Letting go of long held dreams

[Marce]

Hi everyone,
I could really use some advice

I have always wanted to be a fiction writer
I remember writing as a young child and having my short stories published in my school magazine a few times
I even looked at a time capsule I'd made when I was 6 and as my dream job I'd written "author"

I'd always held onto this dream though for many years I believed I couldn't realistically achieve it
Then I found Steve and Erin and personal development in general and decided to really pursue this
Now that I am out of high school, I am doing creative writing as a subject, I have outlined a novel and begun work on it, I have read many books on writing and have attended workshops

But over the past few weeks I haven't even been able to read for enjoyment, and when I write it doesn't feel like it used to
I guess what I'm saying is that now that I am actually facing the reality of this dream I don't know if I really want it
However, I am having trouble letting go of it because it's always been such a big part of me and lately I've been clinging to anything about myself that I'm sure of
I'm questioning whether my lack of luster for writing is just laziness
and whether or not this is how other people feel when they follow there dreams
I just always thought that when you were doing something you love, you'd be pretty damn happy about it, I have to wonder if there is a better path for me

I guess I'm just wondering how other people feel about their dreams, and how to let go of one that is such a big part of me

[cacheborn]

Hi Marce,

I can understand how you feel. I have a similar goal, becoming a writer - fiction and non-fiction. Just last month, for a couple of days, I lost all interest in it and I was terrified. It's a shock to realize that your dream is not really what you want. Fortunately, after a short period, it came back, so it was just a passing phase.

You need to give it some time to see if it's temporary. In the meantime, maybe read some autobiographical works of writers where they describe the struggles they went through.

Some good ones are - On Writing (Stephen King), The war of art ( Steven Pressfield), Zen in the art of writing (Ray Bradbury). The second one - war of art - is highly recommended. It deals exactly with the problem you are facing. Why do we procrastinate in perusing something that is our life long dream such as writing.

Hope this helps.

ps : Here is a passage from War of Art.

Have you ever brought home a treadmill and let it gather dust in the attic? Ever quit a diet, a course of yoga, a meditation practice? Have you ever bailed out on a call to embark upon a spiritual practice, dedicate yourself to a humanitarian calling, commit your life to the service of others? Have you ever wanted to be a mother, a doctor, an advocate for the weak and helpless; to run for office, crusade for the planet,
campaign for world peace, or to preserve the environment? Late at night have you experienced a vision of the person you might become, the work you could accomplish, the realized being you were meant to be? Are you a writer who doesn't write, a painter who doesn't paint, an entrepreneur who never starts a venture?

Then you know what Resistance is.

[MyEyeIsOpen]

Yes, read the books cache recommends. Also, try a 30 day trial of writing. You're just not in the habit yet.

[Cado]

When you first take action toward a long-held dream it brings all your resistance to the surface which, if you don't keep your wits about you, will render you inert and sap the passion from your life.

It's true that maybe you don't really want it, you just liked the idea. There's only one way to find out: persistence. Being creative on command is hard work but when you write that perfect line of dialog or you get a character to come alive after you've struggled with it for months you should feel an exuberance that makes you look upon the worst of it with an immense joy and pride. If, once you've reached that point, you think to yourself, "yeah, this is great, but that wasn't worth it" then it's time to pack up and move on. Either way you owe it to yourself to go deeper.

[starlequin]

Sometimes I think as you grow and change as a person, your dreams will change as well. Changing focus and seeing through a new frame of mind can be an enlightening experience.