"You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with"

[hemal]

I just came across this quote and really got me thinking about how we are strongly affected by the people we spend a lot of time with. I wrote down the 5 people in my life I spend a lot of time with and have to say, started to hope the above quotation was wrong. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Does anyone else feel like sometimes their friends/family members may be holding them back a little?

[Clint Cora]

Another similar saying that is related to this is that you become much like the people you spend most of your time with. I've come to accept this principle and what this means is that for many of the things you want to get good at, you have to be among others who are already good. And this is rarely within your present social circle.

[hemal]

Yeah I think you are right. I guess I'm finding it a little hard to admit because I think my current social circle holds me back a bit. In fact I have noticed how I have picked up a lot of their bad qualities, so I guess the people we surround ourselves with do impact us more than we'd like to admit.

[taylor]

You can overcome this if you are very focused, but few people are. I believe MLK called this "being a thermostat, not a thermometer." Which means you affect your environment rather than having it affect you.

Of course it's easier just to find good people to hang out with.

[hemal]

Very true! I've found just being aware of my thoughts when I'm surrounded by negativity helps a little. Witnessing how people affect me is a step toward preventing it. I do feel really determined know though to try and find more positive people to spend time with

[nietsdoen]

Currently I spend the most time with my family.. but I am the opposite of the average of them =p

[Smellyorangutan]

I guess I'm the average of 5 mes.

[Brutha]

It depends on the strength of those connections. If you are an introvert it possible to relatively unaffected by other people.
If you have strong connection that affect you, you are likely to become like other people.

[rodav]

I spend most of my time with my husband and children. Of course, we share the same values, but I'm totally different from them. My husband and me are so different.

At this stage in my life, I live on my own terms.

[Clint Cora]

One of the strategies used by the most 'successful' people out there is that they hang out with others like them or those they aspire to be more like. Through such associations, they can learn more towards what they want to accomplish.

[Peter Bourke]

This statement is a little too sweeping for my tastes. If it is true that you can be strongly influenced by the people you surround yourself with in favour of their behaviour and attitudes, then it is equally true that they can influence you away from their behaviour and attitudes. They can present to you the traits you don't wish to possess and make you resistant to acquiring them in the same way that they can present to you alluring traits and behaviour which you wish to emulate.

They can be a warning aswell as an example.

My mother, for example, is a relatively holy woman with a belief in God and the supernatural. Living in the same house as her I inevitably spend a fair bit of time in her company. She is attracted to alternative medicine and similar New-age practices and viewpoints which have no support from the scientific community.

I personally put my "faith" in Science and believe things which have bodies of evidence to back them up. Observing my mother read these sorts of books and watch programmes on apparitions etc. doesn't encourage me in the slightest to assume her beliefs or attitudes. It doesn't make me want to kneel down and pray, or start taking homeopathic medicine. In fact the opposite is true. I can question my mother and see that her way of thinking is not based on evidence but based on emotion and more often than not, the lates unsubstantiated claim she has read.

And I am the better for it.

I can easily resist influence of this sort because I have taken time to examine these different belief systems myself personally; have read books on the subjects; have listened to experts in the fields of Philosophy, Science, Critical Thinking and even Religion. I have already attained a level of confidence in my own judgement and have learnt not to take everything on face value.

My point is that once you have decided to think for yourself and learnt how to investigate matters objectively and rely on your own intellect, you are much less easily swayed by the opinions and behaviour of others. As a young ignorant child I'm sure I was influenced greatly and unquestioningly by my parents and others. No longer!

[Broderick]

It feels true to me. This is after having lived with different people, alone, and with family, and I've always spent the most time with the people I've lived with.

I've lost 50 pounds and I think it's only because I have a completely new social circle. It doesn't feel like I've pushed or tried harder than anytime before.

[taylor]

I've heard it like this "In five years you will be the combination of the company you keep and the books you read."

[Wildfire own Coach]

wow- that just answered my current career and where I live question- do I move- YES! Last year I seperated myself for some time from most of my family (god bless them- however a toxic family and I was toxic too)- So this year even though at times I have felt alone and like a 42 year old going on 5- I am learning to build myself a foundation--- when it gets a little uneasy or challenged- I don't look elsewhere for the answer- it is within. There is alot of advice in reference to keeping the company of people we respect, admire and consider role models...'we are the company we keep'.
So - whilst I really want to RUN- I will continue taking baby steps toward a different work and life environment- keeping what I find healthy and limiting (not giving up completely) that which I do not. I go to rotary with an amazing group of diverse people- there are different forums for all of us in finding healthy people that encourage our growth. Nice thread. thanks for the 'sharing' and 'thinking that started this thread'. smiles, WFOC.

[persephonevii]

Originally Posted by Smellyorangutan

I guess I'm the average of 5 mes.

Ha, I'm in a similar boat. I moved to a new town and still haven't really made any close connections (largely my own fault, of course, but I'm not too worried about it). So the people I do actively and really hang out with would be... 2 at the most. One really, but the other person is the room-mate of my friend, so I only spend so much time with the room-mate because it is incidental.

As for my family, I only see them once in a blue moon. So you kinda have to wonder... what sort of average is there when there's no numbers to be really added?

But as a child and teenager, I grew up and spent most of my time with my family and I do think I am an average of my family - cautious, organized, intellectual, somewhat given to procrastination and generally not too worried about forming relationships beyond the close, established ones I already have.

@PeterBourke, my aforementioned friend is in a very similar situation with his mother too! They are close-ish and talk at least once a week with each other. She's a born again Christian and he's an atheist. She's very much into her beliefs and preaches them when she can, he finds this trait of her annoying and really resists all efforts to go anything near religious. Can you really say her son is an average of her?

Plus as a note, you can hang out with people who have 'distasteful' qualities but still keep your own. To a degree though, it does depend on how close and active your relationship is to that person.

[fwoom]

The books you read is a good one. It sounds like a trick I liked to use sometimes when I was little -- I'd go read one of my fav uplifting storybooks or comic books, and it would make me feel better. The same goes for uplifting friends.

Couldn't this also be used to your advantage? If you become most like the people you are around, then seek out those with strong values that you admire and try to become friends with them/hang out with them as much as you can!

[fwoom]

On a separate note, if you, for example, are a forum addict and spend much of your time online on the Steve Pavlina forums, perhaps you'll be more affected by the personalities of frequent commenters here than in your real life?

Just a thought.

[persephonevii]

Originally Posted by fwoom

On a separate note, if you, for example, are a forum addict and spend much of your time online on the Steve Pavlina forums, perhaps you'll be more affected by the personalities of frequent commenters here than in your real life?

Just a thought.

I hadn't thought of that, but yes. I do spend much more time on the internet with personalities I've met on the internet than I do in RL. What about following certain blogs closely? Sure, they aren't flesh and blood... but they interact, have ideas and attitudes, and if the blog and you get along; well I'd say that's being influenced by a person (even if in a indirect manner).

[NicB]

I can see how it can be true, but only to an extent.
I think it's more true for things like mannerisms and social habits, but nothing more.

Hopefully...

[Wildfire own Coach]

When I first read this I freaked decided I was moving big time (based my 5 people as my most unwell claimants)- yet its actually a really positive thing.....The 5 people I hang with the most- (1) my gorgeous friend Jen- so strong and so clear about what she deserves;(2) my friend Cassie- so beautiful and sweet (knows about everyone and everything in the street- yet so cute and divine); (3) my customer Jen- so strong, so funny, so bluntly honest and hates the b.s chicks spit out (4) my friend Celia- so ballsy, so brave, has been to hell and back and survived- yet has the soul so big the world still couldnt fill it and loves me to death for all my good, bad and nutty bits; (5) My friend Mike- a true gentleman, a true friend, someone so tolerant and so giving- and so ready to learn to spread his wings after being so beaten down by his ex wife.
Wow - how lucky am I to have 5 powerful people (and thats just starting it) in my life......I have so many of those traits- a mixture of them all- Bellissimo! ahhhhhh