options to keep things exciting.

I have been where you were - really bored at a young age and figured I had it figured out, then booom all of a sudden the "jumangi board" of life changes and makes it more engaging and interesting again.


Just a theory? Don't know if it resonates.

[nietsdoen]

Originally Posted by run_fly

I have been where you were - really bored at a young age and figured I had it figured out, then booom all of a sudden the "jumangi board" of life changes and makes it more engaging and interesting again.


Just a theory? Don't know if it resonates.

I really appreciate giving your personal experience, because it confirms what others in the thread have said -- that life will keep things engaging and interesting and keep me guessing. In that sense it resonates, but otherwise it doesn't matter to me what happens, or what the cause for my feeling like this is. I'm just glad to hear that others have felt as I do, but that life tends to throw things at you you never saw coming. That's what I like to hear, because I like growing.