Eliminated social phobia and now I don't know who I am?!

[rozsomak]

I have just finished university and got a BSc degree in computer science.

It seems like I had social phobia since my early childhood. And I eliminated this problem in the last few months.Now I consider myself to be social, to be sensitive to others' feelings... Damn, I can even make the statement that I love people and I love to be around them, helping them...

Now I got shocked by the possibility that I only get this degree in computer science because I was always sitting at home and had the time to figure out algorithmic problems... In other words, social phobia may forced me into this. And now as I feel free, I feel like I am so much more alive when I with people that I honestly don't know what should I do with my university degree...

I always liked the idea to be an engineer and make plans and think about solutions in a calm room...Alone... But now I feel like I want to meet as many people as possible and I don't want to work on abstract mathematical problems. I want to work with people instead of computers and paper.

I'm really confused. I can continue my university studies going for a masters degree, but now I really don't know what to do. I feel like I need time to get to know myself because now I act like I'm somebody else than who I was in my last 10-15 years...

Can you give some advice what should I do now? Should I just continue my studies at the uni? Or should I somehow get to know myself better and make a fresh start with my new values? What would you do in my situation?

Thank you for your suggestions.

[rawxstasy]

You are probably still identifying yourself as someone who is anti social. It's like the person who loses weight and they still see themselves as fat. It may take a few months for your perception to change. I would just sit tight and see if you feelings change further. You might be able to reach a happy medium.

[meanttobehappy]

That's the beauty (and frustration) of life, Rozsomak! We get to shape and form the life we want. That does two things:

1) We have a huga amount of freedom to imagine and wonder and discover who we WANT to be, how we want to live, what life we want to construct. That's truly an amazing opportunity when you think about the untold millions who are trapped in situations of oppression and/or poverty and disease that sucks them into a preditable future. You, on the other hand, get to visualize a life you desire and take steps to acheive it.

But 2) we also only have our selves to answer for the decisions we make, no one else to blame for wrong turns.

Here are a couple things to think about:

1. The people thing aside, do you enjoy working on algorithmic programs? If you have a talent or a passion or just find it rewarding to figure things out like that, you can have a rewarding career of algorithmic joy and build a people-filled social life too.

2. Still, you are young and several years down a wrong academic path won;t kill you (even if it will be expensive!). But remember, you are creating a life. What do you want out of it? If the solitude was the ONLY reason, or even perhaps, the MAJOR reason you were pursuing a degree in computer science, then maybe a change now would be a good thing. Looking back at this point in your life in 20 years, the 4 years you seemingly waste won't matter. Besides, the process of getting the education you have to this point has helped develop the mind you will take into whatever profession you end up in, so isn;t truly a waste anyway.

3. Or maybe you could charter an Extroverted Engineer Club and have parties and do acts of service and have fundraisers for charities and the like.

The possibilities are almost endless. Just remember, it's your life. Where can you be happy? Does work and social activity have to be in the same place? Can they be divided ... for YOU?

Sorry, no real direction here, perhaps some clarity to the questions you need to answer for yourself, though. Only you are on the field of your life. The rest of us are, at best, on the sidelines watching. And in reality, we are only peering through a narrow window at the sidelines of your life.

Good luck! But enjoy the fact that you live where you have the freedom to make such decisions! Besides, it's never too late to make course corrections.

[taylor]

A lot of programming involves working closely with other people in your team. It's way more group based than the image of the lone wolf programmer alone at his computer who only says "Finished." to the boss. Some companies even take this to the extreme and force two people to work at one computer so that the code is as collaborative as possible, this is the other side of the continuum and is rare as well.

Anyway, the point is that a lot of technical jobs involve a fair amount of people contact and because you are good at this now you have a competitive advantage that other people with a CS degree don't have. A hugely important advantage at that.

If you only like doing the social interaction now and don't like tech anymore, which does happen to some people, consider changing careers while you still have plenty of time to discover what you want. Maybe a sales job would be a good experiment to see if you love constant human contact or you get it out of your system and want to do more technical work as well after all.

[rozsomak]

Thank you, my friends!

@rawxstasy:
Actually I don't know what am I identifying myself with. I feel pretty empty: most of my fears , worries disappeared and replaced by peace, calmness. I don't feel like I need anything for myself... My only motivation now seems to be to make others more happy... Most people around me would think I'm a lunatic for saying this.

@meanttobehappy
@taylor:
Yes, I'm free, that causes my problem I'm grateful for my possibilities, and I don't think that I wasted my time, I don't really care about past. Now I have 2 months till September when my MSc classes start, I think I will spend my time meditating and meeting some new people to gather experience and then put things together so I can choose my (new) direction...

Thanks again.

[dogstar]

LOL. I have a CS degree and am very social. Have you considered working in software sales or in technical sales for a software company? Along with lots of money you have the ability to meet with customers, solve their problems along with working with a really fun group of people.

As you can imagine, it is difficult to find people who are technically savvy that have good people skills to do this type of job. It might be the perfect fit for you so don't give up on your technical training just yet!

I couldn't stand sitting in my cube coding all day. Yuk. But sales was fast paced, fun and interactive - and paid way better! Look for Sales Engineer positions if you aren't ready to jump in and take on a quota.

Good luck!

[Michael Chui]

Visit this site every day for a week. Pick random articles to read. Hacker News

[Clint Cora]

You might as well finish your degree since it's a good starting point. But realize that your eventual career does not have to be exactly what you were studying at school. If you are more social, then you might pursue roles that require more social skills but still within the industry that you like. For example, let's say you still like computers and IT but don't want to be a programmer. That's fine because you can always get into the sales and marketing aspects of the IT industry.

[NicB]

Why can't you do both?

Perhaps it's the sense of meaning you get from doing your degree that gives you the inner positivity and happiness to socialize without fear? Like you found your purpose.
So who says you need to do one or the other? Sounds like it could be worth focusing on how to balance the 2...

[Fendaril]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

You are probably still identifying yourself as someone who is anti social. It's like the person who loses weight and they still see themselves as fat. It may take a few months for your perception to change. I would just sit tight and see if you feelings change further. You might be able to reach a happy medium.

YES THIS!!!!

I am skinny and I still think I am fat and ugly.

[Clint Cora]

Many technology people have successfully ventured into areas within the industry but more into those areas that focus on working with people. This would include project management, sales, marketing, etc. Skills that combine tech backgrounds with people skills are golden. These will help you advance higher in your career than just tech skills.

Some people have developed their business skills by going after a MBA. Some have just taken the sales and marketing route on the job. Some will develop their people and presentation skills at Toastmasters.

So if you want to do something other than programming, I would say there's no need to do a post grad degree in a technical field. Just go towards the business side of things educationally, professionally or both.

[ssandra]

I know EXACTLY what you mean!!

There is just so much of your identity that gets tied up into the whole shyness thing that it can be weird to suddenly not know who you are.

If I were you I wouldn't study anything for now. I would either find a job (any job) or if you have the money, go travel right away.

Just take some time to get to know yourself again. Who you really are.

Find out what you like, what you don't like. If you still need some alone time every now and then (not because of fear / shyness, but to reload your energy) or if you do that by being around other people.

Discover any other interests you might have.

You are in such a lucky position right now! You get to discover who you really are in a very conscious way where you don't' have to let other people "should" you...!!