Is empathy a spectrum?

[Ilikeindowem]

I find in truth that empathy is sometimes an over-extended feeling. Empathy is required since everybody has their own needs and wishes in life. Perhaps a better word is sympathy. I find that sympathy is overrated to some degree, since it often denotes weakness.

If life is tough, then shouldn't people develop coping skills to withstand the inevitable toughness? What use does sympathy have in that context?

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by Ilikeindowem

I find in truth that empathy is sometimes an over-extended feeling. Empathy is required since everybody has their own needs and wishes in life. Perhaps a better word is sympathy. I find that sympathy is overrated to some degree, since it often denotes weakness.

If life is tough, then shouldn't people develop coping skills to withstand the inevitable toughness? What use does sympathy have in that context?

Humans are social creatures. Showing sympathy creates powerful bonds between people and the healing one person extends by showing sympathy ultimately helps heal them as well. This is in fact a powerful coping skill for navigating a tough world.

[Ilikeindowem]

Should coping skills largely be internally formed/developed?

[taylor]

Originally Posted by Ilikeindowem

Should coping skills largely be internally formed/developed?

You can't force someone else to cope. If anyone should be learning or practicing coping skills, it should be you. Coping to me is just letting go of your own resistance and judgmental thoughts.

I can't give any reality to someone elses negativity or else I am creating it in my own mind. Therefore I choose not to empathize with people. I'll listen with total openness and without judgment, but I won't go there myself if I can help it.

[ssandra]

being an empath and having/showing empathy are 2 different things

An empath feels what the other person is feeling.

Having/showing empathy means mirroring the other persons feelings back to them without always having to feel those feelings as if they were your own.

Empathy helps a lot in creating rapport with other people. When you are in rapport people will talk to you more easily and you can either lead them out of their negative feeling or they will take your suggestions more seriously.

As an example;

If you are very sad about something tiny and a happy cheerful person comes to you and with a huge smile on their face tell you to "get over it".
Personally, my first reaction would be in the area of "**** off!"

However, if I'm sad about something tiny and someone comes to me and first shows me (with body language: empathy) that they understand my feelings, I'm much more open to whatever it is that they have to say, even if that is equal to "get over it".


Using empathy can be a very strong tool in achieving what it is you want out of a conversation. And that's all. It's a tool.

[Ilikeindowem]

Originally Posted by taylor

You can't force someone else to cope. If anyone should be learning or practicing coping skills, it should be you. Coping to me is just letting go of your own resistance and judgmental thoughts.

I can't give any reality to someone elses negativity or else I am creating it in my own mind. Therefore I choose not to empathize with people. I'll listen with total openness and without judgment, but I won't go there myself if I can help it.

I don't understand why it is bad to.be judgemental. Given how humanity is as a species, we are not always accepting.

[taylor]

Originally Posted by Ilikeindowem

I don't understand why it is bad to.be judgemental. Given how humanity is as a species, we are not always accepting.

If it's working for you then keep it up. Judgmental thoughts block my happiness and peace of mind. I think that's probably true for everyone.

I agree ssandra you could approach empathy as a tool without feeling the negativity yourself, or feeling it minimally. I don't sympathize with people but I'll listen without judgment or wanting to fix them. Some might call that empathy.

[FelineNostalgia]

Originally Posted by Ilikeindowem

I don't understand why it is bad to.be judgemental. Given how humanity is as a species, we are not always accepting.

I really don't think your going to take in anything anyone says.

But I'll just throw it out there, judgement creates limitations a lot of the time.

[Ilikeindowem]

Originally Posted by taylor

If it's working for you then keep it up. Judgmental thoughts block my happiness and peace of mind. I think that's probably true for everyone.

I find that humans are often very prejudicial, and that happiness is subjective. But I'll agree to disagree.

I

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by FelineNostalgia

I really don't think your going to take in anything anyone says.

But I'll just throw it out there, judgement creates limitations a lot of the time.

I couldn't help but point out that you judged him in your first sentence.

[FelineNostalgia]

Originally Posted by ChrisGinsburg

I couldn't help but point out that you judged him in your first sentence.

Well although me to apologise, It was meant to be a lose ideal , hence 'I really don't think' instead of 'your not'...or simply not bothering to interact with him at all

I can understand through writing on a screen how it seems like a harsh judgement though

Let it be known that this idea is not an opinion, just a questionable ideal

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by FelineNostalgia

Well although me to apologise, It was meant to be a lose ideal , hence 'I really don't think' instead of 'your not'...or simply not bothering to interact with him at all

I can understand through writing on a screen how it seems like a harsh judgement though

Let it be known that this idea is not an opinion, just a questionable ideal

It didn't seem harsh. In fact, I've picked up on what you meant as well. It's just a testament to how we all are constantly judging others and comparing them to ourselves in many unseen subtle ways all the way to obvious hatred filled judgments.

[FelineNostalgia]

Originally Posted by ChrisGinsburg

It didn't seem harsh. In fact, I've picked up on what you meant as well. It's just a testament to how we all are constantly judging others and comparing them to ourselves in many unseen subtle ways all the way to obvious hatred filled judgments.

I think its scary that subtle judging grows as we get older, so slowly that people barely notice and then they don't realise their attitude imbalance.

[wstein]

Empathy is a spectrum, similar to intelligence. It also varies from moment to moment.

Originally Posted by Ilikeindowem

Empathy is required since everybody has their own needs and wishes in life.

Empathy is not required. Many creatures lack empathy yet still thrive. Empathy is very helpful (to a point) in social species as it greatly helps personal interaction by understanding where others are at internally. Extreme empathy (taking on other’s stuff, not just being aware of it) is debilitating; you are so burdened by other’s stuff you cannot attend to your own.

[Ilikeindowem]

Originally Posted by ChrisGinsburg

It didn't seem harsh. In fact, I've picked up on what you meant as well. It's just a testament to how we all are constantly judging others and comparing them to ourselves in many unseen subtle ways all the way to obvious hatred filled judgments.

then is there a logical reason why judging is bad?

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by Ilikeindowem

then is there a logical reason why judging is bad?

If you had to answer the question what would you say?

[Ilikeindowem]

Originally Posted by ChrisGinsburg

If you had to answer the question what would you say?

People can judge all they want, I don't see the issue.