Being rude is good sometimes??

[High Priest]

I have personally experienced that being rude helps me a lot in handling people. I love being polite when the same is reciprocated. But there are some people who wouldn't budge. They hurt others for no reason. I love being rude to them bully them to the core and make them look like dolts.

I have noted many times that when I do this often and show some politeness occasionally, I feel I'm in total control and those people just do what I need from them. I also feel I'm being respected. Is it the right way to handle them?? I normally am a pious person but what I do is, even I'm a bit hurt, I turn out to be too aggressive sometimes.

How do you guys handle these kind of situations??

[elucidate]

Yeah, I used to use this strategy as well with some people. It often became a competition of who could give the best put down, which may not be the most enlightened way to handle things, but that was how the game was played back when I was in my twenties, and I grew up with family who behaved this way, so...

I've since re-evaluated my stance on this and I think that it's better to just walk away from someone begging for this...even if they will respect you more for stooping to their level. Why would I want the respect of someone who is behaving in a way that isn't worthy of my respect?

Working on feeling good about myself cancels the need to make someone else feel bad. When I feel good about myself, I naturally want others to feel good also.

Then again, sometimes it's just too tempting to revert, especially when someone is being a total douche. I can't say I haven't revelled at times in telling one particular person I have in mind exactly what I thought of him when I hear him bashing other people to me. There is a certain glee in watching his face change when the bomb hits!

Bullies are just people who were bullied themselves. They should really be pitied.

[High Priest]

Yup. But you cannot walk away from them all the time. There are situations you gotta deal with them. Like at work and among relatives. Because they come back and do more if you do not do the damage first.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by High Priest

Yup. But you cannot walk away from them all the time. There are situations you gotta deal with them. Like at work and among relatives. Because they come back and do more if you do not do the damage first.

Right.

Well, if you have the wherewithall(?) to fight back and make sure you can dose them up with some really effective put downs, then that may be what they need to be gotten through to...some people operate that way, like it or not...same as some people out there don't know how to communicate without the use of violence, so a smack will likely convey a lot to them, and they will respect you for it...my brother is like this for instance, and has been trying to get me to punch him for years now It doesn't come easily to me to be physically violent, so I would need for him to actually physically attack me for me to respond in such a way. He has, as a consequence, upped his obnoxious behavior more every time I see him, which is less and less these days, as I cannot stand being around him much lately...he's just a very aggressive character, and war-like. Aries (Mars)

I have trouble with it these days, as in, it doesn't flow as much or as well as it used to for me...I tend to walk away, though I think about it later and what I 'should' have said, which is ultimately really frustrating.

I don't know. It's nasty business, and I do my best to stay away from people like that these days. I've had my fill...though sometimes it does get boring being so 'nice'.

[High Priest]

LOL How old is your brother???? If you like you can tell me how old you are. I'm imagining how it would be if a grown up brother and sister fought with each other and I can't stop laughing

haha yes you are right. It's boring to be nice all the time

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by High Priest

LOL How old is your brother???? If you like you can tell me how old you are. I'm imagining how it would be if a grown up brother and sister fought with each other and I can't stop laughing

haha yes you are right. It's boring to be nice all the time

I'm 36 and he is 31. It would probably be quite a dynamic thing to watch as he has trained for 10 years in more than one martial art, and I have trained for 2 years in mixed martial art. Still, I'm pretty sure he would win, even if he has come out second best in street fights with people who can't even fight. His training has become set in his reflexes, which is what it's all about. I did not stay long enough for this to happen. We still spar though, which is fun.

I'm female btw, incase you thought I was a guy?

[High Priest]

That was really funny . I knew you were a female. I used to read your posts when you had your pic as your avatar. I'm already having a feeling of watching a martial arts film.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by High Priest

That was really funny . I knew you were a female. I used to read your posts when you had your pic as your avatar. I'm already having a feeling of watching a martial arts film.

Oh, then you would probably also think I am the most combatitive person here, apparently. I personally think russianrocket outdoes me. Sparring with him would be fun.

[High Priest]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Oh, then you would probably also think I am the most combatitive person here, apparently. I personally think russianrocket outdoes me. Sparring with him would be fun.

Yes I do!! I know you are outspoken. But it helps to be. I do not know russianrocket, may be reading his posts would be fun??? I should say you are not as active in the forums as you used to be. I recently got registered but lurking around for a long time

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by High Priest

I love being rude to them bully them to the core and make them look like dolts.

You might find that they are rude because you're rude yourself, rather than the other way around...

Obviously I don't know a lot about you, but this is often the case with people, they act certain ways, because they believe everyone else is that way..

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by High Priest

Yes I do!! I know you are outspoken. But it helps to be. I do not know russianrocket, may be reading his posts would be fun??? I should say you are not as active in the forums as you used to be. I recently got registered but lurking around for a long time

Yes, trying to cut back and use my time on projects I want to manifest.

You will find russianrocket mainly in the health section arguing with vegans. It's his favorite pass time.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by brendannz

You might find that they are rude because you're rude yourself, rather than the other way around...

Obviously I don't know a lot about you, but this is often the case with people, they act certain ways, because they believe everyone else is that way..

My advice would be, that when they're being rude, try and break the pattern by resisting sending them energy and cut it out. Sometimes it can be difficult to take responsibility for these things when blaming the other..

[High Priest]

Originally Posted by brendannz

You might find that they are rude because you're rude yourself, rather than the other way around...

Obviously I don't know a lot about you, but this is often the case with people, they act certain ways, because they believe everyone else is that way..

Yes you do not know a lot about me. If someone's a constant bully, the best way to make him stop is to bully back. You need to grow up.

[High Priest]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Yes, trying to cut back and use my time on projects I want to manifest.

You will find russianrocket mainly in the health section arguing with vegans. It's his favorite pass time.

All the best for your projects Will certainly take a look at the health section. I am not a vegan, may be I can team up with russianrocket

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by High Priest

Yes you do not know a lot about me. If someone's a constant bully, the best way to make him stop is to bully back. You need to grow up.

I think I just didn't make myself clear enough in my post.

I mean sometimes people are nasty because they believe that other people are nasty.. Similar to what elucidate said about bullies being people who were bullied..

I think there's a time to fight back and there's a time to walk away..

But since you put 'sometimes' in your original post I'm going to agree with you, and apologise for winding you up the way I did..

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by High Priest

All the best for your projects Will certainly take a look at the health section. I am not a vegan, may be I can team up with russianrocket

Well, thankyou.

I will say one last thing. Giving it back to them is one way of stopping them, I'm not sure it is the best way though, but there are very few alternatives to choose from, so, whatever works for you.

[High Priest]

Originally Posted by brendannz

I think I just didn't make myself clear enough in my post.

I mean sometimes people are nasty because they believe that other people are nasty.. Similar to what elucidate said about bullies being people who were bullied..

I think there's a time to fight back and there's a time to walk away..

But since you put 'sometimes' in your original post I'm going to agree with you, and apologise for winding you up the way I did..

Not a problem

Yes, bullies become bullies by being bullied.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by High Priest

Not a problem

Yes, bullies become bullies by being bullied.

sometimes you gotta stand up for yourself, but sometimes it's a good idea to realise they're suffering more than you are

[High Priest]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Well, thankyou.

I will say one last thing. Giving it back to them is one way of stopping them, I'm not sure it is the best way though, but there are very few alternatives to choose from, so, whatever works for you.

I do it only sometimes. But if I can walk away, I do it.

[Andrew Gubb]

I prefer to avoid the "dark side" (lol ) but every so often I've found myself in a situation where getting aggressive was the only way to change things.

I remember in Seville I was in a bus station for a long distance bus ride, and the guy at the ticket booth was basically trying to rip me over. Not that he would have gained anything, but he just didn't want the small amount of extra work it'd take to print me a new ticket (I think that was what was happening, I can't remember the exact details). It took getting angry and asking for a complaint form to take to his superior to get him to budge.

One roman emperor said, "Some people only understand the language of stones". I wish it weren't true, but it is. Some people are just not capable of working on a level of kindness and mutual respect with you. If you're in the unfortunate situation of needing something out of them, you've got to communicate with what they'll understand.

[High Priest]

Originally Posted by Andrew Gubb

If you're in the unfortunate situation of needing something out of them, you've got to communicate with what they'll understand.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

[C33]

One roman emperor said, "Some people only understand the language of stones". I wish it weren't true, but it is. Some people are just not capable of working on a level of kindness and mutual respect with you. If you're in the unfortunate situation of needing something out of them, you've got to communicate with what they'll understand.
__________________

Yes!

I think sometimes, the desire to keep the peace at all cost looks like an aversion to conflict ( not wisdom of a more evolved, higher conscious person).To a "primitive" person, who only understands the language of stones, someone taking the "higher road" will look like a wimp, and they'll take advantage of that person.

It depends on what's important to you. Would you rather lose battles by being the epitome of politeness and self-control? Or would you rather win the battle at the cost of your value of politeness and respect to others?

It's not about being rude as a way of being, it's about being rude as a tactic to make someone understand that you too understand the language of stones.

Sometimes, people need to know you hold the same weapons as they, except you'd rather not use them. But push come to shove, you'll use them if that means self-defense.

I've taken the "higher road" many times, but in reality, it has gotten me in a lot of trouble. Yes, I could look at myself in the mirror and think: "Good for you, you have acted up on your values.", but the practical ramifications of that really hurt my growth at some point, because it hurt my survival.

[elucidate]

Yeah, sometimes I wish I could just punch my brother and get it over with...maybe one day he will push me too far? I just usually will glare at him or tell him he's being a total dickwad.

I think he has been trying to give me opportunities to prove I can speak the language of the stones for a while now...but I just won't play with him. It's not just self-control...I'm hardwired not to physically hurt anyone, unless they really compromise my safety or person in any way.

Being female there is so much conditioning that can get in the way of just simply speaking the language for one moment that could change everything about the way this person perceives you. I have met women though who are real warriors, and could take down any man or woman and leave them ruined. The sister of an old boyfriend once set fire to a mans hair in a bar when he grabbed her ass... she turned around and calmly poured her whiskey over his head and lit her lighter on it.

[ZephyrusX]

*jumps on elucidate's head* This kitty cat will take you down!

On a serious note, I think being completely upfront without holding back can sometimes set a bully straight. Apparently, my grandfather was a real ******* when he was younger and would always have a sarcastic, negative attitude towards people, including my mom. One day, she just snapped at him. She didn't start yelling or anything. She just said something to the effect that if he weren't such a jackass all the time, may be his kids wouldn't hate him so much. He never bothered her again afterwards. Andrew said that you have to win the respect of people by using their own language. May be.

I don't think it always work though. You can also just set a person off to act even worse. I know this approach doesn't work with my brother. He'll just pout and make snide remarks if I snap at him. So I just tell him that I can't put up with his moods whenever he starts getting negative and put some space between us for a day or two. I'll sometimes lose my temper at work and say stuff that insinuates that the customer is a jackass (without actually saying they are), but this usually just sets them off. The last customer vowed to make me lose my job So I try not to lose my temper at work any more

[Agota]

Motivation behind the action is what makes the action good or bad.

There are some situations when consciously being rude is the best way to handle the situation. I have seen people who are very very strong lightworkers being extremely rude to others. However, they were not being rude because they were angry. They were being rude because it was the best way to give a lesson to that person and prevent him from hurting himself or others. It looks like rudeness for someone who doesn't understand what's happening and it looks like great kindness to someone who does understand. It's not about external actions, it's about inner motivation.

The important thing is not to get angry. When you're angry, you're not acting consciously, your judgement is clouded and you're being rude out of your own anger. That's like sparrings. You can punch or kick someone really hard without having any negative emotions attached to it. However, as soon as you start to get emotional and punching out of anger, you've already lost, doesn't matter whether you'll win a fight or not. The same way, when you're being rude out of anger, you've already lost, doesn't matter whether it will help a situation or not. You should be rude if situation requires that, but important thing is not to get angry yourself.

[Monty]

Rudeness is OK if the situation demands it. Anger is 100% never good, because no positive outcome can ever come out of losing your temper. If you want the other person to be compliant its important to stay calm and in control.

I always find the best way to deal with rude people is to be EXTRA nice, and simply refuse to bite whilst remaining assertive and non-commital. Remain centred and you can win the battle aswell as mess with the persons head a little bit.

[JackJ]

I find it quite hard to be rude these days! To quote Bill Hicks, "It's just a ride."

I believe in standing up when the time is right, but it doesn't have to always be done in a rude way. An argument can be calm and collected and simply by virtue of being this it can bring light to the fact the person being rude to you is a bit of an arse. Love someone through their flaws with rational logic or resonating truth.

You seem quite sure that it's okay to be rude though, but if that's the case, out of curiousity why does the thread title have a question mark in there?

Bask in the light of love,


Jack <3

[High Priest]

Originally Posted by JackJ

I find it quite hard to be rude these days! To quote Bill Hicks, "It's just a ride."

I believe in standing up when the time is right, but it doesn't have to always be done in a rude way. An argument can be calm and collected and simply by virtue of being this it can bring light to the fact the person being rude to you is a bit of an arse. Love someone through their flaws with rational logic or resonating truth.

You seem quite sure that it's okay to be rude though, but if that's the case, out of curiousity why does the thread title have a question mark in there?

Bask in the light of love,


Jack <3

Yes, I should not have put those question marks!!

[carpediem]

Personally, if someone was being rude to me I would be much less likely to listen to them or do what they say. That's just how I was raised. I respect people that show respect. I don't respond to rudeness positively at all.

I don't live in an igloo, I know that being rude works for some people and some people respond well to it but I think it's the wrong way to go. I am a BIG believer of solving problems without being rude. It's all about how you word you're complaints. Like instead of:

"You are doing this wrong! I told you to do it THIS way!" you can say "When you do it that way, it makes me worried about ____. I would really appreciate it if you can do it this way next time. It would be less work for you in the long run, too." Or whatever. You can always make things up so that it sounds like you are helping THEM and not the other way around. Class to the rescue.

[ChrisGinsburg]

In some very rare instances being rude can actually be helpful. This is especially true if you are a person who is typically known to be docile and submissive and has difficulty being heard. Some people get stuck with this label and can't ever seem to get their voice heard until they snap out of it and let the **** hit the fan so to speak. Surprisingly enough in instances like this you will find most people won't even be offended. The typical reaction may even be "well, it's about time!".

In response to combating rudeness with more rudeness, you are simply feeding gasoline to a fire. Getting someone to quiet down because you intellectually trumped them is meaningless in terms of anything substantial. It may appear on the surface that people respect you for this but deep down they know that it's a sign of weakness not strength and I'm guessing you probably do too. If you've ever seen a situation where someone is being rude and the other person rises above it you know that the higher level of consciousness always takes control of the situation. The other person can continue with whatever they're doing but it will only serve to make them look more like an ass and reveal the truth behind their self projection.