Not trusting my own intuition and opinions

[SourLemons]

Getting out of bed just now, I came to the realization that I don't value my intuition as I once have before. I remember thinking back about how I gave power to one of my former friends by apologizing for thinking that he was using me to get a game. I thought that I overreacted and blamed the way I thought because of my anxiety disorder (I now realized that blaming my anxiety disorder was counterproductive in devloping as a person). It just hit me after 2 years that I simply didn't like the way he was asking me to gameshare a game from me since he seemed obsessive in getting it. Nothing wrong in feeling that way and that I shouldn't have been so hard on me - I realized that even though I may have worded what I was feeling wrong at the time, what I was feeling is valid and normal

With that said, I tend to value people's opinions more over mines, though it seems it is a self-esteem issue. I think that people are usually right when they perceive things even if their perception of me is wrong.

Not to sound conceited, but why should I value my former friend's opinions over mine? Like another friend have told me before, why do I take advice from somebody who dropped out of highschool. At the time, this statement from my friend made me realized that I was giving people and their opinions too much power over mines. I am smart, people told me as such, so why not value my own opinions?

The way we view and see the world affects us and our environment. Is there any way to change the way I view things.

[ZephyrusX]

You shouldn't value other people's opinions over your own. Having said that, I think we are socialized to 'keep the peace' and to be pleasing to other people, and unfortunately, this often translates into people holding back on what they really want to say or apologizing for upseting someone even when they were being authentic. You asked if there is any way you can change the way you view things. I think practicing asserting your boundaries in a relationship may help. Do not apologize if you upset someone for being authentic. At some point, we have to take personal responsibility for our own behaviour. Yes, it may upset some people to say what is really on your mind, but that is no excuse to stop living your life authentically. Personally, if what I say really upsets people that mucn, I would seriously question whether I want them as friends. In a healthy relationship, people resonate with each other and find common ground despite personal boundaries (or may be it is because of the personal boundaries...)

[spacecadetglow]

I can totally relate to this.

IME, self-trust and self-respect come with time and practice. Over the years, I've gotten more confident and more accepting of myself, but I still have to work at it sometimes. It's good that you are recognizing this now though, I think that's an essential step, having the awareness.

It seems like self-trust is already in your radar, now it's up to you to choose self-trust over self-negation in a specific situation. It's always a choice, and now that you have the knowledge that you CAN choose to trust yourself, it will make it much easier to do so.

[SourLemons]

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

You shouldn't value other people's opinions over your own. Having said that, I think we are socialized to 'keep the peace' and to be pleasing to other people, and unfortunately, this often translates into people holding back on what they really want to say or apologizing for upseting someone even when they were being authentic. You asked if there is any way you can change the way you view things. I think practicing asserting your boundaries in a relationship may help. Do not apologize if you upset someone for being authentic. At some point, we have to take personal responsibility for our own behaviour. Yes, it may upset some people to say what is really on your mind, but that is no excuse to stop living your life authentically. Personally, if what I say really upsets people that mucn, I would seriously question whether I want them as friends. In a healthy relationship, people resonate with each other and find common ground despite personal boundaries (or may be it is because of the personal boundaries...)

Thanks. It is something I am becoming aware of. I have been observing the more articulate ppl in my class -as well as characters on TV - communicate with each other, and noticed they don't apologize if they believe in what they say.

Now that I think about it, I shouldn't have apologized to my former friends for hurting their feelings. I am glad I left since I didn't feel like I was growing as a person - it became to the point where I realized that I can be more assertive to them - I started to become more stubborn with my own opinions around them.

I was happy yesterday where I didn't let people walking down the street calling me rude for "ignoring" their friend's request for a dollar phase me. Frankly, I didn't know the guy was talking to me. If it were me years ago, I would vent like crazy in trying to make myself feel better.

[SourLemons]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

I can totally relate to this.

IME, self-trust and self-respect come with time and practice. Over the years, I've gotten more confident and more accepting of myself, but I still have to work at it sometimes. It's good that you are recognizing this now though, I think that's an essential step, having the awareness.

It seems like self-trust is already in your radar, now it's up to you to choose self-trust over self-negation in a specific situation. It's always a choice, and now that you have the knowledge that you CAN choose to trust yourself, it will make it much easier to do so.

Thanks. I think I have to show self love and not caring what people think of me.