Envy - do you understand it?

[Ilikeindowem]

Envy doesn't make sense to me. I genuinely think that it's a function of personality, more so than a truly innate human trait.

It's not like, say, anger or joy, which are given (almost programmed, if one wills) responses to certain life situations. There are some who don't feel bad if others are more successful, or have an ostensible easier life. I wouldn't say I am at all an envious person. On the other hand, somebody who never seldom felt anger or joy would be seen as abnormal emotionally and psychologically.

Does envy make sense to you? Is it innate for humans to crave or feel resentment at others having more than we do?

[ssandra]

If envy is wanting what other people have without feeling bad that I don't have it yet; yes, plenty of times

If envy is wanting what other people have while feeling bad that I don't have it yet; yes, sometimes.

If envy is wanting what other people have instead of those other people (I want it, I want to take it from them); no. Never.

I'm not sure which one of these is really envy though.

I think the first one, looking what others have to know what you want as well can be a very good thing. It helps you grow, reach beyond your comfortable boundaries, gives you some idea of what is possible.

The second one isn't very helpful, unless you use those bad feelings as a propeller to get to what you want.

The third one, I know it exists (if I cannot date her, nobody can) but I don't understand it.

[Michael Chui]

Well, there's this stuff:

Kids Prefer Cheese: The Fairness Gene: Two Stories Out of Sweden

I didn't search very hard, but the idea of fairness being genetically wired in us came up in BBC sometime in the last couple months. It seems like a possible basis for biologically-founded envy.

I don't remember the last time I felt envious, though.

[Criseyde]

Originally Posted by ssandra

If envy is wanting what other people have while feeling bad that I don't have it yet; yes, sometimes.

If envy is wanting what other people have instead of those other people (I want it, I want to take it from them); no. Never.

Both of these are envy. It's either wishing you had it too or wishing they didn't have it (you don't actually have to take it from them in the latter instance though).

I think I understand it. I think it's about fear. When you feel envious, you're basically feeling like you're not good enough to have it too/afraid you'll never be good enough.

I would guess that it's about as innate as low self-esteem.

[BellyGirl]

Originally Posted by Ilikeindowem

Envy doesn't make sense to me. I genuinely think that it's a function of personality, more so than a truly innate human trait.

It's not like, say, anger or joy, which are given (almost programmed, if one wills) responses to certain life situations. There are some who don't feel bad if others are more successful, or have an ostensible easier life. I wouldn't say I am at all an envious person. On the other hand, somebody who never seldom felt anger or joy would be seen as abnormal emotionally and psychologically.

Does envy make sense to you? Is it innate for humans to crave or feel resentment at others having more than we do?

My envy is caused by my wants denied repeatedly as a kid. The repeated disappointments caused me to fear asking for things. I became resigned as a person not believing that i could ask for things, that i could want things.

I grew up with a lot of envy seeing other peple have things that I can't have because I never dare to want anything, because I beleive that I couldn't have them.

I'm now working on believing that it's ok to want things and i am entitled have things.

Envy, I realise for me, is a shadow effect of my suppressed or unmet desires, the bitterness of deprivation.

I'm now working on identifying clearly my desires. (Clarity)
And then challenging myself to make the moves to get them.

Believing tht I can now get my desires is not enough.

Becos for these years, I have subconsciously put up habits of barriers around me to prevent myself from getting the things I want. It is a subconscious defence mechanism to prevent the pain of disppointment.

I realise that I have to ACT to get what I want, in order to discover one by one those barriers , and break them down.

Because I believe now that I can get what I want, therefore, I am willing to break down my barriers. The barriers no longer stop me.

[Ne Cede Malis]

Originally Posted by ssandra

If envy is wanting what other people have without feeling bad that I don't have it yet; yes, plenty of times

If envy is wanting what other people have while feeling bad that I don't have it yet; yes, sometimes.

If envy is wanting what other people have instead of those other people (I want it, I want to take it from them); no. Never.

I'm not sure which one of these is really envy though.

I think the first one, looking what others have to know what you want as well can be a very good thing. It helps you grow, reach beyond your comfortable boundaries, gives you some idea of what is possible.

The second one isn't very helpful, unless you use those bad feelings as a propeller to get to what you want.

The third one, I know it exists (if I cannot date her, nobody can) but I don't understand it.

I agree - the first one seems natural and healthy to me. I don't relate to the third one either.

p.s. I like your signature quote

[supertom]

I understand envy its a useful emotion for understanding a few things about myself.

1.I ask myself is this something I really desire for myself that i am willing to put effort in to get? Was I previously denying but deep down i want it?

2. Do I have a dis-empowering belief about this, Its not possible for me to get this but it is for him/her because _____________

3.Do i have a abundance/scarcity perception for this, that there not enough to go around and my share was taken.

If its none of the above than i realize its for a childish reason and it usually makes me lol at myself

[ProjectX]

Originally Posted by Michael Chui

I don't remember the last time I felt envious, though.

wow I envy you.

[Brutha]

It's an emotion. Emotion don't "make sense". They are just there.
If you don't allow them to happen it's difficult to understand them.

[Ilikeindowem]

Originally Posted by Brutha

It's an emotion. Emotion don't "make sense". They are just there.
If you don't allow them to happen it's difficult to understand them.

This is politically correct. For one, healthy emotional management is taking responsibility for emotions. I would agree that humans are not and cannot be totally rational. But I would add there are common triggers for emotions; given occurrences will present given emotions.