Career advancement and character development

[Nyx]

Hi Guys, I would like to seek your advice..

I have trouble socializing and connecting with other people. The problem is, this is deterring me from advancing in my career. I am currently in an analyst position and I would really like to advance in a lead position. But I am stuck.

I know I have the ability to do a higher level job. Its the social aspect that I'm very weak.

I guess it has to do a bit with self-confidence and not knowing what to do when being with others. I don't really like the feeling that I get after being with others. I always think that I let people down somehow.

Do you think I should look for a shrink or something?

[devo]

Hi there,

OK I used to be similar to what you describe so can offer some advice that worked for me.

First of all, you need to change the language you speak to yourself. In your post you are describing features of yourself that are those that you don't want (e.g. "I always think that I let people down somehow")....this kind of self talk is in effect instructing your subconscious to create this for you. You are what you think, and your subconscious will not differentiate between thoughts that you do or do not want to create, it just follows orders, whether good or bad!

I suggest you write down this and all similar opinions of yourself that are negative and reverse them to the positive. For example, instead of "I have trouble socializing and connecting with other people", change to "I can easily connect with other people and love socialising". Your task is then to be aware of your thoughts and whenever you catch yourself thinking about one of these negative thoughts, reverse it to the positive. With a bit of practice these new beliefs will get reinforced and you will start to see a positive effect in your life. In your case, you will find yourself becoming more comfortable around people and they will enjoy your company more and more.

To take this to another level in terms of attracting what you want, you can visualise yourself in your dream job, research into the Law of Attraction if you want to delve into this some more.

This book will help you with conversational skills. The way to get ahead in a professional environment is to get people to like you, you need to win them over, people hire people they like.
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks For Big Success In Relationships: Amazon.co.uk: Leil Lowndes: Books

You may also like to look into subliminal messaging audio:

Subliminal Messages - Subliminal MP3s / CDs

I hope that helps Just remember, "you" or "your personality" is not constant and is always changing.

[Clint Cora]

The most successful people in any field got there not because of their technical skills but their people skills. Unfortunately, this is an area that most of us are never trained in at school. So you are at least on the right track to know that you do need something extra besides your technical skills to move up in your field.

You can try Toastmasters clubs in your area. I know a lot of technical people who became decent communicators this way. Any type of training to help you develop people skills to help you interact well with others will be of great value. You just have to take action to go for such training. It is available out there.

[SatvikBeri]

Originally Posted by Nyx

Hi Guys, I would like to seek your advice..

I have trouble socializing and connecting with other people. The problem is, this is deterring me from advancing in my career. I am currently in an analyst position and I would really like to advance in a lead position. But I am stuck.

I know I have the ability to do a higher level job. Its the social aspect that I'm very weak.

I guess it has to do a bit with self-confidence and not knowing what to do when being with others. I don't really like the feeling that I get after being with others. I always think that I let people down somehow.

Do you think I should look for a shrink or something?

What has worked for me recently is to be extremely open with people. It's totally okay to start by telling people that you're trying to be more social.

When you start opening up and interacting with people on a level of equals, you stop thinking about what others think of you so much. Because you have actual data, so you realize your speculations were just wrong.

[Clint Cora]

Good for you in coming to the realization that in order to move up, you need the social skills. With this realization, you are already ahead of the vast majority of other technical people who will always remain in technical positions because they haven't realized that it's the people skills that separate the leaders from everyone else in pretty well any industry.

Get yourself in groups where you learn to develop confidence and are forced to learn people skills. One such group would be Toastmasters. I've seen many technical people who end up being leaders through Toastmasters.